Missing Linc
by Metool Bard
Summary: When Lincoln goes missing, his sisters take it upon themselves to go find him.
1. Prologue: Lost in Reflection

"This summer, it'll be time for me and the Full House Gang to _deal_ out some justice!"

I think my goosebumps just got goosebumps. The rumors were true! They _were_ going to make an Ace Savvy movie based off of the Full House Gang comic! Man, I'm so glad Clyde invited me over to his place to let me see this. I don't think I would've been able to catch this sneak peek back at home, especially not with a big Dream Boat marathon going on. I mean, I like Dream Boat as much as the next guy, but this is Ace Savvy we're talking about, and the Full House Gang to boot. A guy's gotta have his priorities, y'know?

"What'd I tell ya, buddy? We're gonna be famous!" Clyde cheered.

"Sure looks that way," I said, equally excited. "I can't wait to tell my sisters. They're gonna be so stoked!"

Clyde let out a dreamy sigh. "Yeah. And I can just picture Lori as the leading lady."

Oh boy. He's off in La-La Land daydreaming about Lori again. This happens all the time. We've all gotten used to it by now, but I really hope he finds a crush his age someday. Don't tell him I said that, though.

While Clyde was off in his own little world, I took a moment to check my phone. The time was 9:50 PM. That…

Wait, 9:50?! Sheesh, how long were we waiting for that trailer to come on?!

"Dang it! It's almost past my curfew!" I exclaimed. I quickly tucked away my phone and turned to Clyde. "Sorry, buddy. I gotta run."

Clyde snapped out of his daydreaming and gave me a concerned look. "Whoa. What's the rush?"

I showed Clyde my phone.

"Oh. That's the rush," he said. "Want me to get my dads? They can drive you back."

"No time," I said, dashing out of the room. I quickly darted to the closet and put on my sweatshirt while Clyde followed. "I'll just have to put the pedal to the metal."

I then darted outside and unchained my bicycle. Man, I'm really cutting it close, but at least I've got some time. If it gets to 9:55, I'll call ahead and have my sisters cover for me. They know the routine.

"Be careful out there, Lincoln," said Clyde. "You know how dangerous it is to ride at night."

I nodded and put on my helmet. "Don't worry, buddy. I know this route like the back of my hand. I'll be fine. See ya later."

"Yeah, seeya. Give Lori my best."

I rolled my eyes and pedaled away. I lost count of all the times he said that when I leave his place. Again, I hope he finds an actual girlfriend someday. He deserves more than a crush who's already taken, know what I mean?

Also, he can be such a worrywart sometimes. It might be weird hearing me say this, but I actually live in a rather peaceful neighborhood. Besides the occasional burglar scare and the April Fool's pranks that follow you wherever you go (don't get me started on that), not a whole lot happens here in Royal Woods. Well, except for at my house, that is. Over there, anything and everything can happen. Just the natural consequence of living with a big family.

But I've said this many times before: I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. My sisters are all cool in their own ways, and we've always got each other's backs. Which is why I can count on them to cover for me if I end up breaking curfew. Which, hopefully, I won't. I should probably hurry up.

Man, an Ace Savvy movie staring the Full House Gang. The characters Clyde and I came up with for the big Ace Savvy contest all those months ago. My sisters aren't usually into the same stuff I am, but seeing as I based the Full House Gang off of them, they're probably gonna be so excited to hear about this. Knowing them, they're probably gonna want starring roles in the movie. Especially Lola. A pageant princess like her always likes being in the spotlight. Geez, I almost don't have the heart to tell 'em that they probably started filming already.

Well, it's not like they'd have time for that, anyway. Perfect example: tomorrow's gonna be a big day for everyone. Lynn's heading out to Hazeltucky for a big football game; Lola wanted me to go over some pageant drills with her; Luan has her Giggling Geezer gig; Lana needs some mechanic supplies from Flip. And I'm just scratching the surface. But that's one of the things about my family. We might have our own different obligations, but we always try to make some time for each other.

Hmm. Speaking of Flip's, I wonder if I have time to swing by his place at get some ice cream sandwiches? That might soften the news about my sisters not getting to star in the Full House Gang movie. I'd better check the time.

9:52. I'd be cutting it pretty close, but Flip's isn't _too_ far out of my way. And if worse comes to worse, I can just call up Lori and tell her to commence Operation: Cover for Brother. So I guess a slight detour wouldn't hurt.

…

Huh. You ever get the feeling that you're being watched? I mean, I feel that way all the time, seeing as my little sister Lucy always seems to be everywhere at once. But I know Lucy isn't here right now. She's back at home watching Dream Boat. So, who could possibly be…?

No. Get it together, Lincoln. You're not gonna do anyone any good freaking yourself out like this. Remember, this is Royal Woods, and there hasn't been a burglar sighting ever since the security incident. Everything's fine. Just keep pedaling.

Hmm? What was that? I could've sworn I just saw a shadow or something dart past me. Maybe it's a ghost? Hmm, nah. I'm too far from the cemetery. Must've been a cat or something. Man, it really is getting late, huh? I'm starting to jump at shadows. Maybe I should just double back and—

Whoa, hey! Who are you?! L-let go of me, you— mmph! Mmm, mmm~! Mmm…


	2. House of Cards

"You all have been wonderful sailors on this fine voyage, but out of all of you, my first mate is going to be… Boris!"

Whoa. I literally didn't see _that_ coming. What a way to end such a beautiful marathon. I guess Lincoln was right about Boris all along. The others were just trying way too hard to get Keisha's attention, but all Boris had to do was show her that he cared. Lincoln would've loved this.

Speaking of Lincoln, it's getting pretty close to curfew, isn't it? He usually calls ahead if he's gonna be late. Before I could check the time, Dad walked in.

"Girls, could one of you call your brother?" he asked. "It's ten o'clock; he should be home by now."

Huh. Sounds like we're totally in sync.

"I got this," I said, taking out my phone. Heh, knowing him, he probably had so much fun with Clyde that he lost track of time. It wouldn't be the first time that happened. I mean, yeah, he's usually more responsible than that (especially for someone his age), but he's not perfect. Luckily, we all have each other's numbers in our contacts.

Alright, it's ringing. He's probably gonna panic and beg me not to be mad. I'll just tell him that it's not the end of the world and to just hurry…

"Hello, this is Lincoln Loud. I'm not able to take your call right now, but please leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

Okay, red flag. Lincoln would _never_ let a call from one of us go to voicemail like that unless it was an emergency. I-I can't just assume the worst. M-maybe it's just a prank.

"Okay, Lincoln. Very funny," I said dryly. "Just pick up. I know you're there."

I hung up, waited a few seconds, and called back. But once again, it just went straight to his voicemail. I could feel everyone's eyes staring at me as I tried to reach him.

"Sweetie, is something wrong?" Mom asked. "Where's Lincoln?"

Normally, when Lincoln breaks curfew like this, I would try to distract Mom and Dad as long as possible to cover for him until he got home. That wasn't gonna work this time. We all knew something wasn't kosher here.

"I-I don't know, Mom," I croaked weakly. "H-he's not picking up. I-I'll try one more time."

I hung up and redialed. C'mon, Lincoln. Pick up. I'll accept any excuse you throw at me; just let me know you're still—

"Hello, this is Lincoln Loud. I'm not able to take your call right now, but please leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

Dang it. I'm really starting to freak out here. And one quick glance around the room told me that I wasn't the only one.

"M-maybe try calling Clyde?" Lynn suggested.

Right, Clyde! He should know where Lincoln is. I quickly dialed the McBrides. This time, I got an answer right away.

"McBride residence," came a familiar voice.

"Mr. McBride? It's Lori," I said. "Listen, is Lincoln still over there?"

"Lincoln? No, he left ten minutes ago."

I swallowed hard. That's red flag number two. I-I cannot even right now.

"A-are you sure about that?"

"Positive. Clyde saw him off himself."

Oh geez. Ooooh geez. C-calm down, Lori. This is not the time to panic.

"I-I see. Thank you, Mr. McBride," I said, hanging up.

"Well?" Leni asked.

I sighed. No point in hiding it.

"Lincoln's not there," I said. "They said he left ten minutes ago."

Everyone gasped in horror, with one notable exception. I looked to see that despite all of this, Lisa was just sitting there, cool as a cucumber. She cleared her throat and adjusted her glasses.

"Fret not, brethren," she said. "As it just so happens, I have implanted a tracking device on our male sibling. I should be able to ascertain his whereabouts. A moment, if you please."

Lisa hopped off the couch and made her way upstairs. Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. This isn't exactly the first time one of her crazy inventions actually came in handy like this. Even so, part of me wishes she'd show at least a little respect for our privacy, y'know? Seriously, she can be such a creep someti—

"No! I-inconceivable!"

Oh no. That was Lisa just now. I really doesn't want to know what's gotten her so riled up, but it can't be avoided. I bolted out of my seat and dashed up the stairs to her room. I could hear everyone else at my heels as I barged in. Lisa was pacing back and forth, fiddling with some sort of device and sweating bullets.

"C'mon, c'mon! This shouldn't be happening!" she yelled, shaking the device violently. "All of the other transmitters are showing up; why isn't his?!"

I ventured forward and cleared my throat. "Um, Lisa? Is everything okay?"

Lisa turned to me, her eyes wide with panic. "As a matter of fact, eldest sibling, everything is the exact opposite of 'okay!' Lincoln's transmitter isn't transmitting his coordinates! I-I can't track him!"

And there's red flag number three. I-I think I'm gonna be sick.

"O-okay, everyone. J-just try to remain calm," said Dad, who didn't seem to be following his own advice (not that I blame him). "I-I'd better go call the police."

With that, he rushed off. Mom let out a shaky sigh and turned to me.

"You'd better keep an eye on your siblings," she said. "I-I need to help your father pull himself together."

And so, she left. I took a glance around the room. Everyone looked so worried. The twins held each other for comfort; Leni scooped up Lily and clutched her like a security blanket; Lucy hugged Lynn with all her might; Luan was crying into Luna's shoulder. And Lisa. Poor Lisa was still pacing around and hyperventilating.

"I-I must've calibrated my transceiver incorrectly," she muttered to herself. "Yeah. That's it. I'll just have to… Dang it, still nothing?! P-perhaps the battery on the transmitter was worn down? Impossible. That battery should be good for another eight years. B-but that could only mean—"

She didn't finish her thought. She just collapsed onto the ground and curled up into a little ball, rocking back and forth and sucking her thumb. It'd be cute if it wasn't so utterly horrifying. Lisa isn't an emotional person by any means, but she's certainly no robot. And when she breaks down like this, you know things are bad.

Well, there's only one thing to do at a time like this. I knelt down and pulled her into a big hug.

"Shh~. There there. I-it's okay," I cooed. "Lincoln's going to be fine, I promise."

"Th-that is a promise you cannot keep, sibling," Lisa whimpered. "Y-you don't know that with absolute certainty. None of us do."

I bit my lip. It's kinda hard to argue with that. After all, she's right. I don't know if Lincoln's safe. Heck, I literally have no idea what's going on right now. But I do know one thing.

"Lisa, I get it. We're all scared for Lincoln right now," I said, tears rolling down my cheeks. "But we can't just… fall apart like this. L-Lincoln would want us to be strong for him, and that's what I plan to do."

Lisa simply sniffled and buried her face into my chest. I held her close and cried along with her. All the while, the same thoughts played in my mind over and over again. What on Earth happened to Lincoln? How could he have gotten lost like this? Why didn't he answer his phone? Why isn't the transmitter Lisa planted on him working? Oh, I can just picture him being just as scared as we are, wherever he is.

Just then, I heard a loud thump from the other side of the room. I turned to see that Lynn managed to make a hole in the wall with a single punch. She glared at us through misty eyes.

"Dang it! What're we doing just standing around?!" she barked. "Lincoln needs us right now! We have to go find him!"

"Th-that would actually be ill-advised," murmured Lisa, poking her head over my shoulder. "Our parental units are in a massive state of hysteria as is. If we leave now, it would just cause them more undue stress."

"Besides, Mom and Dad are already calling the police," I added. "They'll be able to find him."

"But, like, he's our brother," whimpered Leni. "We should always be there for him. He'd do the same for us, wouldn't he?"

Actually, she's not wrong. If any of us were lost or hurt, Lincoln _would_ try to rescue us. Still, I don't know…

"Guys, if it were up to me, I'd literally be out there looking for him right now," I said. "But it's not up to me. And I'm sure Mom and Dad don't want us going out this late at night, especially not with Lincoln missing."

"So what? We just sit here and do nothing?!" Lana snapped, stamping her foot in anger. "Th-that's not fair!"

"Perhaps the spirits know where Lincoln is," suggested Lucy. "I could hold a séance. Then we can help the police find him."

"Right, 'cause I'm sure the cops are gonna buy that," said Luna, rolling her eyes.

Lucy let out a snort. "Well, I don't see _you_ coming up with any ideas," she said snippily.

"Oh, I-I can't take this," Lola muttered. "I'm not gonna get any beauty sleep at this rate."

Lana raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? That's what you're worried about right now?"

"I'm worried about that _because_ I'm worried about Lincoln, you dingus!" Lola snapped, clearly hurt by Lana's subtle accusation. "Wh-what if he's hurt, or-or scared?! Wh-what if… What if we never see him again?!"

She then broke down sobbing. Yeesh, we really are falling apart at the seams here, aren't we? Before I could go over to comfort her, Luan walked over, mustering up a small smile.

"Hey. I-it's okay," she said weakly. "This is our brother we're talking about. We all know he's not a _weak Linc_." She giggled at her own pun. "Get it?"

We all just gave her a dirty look.

"Seriously, dude?" said Luna.

Luan sighed. "I tell jokes when I'm scared. Gimme a break, will ya?"

Leni let out a sigh of her own and slumped over. "I wish Lincoln were here. He'd know what to do."

Lynn facepalmed. "Leni, if Lincoln was here, we wouldn't be having this problem."

Leni blinked. "Um, yeah. That's my point."

I don't know whether that's incredibly profound or incredibly stupid. Then again, it's sometimes hard to tell with Leni. Lynn just groaned and shook her head.

"Whatever. I'm heading out there to look for him," she said, heading for the door. "You guys can just sit around moping if you want."

"This isn't _about_ what we want, sibling," said Lisa. "Brazen acts of recklessness are simply not the correct remedy for our situation."

Lynn turned savagely towards me and Lisa. "Alright, Lisa. If you're so smart, what _should_ we do?"

Lisa cast her gaze downward, biting her lip. "I-I don't know yet."

Lynn scoffed. "And there you go. My plan's better."

"Your 'plan' is running out blindly into the night," said Luna, raising an eyebrow. "That's not a plan. That's stupid."

"You're stupid!" Lynn barked.

"Hey, back off! I'm just saying I don't want anything to happen to you, either!"

"What, you think I'm not tough enough?!"

"We can still contact the spirits and ask them."

"Stop talking about spirits! I don't wanna think about Linky being gone!"

"H-he's not gone, Lola. W-we'll find him."

"Don't touch me, Lana!"

"Whoa, hey! I-I'm sorry I said that…"

"Liar!"

Okay, this is getting out of hand fast. If I don't do something soon, we're gonna end up tearing each other apart. But what do I say? On the one hand, we're not trained for this. It's better to just leave this up to the professionals. On the other hand, it doesn't feel right to just sit around and wait. That's not how the Louds roll. Finally, I cleared my throat.

"Guys!"

Everyone stopped and turned to me.

"Look, how about this?" I said. "We'll compromise. We'll put our faith in the police and let them handle it for now. If they don't find Lincoln by morning, we'll go find him ourselves."

Most of my sisters agreed to this, but Lynn simply stood there and gave me a defiant look.

"Lori, if this is happening, it has to happen tonight or not at all," she said firmly.

"Don't be stubborn, Lynn," I scolded. "We're not going to do any good just rushing out there blindly while Mom and Dad are literally worried sick."

"But I'm not gonna be here tomorrow!" Lynn yelled. "You know that!"

Oh, that's right. Lynn has an away game tomorrow.

"Well, just tell them that there's a family emergency and you can't play," I said.

Lynn pouted and folded her arms. "I don't know if that's gonna be enough. My coach is gonna want details."

"So give him the details," I said. "Tell him your little brother is missing."

"He's just gonna say that the cops are gonna handle it and that I shouldn't worry," Lynn argued.

"And if you reveal your intention to help us investigate, our parental units may restrict us from doing so," Lisa mused. "It is a bit of a catch-22. I do not envy your position, dear sibling."

Lynn sulked as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Man, this bites. I know I should be putting my family first, but I-I can't. I-I feel like such a heel."

I sighed. "Lynn, we're not gonna hold this against you. This is something out of your control."

"Besides, maybe the police _will_ find Lincoln," Leni added, conjuring up a small smile. "We can't just assume the worst. That won't do us any good."

"Your optimism is indeed welcome in these dark times, my considerate elder sibling," said Lisa gravely. "However, I still suggest we prepare ourselves for the worst as a contingency plan. To that end, if you would please set me down, Lori…"

"Oh, right. Sorry," I said, putting Lisa down. "You feeling better?"

"I shall persevere," said Lisa, adjusting her glasses. She then wheeled out a whiteboard and began drawing up some sort of diagram. "Now, as it stands, there's not much for us to go on. Since we'll essentially be working alongside the authorities, we should keep ourselves apprised of their efforts. I believe Lincoln still has that police radio in his room. Seeing as it hasn't seen use since the burglar scare several months back, it might need some repair."

"Leave that to me," said Lana, rolling up her sleeves. "I'll have her up and running in no time."

With that, she dashed away. Lisa nodded and continued drawing on her whiteboard.

"We'll also need to collect testimony from potential witnesses," she continued. "Though at present, the only witness we have is the last person who saw Lincoln: Clyde McBride."

"I can go talk to him," said Leni. "Maybe he can help out, too. You know how he and Lincoln are always great at solving mysteries."

Well, that much is true. One of Lincoln's biggest heroes, Ace Savvy, is known for being a great detective. At least from what I've heard; I haven't read any of his stuff myself.

"Ooh, ooh! I can help, too!" said Lola, flailing her hand in the air. "Maybe we can find some clues in Lincoln's diary!"

Luan gave Lola an incredulous look. "I thought you said you were gonna try to break that habit."

Lola blushed and pouted. "W-well, it's an emergency this time."

"I still don't know how that's gonna help, Lola," I said.

Lola furrowed her brow and started pacing. "Call it a hunch, but I'm starting to think that this wasn't an accident. If someone held a grudge against Lincoln, he'd have written about it in his diary."

"That's nothing but mere conjecture," said Lisa. "As well as a sign that you've been watching too much of that Prison Pageants show."

"Hang on there, Brain Box," said Luna, stroking her chin. "She may be wrong for all we know, but she may be right. Lincoln wouldn't just get lost like this. He knows this town like the back of his hand."

"Yeah, now that you mention it, I'm also suspecting some _foul play_ ," said Luan. She brandished a rubber chicken and laughed at her own joke. "Get it?"

Ugh~. Leave it to Luan to make light of a situation like this. Then again, she _did_ just say she tells jokes when she's scared. I can totally see that from her.

"So, it's settled then," said Lola. "I'll go see what I can dig up."

And off she went, quick as a wink.

"So, what about the rest of us?" asked Luna.

Lisa looked over the notes on her whiteboard. "I'm afraid there's not enough information for us to form a complete plan yet. We'll have to play it by ear."

"Um, question," said Leni, raising her hand. "Which ear are we playing it by?"

No one knew what to say to that. I mean, honestly, what would _you_ say to that, bearing in mind that this is Leni we're talking about? I know she's not as dumb as most people think she is, but it's really hard to tell sometimes.

"Moving on. Besides Lynn, does anyone else have anything going on tomorrow?" I asked.

"Oh, thanks for reminding me," said Luan. "I'm gonna have to call Sunset Canyon tomorrow and tell them I won't be there for my Giggling Geezer gig."

"You sure they'll allow you to do that?" Lynn asked.

Luan shrugged. "I don't see why not. I reschedule gigs all the time. It's no biggie."

Lynn sighed bitterly. "Lucky."

Just then, there was the sound of a police siren wailing from outside, and familiar red-and-blue lights flashed outside our window.

"Sounds like the police are here," I said. "I think this is a good place to stop for now. We'll just have to hold out and see what the police come up with."

"I'm gonna break out all of my lucky charms tonight," said Lynn, still looking rather disappointed. "It's the least I can do."

"I'll see what the spirits have to say," said Lucy.

Lana then came in, polishing her screwdriver. "Radio's all wired up, Lis'."

"Thank you, sibling. I shall keep you all apprised," said Lisa.

With that, we all headed back to our rooms, while Lisa went to Lincoln's room to listen in on the police radio. What a fine mess this is. We've got no suspects, no alibi, no witnesses, no evidence, and yet it's all a mystery to me. I'm beginning to see where Leni was coming from. I wish Lincoln was here right now, too. Mysteries are his thing, seeing as he's so into Ace Savvy.

…

Wait a minute. That's right! Lincoln wrote that Full House Gang comic for that big Ace Savvy contest a while back! And he used _us_ as inspiration! So if they can do it, why can't we?

Hang in there, little bro, wherever you are. Just like Ace Savvy can always count on the Full House Gang, you can always count on us. We just need to shuffle up and deal with this together.

…

OMG, that was hokey. I'm glad I didn't say that out loud; otherwise Luan would never let me hear the end of it. My point still stands, though. We're coming for you, Lincoln. Mark my words…


	3. Fan Out

Looks like my optic schism (whatever that is) wasn't as helpful as Lisa said it would be. We must've stayed up all night waiting for good news, but we never got it. Now the sun's up, and Lincoln's still missing. Which means it's our turn to do something.

Lori called a sibling meeting in Lincoln's room first thing. Even though I could barely keep my eyes open, I could tell that we all looked horrible. Seriously, I know for a fact that Lucy is not _that_ pale. Also, I think Lana's under-eye circles are getting under-eye circles. Long story short, we're all gonna need, like, twelve days at the spa after this. At least.

"Lola, Lisa. What've we got?" Lori asked, stifling a yawn.

Lisa turned in Lincoln's chair, and I had to cringe. O-M-Gosh, Lisa's glasses make her bloodshot eyes look super gross. Please don't tell her I said that.

"I'm afraid it doesn't look good," said Lisa. "The police don't have any leads to go on. All they found so far was Lincoln's bicycle on Acorn Street."

"Meaning he must've been halfway home before he disappeared," said Lori.

"Correct," said Lisa with a nod. "If the bicycle in question is still at the scene of the crime, I can conduct some forensic analysis."

I'm just gonna assume that's a thing that'll help us find Lincoln. Lisa is always using these big words that confuse me. I mean, like, I can usually guess what she's saying based on how she's saying it, but it's almost like she speaks in her own language.

"And what about you, Lola?" Lori asked.

Lola put down Lincoln's diary and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. I had to cringe again. Poor Lola is always so focused on making herself look beautiful, but just like the rest of us, she was a disaster. Her hair was all messy, her makeup was running, and her eyes were even worse than Lisa's. I am _not_ letting her walk out the door without a makeover.

"I-I think I might have something," Lola said, flipping through the diary. She let out a small chuckle. "I can't believe he remembered this. We were gonna do some pageant drills today."

We all looked at each other for a moment. I didn't know what to say to that, and I don't think anyone else did, either. Finally, Lana cleared her throat.

"Yeah? And?"

Lola sighed. "It means we have a suspect, you dingus."

"Well, sorry for not being able to read your mind," Luan huffed. "How exactly do we have a suspect, anyway?"

"Simple. Lincoln's my pageant coach," said Lola. "With him gone, I can't be at a hundred percent. I'm betting anything that Lindsey Sweetwater is behind this. This whole thing is right out of her playbook."

Maybe it's because I'm not as smart as everyone else, but I'm not sure I get it. Yeah, Lindsey Sweetwater is Lola's biggest pageant rival, and from what I heard, she's, like, really nasty. But would she really go out of her way to hurt Lincoln just to get to Lola?

"I'd criticize how you're letting your biases cloud your judgement, but it's not as though we have any other leads," Lisa sighed. "Besides, as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle once said, when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, is the truth."

Luna smirked. "Didn't know you liked mystery novels, Brain Box."

"Science is not my sole intellectual pursuit," said Lisa, adjusting her glasses. "Anyway, let's not digress. Is there anything else Lincoln mentioned in his personal records?"

Lola turned the page and narrowed her eyes. "Um, hold on," she said. "'Got another invitation from Ch-Cha—'" She furrowed her brow. "Okay, this word's weird."

"That's about the five hundredth time I heard her say that, for the record," said Lisa.

Lola shot Lisa a dirty look. "At least I'm trying! Th-this isn't easy for me, y'know!"

"Okay, guys. Break it up," Lori scolded. "Lola, do you want me to read?"

"N-no, that's fine. I-I can do it," said Lola. "Just… give me a minute."

She scanned the page again. "Ch-Chan-d-ler. Chandler! Okay, it says that he got an invitation to a party from some guy named Chandler. It was supposed to be today, but Lincoln declined."

"I'm familiar with Chandler," said Lana. "His dad works at the sewage treatment plant. I don't see him that much, but I hear he's kind of a jerk."

Lisa knitted her brow. "It's still a bit tenuous, but again, beggars can't be choosers. Where is this party being hosted, exactly?"

Lola looked through the diary again. "It's at the s-sew-age t-tre-treatment plant." She did a double take. "Wait, what?! Ugh, ew~! Why would anyone wanna go to this thing?!"

"I dunno, Lols. It sounds pretty cool to me," said Lana.

Lola just gave Lana a look. "Not dignifying that."

"Again, let's stay focused, people," said Lisa. "Did you come up with anything else, Lola?"

Lola flipped through the diary one more time before heaving a sigh. "That's all I got. For the record, there's a _lot_ of juicy stuff in here about Christina, Paige, and Ronnie Anne, but I don't think that'll help us find him. He also talks about this other girl named Stella at lot. Don't ask me who _that_ is."

"I know her," said Lucy. "She's the new girl Lincoln was trying to impress that one time."

Huh. I wonder how Lucy knew that. Maybe the spirits told her? They seem to know a lot.

"So, what do we do now?" I asked.

"I propose that we divide ourselves into teams so that we can cover more ground," said Lisa. "Our leads so far are the scene of the crime, Clyde, Lindsey Sweetwater, and this Chandler fellow. Mind you, two of these leads are quite tenuous, but we work with what we have."

"Well, I know where _I'm_ going," said Lola.

"And I already said I'd talk to Clyde," I said.

"And I wish to inspect the crime scene," said Lisa. "Which only leaves Chandler."

"I'll take care of that," said Luan. "I can use my business as a cover to get information."

"Because of the party, right?" said Luna

"Precisely," said Luan with a nod. "So, how are we gonna divide up our teams? Groups of two?"

"Negatory," said Lisa with a shake of her head. "We have an odd number of personnel due to Lynn having other obligations."

I looked over at Lynn, who simply hung her head in shame. It looks like she's still upset about not being able to investigate with us, poor thing. Before I could make a move to comfort her, Lucy stepped forward.

"I'll go to the game with her," she said.

Well, _that_ came out of nowhere. Then again, Lucy does like coming out of nowhere a lot.

"L-Luce? Wh-why would you do that?" Lynn asked. "You should be helping Lincoln."

"The spirits informed me last night that darkness would befall you in Hazeltucky," said Lucy. "It might be nothing, but I just want to make sure."

I'm not sure I like the sound of that, even though I have no idea what she's talking about. But if the spirits told her to go with Lynn, then who am I to argue? It seems everyone else felt the same way, since no one questioned her about it.

"I suppose that's settled then," said Lisa. "I take it everyone else is comfortable partnering up with their roommates?"

"I've got no problem with that," said Luna.

"Hey, no fair!" Lana yelled. "I wanted to go to the sewage treatment plant!"

"Of course you did," said Lola, rolling her eyes.

Luan shrugged. "Sorry, Lana. I don't think Chandler is gonna let you into his party uninvited. At least with a fellow performer like Luna, my cover story won't sound _wrong note_." She laughed. "Get it?"

Lana was not amused, and neither was anyone else (which is a shame; she usually tells such good jokes). But I guess she saw her point, 'cause she didn't argue about it.

"Fine. I'll go with Lola," she said.

"And I don't mind pairing up with Leni," said Lori. "But there is one thing that bothers me."

"What might that be?" asked Lisa.

Lori gave Lisa a stern look. "You sure you can handle taking care of Lily on your own? Genius or not, you're still four years old."

"Lily and I have travelled unsupervised before," said Lisa. "If I run into any complications, I'll give you a call."

"Hang on. _You_ travelled unsupervised with Lily before?" Luna asked. "When, exactly?"

"We went to the mall to earn some capital for our vacation. I breakdanced while Lily used her toys to provide me with musical accompaniment."

So, like, Lisa earned money by dancing and breaking stuff? How does _that_ work? I mean, I guess she breaks a lot of stuff with those experiments of hers.

"Alright. But be sure to call me if you're in over your head," said Lori. "I don't want what happened to Lincoln to happen to you." She looked around at all of us. "To any of you."

"Understood," said Lisa with a nod. "Well, we'd best get to it. Lori, would you kindly drive me and Lily to the crime scene? It is on your way to the McBride residence, I believe."

"Yeah, sure thing," said Lori. "Alright, girls. Let's suit up. And Lynn…"

She sighed and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Good luck out there. We'll find Lincoln, I promise."

Lynn nodded. "You'd better."

We all went to our own rooms to get changed. Luckily, I have the perfect outfit for this.

…

After I give Lola a makeover, of course. Can't forget that.

* * *

"C'mon, Leni! Get a move on! You're literally holding us up!"

"I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying!" I called back. Sheesh, does she have any idea how many corners I'm cutting to save time with this outfit? I just need one last piece… ah! And viola~! I'm all ready to go.

At first, I thought I'd go with my forest green blouse, but it didn't seem mystery-y enough, so I swapped it with my brown skirt. But then that clashed with the white heels I wanted to wear. And then I thought, like, don't detectives have flat feet or something? I heard someone call a policeman a "flatfoot" once, so I guess that means they wear flats instead of heels. So I went with my black flats instead. It was gonna be pretty cold out, so I put on a mauve silk coat complete with a purple scarf. Nice earthy tones, y'know? And to top it all off, I decided to wear Lori's nice red beret. I'm… sure she won't mind if I borrow it, seeing as it completes my look so well.

I opened the door and struck a pose. "So? How do I look?"

Lori rolled her eyes. "You look fine, Leni. Now can we—" She suddenly glared at me. "Wait, is that my beret?!"

"I-it just compliments the look!" I said. "I-I'll take good care of it, I promise!"

Lori sighed. "Fine. Whatever. We don't have time for this." She gave me a look. "But if anything happens to that beret, you're literally gonna pay for it."

"G-got it," I said. I then caught sight of Lisa, who was wearing her lab coat. She also had a brown satchel strapped over her shoulder. Gotta say, it's a good look for her. Though I think a topknot ponytail would make the look better. I was about to offer to style her hair, but then I remembered that Lisa wears a wig. Oh well.

"Mom, Dad! I'm just taking Leni, Lisa, and Lily out to do some errands!" Lori hollered downstairs. "We won't be long!"

"Okay! Keep your phones on at all times!" Mom called back.

"Will do!" said Lori. She then nodded to us. "Okay, let's do this."

We all made our way downstairs, with Lori carrying Lily and placing her into her carseat. We all hopped into Vanzilla and drove off. No one said a word until we got to Acorn Street.

There weren't any policemen around, but just like Lisa said, Lincoln's bike was right there, lying in the middle of the road. Brr~. I'm totes getting chills just looking at it. We all got out of Vanzilla and gathered around it.

"This must be where Lincoln disappeared," said Lisa.

"Yeah, that much is obvious," said Lori. "But it's not much to go on, is it?"

Lisa smirked and unslung her bag from her shoulder. "Allow me to remedy that."

She rummaged around in the bag and took out a makeup compact and a brush. I had to raise an eyebrow at that. Lisa never struck me as the type to put on makeup, and even if she was, is this really the best time? Before I could ask her about it, she started smearing the makeup on the bike. Now I'm _really_ getting confused. Did the bike need a makeover?

After getting powder all over the bike, Lisa blew it away and took out one of those magnificent glass thingies (I think that's what it's called). She went around and around the bike, looking at it from all directions.

"Find anything?" Lori asked.

Lisa looked up. "The only fingerprints I could find on the bicycle belong to Lincoln. I also don't see any terrain that would be suitable for leaving footprints, so there's not much I can do on that front. However, I did find one thing that was curious."

"What's that?" I asked.

Lisa pointed at the bike. "Look at the angle the bike is facing. It's running perpendicular to the road rather than parallel. What's more, this is at least a few meters north of Lincoln's typical route to Clyde's estate."

"And that means, what, exactly?" I asked.

"It means that Lola's hunch about foul play may indeed be correct," said Lisa. I felt a chill go down my spine as she said that.

"How do you figure?" Lori asked.

"I believe I may have a working hypothesis," said Lisa. "It's time I field tested this little beauty. A moment, please."

She took out a small remote control and pressed a series of buttons. The remote suddenly opened up and shined a bright green light. Suddenly, it looked like the whole place had this weird green tint to it. Y'know, like when you're using the sepia filter on your camera, except it's green instead of beige?

I then saw something coming down the street, and I gasped. There he is! It's Lincoln, riding his bike right for us!

"Linky~!" I cheered. Oh, it's so good to see him. I rushed over to give him a big hug, but when I threw my arms around him, I just went right through him. I barely had time to notice this before slamming my face into a tree. Ow~.

"I'll go help her up," said Lori. She walked over and lifted me up. I looked around frantically.

"Wh-where'd he go?" I asked. "Lisa, you saw him too, right? Lincoln was right here!"

Lisa sighed. "Sorry to disappoint, but that wasn't Lincoln. It's merely a hologram created to simulate the crime."

I don't know if it's because Lisa is using smart words that I don't understand or if I still haven't gotten over smacking into that tree, but that went over my head. "Um, what?"

Lisa sighed again. "My Holographic Active Replay Visualizer, or HARV, takes the data I input into it and attempts to recreate the events as they happened. What you saw was not Lincoln, but a projection created by my device in order to visually demonstrate my hypothesis."

"So, like, your thingie made a fake Lincoln to show us what happened to the real Lincoln?" I asked, trying to make sense of it.

"In layman's terms, yes."

I sighed. "Way to get my hopes up, Lisa."

"I do apologize," said Lisa. "Now, on with the simulation. I would wager that Lincoln was on his way home from Clyde's, possibly getting close to his curfew."

The fake Lincoln reappeared. I could hardly look at it. I still wish it was the real him.

"For whatever reason, Lincoln decided to take a detour on Acorn Street, right where we're standing."

Fake Lincoln turned his bike and went up the street.

"However, realizing his mistake, he tried to turn around, only to disappear. Seeing as it's physically impossible for him to spontaneously vanish, the only other conclusion is that something, or someone, grabbed him as he was riding his bike."

I had to watch that whole thing play out between my fingers. I know that's a fake Lincoln, but it still breaks my heart to see him get hurt like that. Once Lisa finished, the HARV thingie flashed, and everything returned to normal. Lori snarled and cracked her knuckles.

"When I get my hands on whoever did this, I will literally turn them into a human pretzel," she said.

"Believe me, the feeling is mutual," said Lisa. "But let's take this one step at a time. We don't have any firm suspects yet."

"So, like, what now?" I said.

"First, I think it's important to answer this question," said Lisa. "Why would Lincoln take a detour like this?"

Hmm. Good question. Why wouldn't Lincoln just go straight home if he was running the risk of breaking curfew? I mean, like, the only thing in that direction is Flip's Food & Fuel.

…

Wait. Maybe…

"Um, maybe he was so thirsty that he wanted to get a Flipee?" I suggested. "Y'know, 'cause he was sweating so much, and, like, he was nervous about breaking curfew and pedaling hard, and…"

…

I don't know where I was going with that.

"Actually, never mind," I sighed. "That's stupid."

Lisa knitted her brow. "On the contrary, Leni. It is the only possibility that makes sense, at least going off of the information we have. Though I'm not sure if this was a simple Flipee run."

"Then, what was it?" Lori asked.

"There's only one way to find out," said Lisa. "This is where we part ways. Lily and I will go see Flip while you and Leni head over to Clyde's."

"Hang on, Lis'," said Lori. "How exactly do you plan to get to Flip's from here without me driving you?"

Lisa looked like she wanted to reply, but she found that she didn't have much to say. I guess Lori got her there.

"Touché," she said. "I apologize for making you take this detour, Lori."

"If it means increasing our chances of finding Lincoln, I don't mind," said Lori. "Just call me when you're ready to be picked up."

"Roger that," said Lisa with a nod.

We all piled back into Vanzilla and headed off to Flip's. This just went from bad to worse. Someone kidnapped our little Linky. I usually don't like to hurt people. I mean, yeah, I fight with my siblings all the time, but that's different. We don't hurt each other out of hate. But I don't feel that way about this jerk, whoever it is. I _do_ want to hurt him or her out of hate, because that's what he or she deserves for trying to tear our family apart.

Hang in there, Linky. We're on our way…


	4. Spooky Spectator

"Alright, Roosters! This is our big game! We need everyone to give a hundred and ten percent and show those Hockers what we're made of!"

Sigh. Inspirational bluster like that rings hollow when more important matters are on your mind. I should know; I heard speeches like that all the time when Mom and Dad forced me to take up basketball (don't ask), and they seldom had any effect on me. And now, those words which usually stoke the fires within Lynn's heart are nothing but meaningless sounds echoing into the void.

Lynn's lack of energy did not go unnoticed as we made our way down the aisle of the bus. I could hear everyone whispering under their breath and pointing at her. I don't blame them. It was indeed a curious sight to see Lynn in such low spirits before a big game. We passed by her best friend Margo, who looked on with concern.

"Hey, Lynn. What's got you down?" she asked. "And why is Lucy here?"

Lynn sighed. "Long story short, my little brother Lincoln went missing last night. Lucy's here for moral support."

Margo gasped. "For real? Yeesh, that sounds rough. Are you gonna be alright?"

Lynn averted her eyes. "I'll manage."

That's just like Lynn. Always trying to put on a brave face and pretend that nothing can hurt her. But she's usually a lot better at hiding her true feelings. This time around, everyone could tell that she didn't want to be here. Even the coach caught on as he made a beeline towards us.

"What's going on over here?" he asked, looking directly at me. "This bus is for Royal Woods Roosters only."

"I-I asked her to come with me, coach," said Lynn. "I-I've been having trouble focusing. My little brother disappeared last night, and we're all taking it pretty hard."

The coach's brow crinkled. "I wish I could spare you, Loud. But this is the most important game of the season, and you're our star player. I'm sure the cops will find your brother. You don't have to worry about it. Just try and keep your head in the game, okay?"

It's just as Lynn predicted last night. Mercy was not in the cards.

"I-I'll do my best, coach," said Lynn, placing an arm around my shoulder. "And my little sister Lucy's here to support me. She won't get in the way, I promise."

The coach gave me a long, ponderous look. I don't know what he expected to find, but eventually, he just sighed.

"Alright. I'll make an exception this time," he said. "But she's your responsibility, Loud. I'm not going to babysit her."

"G-got it," said Lynn meekly.

And people wonder why I don't play sports. This is part of the reason. I may have embraced the darkness, but my black, withered soul is not without compassion. The same cannot be said for strict sports coaches who only care about victory. How Lynn can tolerate it is a mystery to me.

We took our seats on the bus, with Lynn staring out the window. I could see her anguish in her reflection. Out of all of us, she is probably hurting the most. The very thought of abandoning Lincoln to play in some football game is clearly tearing her up inside. Sigh. If I had a heart, it would be aching for her right now.

But as I said, even a tortured soul like myself knows compassion. Lynn should not have to suffer alone. I reached out and held her hand. She turned to me.

"It'll be okay," I told her. "Don't think of this as abandoning Lincoln. Rather, think of it as us pursuing a different lead."

Lynn raised an eyebrow. "A different lead? Hazeltucky's an hour away from Royal Woods, at least. What're we gonna find out there?"

"The spirits know," I said.

Lynn sighed. "If you say so, Luce." She then smiled. "Thanks for being here with me. You didn't have to do this."

That's where she's wrong. If the spirits are correct, I _do_ have to do this. Lincoln may be in danger right now, but so is Lynn. The two are related somehow; the spirits said as much. I'm just not sure how yet. But perhaps we can find out together…

* * *

Once we arrived in Hazeltucky, the coach herded all of the players into the locker room. Given that I wasn't supposed to be there, he was at a loss as to what to do with me. In the end, he felt it was easier to make me a water girl. Though he still maintained that Lynn was going to be responsible for looking out for me. I'm not sure how that's going to work, but it's pointless to dwell on it.

We emerged from the locker room to the sound of loud cheers. This game must've been as important as the coach said it was, because all of the bleachers were packed. While the players went out onto the field, I took a seat on the bench. This wouldn't be the first time I've been to one of Lynn's games, but this is the first time I've been so up close to the action. But just like those other times, I'm not here for the game. I'm here for Lynn.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen! Let's hear it for the Hazeltucky Hockers!"

The opposing team came out of the locker rooms opposite us, and they were greeted by roaring applause. I flinched as I heard a sickly wet sound behind me. Looking up, I saw that some of the fans had spat on the ground. I… guess that's why they're called the Hockers. Sigh.

Wait a moment. Two of those players look familiar. One of them has his eyes shrouded behind black hair. The other is missing one of his teeth. Where have I…?

Gasp! I recognize them now! Those two nearly ruined my Halloween corn maze! Could this be what the spirits were warning me about? I have to find out.

Before I could move, the coach took a seat next to me. Dang it. I can't get over there with him watching me. Sigh.

"Is your sister gonna be okay?" he asked me.

I just gave him a look. Does some nefarious force overtake coaches when you go to middle school? Our elementary school gym teacher, Coach Pacowski, isn't nearly this callous or ignorant. Then again, my basketball coach wasn't much nicer than this fellow (in fact, the less I say about her, the better).

"The spirits predict darkness to befall her in this game," I said. "I'm here to make sure she doesn't succumb to it."

The coach raised an eyebrow at me. "Kid, that didn't make any sense. Just tell me if she can play."

Sigh. There's just no use talking to some people.

"Lynn's a fighter," I said. "She's not going to just give up, but it won't be easy for her."

The coach nodded. "Alright. So we still have a chance."

Hmm. Is he truly relying on Lynn to carry the team to victory? I don't know all that much about sports, but that doesn't sound like it would work even if Lynn was at a hundred percent. I was about to question him further when the national anthem started playing. Instinctively, I stood up along with everyone else.

I looked over at the two thugs again. While everyone else was either singing along with the anthem or remaining silent, they were whispering to one another. Already, I could sense the darkness in the air. They have some sort of scheme up their sleeve, I know it. But I can't warn Lynn in time. Looks like I'll just have to improvise.

The anthem ended, and both teams lined up on the field. Lynn went to the center of the field with one of the thugs. The referee took out a coin from his pocket.

"Hazeltucky will make the call," he said, flipping the coin.

"Heads!" the thug barked.

The coin fell to the ground, and the thug scowled.

"It's heads! The Roosters will kick off, and the Hockers will receive!" the referee announced.

Hoots and hollers erupted from the stands, and I heard more spitting from behind. This time, globs of saliva rained down on me and the coach. Sigh.

"Does this happen a lot?" I asked.

"Only with the Hockers," said the coach. His tone was dark and dismal, reminding me of my dear Edwin. "We never won a single game against them. We came close once, but I'm sure you know how _that_ turned out."

He must be referring to the time Lynn took Lincoln's place on the football team to get him out of practice. It sounds as though he still holds a grudge about that. Is that why he's so callous to Lynn's suffering? Is he expecting her to redeem our family by beating this hated rival? That doesn't sound fair.

"Do you know anything else about the Hockers?" I asked.

"I know their star players, Hank and Hawk, are two of the most ruthless players in the game," said the coach. He suddenly dipped his voice. "Don't tell anyone I told you this, but there are some rumors going around that they'll use every dirty trick in the book to win. No one's been able to prove it, though."

Hmm. Call it a hunch, or perhaps a vision from the spirits, but I bet anything that these Hank and Hawk characters are the same blackened souls who trashed my corn maze. Could it be…?

"Touchdown, Hockers!"

Well, that was fast. At least it felt that way; I usually don't pay attention to these games. The Hockers wasted no time showboating, spitting at the feet of the Roosters. As much as Lynn loves to boast herself, I don't think she's ever been _this_ bad.

I saw Lynn approach me, her eyes obscured by her helmet. I reached into my bucket and handed her a water bottle.

"How're you holding up?" I asked.

Lynn gave me a dark look that would frighten the undead back to their graves. "I think the spirits are onto something, Luce," she said hoarsely. "Something stinks here."

"What're you talking about, Loud?" asked the coach.

Lynn sprayed some water into her mouth before answering. "Those guys keep breaking through our defensive formations. It's like they know what we're gonna do before we do it."

The coach shook his head. "That's impossible," he said, taking out a clipboard. "I've got all of our signals right here, and they've been under lock and key all season. There's no way anyone could've gotten their hands on 'em."

"Well, I don't know what to tell ya," said Lynn with a shrug. "Fact is we're getting clobbered out there."

The coach grunted. "It's still early in the game, Loud. I thought you weren't one to give up so easily."

"I'm not. I just think something's wrong."

"Let me worry about that, Loud. You just keep playing."

Sigh. Only a fool of a general would not listen to his soldiers. Then again, I don't know what I'd do in this situation. I'm starting to understand just how… powerless Lynn feels right now. It is a darkness that even I have trouble stomaching.

After I gave out water to the rest of the Roosters, the players retook the field. The Hockers punted the ball across the field, and Lynn caught it. As she charged for the goal, I saw Hank and Hawk making a beeline right for her. Lynn tried to maneuver out of the way, but they followed her movements. One of them tackled her to the ground. After a pause, he stole the ball from her and ran off with it. While the other players tried to stop him, Lynn just lay there motionless.

"Wh-what's going on?!" the coach bellowed. He turned to me. "Kid, go see if your sister's alright."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I immediately rushed out to the field and knelt by Lynn's side. Gasp. Sh-she's crying.

"Lynn. Are you hurt?" I asked.

Lynn panted heavily as she sat up. She trembled all over, her hands balling up into fists. She then pounded her fist into the grass.

"Not as hurt as those two bozos are gonna be," she snarled.

"Why? What happened?"

"Th-they know what happened to Lincoln."

So the spirits predicted; so it came to pass. But I know that isn't the full story.

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

Lynn sniffled and brushed her nose. "That punk whispered something to me when he tackled me. H-he said… H-he… D-dang it, I-I can't…"

Fury and sorrow dripped from her voice like fresh blood off of a vampire's fang. It's time for my compassion to shine through again. Without any regard for my surroundings, I pulled Lynn into a tight embrace.

"Shh. I'm right here," I whispered. "Take your time."

Lynn sniffled and shivered in my grasp. Finally, she took a deep breath and sighed.

"H-he said 'I guess football isn't your strong suit now that your brother's gone.'"

…

Grr. Blackened souls like them never seem to learn their lesson. As Lynn would say, that was a low blow. But how did they…?

Wait. Strong suit. That sounds familiar somehow. Where have I heard that before?

"Everything okay over there? Can she still play?"

Dang it. I can't find answers to any of these questions with that coach watching me. We need an excuse to investigate.

"Coach, Lynn's not feeling well," I said. "I'm going to take her somewhere so she can recover."

The coach sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're putting us in a difficult position here, kid. I've got no one to sub for Loud. If I can't play with a full team, we forfeit the match."

"And if Lynn keeps pushing herself like this, she'll only destroy herself," I countered. "I don't think you want that on your conscience."

The coach reflected on my words for a moment before nodding.

"Alright. I can buy you ten minutes, tops. Make sure she's ready to play by then." He then turned to the referee. "Time out! We've got a player down!"

Huh. I take back what I said before. Lynn's coach is not as callous as I first thought. Which is more than I can say for Hank and Hawk. As I dragged Lynn off the field, constant questions weighed heavily on my mind. How much did those two thugs know about Lincoln's disappearance? Were the rumors of their unsportsmanlike conduct true? If they were, how could we prove it? It's so much to process.

Thankfully, I won't have to shoulder this burden alone. It looks like Lynn will be able to contribute to the investigation after all…


	5. The Gross Gumshoe Gambit

"Dude, c'mon! We gotta get the lead out! How long does it take to put on clown makeup?!"

"Be out in a second~!" I called out. Sometimes, I think there are big misconceptions on my line of work. It's more than just putting on a silly wig and some makeup. You need to tailor your appearance to your audience. Which is why I decided to break out something _really_ special.

Honestly, I can't believe I still have this. Nor can I remember when I wore it last. It's a brown wool tweed coat complete with a matching deerstalker cap. In case you don't know what either of those things are, I'm going for the detective look. Again, I don't remember the last time I performed at a detective-themed birthday party (or even if I ever did), but what can I say? I try to expect the unexpected.

When I opened the door, Luna gave me an incredulous look. Honestly, I was expecting that reaction. To add to the awkward silence, I took out a bubble pipe and started blowing bubbles. Inside, I'm rolling on the floor laughing right now. Just… the look on Luna's face combined with my outfit is simply priceless.

"Seriously?" Luna said. "That's what you're wearing."

"What's wrong with it?" I asked knowingly.

"I thought we were supposed to be going undercover. Isn't that a bit, I dunno, on-the-nose?"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "C'mon, Luna. You heard what Lisa said. This Chandler guy might not know anything. He's not gonna get suspicious if I show up like this."

"No, but he _is_ gonna wonder why a party clown is showing up to his party dressed like Sherlock ruddy Holmes."

I shrugged. "Laundry day?"

Luna groaned and facepalmed while I laughed.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," I reassured her. "Look, just let me do the talking. We'll get into that party no problem."

"Do I wanna know how?" said Luna, raising an eyebrow.

I smiled and tapped the side of my nose with my finger. "You'll see."

Luna just rolled her eyes. "Fine, whatever. I'm gonna call up Chunk and ask him to give us a ride to the place. You already canceled your Giggling Geezer gig, yeah?"

"Uh, yeah. I did that right after the sibling meeting," I said. "Are you sure Chunk's gonna agree to this, Luna?"

"He will once he knows the sitch," said Luna, taking out her phone. "Plus, it'll give more credibility to our cover story." She looked at my outfit again. "Though I have no idea how we're gonna explain _that_."

"Again, let me worry about that," I said. "I may not be our Man with the Plan, but you know I've always got a trick or two up my sleeve."

To demonstrate, I reached into my sleeve and pulled out a whoopee cushion. Luna sighed and shook her head.

"Y'know, Luan. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you weren't taking this seriously," she said.

Oof. That kinda stings. Luckily, I have the perfect retort.

"Well, it's a good thing you know better then."

Luna scoffed. "Yeah. I guess you're right." She then placed a hand on my shoulder and looked me right in the eye. "Look, real talk. I know you're hurting just as much as the rest of us right now. If things get too heavy for whatever reason, tell me about it, okay? Don't just keep cracking jokes and pretend that you're fine."

Brr~. Seeing Luna go into Responsible Big Sister mode like this always sends chills up my spine. It's a side of her I don't see often, seeing as she's either so laid back or caught up in her music. Still, I don't know if I can promise her what she asked of me. Jokes are how I cope with stuff like this, y'know?

"I-I'll try," I said.

Luna nodded and gave me a hug. "We're in this together, little sis. Now, let's go find Lincoln." She then released me and called up Chunk. "Yo, Chunksky? Luna here. Listen, I need a huge favor…"

While Luna filled Chunk in, I went back into my room to get some supplies for our investigation. I still don't know why this Chandler guy thought Lincoln would be interested in a party at the sewage treatment plant. Guess Lana's been rubbing off on him or something. Well, that's the least of our problems right now. We need to see this through, even if it isn't our best lead.

Oh, hey! I just realized! Since Luna and I are gonna be investigating a sewage treatment plant, that would make us a couple of _gunk_ shoes! Hahahahaha~! Get it?

…

Eh, yeah. That's a bit of a stretch. I'll come up with a better one, I promise.

* * *

"Thanks again for doing this for us, Chunk. I seriously owe you big time."

"No worries, luv. All in a day's work as far as I'm concerned."

I gotta hand it to Chunk: he's a real stand-up guy. Once he got the full story from Luna, he was ready to pick us up in a matter of minutes. Still wish he cleaned out his van, though. It's pretty cramped back here with all the amps and the wires and… Is that a washing machine? Sheesh, and Luna says _my_ closet is full of random junk. All of the bouncing and swerving isn't helping much, either. I had to use one of the cables from the amps as an impromptu seatbelt, which just led to me getting completely tangled up in the ding-dang thing.

"You alright back there, luv?" Chunk asked me.

If I'm being honest, no. I'd take sleeping in Lana's bed with her pet snake over this any day of the week. But asking Chunk to slow down would just waste time, and we need every second we can get.

"I'd answer, but I'm a little _tied up_ at the moment," I said with a laugh. "Get it?"

Luna glanced at me through the rearview mirror and deadpanned. "Please tell me you didn't do that to yourself on purpose just so you could make that pun."

"Hey, it's not my fault there aren't any seats back here," I said with a pout. "Look, I'll be fine. Lincoln's more important right now."

Chunk sighed. "Sorry 'bout that, luv. I'll look into it for next time. Just hang tight for now, yeah?"

"Not like I can do much else," I said, letting out another laugh. Another bump in the road caused my body to slam into the shag carpeting. "Ow. Everyone's a critic."

We continued driving for a while before Chunk turned to Luna. "You sure you don't wanna leave this to the cops, Luna?"

"We all agreed that sitting around and doing nothing wasn't an option," said Luna sternly. "And don't try to talk us out of it."

"Wasn't planning on it, luv. I'm just making sure you know what you're getting into," said Chunk.

"I know Lincoln's out there somewhere, and we have to find him," said Luna. "That's all I need."

"Seconded," I said. I tried to raise my hand, but the tangled wires made it hard to move.

Chunk raised an eyebrow at me. "You sure you're okay back there? Maybe I should pull over and get you loose."

"N-no, that's okay. Just tell me when we get there," I grunted.

My body suddenly lurched forward as the van came to a stop. "Funny you should say that, luv. We're here."

Luna unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed into the back to untie me. "Really sorry about this, Lu'. I should've let you ride shotgun."

I just decided to laugh it off. "Don't worry about it. I've had much worse than this."

Once I was fully untangled, we got out of the van. Right away, a strong, powerful smell nearly caused me to keel over. Woof, that is rank. Seriously, my nostrils feel like they're on fire right now. This is even worse than that time Lori let one rip in Vanzilla. At least we know we're at the right place.

After recovering from the olfactory outrage, I took a quick look around. I managed to spot a few kids wearing hazmat suits and galoshes right outside the main entrance. Those must be the other guests to this little shindig. Honestly, I'm surprised anyone showed up at all. Though I can clearly see why Lana would want to be here.

"So, now what?" Luna asked.

I smirked and cracked my knuckles. "Just follow my lead."

I sauntered over to the front of the line, with Luna and Chunk following at my heels. Once there, we were greeted by a young boy with brown skin, black hair, and a blue hazmat suit. He held a clipboard and looked us over.

"And who are you supposed to be?" he asked.

Showtime. I cleared my throat.

"Howdy! I'm Luan Loud, and this is my talented sister, Luna," I said. "We've been hired as the entertainment for this party."

The kid looked at the clipboard and arched an eyebrow. "I don't see you on the list."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Typical. Y'know, I warned this guy that this would happen if he booked us at the last minute. They never listen."

"Chandler never mentioned anything about hiring you, weirdo."

"Oh, that's just rich. You're a bouncer at a party being hosted in a sewage treatment plant, and you call _me_ the weirdo?"

"I don't even know what you're supposed to be!"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm a party clown."

"You look like a detective."

"Well, of course I look like a detective. Didn't Chandler tell you about the scavenger hunt he had planned?" I gasped, making it appear that a realization just hit me. "Or did I just spoil the surprise?"

The kid's eyes went wide. "Scavenger hunt? That was his big surprise?"

Wait, he actually _had_ a surprise planned for this party? Sheesh, I just pulled that out of my butt. Talk about a lucky break.

"Uh, yep! Sorry for the spoiler," I said.

The kid looked at the clipboard again. "Well, Chandler _did_ say he had a big surprise for Loud. But I'm pretty sure he was talking about Lincoln Loud, not you."

"Oh boy," Luna muttered, sounding quite concerned. Honestly, I'm right there with her. This got awkward in a hurry. Time to improvise.

"Oh, right. Yeah, Lincoln mentioned that," I said sheepishly. "He said he couldn't come today, so he sent the two of us in his place. Family emergency. I hope you understand."

The kid furrowed his brow and stroked his chin. "Hang on," he said, turning his head. "Yo, Chandler! Loud's here!"

After a few minutes, the man of the hour arrived. Y'know, for someone who invited a bunch of kids to a sewage treatment plant, he sure had a cocky swagger as he walked out to meet us. He looked us over and turned to his bouncer.

"What the heck is this, Richie?" he snarled. "I thought you said Larry was here."

Hang on, what? Who's Larry? Weren't we just talking about Lincoln a second ago?

"She says he couldn't make it," said Richie. "They're here to take his place. Something about your big surprise."

Chandler looked up at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Aren't you that party clown everyone talks about?" he asked.

"Yep, that's me," I said with a bow. "Luan Loud, at your service. And this is my assistant, Luna."

"Uh, 'sup?" said Luna, looking a bit confused.

Chandler snorted. "Why would Larry send you to take his place?"

"Um, who?" I asked.

"He means Loud," said Richie.

So, he calls Lincoln Larry for some reason. Weird. Almost makes me wonder how Lincoln got the invitation in the first place if this chump keeps getting his name wrong.

"It's a family emergency," I said. "I'd rather not get into it."

Chandler narrowed his eyes. "Okay. But why're you dressed like that?"

"It's part of your big surprise," I said. "That's what Lincoln told me, anyway."

"I didn't tell Larry about my surprise. How did _you_ know about it?"

Oops. Dang it. And I was doing so well. Okay, calm down, Luan. You can still pull this off.

"Look, buster. All I know is that _some_ one paid good money for us to show up at this shindig," I said. "If Lincoln were here, he'd vouch for us. The fact that he's not shows how much he trusts us with your little surprise, whatever it is."

"I thought you said it was a scavenger hunt," said Richie.

"I was just guessing!" I snapped, massaging my temples. "See, this is what you get for giving me vague directions. Ugh, I can't work with this!" I turned around and started marching off in a huff. "C'mon, Luna. We don't have to take this. We'll find a party that'll give us the respect we deserve. And we'll be sure to tell Lincoln what a jerk you were."

"Whoa, wait! Hang on!"

I stopped and smiled. Bingo.

"L-look, I-I'm sorry about all this. I-I know Larry and I have had our differences in the past, but I really want him to trust me," said Chandler. "And if he sent you two to get his surprise, then… I guess you're cool. Let 'em in, Richie."

I gave Luna a wink. "See? Worked like a charm."

"I gotta admit, that was some quick thinking," said Luna, dipping her voice. "Still, what was all that about a surprise he had for Lincoln?"

"Don't ask me; I'm just as confused as you," I said. "I guess we'll find out once we do some sleuthing. Oh, and don't let your guard down. I've got a bad feeling about this."

"Same," said Luna with a nod. "Chunk, you'd better wait out here. We'll call ya if we need ya."

"Can do," said Chunk.

With that, we followed Chandler inside. Call it prankster's intuition, but I trust this punk about as far as I can throw him. We might not find Lincoln here, but Chandler obviously has something planned for him at this party. And I don't think it's a scavenger hunt.

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, didn't Lincoln say in his diary that he declined Chandler's invitation? Why would Chandler assume that Lincoln would show up? Not only that, but it sounds to me that he's throwing this party specifically for Lincoln. Something stinks around here, and it's not the sewage.

…

Well, okay, it _is_ the sewage, too. But you know what I mean.

Anyway, not much to do but play along for now. If there's even the smallest chance that this'll help us find Lincoln, then we've got nothing to lose. Besides, I doubt Chandler will be able to pull a fast one on a master prankster like me.

"Psst. Hey, Luna," I whispered.

Luna arched an eyebrow at me. "What?"

"Since this is a party at a sewage treatment plant, we might have to watch out for _party poopers_!" I said with a laugh. "Get it?"

Luna gave me an incredulous look. "Toilet humor? Really?"

I shrugged. "Hey, when in Rome…"


	6. Logic Chess: Flip

It appears the police had come to the same conclusion I did. When we pulled up to Flip's Food & Fuel, there was a police cruiser parked outside. It was situated right in front of the front entrance rather than by one of the gas pumps, immediately implying that this wasn't a mere pitstop.

"At least we know the police are doing their job," said Lori. She then looked at me through the rearview mirror. "Maybe you should come with me and Leni, Lisa. We don't want to get in their way."

"Your concern is duly noted, sibling," I said frankly. "Nevertheless, we need all the intel we can get if we want to find Lincoln. That means we need to know what the police know."

"But, like, what if you and Lily get arrested for making the cops mad?" asked Leni.

I couldn't help but chuckle at that. Sweet naïve Leni, always relying on her emotions rather than her intellect. It may be strange to hear this from me, but a part of me genuinely admires her for that. At least _she_ never has to worry about someone accusing her of being cold and heartless. I, on the other hand, get that a lot more often than I'd wish. But, I digress.

"Leni, the chances of the police arresting a four-year-old child and a baby for Obstruction of Justice are quite remote," I explained. "The worst they can do is take us back home, in which case we will simply resume listening in on their radio transmissions. Besides, if we aid in their investigation, we're not exactly engaging in Obstruction of Justice, are we?"

I have my doubts that Leni comprehended all of my statement. She always did struggle with my loquacious manner of speech. Fortunately, Lori was able to translate.

"If the cops see that Lisa's there to help, she thinks they'll leave her alone," she clarified.

"Oh~. I get it," said Leni. "Um, are you sure they'll be okay with that?"

"I'm never certain of anything," I stated plainly. "Science is never about being one hundred percent certain. However, as Lynn would probably say, nothing ventured, nothing gained."

Lori sighed. "Well, we shouldn't waste time arguing about it. Just be sure to call me if you get into trouble."

"I shall," I said with a nod. "Come along, Lily! The game is afoot!"

"Poo-poo!" Lily chirped, which roughly translates to an affirmation. As an aside, I will be providing translation for Lily for the remainder of our investigation. Baby talk just so happens to be one of the many languages I'm fluent in, though I've never put that on my résumé. Mainly because it's not really an officially-recognized language. But again, I digress.

Lily and I disembarked and gave Lori and Leni one last wave farewell before they drove off to see Clyde. Mind you, I'm not entirely sure what we'll find here. According to my hypothesis, Lincoln never reached this destination. However, those who are familiar with Flip know that he's no stranger to shifty dealings. He must've heard something about Lincoln's abduction. And that's what I intend to find out.

* * *

Once Lily and I set foot inside the convenience store, it was about what I'd expect. Two police officers were there, getting into a shouting match with the store's proprietor: the titular Flip. In my experience, Flip has always been a belligerent curmudgeon whose priorities lie solely on his own well-being. I had a suspicion that he wouldn't cooperate with the authorities so easily.

"If I told ya once, I told ya a thousand times!" Flip bellowed. "I don't know nothing about that kid going missing! Now either buy something or clear out!"

I wonder. Was that double negative mere ignorance of English grammar, or a Freudian slip? Considering this is Flip we're talking about, it could go either way.

"Sir, we have reason to suspect that Lincoln Loud came this way," said one of the police officers. "If you would just tell us where he went—"

"I'm not that kid's keeper!" Flip interrupted. "Go ask someone who cares and stop holding up my customers! I've got a business to run here!"

If this continues, I speculate it will end with Flip being arrested. It's honestly no skin off of my proverbial nose; the man is a selfish lout and the police interrogators will get the information they seek from him one way or another. However, time is of the essence. If I can expedite this process, then we can rescue Lincoln that much sooner. I cleared my throat.

"I beg your pardon, good sirs," I said. "My sister and I are in a hurry, and we need to make a purchase."

The police officers both raised an eyebrow at me, which is a typical reaction to seeing a child my age unattended with a baby. But before they could inquire as to the presence of my parental units, Flip came around the counter and shoved them aside. That's… probably not going to do him any favors.

"Whaddya want, kid?" he growled.

"Hey! We're not done with you!" barked one of the officers.

"Paying customers take precedence, pal," Flip said curtly. He quickly turned back to me. "So, whaddya want?"

"Information," I said, adjusting my glasses. "Specifically, information regarding one Lincoln Loud."

Flip snorted. "Oh, for crying out loud! You too?! What is it with everyone giving me the third degree today?! I keep tellin' ya mooks; I don't know nothing about Lincoln!"

Again with the poor grammar. I understand men like Flip aren't as vigilant about this sort of thing, but his behavior suggests that he's clearly hiding something. I'm not sure what that something is yet, but I might have a way to find out.

You may not know this about me, but I've participated in scientific debates once or twice. And I find the best way to approach such debates is to treat them like my favorite prepackaged recreational pastime: Chess. Chess is all about being several steps ahead of your opponent and maneuvering around their defenses. The same applies here, only my pieces are pure logic. And just like chess, I must plan my moves accordingly.

I'll start by discovering why Flip is being so uncooperative. After all, I'd think even he would have the good sense not to pick a fight with the po-po. That is, unless he had something to hide.

"So, you claim to have no knowledge of Lincoln's disappearance?" I asked.

"I've got nothing to say to you," Flip snarled. "Not unless you're planning to actually buy something."

Not much to work with there. I'll just wait and see what he says next.

"Heh. I knew that'd shut you up," Flip scoffed. "Now, are you actually going to buy something, or do I need to kick you out?"

"What if I were to compensate you for the information you provided?" I offered. "Would that satisfy you?"

Flip furrowed his brow and stroked his chin. "Well, that depends. How much are you offering?"

It's tempting to assume that because he was interested in selling, he actually had information to sell. But I know Flip is a wily opportunist. There's still a possibility that he genuinely knows nothing, and he'd just make off with my allowance money. I'll have to hold off on my attack and wait to see what he says next.

"Y'know, I'm sure those cops wanna know about Lincoln, too," said Flip. "This is a limited-time offer. If you don't give me a price, I'll just ask them."

That was a bad move on his part. Time to capitalize.

"First of all, we're after the same information," I said. "It's not as though they can prevent me from hearing it. Secondly, I must thank you."

"For what?"

"For proving that you know something. You're not that reckless, Flip. If you truly knew nothing, you wouldn't risk scamming the police. Not that they would kowtow to your greedy ways, anyway. I'm offering you a way out of the interrogation cell. I suggest you take it."

Flip turned as white as a sheet as he found himself powerless against my logical prowess. "O-okay, maybe I do know something about Lincoln. But I ain't giving it away for free, you hear?! I'm still running a business!"

"Sir, that's not your call to make," said one of the officers. "You need to tell us what you know. That kid's life might be in danger!"

Flip shrugged. "Then I suggest you pay up, coppers."

While I admire Flip's moxie, there's only so far you can push the po-po, and he's testing those limits. It's time for the big question here.

"You appear to be quite stressed, Flip. More so than usual, anyway," I said. "Is there something that could, say, compromise your position if the police knew about it?"

"Th-they have nothing on me!" Flip snapped. "I didn't do anything to Lincoln, I swear!"

Ah-ha. That's the opening I need.

"Well, no wonder you've been so uncooperative," I said. "You think you're a suspect, don't you? You know full well of your own insidious nature, and when the police came knocking, you panicked and started dodging their questions. The irony, of course, is that your actions make you more suspicious, not less! So I suggest you start telling the truth, now!"

Flip recoiled from my logic, knocking some merchandise off the shelves as he stumbled. "Alright, alright! Look, I-I really don't know that much. You'd be better off bugging someone else."

"But you _do_ know something," I said, adjusting my glasses.

"Nothing that'll help you find him," Flip grumbled.

"Allow me to be the judge of that," I insisted. Now that I've alleviated his fears, it's time I discovered what exactly he knows about Lincoln's abduction. Let's see if his information is as paltry as he says it is.

"Tell me, Flip. When did you first hear about Lincoln's disappearance?" I asked.

"Uh, let me think about that," said Flip, furrowing his brow. "Was it last night? I don't really remember…"

He's stalling. I can tell from the sweat dripping from his brow. I should give him some motivation.

"I already demonstrated that it's in your best interest to be honest," I said. "So unless you want to come off as more suspicious, you _will_ give me a prompt answer to my question."

Flip flinched. "U-uh, yeah! I-I remember now. I-it was on the radio last night."

"So you knew that Lincoln had disappeared before the police arrived," I mused.

"Y-yeah. Of course I did," said Flip. "And when they busted down my door and started pestering me, I was sure they thought I did it."

As I suspected. I guess when you have as many illicit dealings as Flip does, you're more prone to becoming paranoid. But in the eyes of the law, he's innocent until proven guilty. I shouldn't spook him too much. I'll hold off and see what he says next.

"Look, I know I've had my differences with your brother in the past," said Flip. "But that's all water under the bridge. He's just one of my regular customers now, nothing more."

Meaning he has no motive to kidnap Lincoln. That'll be important later, I'm sure. For now, let's change the subject.

"Where exactly were you last night, Flip?" I inquired.

"I was tending the store like normal," said Flip. "And before you ask, no, Lincoln did not pass by."

Hmm. It appears he's anticipating my next move before I make it. Perhaps I haven't completely erased his fears after all.

"So you didn't see Lincoln at all yesterday," I said.

"No. Well, not last night," said Flip. "I know he was here yesterday afternoon with that mechanic sister of his. They were looking for mechanic parts or something, but I said we wouldn't be getting 'em until tomorrow."

Oh, that's right. Lana was supposed to pick up supplies from Flip today. That further solidifies his alibi. He wouldn't disrupt his own business like that. With that in mind, I don't have much to add. Time to move on.

"Tell me, were you expecting Lincoln at all last night?" I asked.

Flip shrugged and rubbed the back of his head. "Th-that's not an easy question to answer, missy. I mean, if he didn't show up, it's no big deal. But after the big news, I figured he'd at least drop by, y'know?"

Now this is curious. What big news would cause Lincoln to risk breaking curfew?

"I'm not sure I've been made privy to this news," I said. "Care to fill me in?"

Flip flashed me a grin. "Sure. But it'll cost ya."

We're back to this, are we? Well, I'm not going to placate him that easily. I refuse to entertain such delusions.

"You drive a hard bargain, missy," said Flip. "Fine, how about this? I'll throw in those supplies your sister wanted, no extra charge."

Does he… does he honestly believe that I'm in the mood for haggling right now? My elder brother's life is in jeopardy; I don't have time for this! I should've just let the police haul him off and…

No, calm down. I can't lose my head. There has to be a way to get him to cooperate without loosening my purse strings. Let's see what else he has to say.

"Fine. Your loss," said Flip with a shrug. "Like I said, it probably won't help you find him, anyway."

Ah, another misstep. Time to make my move.

"If it was really that unimportant, you wouldn't charge me for it, would you?" I said. "Well, perhaps you would, but then you'd be swindling me right in front of the police. What would that do to your business, I wonder?"

Flip swallowed hard. "P-point taken," he said. "Still, I can't believe you don't know about this. There were rumors all over the place."

"Rumors about what?"

"What do you mean rumors about what? Lincoln's an Ace Savvy fan, ain't he?"

Curiouser and curiouser. "Why exactly is Ace Savvy relevant to this discussion?"

"You mean he never mentioned this to you? I mean, yeah, it was just a rumor, but I'd figure he'd at least tell you."

"Stop beating around the proverbial bush, Flip. Tell me what?"

"How about you pay up and find out? Or are you too busy counting cards to pay attention to what's going on around you?"

…

Now _that_ was a Freudian slip if I ever heard one. I think I can ascertain what's going on here.

"My my, Flip. I didn't know you were a fan of Ace Savvy," I said coyly. "After all, how else would you know about my character, the Card Counter?"

The pigment drained from Flip's face in an instant. "F-forget I said that."

"I don't think I will, thank you," I said, adjusting my glasses. "Clearly, this involves the comic that Lincoln and Clyde submitted to that contest some time back. The one where he created a bunch of characters based off of myself and my siblings. This is just a supposition, but if he heard good rumors about that comic, and they were proven true, that would give him a reason to celebrate. That being the case, you must think quite highly of yourself, Flip. Why else would you automatically assume that he would rush over to this establishment and risk breaking curfew just for a celebratory Flippie?"

I then pointed a finger at him. "And it's all the more reason why your alibi is airtight! No one has any reason to accuse you of any misconduct regarding Lincoln, Flip! Disregard your paranoid delusions and do not shy from the truth!"

Flip jumped and knocked some more merchandise off the shelves. "A-alright, alright! I'll tell you everything! No charge! J-just don't let those cops arrest me!"

Hmph. Checkmate.

"Uh, thanks, kid," said one of the officers, looking quite bewildered. "We'll take it from here."

Honestly, I'm surprised they allowed me to interrogate Flip uninterrupted. While I'm grateful for that, I might want to write our mayor about issues with the Royal Woods Police Department. I'm used to Mother and Father letting things like this slide, but I believe our police force should be held to a higher standard.

"Look, I don't know how this'll help you find him, but that comic of his is being made into a movie," said Flip. "It was on TV last night, with his name in the credits and everything."

It appears my hypothesis is correct. Flip must've saw that commercial and believed that Lincoln would drop by to celebrate. I can probably think of dozens of other places Lincoln would rather go if he wanted to treat himself for this achievement, but that's neither here nor there.

"And that's all you know?" asked one of the officers.

"That's everything," said Flip firmly. "Now either buy something or clear out."

And we're back to this again. It's as though I'm listening to a lacerated vinyl disk, or as it's more commonly known, a broken record.

"There's one thing I still don't comprehend," I said. "Why not just tell the truth from the beginning? You knew you were innocent, so you should have nothing to hide."

Flip scoffed. "I couldn't take any chances. That's how these coppers get ya, y'know. They try and frame ya for something you didn't do, and the next thing you know, they book ya for every dirty thing you ever did."

"Um, sir? We're standing right here," said one of the officers.

Flip blanched. "D-did I say did? I meant might have done."

Oy vey. This is just getting pathetic at this point. Perhaps it's time Lily and I took our lea—

Wait a moment. Where _is_ Lily? Dang it, I got so caught up in the logic chess match that I lost track of her. Luckily, I know her tracker is still functioning. I just need to take out my transceiver and…

Ah, good. She hasn't left the store.

"Do excuse me, gentlemen," I said. "I have some other matters to attend to."

Before the po-po could inquire anything of me, I started off. We already have one sibling missing; we don't need two. Since following the tracker isn't taking up much of my cognitive function, this will give me time to reflect on my interrogation. Flip said the information wouldn't be useful in locating Lincoln, and on the surface, he's correct. This Full House Gang movie, while intriguing, appears superfluous. However, I recall the day when Lincoln and Clyde submitted that comic. They were almost prevented from doing so thanks to a rival contestant. Could history be repeating itself, now that the Full House Gang has more notoriety? If that's so, is Clyde in danger as well? And what of…?

Hmm. Odd. The tracker is leading me right into a shelf full of canned soup. That doesn't seem right. Where could she…?

"[Peek-a-boo!]"

A tiny hand reached out of the cans and squeezed my proboscis. Well, crisis averted, I suppose.

"Lily, this is no time for games," I scolded. "We're on a serious mission here, and you shouldn't wander off on your o—"

Lily suddenly put a finger to her lips and shushed me. She then pointed over my shoulder. I turned around. There stood a rather dapper gentleman with a rotund build and a bushy white mustache. His nice navy suit and top hat made him stand out from the usual customers Flip typically got. He appeared to be browsing a display of comic books Flip had set up.

"I admire you taking initiative and trying to seek out anomalies, Lily," I said with a sigh. "But next time, inform me before you disappear like that. We are in a very precarious position here; more so than our other siblings. Besides, how is this relevant to the case?"

"[Lookie look! He's reading Ace Savvy!]" said Lily, pointing to the gentleman.

I turned back, and sure enough, the dapper gentleman had a copy of Ace Savvy in his hand. It's curious, to be sure, but correlation does not necessarily imply causality. There's a reason the word "coincidence" exists in the dictionary.

"I don't think that's enough to go on, Lily," I informed her. "Now, come along. We should call Lori and get back to the house. We can use the police radio to find our next—"

Before I got any further, Lily squeezed my proboscis again and crawled away. After recovering from the ordeal, I saw that she was following the dapper gentleman out of the store.

"Dang it, Lily," I muttered. I swear, if I hadn't burned all of my hair off with my nuclear experiments, it would be turning grey right now. In hindsight, perhaps I should've partnered with Lori or Leni instead. Well, at least her tracker is still working.

When I got out of the store, I saw a large stretch limousine starting to drive away. Before it took off, Lily had climbed onto the back of the vehicle and gripped onto the spare tire. This is not ideal, to put it mildly. I know I should call Lori, but I don't think she'd get here in time. As they say, desperate times call for drastic measures.

I rushed back inside and ran up to the police officers.

"Excuse me, gentlemen," I said. "I hate to be a bother, and I understand you have other obligations. However, my baby sister has just hitched a ride with a stranger, and I need to follow her."

One of the officers raised an eyebrow at me. "Um, where are your parents, kid?"

I suppose that question was inevitable. Again, hindsight is 20/20.

"I have been awarded a Junior Noble Prize, and I regularly give lectures at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology," I said. "I believe I am capable of taking care of myself. Now please, I implore you. Help me rescue my sister."

The officers shared a shrug and led me out to their police cruiser.

"Can you describe this stranger's car for us?" asked the officer.

"No need," I said. "My sister has a tracking device implanted on her person. I can use that to find her. Just follow my directions."

The officers exchanged a look before shrugging again. I suppose they weren't equipped to deal with my specific circumstances, so they simply played along. Again, I might have to write a stern letter to the mayor about this grave oversight when all this is over. For now, I'll just count my blessings.

I do hope your instincts prove to be correct, Lily. Otherwise, I'm going to have some rather choice words for you…


	7. Lola in the Limelight

"You're what?"

"Trying to get our Police Patrol patches. Y'know, for the Bluebells?"

Ugh~. Really, Lana? This is the best excuse you could come up with? Mommy and Daddy are never gonna buy that. I know you had to come up with a reason for us going out in our Hall Monitor uniforms, but I could've come up with a better excuse in my sleep. I just didn't because I didn't get any sleep last night.

"I don't know, kids," said Mommy. "With Lincoln missing and the others out doing other things, we need to make sure you're safe. Why don't you wait for Lori to get back from her errands and ask her to drive you?"

"We don't know when she'll be back!" Lana whined. "C'mon, Mom! We can take care of ourselves!"

"We're sorry, honey. We just… don't want anything to happen to you," said Daddy. He tried to sound firm, but I could see his lip quivering as he scolded us. "You're not leaving the house without a chaperone, and that's final."

"Well, why don't you come with us?" Lana asked. I elbowed her in the ribs. "Ow, what?"

"Excuse us for a moment," I said, dragging Lana upstairs. I then pinned her against the wall. "What are you thinking?!"

"Well, if we can't go out alone, then we can just have Mom and Dad take us," said Lana.

"Yeah, great idea, genius," I hissed. "And while we're at it, we can tell them all about how we're trying to find Lincoln and _get everyone else in trouble_!"

Lana blinked. "Oh. I didn't think about that part."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course you didn't."

"W-well, what're we supposed to do then?!" Lana snarled back. "I don't see _you_ coming up with any ideas!"

"I-I'm trying! It's not easy for me to think when I don't get my beauty sleep!"

"Is that why it took you so long to get ready?"

"Hey, Leni insisted on giving me a makeover, and that happened to involve my ten-minute mask! How could I say no to that after the night we had?!"

"So, you looking nice is more important than finding Lincoln?"

"H-how dare you! Of course I don't think that! Stop putting words in my mouth!"

"I am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Kids? Is everything okay up there?"

Dang it. What are we doing? This isn't gonna help us find Lincoln. Okay, think, Lola. How can we get a chaperone without tipping Mommy and Daddy off about our plans? Hmm, maybe Pop-Pop? Luan did cancel that Giggling Geezer thing, so he might be free. But if it takes too long to reach him, it'll give Lindsey Sweetwater enough time to get rid of the evidence. It's the same problem with Aunt Ruth or any of Lori's friends. We need someone who can take us right away with no questions asked. But who can we get on such short notice?

"Hey, Loud! How many times have I told ya not to leave your ding-dang trash out for so long?!"

…

I think that just answered my question. I made my way back downstairs.

"Sorry about that," I said. "Listen, Mommy. Lana and I really need to go out and earn those patches. If we asked Mr. Grouse to take us, would that be okay?"

Mommy and Daddy looked at each other for a moment.

"I don't know, honey. You know how Mr. Grouse is about doing favors for us, and I'm not exactly in a cooking mood right now," said Daddy.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I can cover the cost," I said. At least, I hope I can. I may not be a master chef like Daddy, but I've done my fair share of baking. That should be enough for Mr. Grouse, right? Please think so.

"Well, I'm not sure, sweetie…"

Oh no. That's not a good sign. I need to use the secret weapon.

"Pweeeease~?" I begged, fluttering my eyelashes at them.

Mommy and Daddy looked at each other again before turning back to me. "Give us a moment, Lola."

They went off into their room. Lana came down from the stairs and gave me a look.

"Mr. Grouse? Really?" she asked.

"It's the best I could come up with on such short notice. Get off my back," I grumbled. "Besides, he'll do anything for us as long as we bribe him with food."

"But Dad said he's not in the mood to cook."

"I can cook! I made all that pizza for you guys that one time, didn't I?"

"Okay, point taken. You think that'll be enough, though? I'm not sure Mr. Grouse even likes pizza."

I rolled my eyes. "Pizza isn't the _only_ thing I can make, Lana. Besides, he likes Daddy's lasagna, and that's basically the same thing. I think."

Before Lana could ask any more questions, Mommy and Daddy came back. This is it, the moment of truth. Please say yes, please say yes…

"Well, your father and I have talked it over," said Mommy. "And… I guess if Mr. Grouse agrees to it, you two can go earn those patches."

Yes~!

"But be sure to let him know to call us if there's any trouble," said Daddy. "And come back as soon as you're done."

"We will. Promise," said Lana, raising her hand. "Bluebell's honor."

"Yep," I said, raising my own hand. "Bluebell's honor."

Mommy nodded and hugged the two of us. "We love you, kids. Don't worry, we'll call you if the police find anything about Lincoln."

"Thanks, Mommy," I said uneasily. Ooh, why'd she have to make me feel bad about lying? I know she and Daddy are worried about us, but we're worried about Lincoln. We have to do this. He's counting on us.

"So, now we just gotta convince Mr. Grouse to go along with this," said Lana. "You have a plan, or do you still need a nap?"

I don't know if that was genuine concern or a shot against me. Knowing Lana, it might've been both. Luckily, I think my mind's starting to clear up now.

"I'll be okay, Lana," I said. "Just leave this to me…"

* * *

"You need me to what?"

"Just drive us to the pageant hall, no questions asked. And you'll get two whole baskets of my daddy's famous muffins. Whaddya say?"

Mr. Grouse raised an eyebrow. "No walnuts this time?"

"No walnuts."

"Then you've got yourselves a deal. But you two better behave, or I'm taking you right back."

"We will, Mr. Grouse," Lana and I said at the same time. "Bluebell's honor."

Mr. Grouse just grunted and led us to his car. Say what you will about him, but he's really not that bad once you get to know him. Now I just need to learn how to make muffins. I hope it's not too difficult, or I'm being an idiot. Eh, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

"Thanks so much for doing this, Mr. Grouse," said Daddy. "You kids be good!"

"That goes double for you, Lola!" said Mommy.

Sheesh, profiling much? I'm a guest in my neighbor's car; of course I'm gonna behave myself. Besides, picking a fight with Lana isn't gonna save Lincoln from Lindsey Sweetwater. Eh, I'll let it slide. She's probably just worried. Lana and I waved goodbye, and Mr. Grouse drove off.

Once we were a good distance down the road, Lana turned to me. "So, why're we going to the pageant hall?" she whispered to me. I don't know why she bothered; it's not like Mr. Grouse cares. Might as well play along, though.

"Simple. It's a great place for gossip," I said. "Someone over there is bound to know something about Lincoln, so we need to get sleuthing. Plus, it's likely that we'll find our main suspect there."

"You mean Lindsey Sweetwater, right?"

"Of course."

Lana's brow crinkled. "You really think she'd go this far?"

"Without a doubt," I said firmly. "Why else would Lincoln disappear right before he was gonna coach me?"

"Not everything is about you, Lola."

I gave Lana a look. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"I'm just sayin'," Lana said with a shrug.

…

Okay, this is starting to get annoying. Does Lana actually think that I don't care about Lincoln or something? That really hurts. Of course I care about him. When did I ever say I didn't? Where does she get off saying stuff like…?

No. Calm down, Lola. You're on your best behavior for Mr. Grouse, remember? Fighting with Lana won't help. I just wish she'd understand, y'know? I'm not _trying_ to make this about me. It just… happened to be that way.

"Alright, we're here."

The car screeched to a halt right outside the pageant hall.

"It's go time," I said. "Let's get sleuthing."

"Right behind ya," said Lana. "Thanks, Mr. Grouse."

"Whatever," Mr. Grouse grumbled. "I gotta get to my triangle lesson. Are you two gonna be okay on your own?"

"We'll be fine, Mr. Grouse," I said. "Just be sure to pick us up when we're done."

"I ain't your chauffeur, Loud."

"Then I guess you don't want your muffins."

Mr. Grouse growled. "Fine. What time?"

"Let's say about an hour," I said.

"Alright. But remember, no walnuts."

With that, he drove off. Maybe I should make three baskets of muffins instead. It'll be worth it once we take down Sweetwater and find out where Lincoln is.

"Well, shall we?" I said.

Lana shrugged. "Lead the way."

I nodded as we made our way inside. "Now, just a heads-up, Lana. Most of my pageant rivals are… kinda afraid of me."

"Gee, I can't imagine why _that_ is," said Lana, rolling her eyes.

Not dignifying that. "Anyway, we should try our best not to spook them. So you'll be the Good Cop, and I'll be the Bad Cop."

"Wait a minute. Isn't the Bad Cop the guy who beats up jerks?" said Lana.

"Well, yeah. So?"

"So I wanna be the Bad Cop."

Geez laweez, are we really doing this right now?

"Lana, we're not beating anyone up," I said. "I'm just saying that my pageant rivals are more likely to talk to you than to me."

"But what about the punk that hurt Lincoln? Aren't we gonna beat _them_ up?"

"You're thinking too far ahead about this. We don't even know who kidnapped Lincoln."

"I thought you said it was Lindsey Sweetwater."

"I said she's a suspect. That's different. Besides, she wouldn't dirty her own hands like that."

"But I wanna beat up jerks. The Good Cop's lame."

"Well, we can't have two Bad Cops. You know what they say: you get more flies with honey than with vinegar."

"Actually, that's not true. Flies like vinegar more."

Ugh~. I just wanna slam my head against the wall. Or slap Lana upside the head. Seriously, what's her deal? We should be more in sync than this if we're gonna find Lincoln.

"Look, just be the Good Cop for now, okay?" I pleaded. "We need to make sure my pageant rivals feel safe when we talk to them, and they don't feel safe around me."

"Omigosh, it's her! The Queen of Diamonds herself!"

When we entered the main hall, I heard one of the girls cheering. Next thing I knew, we were surrounded by pageant princesses, all of them beaming at us. D-did I miss something? And what was that about the Queen of Diamonds? I could've sworn I heard that title before, but I'm just too confused to put my finger on it right now.

"Uh, hi, girls," I said meekly. "What's new?"

"Oh, don't act so modest, Lola! We all heard the news!" said Roxanne. "You're gonna be in a movie! Congratulations, girl!"

Yep, I definitely missed something. Why am I just hearing about this now? I mean, that's incredible and all, but… huh?

"I just know you're gonna be awesome!" said Ariel. "Your family is so cool!"

"Looks like all those pageant wins have finally paid off for ya," said Belle. "Now I don't feel so bad for losing."

"You earned this, Lola," said Jasmine. "You should feel very lucky."

Lana raised an eyebrow at me. "What was that you were saying about your pageant rivals being scared of you?"

She says that as if I know what's going on. Trust me, I'm just as clueless as she is.

"Okay, hold on, back up," I said. "What's all this about me being in a movie?"

The girls stared at me blankly. "You mean you really don't know?" Roxanne said.

"Uh, no. I don't," I said. "Can someone tell me what's going on?"

"I'd be more than happy to, my dear."

My heart skipped a beat when I heard that silky smooth voice. Sure enough, the girls stood back to reveal none other than Winston, the prince of all pageant princes. Ooh, he's practically glowing. That smooth blond hair; his cute little smile; that royal purple ensemble complete with a little cravat. He's so dreamy~.

"Ba… ba… ba…"

Winston laughed a cute laugh. "Ah, Lola. I do apologize for telling the girls before you did. I simply couldn't hide the surprise."

"Ba… ba… ba…"

"What surprise?" asked Lana, folding her arms.

Winston raised an eyebrow. "Wait, you don't know, either? I thought all of you knew."

"Knew what?"

"Why, your brother's Ace Savvy comic is going to be made into a movie."

…

So _that's_ why they called me the Queen of Diamonds! That's my character from Linky's comic! Ooh, if this is a dream, I am going to smack whoever wakes me up. Th-this is just amazing! True stardom for me at last! Eee~!

"I've always been a fan of Ace Savvy myself," said Winston. "But never would I have ever guessed that a beautiful young princess such as yourself would become the Queen of Diamonds."

C'mon, Lola! Don't just stand there like a dope! The boy of your dreams just praised you for being in a movie! Say something!

"Ba… ba… ba…"

No, not _that_! Ugh, I feel like I could die right now. However, Winston didn't seem to mind me being all tongue-tied. He just let out another cute chuckle.

"I understand. It's a lot for you to take in," he said. "Though I wonder how you didn't know about this. Surely your brother told you."

I know that's important somehow, but I-I can't think straight. My head's just spinning. I'm gonna be in a movie. And Winston is happy about it. And no one's scared of me. And…

"Alright, lover girl. Snap out of it."

Lana suddenly slapped me upside the head. Hard.

"Owie~!" I yelped, giving her a dirty look. "What was that for?"

"Um, hello? Did you forget why we're here?!" Lana scolded.

"O-of course not. But c'mon, how are you not excited? We're gonna be in a movie, Lana!"

Lana folded her arms and scowled. "Yeah, super. But what about Lincoln?"

"W-well, maybe the movie has something to do with it," I said. "I can ask the girls all about it."

"I thought you wanted me to do the asking. Y'know, 'cause I'm the Good Cop?"

"Well, now you can be the Bad Cop, just like you wanted."

"More like you can bask in the praise and forget all about Lincoln."

"I-I haven't forgotten about Lincoln! S-stop making me sound bad!"

"Then stop acting like it!"

"I-I am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Um, are we interrupting anything?"

I could feel my face turn bright red. "Way to go, Lana! You're embarrassing me in front of Winston!"

Lana snorted. "Y'know what? Do whatever you want. I'm gonna do some actual sleuthing. Don't wait up."

She then marched off in a huff. Good riddance, I say. She doesn't understand how much this means to me. I know I'm not an easy person to get along with, so to have my pageant rivals actually being friendly to me… I-it's like a dream come true. And let's not forget about Winston. He's never paid _this_ much attention to me before. And who knew he was such a big Ace Savvy fan? I should really ask Lincoln if I can…

…

Oh. Right. Lincoln. H-he needs us right now. I can't get distracted like this. C'mon, focus, Lola.

"So, what exactly was that all about?" asked Roxanne. "And why are you dressed like that?"

"O-oh, this?" I said. "Uh, um… I-it's for the Bluebells! Yeah, Lana and I are earning our Police Patrol patches."

"My word, Lola. A movie star _and_ a Bluebell?" said Winston. "That must take a lot of dedication. How do you manage to keep up with all this?"

The girls crowded around me, all of them staring at me eagerly. Ooh, how can I ignore such an adoring public? I-I guess I could entertain them for a little bit. Who knows? Maybe I'll find out something about Lincoln. I-I'm not just brushing him off, I swear. I don't care if Lana thinks I am; she's wrong. I'll show her. I'll find out what happened to Linky all on my own. I don't need her help.

…

I'm gonna regret saying that, aren't I? In fact, even though it feels nice to be adored by my rivals, I still have this sinking feeling that this dream is gonna turn into a nightmare any minute now…


	8. One-Eyed Jack is Dealt In

"Thank you for your cooperation, gentlemen. If you can remember anything else, don't hesitate to call us."

Huh. Great timing. Just when we arrived at Clyde's house, we saw the police wrapping up their own interview. Guess that means Clyde knows what's going on. Poor guy. I wonder how he's taking it.

We waited for the police to drive off before pulling up to the front door. Clyde's dads, Harold and Howard, walked out to greet us.

"Oh. I thought all of you would be here," said Harold. He sighed and hung his head. "Listen, we heard about what happened to Lincoln. If there's anything you guys need, anything at all, don't be afraid to ask."

"Thank you, Mr. McBride," I said. "That literally means a lot to us."

"Actually, we hope you don't mind, but we'd like to ask Clyde some questions," said Leni.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea," said Howard, looking over at Clyde. "We already gave our statement to the police. I don't think Clyde's up to taking any more questions."

I looked over Howard's shoulder at Clyde. He did seem to be quite shaken by the whole thing. But as soon as he noticed me, he made a beeline right for us.

"Don't worry, Dad," he said. "I can be strong for Lori." He then bowed to me. "Ask me whatever you want, my lovely angel."

Oh, Clyde. Always putting on such a show for me. Y'know, when he's not getting a nosebleed or acting like a robot. I guess Lincoln's disappearance is weighing too heavily on his mind for him to go completely ga-ga over me. Thank goodness for small favors.

"Maybe we should talk inside," I said, getting out of Vanzilla. Leni followed suit as I locked the door and turned on the car alarm.

"Oh, sure. Please, come in," said Harold. "I'll go put the kettle on."

Leni blinked. "On what?"

"He's offering to make us tea, Leni," I explained. "Thank you, Mr. McBride, but you don't have to do that."

"Nonsense," said Harold, shaking his head. "Lincoln's practically family, and that makes you family, too. It's the least we can do."

Well, I can't exactly say no to that. The McBrides have always been there for us ever since Lincoln and Clyde became friends. Even if Clyde didn't have a crush on me, they'd probably still offer to help. That's just the kind of people they are.

"Think we should tell them about what Lisa found?" Leni whispered.

That's… actually a good question. We should definitely tell Clyde; he has a right to know, and he might be able to help us with the detective work. But what about his parents? If they knew we were investigating, would they try to stop us? Or do they trust us to handle ourselves? Hmm. I don't know if I wanna take the risk.

"Thank you again, Mr. McBride. We'll gladly stay for tea," I said. "Um, do you mind if we speak to Clyde in private?"

Harold and Howard looked at each other for a moment. "Um, any reason why?" asked Howard.

Wow, way to put me on the spot. Okay, think, Lori. How can we convince Clyde's parents not to eavesdrop on us? If I remember correctly, they can be pretty overprotective of him. Dang it, I can't come up with a good excuse.

"I'm sure they just don't want you two to worry, dads," Clyde said suddenly. "Don't worry, I can handle it." He then stared up at me. "Anything for you, my dear Lori."

I swear, I think I just saw his eyes literally turn into hearts as he said that. Oh well. At least he's willing to cooperate. That and I think he's starting to catch on. Guess all that time playing Ace Savvy with Lincoln helps him pick up on that sort of thing.

"Well, okay, Clyde," said Harold. "Just be sure to tell us if you need anything."

"I will," said Clyde. "This way, please."

With that, Clyde led us to his room. I'm not sure how he's gonna take this, but as long as I'm around, I think he'll be fine. Still, I do hope he finds his own girlfriend someday. Literally any girl would be lucky to have him for a boyfriend. Well, as long as they don't mind him getting blood all over their nice shoes.

* * *

"Y-you think he was _what_?!"

"Everything alright in there, champ?"

"E-everything's fine, Mr. McBride!"

The moment we filled Clyde in on everything we knew, he did a spit take and started hyperventilating. Honestly, I was expecting that reaction. Clyde has always been very excitable. I'm just glad the tea didn't stain the nice red beret Leni "borrowed" from me. She'd better look after that thing. It's a very important part of the city slicker ensemble Carlota gave me.

"C-calm down, Clyde. Deep breaths," said Leni. "W-we're scared, too. But Lincoln needs us to be strong."

Clyde took out an inhaler and used it, allowing him to catch his breath. "O-okay. I-I'm alright now," he panted. "Still, this is pretty serious. I should've asked my dads to drive Lincoln home."

"Don't blame yourself," I said. "There's no way you could've known this would happen. It's not like Royal Woods is known for kidnappers."

"I did warn Lincoln to be careful, though," Clyde sighed. "My dads always said it's dangerous to travel alone at night, no matter what."

See what I mean about Clyde's parents being overprotective? I dunno, maybe it's because Lincoln is usually so on top of things that no one has ever thought that he needs supervision. Heck, he's taken care of his younger siblings all by himself.

"I don't think Lincoln could've seen this coming, either," I said. "I know we didn't."

Clyde simply nodded. After a pause, he looked up at me. "So, you're looking for him, right?"

"Of course we are," I said with a small smile. "Which is why we need you to tell us what you know. Think you're up for it?"

Clyde shrugged. "I guess, but I don't know if it'll help. There's not much I can say that I didn't already tell that police."

Well, Lisa _did_ say we all have to be on the same page. Even so, I should think of a few questions the police might not have asked.

"Let's start with the basics," I said. "When did Lincoln leave here last night?"

"About 9:50," said Clyde. "I know, he was cutting it pretty close to curfew, but I had to show him something really special."

"Something more special than a Dream Boat marathon?" asked Leni. "Lincoln's usually down for that."

"Trust me, this was way more important," said Clyde. "Hey, how was the marathon, by the way? Keisha ended up picking Boris, right?"

I had to raise an eyebrow at that. "Wait, _you_ watch Dream Boat?"

Clyde's face turned bright red. "Um, well…"

He didn't have to say it. I could tell just from his eyes that he was a fellow Dream Boat fan. That's literally adorable. I think Lincoln's starting to rub off on his friends.

"Let's try to stay on topic," I said, taking a sip of my tea. "So, what exactly was more important than a Dream Boat marathon?"

"H-huh? Oh, right," said Clyde. He cleared his throat and ushered us to come closer. "We've been hearing rumors around school that they're gonna make a movie based on the Full House Gang comic Lincoln and I wrote. And guess what? The rumors are true. We saw an ad for it last night during Operation: Dessert Storm."

…

Omigosh, that's… that's fantastic! I know Lincoln and Clyde won that Ace Savvy competition with their Full House Gang comic a while back, but a movie? Wow. Good on them, I say. It's just a shame Lincoln didn't tell us the good news himself before he got nabbed. Actually, now that I think about it…

"Hang on, something's not adding up," I said. "Lisa's simulation showed the Lincoln made a detour before he disappeared. Wouldn't this Full House Gang movie give him _more_ reason to get home as soon as possible so he could tell us?"

"Well, you said he was heading for Flip's, right?" Clyde mused. "Maybe he wanted to pick up a treat for you guys to celebrate."

Huh. That actually makes sense, knowing Lincoln. It doesn't get us any closer to finding him, though.

"I still can't believe this," Leni muttered, staring at her tea. "Like, who would want to hurt Lincoln, and why? H-he doesn't deserve this."

Preaching to the choir there, Leni. Heck, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Still, that's a very good question. Who would have something to gain from abducting Lincoln? I know Lola thinks Lindsey Sweetwater has a motive, but it's pretty flimsy from where I'm standing. What really gets to me is that this happened right on the cusp of Lincoln getting some of the best news in his life. Talk about a tragic irony.

…

Hang on. I just had a thought. It's a bit of a stretch, but we don't have anything else to go on right now.

"Hey, Clyde. Remember when you first submitted that Full House Gang comic in that contest?" I asked.

Clyde blinked. "Uh, yeah. I remember Principal Huggins tried to sabotage our chances of winning, but we ended up writing his character into the final draft. Why? Do you think the Full House Gang movie is connected to Lincoln's kidnapping?"

He catches on pretty quick.

"It might be," I said. "Tell me, where did you first hear about this rumor?"

"From Principal Huggins himself, believe it or not," said Clyde. "We've been a lot closer ever since he made me junior administrator."

"What else do you know about this movie?" asked Leni. "Ooh, is Blake Bradley in it? Please tell me Blake Bradley's in it."

"Focus, Leni," I said sternly. Though that _would_ be a dream come true. Blake Bradley is such a hunk.

"I only know what Principal Huggins told me, and even he admitted that he didn't know that much," said Clyde. "Just a few things that were supposedly leaked onto the Internet ahead of the trailer. But you know how dodgy those alleged leaks can be."

"Can you get more specific?" I asked.

Clyde took a sip of his tea and thought for a moment. "Well, that depends. Do you mind me spoiling the movie for you?"

"I'm not sure if plot details are gonna help us find Lincoln," I said dryly.

Clyde nodded. "Good point. Well, the only behind-the-scenes stuff I heard is that Bill Buck has been wanting this to happen for a while, ever since he announced that the Full House Gang is canon to the series."

"And when did that happen?"

"He posted about it on social media about a month after the contest."

Sounds like this has been in development for quite some time. I heard movies usually take a while to make, but I'm not sure how long it takes on average. I should still make a note of it in case it becomes important later.

"Hey, so, this might seem a bit random, but do you know someone named Chandler?" said Leni.

Clyde blinked. "Chandler? Yeah, I know him. He's really popular in our school. He actually invited me and Lincoln to a party he's hosting today. I would've gone, but I have other plans today. That is, I had other plans before the police showed up."

Wait, so Clyde was _actually_ planning on going to a party being hosted at a sewage treatment plant. Just how popular is this Chandler kid?

"Do you think he knows about the movie, too?" I said.

"He probably does, but I don't know if he cares," said Clyde. "Some of the kids he usually hangs out with say that they're too old for Ace Savvy."

I know a few close friends who would probably take offense to that. Not to mention Principal Huggins is a huge fan himself.

"Though now that I think about it, his invitation was kinda weird," Clyde mused. "He said he was throwing this party for me and Lincoln, and that he had a super-special surprise for us."

Huh. That _is_ strange. Why would Lincoln turn down an invitation like that? I mean besides the fact that the party is taking place at a freaking sewage treatment plant. Still, did he have other plans like Clyde did, or does he know something about Chandler that we don't? I guess Luna and Luan are gonna find out. In the meantime, I should probably switch gears.

"So where _were_ you planning on going today?" I asked.

"Huh? Oh, I was gonna go to an Ace Savvy meetup at the library," said Clyde.

"Really? Lincoln didn't mention anything about that in his diary," said Leni.

Clyde gave Leni a look. "You read Lincoln's diary?"

Leni blushed. "I-it was Lola's idea. She thought it would help us find Lincoln."

Clyde's expression softened. "Oh. I… guess that's okay, then." He cleared his throat. "Anyway, Lincoln told me he couldn't make it. Something about doing some stuff for the twins."

Well, he did mention going over some pageant drills with Lola, but that wasn't gonna take up the entire day. Hmm…

Oh, right! Lana mentioned that she needed some new auto parts from Flip! I guess Lincoln was planning to take her. Man, this day just threw all of our schedules out the window. Except for Lynn, that is. I hope she's holding up alright.

"Say, Clyde? Is this meetup invite only?" Leni asked.

"I… don't think so," said Clyde. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, maybe that should be our next stop."

…

That's… actually not a bad idea. If the Full House Gang movie is connected to all this, we're gonna need to know more about it. And what better place to learn about it than an Ace Savvy meetup? Just goes to show you that there's more to Leni's head than just air.

"Good thinking, Leni!" said Clyde, leaping to his feet. "C'mon, let's go!"

He was about to open his door when he suddenly stopped. "Oh, wait…"

"What's wrong?" I asked. "Sounds to me like you're willing to help, and we could use the expertise of One-Eyed Jack."

Clyde blushed. "Y-yeah. I-I know, L-L-L-Lori…"

"Clyde, deep breaths," said Leni. "Try to remember the fifty states."

Clyde then slapped himself and shook his head. "Right, gotta focus." He then sighed. "Thing is, I don't think my dads are gonna want me out of the house with a kidnapper on the loose."

Hmm. That _is_ a problem. And honestly, I don't think that fear is unfounded. If there is a connection between the Full House Gang movie and Lincoln's kidnapping, Clyde might be in danger, too. But I know Clyde. He's just like us. He doesn't want to sit here doing nothing when his best buddy is in danger.

"Tell you what, Clyde," I said. "You have a smartphone, right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Mind if we exchange numbers?"

Clyde's blush resurfaced in full force. "L-L-Lori actually wants my n-number?" He suddenly started twitching at random. "Does not compute~! Error~! System overload~!"

"Say the alphabet backwards!" Leni called out.

After a pause, Clyde slapped himself again. "R-right. Sorry. Gotta focus on Lincoln," he said. He then wrote down his number and gave it to me. "H-here you go."

"Thanks. We'll call you if we need your help," I said. I then wrote down my number and gave it to Clyde. "Also, see what you can dig up about the movie from your laptop. We might need it."

Clyde saluted. "No worries, High Card. Even when confined to the Fortress of Solitaire, One-Eyed Jack's got your back. Good thing I wear my uniform under my clothes."

Now it was my turn to blush. "U-uh, maybe wait for us to leave before you get changed, yeah?"

Clyde blinked. "O-oh. Right. Sorry."

Maybe this is why Clyde doesn't have an actual girlfriend yet. He can just be so awkward sometimes. I guess that's part of his charm. Even so, I'm glad Leni can set him straight whenever he has one of his Lori freakout moments. Bloody noses and robotic noises are literally not gonna help Lincoln.

"Thanks for your help, Clyde," I said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "We'll find Lincoln, I promise."

Clyde nodded and gulped. "Y-yeah. G-good luck."

With that, Leni and I said our goodbyes to the McBrides and headed on our way. Well, we're making progress, but things still aren't adding up. I really hope this Full House Gang movie isn't just a red herring. It's literally the best lead we've got right now, and if it doesn't pan out, we're back to square one.

I still wish Clyde was able to come with us. This detective stuff really is more his bag. But even so, I'm grateful for his support. Something tells me that if we even stand a chance of finding Lincoln, we're gonna need all the help we can get…


	9. Schmoozing in the Ooze

Let me tell you something. I've been to my fair share of parties. That includes insane off-the-wall stuff that the 'Rents would probably ground me for going to. But this? This doesn't feel like any party I've ever been to. Granted, I wasn't expecting much from a shindig being hosted at the sewage treatment plant, but I was at least expecting to see _a_ party. Here? Nothing. Heck, I could still see the sanitation workers doing their thing as Chandler led us through the plant. Do his folks even know he's doing this?

We eventually reached a large room with pipes and catwalks weaving around the area. There were still workers walking around, but there were also a bunch of grade-schoolers dressed in hazmat suits and galoshes, just like the line outside. If this is where the party is, I'm not impressed. At least when Lori tried to throw that whole sophisticated shindig, she tried to give people stuff to do. Here? It's just people standing around and talking. There isn't even a proper spread; just a funky-looking punch bowl in the corner. Yeesh, it looks like Lana's bathwater. At least, that's what I imagine it would look like. Lana's not exactly big on baths.

"You two just get yourselves situated," said Chandler. "I'm gonna go check on the surprise."

"Shouldn't we come with you?" asked Luan. "I mean, this surprise is obviously part of the entertainment, and we were hired to entertain, so…"

Chandler gave Luan a look. "This surprise is for Larry and his friend. If you're getting it for them, I can't spoil it for you, now can I?"

"His friend?" I said. "You're gonna have to be more specific, dude."

"Ugh, his name's on the tip of my tongue," Chandler mused. "Clive or something."

I'm just goin' out on a limb here, but I think he means Clyde. What is it with this kid and not being able to remember people's names?

"Look, it'll be fun. I promise," said Chandler. "I'll be right back."

Before we could say anything, he dashed off. I really don't like this, but not much else to do at the moment. Might as well see who else decided to turn up to this clambake.

"Oi, Luna! That you, mate?"

I recognized the voice right away, and I almost couldn't believe it. Why would _she_ be here? I turned around and sure enough, there she was. Tabby, one of my best friends. She was waving us over. I turned to Luan.

"Don't look at me; she's your friend," Luan said with a shrug.

Tch, weisenheimer. Alright, better go see what this is about.

"I'm actually kinda surprised, Tabs," I said, walking over to her. "What's a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this?"

"Could ask ya the same thing, Lunes," said Tabby dryly. "Me, I got dragged here by Liam."

"Liam?"

"Your brother Lincoln set 'im up with me at the Sadie Hawkins dance after, well, y'know," said Tabby. She averted her gaze and squirmed uncomfortably. Yeah, in hindsight, that was a bit of a debacle. It's not like _I_ knew Luan, Lynn, and Lucy also set Lincoln up with a date for that dance. Ah well. No use dwelling on it.

"Really sorry about that, Tabby," I said. "We were just trying to look after our bro, and we got in each other's way."

Tabby shook her head. "No worries, Luna. I've been goin' steady with Liam for a while now. He's a good mate." She wrinkled her nose and looked around. "Not sure about his taste is romantic locations for a date, though."

Oof. Harsh. I wonder what Lori would say about this. I'll admit, I'm no expert on this stuff. Heck, I'm just starting to open up to Sam.

"So, uh… What're you doin' here?" Tabby asked.

Hmm. Should I or shouldn't I? I don't think Tabby would blow our cover, but I don't wanna bring her down with our problems.

"It's… complicated," I said. "Let's just say I wanna be here just as much as you do."

"Ditto," said Luan. "I don't even know why _Lincoln_ would want to be here."

"Aw, Lincoln ain't comin'? That's a shame."

I looked up to see who entered the conversation. I recognized him as one of Lincoln's friends, but I don't think we've been properly introduced. He had a bit of a rustic swagger to him, and he was holding two cups of the bathwater punch. Tabby turned and smiled.

"Ah, Liam. There you are," she said, turning back to me. "Luna, this here's Liam, the bloke I was just tellin' you about."

"Thought I recognized ya," said Liam. "Didn't know this was your kinda shindig." He then noticed Luan. "Why's she dressed like one of them detective folk?"

I have a feeling we're gonna be hearing that question a lot. Dang it, Luan. Sometimes, I just don't know what to do with you.

"It's actually why we're here," said Luan, blowing some bubbles out of her bubble pipe. "We thought you might be able to answer a few questions for us."

I don't know why I'm surprised by this. Luan has always been about as subtle as a metal riff in a marching band. Let's just hope she can keep Chandler in the dark.

"Questions?" Liam said, tilting his head. "'Bout what?"

Well, I doubt he'd know anything about Lincoln's disappearance. Let's start with our host.

"So, do you know this Chandler guy?" I asked.

"Absolutely," said Liam. "He's one of the toughest folk at our school. Real popular, too. I was lucky he even invited me here. I'm probably just some country nobody to him."

Luan raised an eyebrow. "You _do_ realize that he's hosting this party at a sewage treatment plant, right? Why is everyone treating it like some exclusive club?"

Liam shrugged. "Can't speak for the rest of the fellers, but I don't mind the smell. Trust me, I've smelled a _lot_ worse down on the farm."

I'm having a hard time buying that. And I've smelled some pretty rank stuff in my lifetime, believe you me.

"From what I heard, that Chandler bloke's really good at talking people into stuff," said Tabby. "Don't know much more than that; I never see him at school."

Hmm. Sounds like a real huckster to me. Who else could convince a bunch of kids that partying at a sewage treatment plant is a good idea?

"I've actually never met this Chandler guy before today," I said. "And Lincoln's never mentioned him."

"Not surprised," said Liam. "He and Lincoln were on the outs for a while."

Luan suddenly perked up. "They were? What do you mean?"

"Linc never told me the details, but it was something about Chandler used him for favors just so that he'd be invited to his birthday party."

Bogus. I _knew_ something about Chandler was off.

"But from what I heard, they made up last October," Liam continued. "Or something. I dunno, Linc and Clyde just said they had a bunch of stuff to think about."

Hmm. There's more to this story here, but I don't think Liam would know about it. Let's shift gears a bit.

"So, what exactly is the occasion?" I asked.

"Dunno, to be honest with ya," said Liam, scratching his head. "Might have something to do with the big Ace Savvy news, but that there was just a rumor up until last night."

"Ace Savvy news last night, you say?" said Luan, stroking her chin thoughtfully. "What news are we talking about, exactly?"

Liam blinked. "Y'mean Lincoln didn't tell ya?"

Welp, this is getting awkward. He doesn't seem to know that Lincoln's missing, and I don't wanna scare him. But what do I say?

"Um, well, we aren't huge Ace Savvy fans like he is," I said with a shrug. "Maybe he just thought we wouldn't be interested."

"Y'all seem interested _now_ ," said Liam, arching an eyebrow.

Luan frowned and started jabbing Liam with her bubble pipe. "Hey, we're doing the interrogating around here, buster."

Liam flinched. "Interrogatin'? I-I thought we were just havin' a friendly conversation."

I sighed and placed a hand on Luan's shoulder. "Comin' on a bit strong there, Lu'. Cool it."

Luan let out a sigh of her own and nodded. "Right. Sorry, Liam. Things have been… kinda rough lately. I don't wanna get into it."

"Uh, sure. N-no problem," said Liam, clearing his throat. He then smiled. "Anyway, this here's bound to cheer ya up. Y'know that comic Lincoln and Clyde submitted to that contest?"

"Uh, yeah. What about it?"

"They're makin' a movie of it! I saw the trailer m'self just last night."

…

Well, that's just ruddy fantastic, innit? Lincoln gets probably some of the best news in his life, and right after that, he gets nabbed. I really wish I could be happy for him, but all I can think about is just how… unfair this whole ruddy mess is. I swear, when I get my hands on the prat that hurt him, I'm gonna…

"Huh, wow. That's pretty neat. I never would've _pictured_ that happening," Luan said with a laugh. "Get it?"

The bad pun was enough to snap me out of it, and I think that was Luan's intention. Guess her comedy's good for something. Okay, deep breaths, Luna. Don't fall apart now. You gotta be strong. Gotta be iron like a lion in Zion.

"Sorry 'bout that," I said. "I'm still not used to this… place."

"I'm right there with ya, Lunes," said Tabby. She then smiled. "Still, that movie news is pretty sweet. Give Lincoln my congrats when you see him, yeah?"

"S-sure. Will do," I said weakly.

Luan blew a few more bubbles out of her bubble pipe. "Chandler said he had some sort of surprise for Lincoln at this party. Do you think the movie has something to do with that?"

"Maybe," said Liam with a shrug. "Like I said, it was only a rumor until the trailer came on last night."

Well, if Chandler is a fan of Ace Savvy like Lincoln, then the pieces do line up. But there's still the little matter of his history with Lincoln. Honestly, at this point, it could go either way. We're gonna have to do some more digging.

"Does anyone else here know Chandler personally?" I asked.

"Oh, sure. Plenty of folks do," said Liam. "Mostly the more popular kids."

Ah. He's one of _those_ guys, isn't he? You know the type; the guys who surround themselves with suck-ups and pick on anyone who isn't part of their little clique. Man, I can't stand people like that.

"Well, if the host himself isn't gonna give me any direction, I guess we'll have to ask his friends," Luan huffed. "Pleasure talking to you two."

"Direction?" Tabby asked.

"Long story," I said. "We'll catch ya later, Tabs. Peace."

We then moved off.

"How curious," Luan mused, blowing bubbles from her bubble pipe. "The more I hear about Chandler, the less I like him. But almost everyone here thinks he's the bee's knees."

"Preachin' to the choir there, Luan," I said. "I'm also starting to think that this might be a waste of time. Lincoln's clearly not here, and no one here seems to know what happened to him."

Luan opened her mouth to reply, but she suddenly stopped in her tracks and held up her arm. I looked ahead to see what got her attention. Up on the catwalk above us, three kids seemed to be having an argument. I recognized one of them as Rusty Spokes, another one of Lincoln's friends, but I didn't know the other two. One of them was a pudgy kid with brown hair; the second was a thin kid with freckles and thick brown bangs that covered his eyes. I tuned out the rest of the noise around me to listen in.

"I can't believe you two!" Rusty scolded. "How could you do this?!"

"Why do you care? You left the gang ages ago," said the pudgy kid.

"I care because you're hurting my friends!" Rusty barked.

The freckled kid scoffed. "And here I thought _we_ were your friends, Spokes."

"Friends don't turn on their leader like this," Rusty snarled. "Whatever happened to us following Lynnsanity?"

Lynnsanity? Is he talking about Lynn? When did he ever call her _that_?

"Lynnsanity's old news, Spokes. Get with the times," said the pudgy kid. "We got a good deal for this job, and that's all that matters."

Huh. Is it just me, or did he sound… scared? What job were they talking about? Did it have to do with Lynn? Rusty grabbed the pudgy kid by the collar and hefted him up.

"Mark my words, Papa Wheelie. When word gets out about this, you and Flat Tire are gonna be in so much trouble," he vowed.

The freckled kid laughed. "It's your word against ours, Spokes. Besides, don't you have other things to worry about? Like that hand-me-down-riding wimp disappearing?"

Hand-me-down-riding wimp? Is he talking about Lincoln? How does he know about that? I'm thinking Luan and I should cut in on this dance. I was about to make my way to the catwalk when Luan stopped me. She took out a magnifying glass and knelt down. What is she doing?

"Luan, we've got a big lead here," I hissed through gritted teeth. "Why aren't we seeing it through?"

"Elementary, my dear Luna," Luan said with a wink. "There's a clue here that can't be overlooked."

Ugh~. I'm starting to think Luan put on that detective outfit just to annoy me. She always knows how to press my buttons. I then noticed that she had a piece of paper in her hand, and she was looking at it through the magnifying glass. I snagged a peek over her shoulder.

"It's blank, brah," I said dryly. "Must've been a piece of garbage someone had in their pockets."

"I'm not so sure," said Luan. "It looks too neatly folded to be garbage. I'll bet you anything this was written in invisible ink."

Invisible ink? When did this turn into a spy movie? Before I could ask anything else, a siren sounded. Everyone turned to the source of the sound. There stood Chandler, holding a megaphone and flanked by his flunkies.

"Cooties and germs, and stink-seekers of all ages! Thank you all for coming!" he proclaimed.

Oh, he thinks he's cute, too. I'm starting to see why Lincoln turned down this guy's invitation.

"We've got a very special party planned for you today!" Chandler continued. "It's in honor of two very special friends of mine who are about to become the most famous kids in Royal Woods! That's right, punks! The Full House Gang is being made into a movie!"

Several kids cheered. Some of Chandler's fans looked indifferent, but they simply shrugged and applauded as well. Sounds like Liam was right on the money. This party _was_ for Lincoln.

"Unfortunately, Larry himself couldn't make it today," said Chandler. "So instead, we're gonna honor his sisters! Presenting the Night Club and the Joker!"

He pointed to us as he said that. Looks like he's up on his Ace Savvy lore, at least. The Night Club and the Joker are mine and Luan's characters in the Full House Gang comic. I'm still not convinced this party is on the level, though. Not until I find out more about his history with Lincoln.

"And now, a special surprise for our guests of honor!" said Chandler. "They will be the first to enter our special pit for high-volume waste! Get these two some galoshes, 'cause it's time to party!"

Wait, what? _That_ was his surprise? And is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing? I still can't tell. Before I knew it, several kids swarmed around us and shoved galoshes onto our feet. I saw Tabby and Liam in the crowd.

"You two are mighty lucky," said Liam. "Not every day kids get to romp around in that place."

Yeah, for good reason. Now I'm _really_ wondering if Chandler's parents know about this. If they do, how could they think that this is okay?! I looked over at Luan.

"We gotta do this for Lincoln," Luan whispered. She stuffed the paper she picked up into her pocket. "But I'm with you; this whole thing smells like a whale ate a bunch of Lori's bean chips, crawled into Lily's diaper, and pulled off a dutch oven. And then he died. Like a year ago."

"Are you talking about swimming through sewage, or whatever Chandler's scheme is?" I asked.

Luan paused to think. "I dunno. I got so caught up in the simile that I lost the plot entirely. Then again, I'm always losing stuff. After all, you say I've lost my marbles a long time ago, and I _still_ haven't found those ding-dang things!"

She laughed at her own joke. Personally, I don't think the setup was worth the payoff. Still, looks like we're gonna have to play along if we wanna find out more. Okay, Luna. Remember: Iron, lion, Zion. Iron, lion, Zion. This is for Lincoln. We gotta save him.

…

I still can't believe I'm about to do this, though. Man, I'd give anything to trade places with Lana right about now…


	10. All the Grunt Work

Man, I'd give anything to trade places with Luna right about now. I could be swimming in actual raw sewage at an awesome party, but do I get to? Noooo, of course not. I'm stuck following Little Miss Center of the Universe around. Why do you have to be so impossible, Lola? I know you can be better than this, but even when Lincoln's in trouble, you think everything's about _you_. Well, it's not. And I'm gonna prove it.

But where do I start? I'm stuck in this stupid pageant hall until Mr. Grouse comes back. What am I supposed to find here? Lola would know, but she's too busy getting praised for that Ace Savvy movie. Maybe I should go back and get her. Nah, she won't listen to me. She _never_ listens to me.

"Lola? Is that you, girl?"

I perked up as I heard a voice I didn't recognize. Standing outside the dressing room were three super-fancy pageant girls. One of them was a redhead wearing a green dress. The second one was a dark-skinned girl with a yellow dress. The third had brown skin and a blue dress. They all seemed to have their noses buried in their phones, except for the redhead, who was looking right at me.

"Uh, who wants to know?" I asked.

The redhead raised an eyebrow. "You got a cold or something? Your voice sounds scratchy."

"Maybe she just wants to avoid the paparazzi," said Yellow Dress with a shrug. "Can't say I blame her. The first time's always the hardest, after all."

Okay, these girls obviously know Lola, but they don't know about me. What do I do here? Should I just lie and pretend to be Lola? I dunno, last time I did that, she was not happy with me. But these girls are really _really_ fancy. Like, more fancy than any pageant contestant I've ever seen ever. Would they want to talk to someone like me? Maybe I can just play it cool.

"Heh, I actually get that a lot," I said. "The name's Lana. I'm Lola's twin sister."

"Never heard of you," said the redhead bluntly.

Dang it. I should've pretended to be Lola.

"Heh. I never took Lola to be so clever as to use her own sister as a body double," said Blue Dress. Her accent was kinda weird, like the accent Lola uses when she wants to be fancy. Except it sounded a bit more, hmm, how do I describe it? Real? I dunno. All I know is that whatever she said caused the redhead to take another look at me. After a pause, she smirked.

"Well, if that's the case, your secret's safe with us," she said with a wink. "We've all been there."

"Been… where?" I asked. "And who are you guys? I've never seen you in Royal Woods before."

"Oh, but where are my manners?" said the redhead. "I'm Chinah, with two hs. These here are my friendly rivals, Jackie and Claudette. We met Lola at the Little Miss Southeastern Michigan pageant."

"Hey," said Yellow Dress.

"Bonjour," said Blue Dress.

Even when they were being friendly, they were still texting on their phones. I swear, it's like looking at three miniature Loris, if Lori was into pageants.

"So, uh… you guys are here to see Lola?" I said.

"It's not like we have any other reason to come to this place," said Jackie.

I had to raise an eyebrow at that. "Why? What's wrong with Royal Woods?"

"Oh, don't get us wrong. This town is quite… quaint," said Chinah. "But we never heard of it until we met Lola."

"We figured it would be only sporting of us to congratulate her on her success," said Claudette. "We pageant princesses are not without honor, after all."

Maybe it's because I've only been a pageant princess once in my life, but when I think of a pageant, the word "honor" doesn't really come to mind. Everyone's more obsessed with winning than anything. What are these girls _really_ after?

"So, how'd you hear about this movie?" I asked.

"I can see why you're surprised. This would've flown right under our radar if we didn't see the trailer on social media," said Jackie. "Chinah found a link to the trailer making the rounds on the pageant message boards last night. Once she told me and Claudette about it, we decided to check up on our up-and-coming rival."

"And not a moment too soon," added Claudette. "I am supposed to be returning to France tomorrow for le Petite Mademoiselle Paris pageant. This will mark my fifth victory."

Is it just me, or did she sound… bored when she said that? It was like winning a pageant was just another Tuesday for her. Not even Lola treats pageants like that. Who _are_ these girls?!

"To be honest, we weren't sure how well Lola was taking this newfound success," said Chinah. "Jackie here had to hide her smile for a month just to stop people from taking pictures of her."

"Hide her smile?"

"She does toothpaste commercials."

To prove this, Jackie flashed me a quick smile. I was almost blinded by how bright and white her teeth were. Mom would certainly be proud of her.

"But, just like the rest of us, she got used to the fame and attention," Chinah continued. "And seeing as Lola went through the trouble to set you up as a body double, it seems she has her worries, too. Even the best pageant princess can get stage fright."

She says that, but the last time I saw Lola, she was busy hogging the spotlight and swooning over Winston. These girls don't know her very well, do they?

"Anyway, it was a pleasure meeting you, Lana," said Claudette. "But I think it's time we talked to the real Lola. Is she around?"

Oh, sheesh. What do I say now? I mean, I don't really care what these girls think of Lola, but I think they're gonna get mad at me if they find out I'm not really her body double. As if this day couldn't get any worse.

"I can take you to her."

The door to the dressing room swung open, revealing a face I _did_ recognize. The curly orange hair; the red bow; the frilly purple dress. It was Lola's greatest rival, Lindsey Sweetwater. The other girls raised their eyebrows at her.

"And you are?" asked Chinah.

Lindsey scoffed. "The one and only Lindsey Sweetwater, of course," she said, striking a pose.

After a pause, the girls shrugged and went back to their phones. "Never heard of you," said Jackie.

So it's not just me. They just say that to everyone they think isn't important enough. Jeez, pageant princesses are snooty. Lindsey's face turned bright red as she gnashed her teeth.

"R-right, yeah. Sorry, forgot you girls were from out of town," she said, clearing her throat. "I-I couldn't help but listen in on your little tete-a-tete. You're here for Lola, right?"

"That is correct," said Claudette.

"Well, it just so happens that she's one of my best friends!"

Okay, I know _that_ was a lie. Lindsey Sweetwater has been trying to destroy Lola's life for years, but now that Lola's gonna be in a movie, they're suddenly best friends? I'm not buying it.

"Really? She never mentioned you," said Jackie.

"Well, you know Lola. She doesn't keep track of that sort of thing," said Lindsey with a wave of her hand.

Chinah blinked. "Actually, we don't know her that well. We only met her once, at the Little Miss Southeastern Michigan pageant."

"All the more reason you should let me take you to her!" said Lindsey. "I happen to know the real Lola _very_ well. Oh, and I wouldn't pay any mind to this pageant pauper over here. She has no idea what she's talking about."

"Um, excuse me?" I said. "What did you just call me?"

"Wait, how did you know that's Lola's body double?" said Claudette, pointing at me.

Lindsey looked at me, then at Claudette. She then laughed.

"You have quite an imagination. Why would Lola want a body double?" she said. "She thrives on getting attention like this. C'mon, I'll show you!"

The girls looked at each other, clearly confused. They shrugged and began to follow her. Before they left, Lindsey turned to me.

"This isn't a place for pageant paupers, Loud," she hissed. "Go back to your mud puddles and armpit farts. That's all you're good for."

I would've hit her right then and there if the other girls weren't looking at me. Seriously, out of all the pageant princesses I know, she is just the worst. Yes, even worse than Lola. Maybe she does have something up her sleeve, after all. But does it have anything to do with Lincoln? How can I find out?

As the girls left, I noticed that Lindsey left the door to the dressing room open. Hmm. Well, not like I have any other options. Let's see. Coast looks clear. Alright, time to see what's what.

* * *

Perfect. No one's in here. I'm not sure what I'm gonna find, but something about Lindsey Sweetwater definitely rubbed me the wrong way. Let's start with that table thingie with the big mirror and all the makeup.

Hmm. Looks like Lindsey left in a hurry. The makeup is still open. Maybe she overheard me talking to those other girls and rushed out of here to meet them. But how would she even know those girls were coming? Even they didn't know they'd be here. They only came here once they heard about… the movie…

…

Wait a minute. Could Lindsey have known about the movie? The only Ace Savvy fan here is Winston, and those fancy girls only heard about it online last night. So that means Winston's the go-to guy to find out more about the movie. But he's buttering up Lola right now. Hmm, maybe there's something in this dressing room that belongs to him. It wouldn't be on this table, though. Boys don't wear makeup unless they're part of that Smooch band Lincoln likes. Let's see… Maybe in the closet?

Hmm. Door's locked. Luckily, this lock's something I have experience with. Good thing I brought my screwdriver. Just gotta take out these screws here, and… open sesame! Now, let's see what we've got in here.

Hello, what's this? It looks like a diary. There's some writing on it. "Property of Lindsey Sweetwater." Huh, that's weird. Why would she hide her diary in here? More importantly, why isn't it at her house? Anyone with a key to the closet could just waltz in here and take it. I know Lola would do that. She reads our diaries all the time.

Dang it. There's a book lock on here. If Leni were here, she'd be able to pick it easily. Maybe I can… ooh, hang on! There's something sticking out of the pages. Okay, careful, careful… Got it!

Huh? It looks like one of those ransom letters. Y'know, the one where all the letters are cut out of magazines? Very suspicious. Wonder what it says?

 _SOme1 ElSe bEAt uS 2 LincOln LaST NiGHT. He'S stiLL gOnE lIkE u wanTed, so doN't TaTTle oN Us._

…

I-I can't believe this. Lola was right all along! Lindsey Sweetwater _was_ planning to hurt Lincoln to get to her! But who did she get to do it, and what kind of dirt did she have on them? I don't think this was the only part of her plan. There has to be something else in here I can use.

"I'll only be a moment. Just remembered that I forgot something in the dressing room."

Dang it! Someone's coming! I can't reattach the doorknob in time! Oh, what do I do, what do I do?!

Before I could decide anything, the door swung open. There stood Lindsey Sweetwater, glaring at me. That… is what we call a big oopsie.

"Uh, I-I can explain…"

Lindsey smiled. "Oh dear, pageant pauper. You just can't resist poking your nose where it doesn't belong, can you? Well, like my mommy always says, naughty little paupers need to be put in time-out when they misbehave."

She then walked out of the dressing room and slammed the door. I tried to chase after her, but when I grabbed the doorknob, I heard an audible click. The door wouldn't budge. She locked me in here!

"Open this door right now!" I yelled.

"I'm sure the janitor will come for you eventually," said Lindsey. "In the meantime, it's time I ruined Lola's reputation forever. Don't worry, I'm sure she'll tell you all about it. Adieu, pageant pauper."

I am really starting to hate that nickname. Erggh, this isn't good. I don't know what she's gonna do, but I gotta warn Lola. Hmm, maybe I can… Dang it, this lock's too complicated. Okay, Lana. Think.

Um, uh… There! A ventilation shaft in the closet! I just need to climb up the shelves, open the grate, and shimmy through! Easy pe— Um, actually, that looks kinda high… Nngh, snap out of it, Lana. There's no other way out.

Alright, just don't look down. Don't look down. Keep climbing, and don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Okay, made it. Tch, this shelf doesn't feel sturdy. Better hustle. C'mon, you stupid screws… Bingo! Wh-whoa~! Th-the shelf's gonna crack!

…

Phew~. That was too close. I bet Lucy never has to deal with this whenever she hides in the vents. Okay, I gotta get to Lola before Sweetwater does. I just hope I'm not too late…


	11. Locker Room Talk

Well, I think I found a new low in my life. I'm probably the only person I know who has ever been dragged off of the field because someone hurt my feelings. Part of me wants to go back out there and beat the stuffing out of those punks, but all of this bad luck around me is just overwhelming. Lincoln's gone missing, and I can't help him because of this stupid game. And then that rotten bully had to pour salt into my wounds, as if he knew how to hit me right where it hurts. I-I'm so mad I can't even see straight. I guess that's why I'm not even bothering to put up a struggle against Lucy.

I let her drag me behind the bleachers and sit me down on the grass. After taking a moment to check if the coast was clear, she looked at me.

"Lynn, try to pull yourself together," she whispered. "We don't have much time."

Heh. Well, isn't this magical? Here I am, the tough older sister, falling to pieces while my little sis is as steady as a rock. This really should be the other way around, don't you think? Man, I really envy Lucy sometimes.

"Lucy, I-I'm not about to let those jerks get away with saying that rotten stuff," I panted.

"Nor should you," said Lucy. "I am just as enraged as you are, but that's all the more reason for us to find out what's really going on here."

…

Yeah, I know she doesn't _sound_ all that enraged, but trust me. She's enraged. I can tell; I've lived with her long enough. In fact, the way she said that actually gave me chills.

"Alright, Luce. What's your game plan?" I asked.

Lucy knitted her brow and stroked her chin. "I've been talking to the coach about your team's history with the Hazeltucky Hockers. How much do you know about them?"

"Only that we've never beaten them," I huffed.

Lucy nodded. "That's pretty much what the coach told me. He also mentioned something interesting about their star players, Hank and Hawk."

"What's that?"

"Rumor has it that they achieve victory through unsavory means."

"So, they cheat, basically."

Lucy gave me another nod. Hmm. That seems to line up with what's been happening out there. Those Hockers keep busting up our defensive plays without breaking a sweat. Not only that, but they knew Lincoln was lost, and they used that against me. Just thinking about all this is making my blood boil. Lucy seemed to notice, because she placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Sigh. I know how you feel, Lynn," she said. "But we can't just go back onto the field and accuse them without some sort of proof."

I hate to admit it, but when Lucy's right, she's right. Tearing them limb from limb would definitely make me feel better, but it wouldn't solve the real problem. Still, I don't know what we're gonna do.

"Alright, fine," I relented. "But how're we gonna get this proof?"

Lucy took a moment to check her watch. "Seven minutes. That should be enough time to do some sleuthing."

"And I know just where to look," I said.

"The home team's locker room, right?"

…

I'd make a joke about how Lucy had the spirits read my mind, but let's be real here. That was basically a gimme. Heck, I'm sure even _Leni_ would figure that out. Um, please don't tell her I said that.

I took a peek through the bleachers. "Good. It looks like the Hockers didn't go back into the locker room," I said. "Time to activate stealth mode."

"I'll be right behind you," said Lucy.

With that, we started sneaking underneath the bleachers. I'm not sure if this'll help Lincoln, but one problem at a time, I guess. Now I'm kinda wishing I packed my ninja outfit. It's so hard to sneak around in pads.

* * *

Well, I don't know how I did it, but I managed to slip into the locker room without getting caught. It looked like a rather typical locker room, with all the benches and lockers and stuff. The only difference was the overabundance of saliva on the floor. These guys take their team nickname way too seriously.

"Alright, Luce. Where should we start looking?" I asked.

I didn't hear any response. Just the sounds of cheering out in the stands. Dang it, she said she'd be right behind me. I swear, if she got lost, I'm never gonna forgive mysel—

"The coast is clear."

Gah~! Every time! Every ding-dang time! I probably should've seen it coming, but trust me, that doesn't help. Lucy popping up out of nowhere is never a matter of if, only when.

"Well, that's good to know," I said, catching my breath. "So, where should we start?"

Lucy shrugged. "Whichever locker belongs to Hank and Hawk, I guess. I've never been in a locker room before, so I wouldn't know."

"Fair enough," I said, taking a look around. "Problem is, we don't know which locker is theirs, and we don't have time to go through them all."

"Perhaps there is some sort of clue that'll point us in the right direction," Lucy mused. "I'll consult the spirits while you search."

If it was anyone but Lucy saying that, I would assume it was just an excuse to be lazy and not do anything. But I know Lucy. She actually believes those spirit friends of hers can help. Now, full disclosure: I don't know if she really has magic powers that allow her to talk to the dead. She might; she might not. But she did say the spirits told her I'd have trouble in Hazeltucky, and look where we are now. Even if she can't really talk to ghosts, she usually has a good grasp on what's what.

"Sounds good," I said. "Keep a lookout too, would ya? No one else can know we're in here."

Lucy nodded and sat cross-legged on a bench, looking directly at the entranceway. With a nod of my own, I started prowling around. Now, if I was a locker belonging to a couple of boneheaded punks, what would I have inside? Actually, considering these are the kind of punks who would ruin Lucy's corn maze for kicks, I'm expecting to find some poor kid twisted into a human pretzel. Maybe even…

…

Nah, that's just silly. No way would it be _that_ easy to find Lincoln. Not with our luck. Nice to think about, though. The we find Lincoln part, not the Lincoln being twisted into a human pretzel and shoved into a locker part.

Alright, focus, Lynn. Eye on the ball. There has to be something in here that can show us what Hank and Hawk are up to.

Huh? What's that sticking out of this locker over here? It looks like an Ace Savvy comic. Is one of the Hockers an Ace Savvy fan or something? Wait, I recognize this. This is that fan comic Lincoln wrote for that contest a while back. What would this be doing here?

"Gasp! Strong Suit!"

I spun around as Lucy let out an exclamation. "Whoa, hey. What is it?"

"The spirits just reminded me. Strong Suit is the name of your character in Lincoln's comic, is it not?"

"Yeah, so?"

"What did that player say when he tackled you?"

"He said that football wasn't my… strong… suit…"

…

I think we just got our big break. This locker with the Ace Savvy comic in it has to belong to Hank and Hawk! How else would they know about the Strong Suit? Still, why that specific taunt? Unless they really are fans of the comic, Ace Savvy shouldn't mean anything to them. Well, only one way to find out.

"Keep a lookout, Luce. I think I'm onto something," I said. The locker had a simple combination lock on it, but we didn't have time to try out every combination. I just clenched my fist, pulled back, and gave the locker a good solid punch. It was enough to bust the locker and cause it to fly open.

"I'm pretty sure someone heard that," said Lucy frankly. "Whatever you have to do, do it quickly."

As if there was any other way to do this. Alright, nothing else out of the ordinary in the locker itself. Let's check the comic.

Yeesh. Lincoln would throw a fit if he saw this. The entire comic is crumpled and torn to shreds. So much for those two palookas being fellow Ace Savvy fans. Hang on, two of these pages are stapled shut. And I mean _really_ stapled shut, as in the whole page is covered with 'em. There's a bulge in-between those pages, too. I'd bet anything that they don't want anyone seeing what that bulge is. With one swift motion, I tore them apart.

Sure enough, a piece of paper flew out of the comic and floated to the ground. I knelt down to pick it up. The paper was folded into a tiny little ball. I wasted no time unfolding it to see what it was. When it was fully unfurled, I-I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Lucy, you're not gonna believe this," I said.

"What?" asked Lucy.

I showed Lucy the paper. Lucy looked it over before shrugging.

"I have no idea what that is," she said.

Oh, right. Lucy doesn't play sports. Of course she wouldn't know.

"Lucy, these are our signals," I said.

"Which are?"

"You know how I say a bunch of numbers and stuff before hiking the ball?"

"Yes."

"That's how I signal my teammates and tell them what defensive formation to take," I explained. "No wonder none of our defensive plays have been working! Hank and Hawk know all of our plays!"

"That doesn't make sense, though," Lucy mused, furrowing her brow. "The coach told us that he had those signals under lock and key. How did Hank and Hawk steal them?"

"Wish I could tell ya," I sighed. "But the fact is they're in here. We need to tell the ref."

"Wouldn't we be admitting to breaking into the Hockers' locker room by doing that?" asked Lucy.

Dang it. I didn't think of that. And given our history with the Hockers, I don't think the ref is gonna be ready to believe us. We need more evidence to build an airtight case against these cheaters. Part of that is figuring out how they stole the signals without the coach noticing. But I don't know where to start.

"Well, one thing's for sure," I said. "We can't use these signals anymore. They're just gonna keep slaughtering us."

"I don't suppose you have any backup signals, do you?" Lucy asked.

I sighed. "I don't think we do, Luce. Luck's really not on our side right now. It'll take a miracle for us to even survive this."

"Sigh," Lucy murmured. "I'm sorry, Lynn."

I couldn't help but chuckle a little. "It's okay, Lucy. I haven't cared about winning this thing since Lincoln went missing. All I care about right now is nailing those punks for what they did."

"Agreed. And it may have something to do with Lincoln's disappearance," said Lucy. She checked her watch. "We should leave. We have two minutes left."

Two minute warning. Not enough time to find anything else, or to come up with a new strategy for the game, for that matter. I just nodded, and we headed out. It looks like no one heard me punch that locker open. Thank goodness for small favors, I guess.

Just as we exited the locker room, Lucy stopped dead in her tracks.

"What's up?" I asked.

"The spirits feel a presence observing us," Lucy whispered. "Act natural."

I couldn't really check because of my football helmet blocking my peripheral vision, so I decided to take her word for it. We continued onto the field, and I tried to keep my eye on Lucy the whole time. It's time I stepped up and stopped feeling sorry for myself. If I can't be there for Lincoln, the least I can do is be there for Lucy.

We barely made it halfway back to our bench when something flew out of nowhere and bounced off of Lucy's head. She barely flinched, simply letting out another one of her sighs. I spun around to find the culprit, but there was no one there. All I found was a little paper football in the grass. Did someone just snipe us from the stands? They'd have to be a pretty good shot.

I picked up the paper football and unfolded it. It was a note.

 _Meet me behind the stands at halftime._

 _~Your friend Pol_

I know only one person who calls themselves that. Polly Pain, one of my younger friends. What's she doing all the way out here in Hazeltucky? If she wrote a note like this, I doubt it was just to watch the Roosters get creamed.

"Well, kid? Is Loud ready to play?"

Hmm. No time to think about that now. I pocketed the note and walked up to the coach.

"Ready as I'll ever be, coach," I said. I was almost tempted to tell him about the Hockers having our signals, but that would just get the ref involved. We can't show this until we have all the facts.

"Good to hear," said the coach with a nod. "Alright, Roosters! Huddle up!"

Lucy rejoined the coach on the bench while I huddled up with my teammates.

"Please tell me you've got a plan," said Margo.

I sighed. "I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Margo. They've got us by the tail. I just found out that they stole our signals."

Margo gasped. "What?! How?!"

"I don't know. I'm not even sure we can win this thing."

Blech. I feel like throwing up just saying that. I hate to bring everyone down like this. If you feel like you're gonna lose, chances are you _will_ lose. But what else can I say? Our signals are useless, and we can't just change 'em on the fly. We're pretty much up a creek.

"If I may interject…"

Gah~! How did _she_ get here?! I saw her go back to— Y'know what? Never mind. I've given up trying to figure out how Lucy is able to appear out of nowhere like that a _long_ time ago.

"G-get back to the bench, water girl," one of the running backs snarled. "This doesn't concern you."

"Hey, that's my sister you're talking to, pal," I growled. "Watch your tone."

"Sigh. It's okay, Lynn," said Lucy. "I'm used to it."

That doesn't make it right. "Look, maybe we can just hear her out," I said. "I mean, what've we got to lose?"

There were a few grumbles and murmurs, but eventually, my teammates relented. Looks like no one had any better ideas. Lucy nodded and cleared her throat.

"They know your actions before you do them, right?" she said. "So perhaps you should give them a sign that you're onto them. Instead of using codes, just be blatant about it."

Hmm. Sounds like something Luan would cook up as a prank. I think all that mentoring of hers is starting to rub off on Lucy. But I see where she's coming from. Either way, the Hockers know our plays. But if we use blatant signals and straight up tell them what we're doing, they're gonna know that _we_ know they're cheating. That'll give Hank and Hawk a reason to shake in their boots. And if we're really lucky, they might do something desperate to cover their tracks. It's not a perfect plan, and honestly, it sounds a bit crazy. But it just might be crazy enough to work.

"That's not a bad idea, Luce," I said. "Thanks."

Lucy nodded and disappeared from the huddle.

"You don't _actually_ think this'll work, do you?" Margo asked.

"Maybe not in the short-term," I admitted. "Heck, we still might not win the game. But at least this'll give us a fighting chance and keep those Hockers on their toes. Just follow my lead for now."

The Roosters all grunted in agreement, and we broke the huddle. We lined up to where Hank or Hawk (I forget which is which) was tackled after he intercepted my charge. I took in a deep breath. I know the plan, but this is gonna be _so_ ridiculous. Well, if we're borrowing a page out of Luan's playbook, might as well go all the way with it.

"Signal! Hey Diddle Diddle, the Cat and the Fiddle, this time I say we go through the middle! Hike~!"


	12. Introspective Infiltration

No one expects me to have any good ideas. Compared to the others, I have just entered the world. I'm not supposed to understand things like they do. A reasonable assumption to make, but ultimately flawed. The world does make sense to me. I just see it in a different way.

Which is why following this round man home is a good idea. He has to know something. Why else would a man like him read something like Ace Savvy? And Lisa already proved that Lincoln going away has to do with Ace Savvy. I can't wait for her to connect the dots. Linky needs us. We need him.

The round man's big car finally stopped. We were in front of a large golden house with a beautiful garden. This man has a lot of money. I bet he's also lonely. People with a lot of toys tend to be lonely, don't you find? That's why Lola has so many dolls, you know. But no matter how lonely she feels, she still has us. I don't know if I can say the same for the round man.

A thin man got out of the car and opened the door for the round man. I guess the round man is lazy, too. Even Lola doesn't demand us to open the door for her. Anyway, I should keep out of sight. The round man isn't going to share his secrets with a young babe like me.

Once the round man left, I let go of the tire and crawled onto the ground. It was as hard as rock. Rocks can hurt, or so I am told. But for Lincoln, I will endure any pain. We need our brother back. I stood up and made my way to the round man's big house. I traveled from the hard rock to the soft dirt in the garden. A perfect place to hide and sneak up to the house without being seen.

Hmm. The thin man has closed the door the the house. It's a bit too high for me to reach, as is the doorbell. I'll have to find another way inside. Let's check the backyard first.

I feel kinda bad for running off without Lisa, though. We're supposed to be a team, and I just left her. But she wasn't going to let me chase the round man. We were just gonna go home and listen to the po-po. Why does she have to act like she knows what's best for all of us? Why can't she just listen to me and trust what I have to say? Eh, I can't stay mad at her. She understands me better than anyone, after all. She knows that I can see the world the way older people do. Well, sometimes, anyway. But this _is_ one of those times; make no mistake.

Uh-oh. I just spotted a problem in the backyard. There's a mean-looking doggy sleeping in a fancy doghouse. I need to be extra quiet. I'm no good to Lincoln if I'm being torn apart by a doggie. Okay, let's see…

Ah, a doggie flap in the backdoor! Perfect! I can just squeeze through there and get in. Just have to get past the mean doggie. Or maybe he isn't mean, I dunno. Doesn't matter. I'd rather not take my chances.

Alright, gotta be sneaky like Lucy. I'm right in front of the doggie now. Just a quick crawl over to the flap, and he won't even know I'm…

Wait, is that a po-po sound I hear? And there are those flashing lights, too. Maybe I was right about the round man after all. Heh. Take that, Li—

…

Something's breathing in my ear. And growling. Oh, poo-poo. And I do mean poo-poo. As in it's in my diaper right now. I gotta…

Wait a second. The doggie is sniffing my diaper. Now he's… licking me? Hehehe, that tickles~! Phew. I guess Lana was right. Doggies do like icky smells. Welp, better get going before he changes his mind. So long, doggie!

* * *

Okay, I'm in. Wow, this place is really shiny~. Such beauty hidden away in this big house. The round man must be selfish to hide this all for himself. And with that selfishness comes loneliness. Such is the way of the world, at least how I see it. Very sad.

No time to think about that now, though. I need to see what the round man is hiding. Hmm. This place looks like a kitchen. I don't think there'd be anything in here. Let's try somewhere else.

The next room is a big library with fancy chairs and a fireplace. I see the round man sitting in one the big chairs and reading his Ace Savvy book. I'd better keep my distance. Even if he can't see me, he might be able to smell me if I get too close.

"Lord Tetherby, sir?"

The thin man walked in from another door. The round man didn't even look up from his book.

"What is it, Bates?"

"The police are at the door, sir."

That got Lord Tetherby's attention. He gave Bates a look. "Send them away. I don't know anything."

"Very good, sir."

I might just be a baby, but even I can tell he's hiding something. It's either that or he's so lazy that he has other people do stuff for him. Or maybe he knows that Bates fellow's secrets, just like Lola used our secrets against us that one time. Whatever the case is, I don't like him.

Bates left, and I continued my sneaking. I must say, I'm not used to seeing a house this… clean. Lord Tetherby must be really lonely. He doesn't have a big family like I do. But no mess also means things don't get lost. So whatever he's hiding, I should find it easily. Then again, this _is_ a pretty big house. I don't even know where to start looking. And if he has something hiding in one of those books, I won't be able to read it.

…

I'm beginning to think I didn't think this through. This happens to me a lot. Oh well. No use complaining about it now. Gotta keep looking for clues.

I managed to make it past the fireplace when Bates returned.

"Sir, they aren't here to ask about Mr. O'Donnell," he said. "Apparently, a baby managed to stow away on the limousine when we left the convenience store."

Lord Tetherby snorted. "They have to be mistaken, Bates."

"They have who they claim to be the baby's sister with them, and she insists that the baby is on the premises, sir."

That has to be Lisa. Did she get the po-po to follow me here?

"What is this world coming to, Bates?" Lord Tetherby complained. "First O'Donnell, now this. Why must I be dragged into the messes of the common folk, I ask you?"

Oh, boo-hoo. You have to get off your lazy butt and talk to people. Maybe you deserve to be lonely if you're gonna treat everyone like that. Especially the po-po.

"Shall I let them in, sir?" asked Bates.

"And have them leave their riffraff stink all over my estate? Absolutely not," Lord Tetherby huffed. "I'll see to them. You find that baby, if there really is one here."

"Yes, sir."

The two of them left the room. Alright, while Lisa is distracting Lord Tetherby, I'd better find some clues. Now, where should I start looking?

Wait. I just spotted something in the fireplace. It looks like a piece of paper. Was Lord Tetherby trying to get rid of something? Well, if he doesn't want it, I'm sure he won't mind if I take it.

Nngh~! I-it's all dusty! Oh no. I-I'm gonna sneeze!

"Ah-ah…"

…

Phew. That was a close one. I should—

"Ah-choo~!"

Dannit. Don't you hate it when that happens? Time for me to make my exit before Bates finds me. I'll just put this paper into my diaper for later. I'm sure Lisa can read whatever's on it when I meet up with her later.

I crawled as fast as I could into a large game room. Lots of fancy tables and rackets and balls and stuff. Lynn would love it here. But I don't think Lord Tetherby is the kind of fellow who would share his toys. Especially since Lynn might end up breaking them.

Ooh~. I spy with my little eye something small and shiny. It's by that ping-pong table. Let's see what it is.

I crawled over and picked it up. It was a small silver ring with two letters written on it. D and O. I don't know what that means, but maybe Lisa can figure it out. I put the ring in my diaper with the paper.

…

Yes, I know there's already poo-poo in there, too. But one, how else am I gonna carry this stuff? I don't have pockets. And two, this way, Lisa can find my evidence when she changes me. I'm sure she has some extra diapers in that bag she took with her.

Anyway, I should keep moving. Don't want that Bates guy to catch me too soon. What's in this next room?

Huh. Looks like a museum room. Y'know, with a lot of pretty pictures and statues and stuff? Why would Lord Tetherby have a museum in his house if he doesn't let anyone else see it? Oh, wait. There are a lot of pictures of him in here. I see what's going on. The only person Lord Tetherby cares about is Lord Tetherby. He's not lonely; he's just a jerk.

Hang on. There's something in here that's not a picture or statue of Lord Tetherby. It looks like an Ace Savvy comic inside a glass case. At least, I think it is. I recognize Ace Savvy, but I don't remember him being _that_ big and strong. And I'm pretty sure he throws cards at people. Why does he need all those guns? There's also some writing on it, but of course, I can't read it. I'm gonna need to get that comic out of that case so I can give it to Lisa later. But how?

Maybe if I tip it over, the case will break open. I'll have to be super-duper careful. Lisa would be so upset if I got hurt. But I have to take the risk. For Linky.

Oof~! This thing is heavy. I wish Lynn was here. She could push it over no problem. I'd bet Lynn would want to be here, too. She looked so sad when she had to go away. C'mon, Lily. Put your back into it. You can do it. Just a little more—

"Lily!"

Dannit. I was just about to get it open, too. I turned around to see Lord Tetherby, along with two po-po and Lisa. Lisa ran over to me and gave me a hug.

"Oh, Lily. You had me so worried," she said.

The po-po gave Lord Tetherby a look. "I thought you said there wasn't a baby in here," one of them said.

Lord Tetherby grunted. "I'm just as surprised as you are, frankly. Now, if you have no other business, clear off."

I told Lisa about the stuff I was carrying. Luckily, no one else could understand what I was saying. Lisa nodded before smelling me and making a face.

"Um, before we go, do you mind if we use your facilities?" she asked. "Lily's diaper needs to be changed."

"Are you joshing me right now?!" Lord Tetherby roared. "Get out! Out out out! And take that smelly baby with you!"

I may be smelly, but at least I'm not a meanie-pants like you. Of course, I can't actually say that yet, so sticking my tongue out at him will have to do.

"Lily, don't be rude," Lisa scolded. She then whispered; "I don't like him, either. This man caused Lincoln to forget his virtues back when he had that limousine."

…

Oh. Yeah, I think I remember that now. No wonder I don't like him.

"Still, we _are_ trespassing in his home. Two wrong don't make a right," Lisa continued. She turned back to Lord Tetherby. "We'll only be a few minutes. I promise, once I'm done, you won't have to see us again."

"I don't think she's asking for much, Mr. Tetherby," said one of the po-po.

Lord Tetherby let out a groan. "Fine. But if you take too long, I'm having Bates kick you out."

Lisa sighed. "There will be no need for that, I assure you. Come, Lily. Let's get you cleaned up."

I can tell Lisa's very mad at me right now. Actually, I'm mad at myself, too. I can't make sense of any of the stuff I found. I should've done this with her. Well, nothing to do now but show her what I got. Hopefully, it'll all be worth it…


	13. Ace for All Ages

I'm starting to wonder if I should've packed extra clothes for this. To be fair, I didn't know we'd be going to an Ace Savvy meetup when we first started this, but, like, I don't think my earthy tones are gonna work here. Whenever Lincoln goes to one of these conventions, he's always dressed in that costume of his. Should we have come in costume, too?

When we pulled up to the library, we caught sight of Principal Huggins getting out of his car. It was then that my fears were realized. We _should_ have come in costume. I mean, why else would he be dressed like… _that_? Though if I'm being honest, he doesn't look half bad. Then again, who else do you know who can pull off the cowboy look? Not sure about the all-black color. He's going to a meetup, not a funeral.

"Looks like Clyde's information was right on the money," said Lori. "Well, shall we?"

I fidgeted a little. "I dunno, Lori. I feel… underdressed."

Lori sighed. "Leni, this was your idea."

"Yeah, but I'm thinking maybe we should've made costumes. What're they gonna say when we show up looking normal?"

Lori palmed her face. "Leni, they're not gonna care. Think of this more like a book club than a convention. You don't have to dress fancy for a book club, do you?"

"But what about him?" I asked, pointing to Principal Huggins. "He's in costume."

Lori looked at Principal Huggins for a moment before turning back to me. "My point still stands. We're gonna be fine. Remember, we're doing this for Lincoln."

Hard to argue with that, I guess. "Right. For Lincoln."

Lori nodded, and we made our way to the library. Principal Huggins saw us and waved us over.

"Well, now! If it isn't the High Card and the Eleven of Hearts!" he said. "This _is_ a surprise. Especially considering the circumstances."

Huh? He was looking at us when he said that, but he didn't get our names right. Like, at all. I looked to Lori for help.

"Those are the names of our characters in Lincoln's comic, remember?" she said.

Ohh~. He's doing that thing. Y'know, the thing where Lincoln and Clyde call each other Blake Saucy and One-Armed Joe. Or, whatever their names are; I keep forgetting.

"Yep, that's us!" I said. I then remembered he said something about circumstances, and my smile faded. "I… guess you know about what happened to Lincoln."

Principal Huggins nodded. "Indeed. I was quite taken aback when I heard about it on the news. Kidnappers in Royal Woods? It's a complete outrage. I hope the police find him soon." He cleared his throat. "So, what are you two doing here?"

Oh, shoot. Why _are_ we here? I mean, I know why we're here, but what do we tell Principal Huggins? I remember he's a very no-nonsense kinda guy. If we tell him we're investigating, he's gonna call our parents. I hope Lori thought of something.

"Funny you should mention that, Principal Huggins," said Lori. "See, we're actually looking for Lincoln ourselves, and after talking to Clyde, we think his disappearance is related to this new Full House Gang movie. So, we figured what better place to learn about it than here at this meetup?"

…

Okay, I know I'm not exactly the brightest knife on the crayon tree, but I think being that blatant and honest with Principal Huggins was just… dumb. Now he's gonna call our parents and ruin everything. He's even giving us a dirty look.

"Taking the law into your own hands, are you?" he said. "This kind of wild vigilantism is rather bold of you. I should inform your parents."

Dang it. Way to go, Lori. Next time you rag on me for doing something dumb, just remember what hap—

"Not!"

Principal Huggins let out a hearty laugh. Wha-huh? What's going on?

"That's just like the Full House Gang to take a case like this," he said. "No wonder Lincoln based those characters off of you." He then nodded and cleared his throat. "Well, we don't know much, but you can deal ol' Wild Card Willy in. We're going to be having a roundtable discussion about the movie, and we'd be honored if you joined us."

That… went pretty much the opposite of how I thought it was gonna go. Did Lori know we could trust him or something? I mean, I guess he _is_ part of the Full House Gang, too. Lincoln wrote him into his coloring book for that contest, after all.

"Thank you so much, Principal Huggins," said Lori. "I knew you'd understand."

"Of course," said Principal Huggins. "But please, call me Wild Card Willy."

"What's wrong with Principal Huggins?" I asked. "Isn't that your name?"

"Perhaps at school," said Wild Card Willy. "But here, I'm no principal. I am a fellow crime fighter, here to deal out my own brand of justice."

He reminds me so much of Lincoln right now. Except a lot older. I don't know if it's appropriate for people his age to act like that, but who am I to judge? We've all done crazy things. Like this one time, I let Lynn benchpress me so I could decorate the ceiling.

"Whatever you say, Wild Card Willy," I said. "Lead the way."

"Of course, partner," said Wild Card Willy with a tip of his hat. Hmm, I'm starting to feel kinda nervous. I know Wild Card Willy is a grown-up and stuff, but are we gonna be the oldest people at this thing? It's gonna be super awkward, and I'm gonna feel super old. Well, no turning back now. I just gotta remember: we're doing this for Lincoln.

* * *

When we got to the meeting room, I couldn't believe my eyes. It _wasn't_ just a bunch of little kids. I mean yeah, there _are_ little kids here, but I also recognize a bunch of our friends from school. There's Becky, and Joey, and…

"Whoa, hey! Didn't think I'd see _you_ here, Leni."

Chaz?! _He's_ an Ace Savvy fan?! Why didn't Lincoln tell me this?! Is my breath okay?! Do I have a zit?! O-M-Gosh, what do I even say?!

"U-uh, hey, Chaz. I-I didn't think I'd see you here, either."

Really, Leni? That's what you're going with? Ugh, I'm totes not prepared for this.

"Leni, relax," said Lori. "We're all friends here. There's no need to get so worked up."

Wait, why isn't Lori surprised by any of this? Did _she_ know our friends were into Ace Savvy? Maybe it's my fault for never bringing it up. But I mean, like, how would I ever have known?

"Howdy there, partners," said Wild Card Willy with a tip of his hat. "Hope y'all don't mind the High Card and the Eleven of Hearts joinin' us."

"Not at all! I'm surprised you haven't joined us sooner, Lori," said Becky. "I know your brother is really into this. He even based that Full House Gang comic off of you guys." She suddenly gasped and frowned. "Oh. I-I'm so sorry. I forgot that…"

"It's okay," I said. "That's actually why we're here. We think this new movie has something to do with Lincoln going missing, and we'd like to know more about it."

"And we'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone else about this," Lori added. "At least not yet."

"Um, sure. No problem," said Joey. He then looked behind us. "Hey, uh, where's Clyde? He said he'd be coming today."

"His parents thought it would be best if he stayed home," I said. "Y'know, because of what's been happening."

Wild Card Willy sighed. "Shame. He and Lincoln should be celebrating with us. We even have a special guest."

"A special guest?" Lori parroted. "Who?"

"He's referring to me."

We all turned to look at an unfamiliar girl sitting at the far end of the table. She looked to be in high school, but that was all I could figure out before getting completely distracted by her outfit. I feel like she's making some kind of statement, but I don't know what that statement is. Torn black jeans, a lavender sweater vest, neon green fingerless gloves, light brown hair styled into a ponytail that draped over one of her eyes, and little pearl earrings. But no makeup, oddly enough. I dunno, it's like she's combining a rebellious look with bits of conformity. Points for creativity, but the color clashes kinda hurt my eyes.

"Ladies, this here is Virginia O'Donnell," said Wild Card Willy. "Her father, Dirk O'Donnell, is directing the Full House Gang movie."

"Pleased to meet you," said Virginia, blowing back her ponytail. "So, what are your real names? Or do you just go by High Card and Eleven of Hearts?"

"O-oh, right," said Lori, clearing her throat. "I'm Lori Loud, and this is my sister, Leni. Lincoln's our brother."

"Hi, Virginia," I said with a wave.

Virginia smiled. "Please, call me Ginny. Not Gin, though."

"Why not?" I asked.

Ginny's smile vanished as she glared right at me. "None of your business."

Whoops. Sounds like a sensitive issue. "I-I'm sorry if I offended you, Ginny."

Ginny relaxed a little. "It's okay. You didn't know." She then gestured to the table. "Please, have a seat."

While Lori sat down, I raised my hand. "Um, I have a question."

"Yes?"

"Wild Card Willy said this would be a roundtable discussion, but this table's rectangular. Should we tell someone?"

Everyone stared blankly at me, except for Lori and Chaz. Lori groaned and slapped her own forehead while Chaz let out a laugh.

"Heh, good one, Leni," he said.

I just stared back at Chaz. Did I say something funny? I wasn't trying to. Luan's better at that than I'll ever be.

"Does she always joke like that?" Ginny asked.

"It's cute that you think she's joking," Lori sighed. "Leni, just take a seat. It's fine."

Well, if Lori says so, I guess I'll just drop it. We have more important things to talk about, anyway. I took a seat next to Chaz.

"So, I take it you all managed to catch the trailer last night?" said Ginny.

"Um, not all of us," I admitted sheepishly. "Lori and I were watching a Dream Boat marathon."

Ginny's face lit up. "You too, huh? I gotta say, Keisha is gonna be so happy with her first mate."

"I know, right?!" I said, equally excited.

"Um, spoilers? I haven't seen it yet!" said Becky.

"Also, let's try to stay on-topic," added Joey.

Right. This isn't about Dream Boat. This is an Ace Savvy roundtable discussion. With a rectangular table for some reason. Whatever, just get it together, Leni.

"Anyway, for those who have seen it, I'd like some feedback," said Ginny, folding her hands. "What'd you all think?"

"I was blown away, honestly," said Joey. "I know Bill Buck wanted to make a Full House Gang movie for a while, but I never thought it'd actually happen."

"The Full House Gang is actually one of my favorite comics," said Becky. "It's great to see it get the cinematic treatment."

Several of the kids squealed and cheered in unison, talking a mile a minute about their favorite parts. I honestly couldn't keep up with them.

"I'm guessing that's a positive review for the trailer, then?" asked Ginny.

"Um, duh," said Chaz. "It had everything I'd expect from an Ace Savvy movie. It was campy, but not completely goofy. Mysterious and suspenseful, but not dark and edgy. It was a perfect balance of everything. Chaz like."

Ginny beamed. "Thank you. I actually edited the trailer myself. Wanted to show the best of everything, y'know?"

"I'm actually surprised your father agreed to work on this," said Wild Card Willy. "This isn't his typical style."

"Yeah, I noticed that, too," added Chaz. "I've seen a lot of your dad's work, and I gotta say, it's hard to imagine him working on an Ace Savvy flick."

"Why do you say that?" asked Lori.

"My dad is most well-known for directing some hardcore stuff," said Ginny. She looked around the table. "Stuff that's… really not appropriate for little kids."

Well, that could mean anything from blood and guts flying everywhere to people doing naughty stuff. Or both. Either way, I can see where Chaz is coming from. I wouldn't expect someone like that to make an Ace Savvy movie, either.

"But the fact is that we happen to have a bit of history with Bill Buck, and he came to us with the script," Ginny continued. "So we figured, why not? Let's mix things up a bit."

"Whoa~. You know Bill Buck?!" one of the kids squealed excitedly. "That's so cool~!"

Ginny chuckled. "Kid, when you've been in the industry as long as we have, you meet a lot of famous people."

"Um, you keep saying 'we' a lot," I said. "Are you and your dad working on this movie together?"

Ginny looked away from me and started fiddling with her ponytail. "You could say that, I guess. I mean, officially, I'm just interning as an assistant editor. But I think my job is just as important as everyone else's."

Hmm. I think I upset her again. I mean, like, she sounds like she's making the most of her job, but her words don't match what her body's doing. Is she hiding something?

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

Ginny suddenly perked up. "Huh? O-oh, no. Not at all. Don't worry about it," she said hastily. "A-actually, I feel my role in this project is gonna be a lot bigger than normal."

"So, like, you're gonna be more than an assistant editor?"

"That's right," said Ginny. She leaned forward and smirked. "I'm gonna make sure my dad stays true to the source material."

There were a series of gasps from around the table, mainly from the older Ace Savvy fans. The kids didn't seem to entirely get it, but they seemed happy about it.

"So it's gonna be just like the comic book?" asked a little girl.

"Well, within reason," said Ginny. "Movies and comic books are very different. You're always gonna have to make some changes. But I promise, Dirk O'Donnell is not gonna turn this script into something it's not meant to be."

Huh. Now why would Ginny have to make a promise like that? I thought her dad and Bill Buck were friends. Wouldn't her dad know not to change Mr. Buck's script?

"I take it you're a big Ace Savvy fan then?" said Lori.

Ginny nodded. "You betcha. I've been reading Bill Buck's stories ever since I was a little girl. The guy's a storytelling powerhouse." She then giggled. "Don't tell my dad I said this, but he could learn a thing or two from Mr. Buck."

I can't help but feeling there's more to this, but I don't know what it is. I'd ask Ginny about it, but I don't wanna upset her again and embarrass her in front of everyone. She seems so nice, despite her fashion choices.

"I have to say, it's rather surprising to hear that you're going against your father's vision like that," said Wild Card Willy.

Ginny raised an eyebrow. "Before you say anything, Mr. Huggins…"

"Wild Card Willy," I corrected.

Everyone stared at me.

"What? He told us to call him that," I said honestly.

"Leni, I literally don't know what to do with you sometimes," Lori groaned.

"Leni? Don't you mean the Eleven of Hearts?" Ginny asked with a smile.

Um, was that supposed to be a joke, or does she really think my name is the Eleven of Hearts? I have so much trouble figuring that out. Don't you hate it when people say the opposite of what they mean? It's, like, so confusing.

"Anyway, rest assured, any rumors you heard about my dad are just that," said Ginny. "Nothing but fanciful exaggerations. There's no need to worry."

…

Wait. She's fiddling with her ponytail again. And she's not looking at any of us. Is she… lying? She certainly looks uncomfortable talking about her dad. Maybe we should take her aside and talk to her in private. She looks like she could use a friend.

Just then, Lori's phone vibrated. Oh, good. I was worried for a second that she forgot to put it on silent. That would've been embarrassing. She took her phone out of her pocket and checked it.

"I'm literally sorry about this. You mind if Leni and I stepped outside for a bit?" she asked.

"Something wrong?" asked Wild Card Willy.

"I just have to take a call. It might be about Lincoln," said Lori.

Wild Card Willy thought for a moment and shrugged. "I don't see why not. What do you think, Ms. O'Donnell?"

Ginny shrugged as well. "No skin off my nose."

"Thanks. We'll be right back. C'mon, Leni."

I got up and followed Lori.

"Is it really about Lincoln?" I whispered.

"Close enough," Lori whispered back as she started texting. "It's from Clyde. I think he's found something."

"Oh. That's cool," I said. "So, um, what'd you think of Ginny?"

Lori frowned. "Well, besides the fact that it looks like she literally got dressed in a dark closet, I think she's alright. It's her father I'm more worried about."

"Why do you say that?"

"She always seemed anxious when talking about him. I can't figure out why, though," said Lori. "I'll admit, I'm not really a massive movie buff, and I've never heard of this Dirk O'Donnell director before."

"Me, neither," I said. "Chaz seemed to know him, though. Maybe we can ask him some questions."

"If it turns out he's relevant to this at all," Lori mused. "We're still not sure how all of this connects to Lincoln's kidnapping."

Dang it, that's true. We came here to find out more about Lincoln, but now it just feels like we're getting caught up in someone else's mess. I know Lincoln's important, but I kinda wanna help Ginny, too. I don't know how, or what her problem even is. But she looks like she needs help with something, and I'd just feel horrible if I left her alone.

"Well, maybe Clyde can answer that," I said hopefully. "Then we can find a way to help Lincoln and Ginny."

Lori gave me a look. "Why do you care so much about Ginny? We literally just met her."

I slumped over and twiddled my fingers. "I dunno. It's like… You know how I get the urge to adopt a puppy every time I see one in the window?"

"I'm painfully aware of that, yes."

"It's kinda like that."

Lori sighed and shook her head. "You are just too nice for your own good, Leni."

"Well, maybe if we help Ginny, she can help us find Lincoln," I said with a shrug. "You never know."

Lori sighed again. "One thing at a time, Leni. For now, let's see what Clyde's got for us."

"Yeah, that's fair," I said. It's like they say: you can't walk and chew gum at the same time. I don't know who "they" are; just that they say a lot of smart things. Still, I can't help but wonder what Ginny's hiding. There has to be more to this story than we're seeing, but what…?


	14. Gossip and Slander

"So, how're you gonna convince the director to let _you_ play the Queen of Diamonds? I mean, c'mon. You were made for that role, girl!"

"Do you know where I can buy these comics? They sound so cool now!"

"You should have totally dressed up as the Queen of Diamonds. I mean, she's a detective too, right? That's like a policeman."

Okay, all of this attention was great at first, and it's still nice. But now everyone's pestering me questions that I just don't have the answers to. I never even heard of this movie until Winston told me a few minutes ago! What am I supposed to say?

"Everyone, please. Y-you're smothering me," I said.

"Indeed," said Winston. "A Queen of Diamonds must be treated with respect."

Oh, thank you, Winston. I'm glad I can count on you~. I wonder if I can convince Lincoln to make him the King of Diamonds. That would be…

Ugh, doy~! I should be getting info on Lincoln, but I've wasted so much time talking about nothing! I haven't found squat! Maybe Lana's right. I should start pulling my weight. And I know just where to start.

"Um, Winston? Do you mind if I ask you some stuff?" I said.

Winston smiled a cute smile. "Not at all, my dear. What do you want to know?"

"Have you told Lindsey Sweetwater about this movie?"

Winston's smile disappeared. "Um, no. I didn't have to."

"What do you mean you didn't have to?"

"She already knows."

That set off a warning bell in my head. I know Lindsey Sweetwater. She doesn't follow Ace Savvy stuff. Heck, I don't think she even _likes_ Ace Savvy. It's not her style. So how could she have known about the movie?

"Where did you hear that?" I said.

Winston took out his smartphone and showed it to me. "This video was posted to the pageant forums last night. It's the trailer. I was going to post it myself, but Lindsey beat me to it."

I looked at the page displayed on Winston's phone. Sure enough, the author of the post was SweetVictory128, Lindsey Sweetwater's username. But that still doesn't make any sense. Why would she do that?

"Well, I guess now that Lindsey is celebrating your success, you two can finally bury the hatchet," said Ariel.

"Don't be so sure," said Belle. "This is Lola's big break, and Sweetwater has been her rival for years. Shouldn't she be _more_ jealous?"

"But you heard Winston. She's the one who posted that video," said Jasmine. "You can't argue with the facts."

Except we don't have all the facts. For all I know, Lindsey posted that video to lure me into a trap. I don't know what kind of trap, but I should probably figure it out soon.

"Um, speaking of Lindsey, has anyone seen her today?" I asked.

"Not since she came in this morning," said Roxanne. "She's been holed up in the dressing room all day. Something about preparing for some special guests from out of town."

That got my attention. "Special guests from out of town? Who?"

"She didn't say," Roxanne said with a shrug. "I did see three girls come in earlier asking for you, though. They looked really fancy and rich."

Hmm. I can't think of anyone off the top of my head who fits that description. I'm sure I'll recognize them when I see them. For now, I'd better keep the focus on Sweetwater. She's sounding more and more suspicious every second.

"Did she say anything else?" I said. "Lindsey, I mean."

"Not really," said Roxanne. "She was pretty vague about the whole thing."

"I'm just hoping she's not planning on roping those lovely ladies into one of her schemes," Winston mused. "She has a really nasty habit of doing that."

Yeah, I get it. Lindsey Sweetwater's a scheming snake. Tell me something I _don't_ know. Like why she's suddenly interested in Ace Savvy; that would really help right now.

"Tell me about it," said Roxanne. She then leaned in and dipped her voice. "Y'know, just the other day at school, I saw her drag a couple of boys into a broom closet."

Ah-ha. Now we're getting somewhere. "You don't say. Any idea why?"

"Nope. But I did hear she got sent to the principal's office when the janitor caught her," said Roxanne. "He had the whole thing recorded on the security cameras."

Part of me wants to laugh, but that just raises more questions. Yes, Lindsey is known for hiding in closets to spy on people (don't ask me how I know that), but she's usually a lot more careful. She should know better than to pull that kind of stunt at school where the cameras can catch her. Something must've forced her to take the risk, but what? And who was she meeting with?

"And there she is. Told you I'd bring you to her."

I know that voice. Speak of the devil, and she appears. I looked up and sure enough, there was Lindsey Sweetwater. She was being accompanied by three girls, just like Roxanne said. Hmm, now that I'm looking at them…

"Chinah? Jackie? Claudette?"

Chinah smiled at me. "Looks like you _do_ remember us. Good to see you again, Lola."

"You know these ladies?" asked Winston.

"I competed against them at the Little Miss Southeastern Michigan pageant," I explained. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

"We're here to congratulate you on your success, of course," said Jackie. She showed me her phone, which displayed the Full House Gang movie trailer. "I knew we'd have to watch out for you."

Wow. I would not expect that from them. I mean, yeah, I don't know them very well, but the first time we met, um… I'm not sure how to put it. They weren't _un_ friendly, but they weren't really friendly, either. I dunno. The point is, it's nice to be appreciated by girls who have had so much success.

"Yep. Lola really is successful," said Lindsey with a sneer. "It's just too bad that her brother went missing last night."

Everyone gasped, including me. I had my suspicions that she knew about that, but I did not expect her to drop that bombshell on everyone.

"Lola, is that true?" Winston asked. "Is that why you didn't hear about the movie?"

I sighed. No point in denying it. "Yeah, it's true."

"Oh, Lola. You poor thing," said Roxanne. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I know why," said Lindsey, leering right at me. "It's because _you_ had a hand in his disappearance, didn't you?"

I-I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I know I don't have the best reputation in the world, but c'mon! That's not something I would do, ever!

"H-how dare you!" I barked. "Where do you get off saying that?! I would never hurt Linky like that!"

"Oh no?" Lindsey said slyly. "Because I think you would. After all, if you _really_ cared about him, you wouldn't just be standing around basking in your own glory, would you?"

…

She planned this. I don't know how she planned this, but I know she planned this! She knew I'd get caught up in all the attention and praise, and now she's using that to make me look like a monster! Oh, why didn't I listen to Lana?!

"I-I didn't hurt Lincoln!" I cried. "Y-you can't prove it!"

"I don't need to. Your actions speak for themselves," Lindsey scoffed. "Why else would you pretend that everything's fine if not to hide your own guilt?"

I-I was going to bring it up. Maybe. I-I just got distracted.

"My word, Lola. I didn't know your drive for fame would be _this_ cutthroat," said Claudette darkly. "And here we were, worrying that you couldn't handle the pressure of being famous. We were going to give you advice on coping with it, but it looks like you have a different problem."

Remember how I said before that this was gonna turn into a nightmare? Yeah, that's happening right now. Lindsey is using Lincoln's kidnapping to turn everyone against me! Even Winston and Roxanne are looking at me weird, like they don't know what to believe. How could I have been so stupid and selfish?!

"P-please! You guys have to believe me!" I pleaded. "I-I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You can keep yelling that until you're blue in the face, Lola Loud," said Lindsey, looking at her nails. "But unless you have some proof, no one's gonna buy it."

And whose fault is _that_?! Ugh, dang it. What am I gonna do? No matter what I say, she's just gonna twist it around and make me look like the most terrible person ever! I-I'm so scared. Linky. Lana. A-anyone. H-help…

"Not so fast, Sweetwater!"

Wait, that voice! I-it couldn't be, could it? I looked up at the ceiling where the voice came from. I saw that the vent cover was missing, and a pair of nervous eyes were peering through the blackness. I have to make sure.

"Lana? I-is that you? H-how'd you get up there?"

"Long story. I'll tell ya if you help me get down," said Lana nervously. "I-it's a bit high up."

Lindsey laughed. "Oh, that incorrigible rascal. Playing in the vents again?"

That laugh sounded a bit too nervous. I don't think she planned for this to happen. Well, time to ruin her script a little more. If she insists on slinging mud at me, the best thing to do is clean myself up.

"Lana, jump down!" I hollered. "I'll catch you!"

"You promise?"

"I promise!"

After a pause, Lana dropped down from the ventilation shaft. In that moment, I realized that I did not think this through. I should've gotten a ladder or an adult. I didn't have much time to regret it, as she crashed right into my arms. I held her tight as we both hit the ground hard. Owie~.

"Sheesh. Sorry, Lola." Lana struggled to her feet and dusted herself off before reaching out to me. "You okay?"

I looked over at her and smiled. "I am now."

I accepted her hand and pulled myself up. Lana then pointed at Lindsey.

"Whatever that jerk said about Lola, it's not true!" she proclaimed.

Lindsey scoffed and rolled her eyes. "And why would anyone believe _you_ , pageant pauper? You're just some punk who plays in trash all day."

"Yeah, so?" Lana said with a shrug. "I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"It means you don't know her like I do," said Lindsey. "You don't know how evil she really is!"

Lana deadpanned. "She's my twin sister. I think I know her a lot better than you do. And yeah, she can be a real pain in the pajamas sometimes."

Normally, I'd get mad at her for saying that, but after how I've been acting, I think it was deserved.

"But I know she can be better than that. And I definitely know she's better than you," Lana continued. "After all, she's not the one who locked me in the dressing room."

Chinah raised an eyebrow at Lindsey. "You locked Lola's body double in the dressing room?"

Wait, body double? What's she talking about? I looked over at Lana to see if she had any answers, but she just shrugged.

"I-it was an accident!" Lindsey sputtered.

"Then why didn't you get someone to let her out?" asked Winston. "Why force her to climb through the vents?"

"I can answer that," said Lana. "It's because I found something she didn't want anyone to see. Something that has to do with Lincoln going missing."

"Sacre bleu! So Sweetwater was planning to frame Lola for a heinous crime?!" Claudette gasped. "Unbelievable!"

So while I was being the life of the party, Lana was doing actual detective work. I seriously owe her an apology.

"L-look, i-it's not what you think," Lindsey stammered. "I was just… Lola, she… It's all a…"

Heh. Doesn't feel so good when everyone turns against you, does it, Sweetwater? Let's see how _you_ like it.

"Lindsey, I think it's high time you told us the truth," said Roxanne. "What's all this about?"

Lindsey scrunched her eyes shut and trembled. But just when I expected her to launch into a huge tantrum, she simply took out her makeup compact and opened it.

"You think you've got me, don't you?" she said, admiring herself in the mirror. "Well, think again!"

She blew into the compact, spraying all of us with talcum powder. Ugh, that little minx! Does she ever give up? When we recovered from the ordeal, she was gone.

"Dang. Never in my five years of pageants have I ever seen anything like _this_ ," said Jackie.

Lana shrugged. "Welcome to Royal Woods." She then turned to me. "We should go after her. Can you walk?"

I chuckled weakly. "Yeah, I can. Trust me, I've had worse than you falling on me," I said. I then sighed. "I'm really sorry, Lana. I should've taken this more seriously, b-but I just…"

Lana patted me on the shoulder. "I get it, Lola. And I'm sorry, too. Turns out you were half-right about Sweetwater."

I blinked. "Wait, half-right?"

"I'm sure we can get her to explain if we work together," said Lana. She reached out her hand. "We doing this?"

I nodded and took her hand. "We sure are."

"Um, sorry to interrupt, but I can't help but feel lost," said Winston.

Lana scoffed. "If it makes you feel any better, we're kinda lost, too," she said. "But we'll get to the bottom of this. Isn't that right, Queen of Diamonds?"

I had to smile at that. "Absolutely. After all, nothing beats a Royal Flush."

We then took off after Lindsey. That… was way too close. I don't know what I'd do if Lana didn't come in to save me from those hurtful lies. Now it's time to tie up the loose ends and take her down. Say your prayers, Sweetwater. Whatever you did, you're not getting away with it…


	15. Fecal Forensics

While it was a bit of a trek, finding the facilities in Tetherby's estate was not as difficult as I anticipated. In hindsight, I probably should've asked for directions, but Lily was really in a hurry to show me what she found. I must confess, I'm a bit skeptical of how relevant her findings are. Lily may be intelligent for her age, but her mind is still developing. It's possible her budding intuition is mistaken about Tetherby's involvement in Lincoln's abduction. Nevertheless, I will withhold judgement until I see this evidence for myself.

Though looking at Tetherby's lavatorial facilities (street name: "bathroom"), I have a sneaking suspicion that he never had any plans to raise a family of his own. I can overlook the lack of a changing station; this is a private residence, after all. However, the sink is far too high up, and there's no step stool for me to use. Meaning I'll have to change Lily on the marble floor. That shouldn't be a problem for me; I've made do with less. I just need to be extra careful not to contaminate the lavatory with Lily's scatological material.

Speaking of Lily, I should probably say something to her. As a child of four, I'm not accustomed to being put into this position. If anything, my experiments have lead me to getting into more trouble than Lily ever has. But it's imperative that she understands the consequences of her actions. I sighed and set her down on the floor, looking her right in the eye.

"Lily, you have to know that running off like you did was very dangerous," I scolded. "You're lucky you weren't seriously injured. I understand that finding Lincoln is important to you, but we can't just chase every anomaly in the hopes that we'll find him. Now, I don't want you doing anything that reckless again, do you hear me?"

Lily nodded. "[Okay. I'm sorry,]" she said.

"Right," I said. "Now, let's get you changed."

I unslung my satchel from my shoulder and rummaged around for some spare diapers. Luckily, I did have the foresight to pack them. Never let it be said that I don't come prepared. Okay, let's see what we've got here…

Right away, I found two things out of the ordinary in Lily's diaper. The first was a silver ring with an engraving. I removed the ring with a pair of tweezers and observed it carefully. D.O.. It appears to be someone's initials. Unfortunately, I can't think of anyone with those initials off of the top of my head. I considered running a DNA analysis, but it's likely that it was contaminated by Lily's stool. There isn't much I can do about that.

The second object of interest was a charred piece of paper covered in soot. From the appearance of the letter and the scent of the ashes, I presume that Lily found this in Tetherby's fireplace. I unfolded the paper as carefully as I could, hoping that at least part of it was legible. Sadly, that wasn't the case. Most of the writing had been immolated by the flames, and what little I could make out didn't seem to be…

Hold on. I just spotted the word "movie." It might be a coincidence, but let's see what comes before that word. Hmm. It's hard to make out, but whatever it is, it starts with an F and ends with a G. Judging by the roughly 8 1/2 by 11 size of the document and the use of Courier font, I can infer that the word or phrase is fifteen characters in length. Most curious. I wonder if…

"[Did you find something, Lisa?]" Lily asked.

"Maybe," I said, taking out HARV. I had it scan the letter and entered the data from my hypothesis. While I did get an error saying that there wasn't enough information, I kept fine-tuning the instructions until HARV understood that all I wanted was the phrase before the word "movie." It printed out a holographic copy of the letter, and I compared it to the original. It was just as I suspected. The title "Full House Gang" matched up perfectly to the fifteen spaces before the word "movie."

"Fascinating," I mused. "So Tetherby is somehow connected to the Full House Gang movie. Perhaps you were onto something after all, Lily."

"[I told you,]" Lily said smugly.

I gave her a look. "Don't think that absolves you from running off on your own," I stated plainly.

Lily pouted. "[You don't need to rub it in,]" she griped. "[But anyway, what now? Lord Tetherby said we had to leave once you finished changing me.]"

She raises a good point. Tetherby was not inclined to have us stick around and ask him questions. However, this lead can't be ignored. If Lincoln's abduction is connected to the Full House Gang movie, and the Full House Gang movie is connected to Tetherby, then it logically follows that Tetherby is connected to Lincoln's abduction. Mind you, this is all just speculation, but the only way to prove its validity is to continue investigating and find the truth.

"Considering the size of this estate, no one would question us if we said we got lost," I pondered aloud. "Perhaps we can take advantage of that and try to find more evidence." I then gave Lily a stern look. "But we'll have to be cautious, so do not leave my side unless I tell you otherwise."

"[Yes'm,]" Lily said with a salute. She then wrinkled her nose. "[Um, before that…]"

Oh, right. Lily still needed to have her diaper changed. I swear, this kind of thing would never happen to the likes of Hercule Poirot. Well, that's what I get for having an infant for a partner, I suppose. I'm just glad I managed to bring some hand sanitizer as well. Again, Tetherby did not instruct the lavatory's architect to take children into account when designing the facility. Here's hoping Lily cooperates and doesn't make _too_ much of a mess.

* * *

Well, the good news is that I managed to change Lily with minimal complications. Now we just need to figure out where to start looking. First thing first, we need to figure out who wrote this letter and why Tetherby is so averse to maintaining written correspondence with this individual. Ergo, our first stop should be his study. Wherever that is.

Hmph, how ironic. I proposed that we used the size of the manor as an excuse for our prolonged absence, but now it feels like we might _actually_ get lost. And I doubt anyone on Tetherby's staff is going to direct us to the study. We don't have many options here.

"Lily, do you remember the room where you found this letter?" I inquired.

Lily nodded.

"Can you take me to it?"

Lily saluted and scuttled off. I followed her until we reached a large private library. Indeed, there was a fireplace in the corner. I took a closer look. Hmm. It's hard to tell without further testing, but on the surface, these ashes appear to be somewhat recent. Tetherby must've burned the letter no later than this morning, possibly right after he had his servant fetch the mail. That would explain why it wasn't completely destroyed when Lily found it.

"[Lookie look! He left his book!]"

I turned around to see Lily pointing at a large chair with fine leather upholstery. On the chair was an Ace Savvy comic book. Perhaps it's the same one Tetherby bought at Flip's? That still begs the question as to why he'd be interested in the franchise. I walked over and took a look at the comic.

Wait a tick. This issue is The Full House Gang #1, the officially published version of the fan comic Lincoln and Clyde submitted for the contest. That may coincide with my hypothesis about the contents of the burnt letter. Does Tetherby have a hand in the Full House Gang movie? That doesn't make much sense at face value. What would a tetherball tycoon have to gain from funding a comic book blockbuster? Curiouser and curiouser.

"Lord Tetherby, sir? Telephone for you."

Dang it. That must be one of Tetherby's servants. If he catches us, our investigation will be drawn to a close before we have all the evidence we need. Lily frowned and turned to me.

"[Please tell me you still have my dirty diaper,]" she said.

…

It sometimes frightens me how perceptive Lily is for her age. I do in fact still have her dirty diaper in my possession. I-it's for my fecal research; get off of my proverbial back. Still, we made such a concerted effort not to make a mess in Tetherby's abode. If we start doing that now, the police aren't going to look favorably upon us. But as I heard footsteps from down the hall, I realized that we may not have a choice. I let out a reluctant sigh.

"Very well. But try to minimize the damage," I said. I reached into my satchel and pulled out Lily's weapon of choice. Funnily enough, Lily's character in the Full House Gang, the Deuce, also uses dirty diapers as a weapon. Talk about life imitating art.

Lily took the improvised ammunition from me and hid it in her clean diaper. While I hid behind the fireplace, she crawled over towards the footsteps. I saw the butler wrinkle his nose and look down.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Poo-poo," said Lily.

The butler raised an eyebrow. "Do I look like I know how to change you? Go bother someone else."

Lily scowled. "Poo-poo!" she snapped. She then reached into her diaper. Her motions a blur, she flung the dirty diaper right into the butler's face. The butler's scream dissolved into sputtering of complete confusion. Obviously, he has never had to deal with a baby before. Certainly not a baby as rambunctious as Lily. Lily giggled at the butler's plight and took off down the hall.

"H-hey! Get back here!" the butler shouted as he gave chase. Well, that probably bought me some time. Hopefully, I can use the excuse that Lily is a baby who doesn't know any better to smooth things over with our police escort. For now, I'd better find some conclusive evidence connecting Tetherby to Lincoln's kidnapping.

Hmm. It appears the library doesn't yield any more clues in its present state. But, what if I looked at this from a different angle? I took another look at the burnt letter. Upon further inspection, the only damage to this document was caused by the fire. It's crumpled, yes, but the uniform appearance of the creases show that it was crumpled by the flames, not by hand. Did Tetherby even read this? It looks like I'll have to have HARV craft some simulations.

First, I programmed a hypothetical scenario where Tetherby read the contents of the letter, taking into account his temperament. Indeed, the simulation showed Tetherby crumpling up the paper and tossing it into the fire. If that were the case, the letter would've been rendered completely illegible, thus it could not be used as evidence. But as we discovered earlier, a minuscule amount of it survived. How could that be?

I decided to tweak the simulation a bit. This time, I had it so that Tetherby's butler threw the letter into the fireplace, envelope and all. Now, just time accelerate, and…

Eureka! This revised simulation matches what Lily found. While the letter was mostly destroyed, the flames curled inward, meaning that part of the letter was still intact. From this, I deduce that whoever wrote this letter has been blacklisted by Tetherby. The staff were under instruction to destroy all correspondence with this individual. Given that it would be difficult to ask the staff directly about their orders, I think it's time I paid a visit to the servant's quarters.

"N-no! Don't you dare! Get down from there this instant! Cease! Desist!"

Then again, maybe I can use Lily's antics to my advantage. I followed the din into the kitchen, where indeed, Lily was causing quite a ruckus. She kept knocking items off of the countertop, and the butler scrambled to catch them all. Fortunately, nothing seemed to be broken, though I attribute that to the butler's dexterity more than anything. Seriously, I applaud him for his magnificent display of stamina.

"Do you require assistance, good sir?" I asked.

The butler looked at me as though I had decided to show him my extra toe. Did I misspeak?

"I-I have everything under control," he said. "No need to trouble yourself."

Hmph. False bravado if I ever heard it. I adjusted my glasses.

"Do forgive Lily. She is a mere infant, and she doesn't quite understand proper discipline," I said. "I happen to be her sister, Lisa Loud."

The butler did a double take. "Loud? You don't mean the same Loud who wrote that Full House Gang comic, do you?"

"The very same."

The butler's composure faltered even more. "O-oh dear…"

"Is something the matter?"

The butler's response to the negatory was interrupted by Lily dropping an ornate spoon, which he caught. The pigment in his face changed to a violent hue of red.

"When I get my hands on you, I'm kicking you both out myself!" he barked.

"Might I propose an easier solution?" I suggested. "I'll rein Lily in if you answer a question for me."

"I-I have nothing to say to you!"

I shrugged. "Suit yourself."

At that moment, Lily managed to get her hands on a very expensive-looking piece of china. The butler's arms and legs were filled to capacity; there was no way he could save that dish in time. And he knew it.

"F-fine!" he sputtered. "Just get her to stop!"

"Very well," I said, turning to Lily. "Lily, no. That is not appropriate."

Lily nodded and placed the dish back onto the counter. The butler breathed a sigh of relief. Alright, I promised him I'd only ask one question. What should it be?

…

I got it.

"Good sir, could you tell me about this letter?"

I showed the burnt letter to the butler. The butler raised an eyebrow.

"What of it?"

"Lily found it in the fireplace," I explained. "Notice how the paper itself has only been immolated. There is not a crumple or tear to be found. Tell me, did you discard this letter into the fireplace?"

The butler nodded. "Yes."

"Why?"

"I-I don't have to tell you that."

I shrugged. "I suppose you don't. Lily?"

Lily giggled and grabbed the fancy plate again. The butler's face lost all color.

"A-alright, alright!" he relented. "W-we were instructed to ignore all communication from a certain individual. When I saw the letter in the mail, I burned it in the fireplace."

"I see," I mused. "And who exactly is this individual?"

The butler snorted angrily, but before he could defy me, I pointed to Lily again. The butler gulped and nodded.

"A-a Mr. Dirk O'Donnell. H-he's an old friend of the Tetherby family, but they recently had a falling out," the butler explained.

Dirk O'Donnell. Those initials do indeed match the ones engraved in the silver ring. But wait. Lily found this ring here today. This falling out must've been pretty recent. What could've caused it?

"I don't suppose you can give me any details about this Mr. O'Donnell, can you?"

The butler scoffed. "That is where I draw the line, young lady. You have no right to pry into Lord Tetherby's private affairs like that. And if you threaten me with that baby again, I'll tell him you're in here destroying his property. I suggest you leave."

I probably should have expected that. It's clear that a wealthy man like Tetherby would value his privacy, thus he would instruct his staff not to divulge any details about his personal affairs. Nevertheless, my brother's life hangs in the balance. I cannot let such inconveniences bar me from the truth. It's the same approach I take with my experiments.

"I think that'll be all," I said. "Again, I apologize for my sister's behavior." I reached into my satchel and pulled out a grabber claw. "Alright, Lily. Let's leave the nice gentleman to clean up this mess you made."

Ever so carefully, I plucked Lily from the counter and set her on the ground. We then left the butler in the kitchen and headed to the museum room, where Tetherby and the police were waiting.

"[We're not just going to leave, are we?]" Lily asked.

Of course, we both knew the answer to that question. I believe it's safe to infer that Lord Tetherby is somehow connected to all this. When I mentioned that I was related to Lincoln, the butler had an adverse reaction. And given how the letter appears to mention the Full House Gang movie, it's possible that this Dirk O'Donnell character is involved as well. Though I must reiterate that this is merely supposition. We have the pieces to the puzzle, but we don't know how they fit together. However, I know someone who does.

"Oh, we'll leave, dear sibling," I said, pressing my glasses against the bridge of my nose. "But not before we've had a little chat with our distinguished host. It appears he has quite a bit of explaining to do…"


	16. Party Barter

I'm just putting it out there: this is the worst mosh pit I've ever been in. I don't think anything's gonna top wading around in raw sewage. I still can't believe Chandler managed to trick all those kids into thinking this is fun. There's only one person I know who would enjoy this, and she's at the pageant hall with Lola right now.

I heard a splash just behind us, and I turned to see none other than Chandler coming down from the hatch above. He was romping around in the muck with the biggest grin on his face. I don't know if he really enjoys this like Lana would, but man, he sure sells it.

"So? Whaddya think, ladies?" he asked. "Isn't this awesome?"

For Lana, maybe. Me, I think I'd rather change Lily's diapers for a week. That's somehow less disgusting.

"Oh, yeah! Totally!" Luan trilled sarcastically. "When I first heard that this was what your party was all about, my first thought was 'what're we _wading_ for?'" She laughed at her own joke. "Get it?"

Chandler laughed as well, though whether he was just playing along or actually liked Luan's puns is anyone's guess. Personally, I feel that was one of her better ones. 'Cause just like her, I don't know what we're wading around in this slop for, either.

"Great! I knew you had good taste, just like Larry!" he said. He smile disappeared. "A shame he couldn't make it. You wouldn't happen to know what happened to him, would you?"

Uh-oh. If he starts catching onto Luan's scheme, there's no telling what he's gonna do. Before I could come up with an excuse, Luan pulled one out of her back pocket.

"Well, this is quite a coincidence," she said, blowing on her bubble pipe. "We were just wondering if _you_ knew what happened to him."

Chandler blinked. "Me? Why would I know anything? I invited him here to celebrate the Full House Gang movie. That's just what friends do, right?"

"Yeah, about that," I said. "Lincoln's never talked about you before. Heck, I don't think you've even been to our house."

Chandler swallowed. "Th-that's all water under the bridge. I'm totally over that. I-it's not like Larry would just bail on me like last time."

Last time? He must be talking about that exclusive birthday party Liam brought up. Why would he hold a grudge over that? Wasn't _he_ the one forcing Lincoln to jump through a lot of hoops just to get an invite?

"Why so nervous, chum?" Luan asked. "We're all friends here, right?"

Chandler nodded. "Y-yeah! Any friend of Larry is a friend of mine! And friends do nice things for each other. Like say, I dunno, giving them a part in a movie?"

Ah. There we go. I'd say we're seeing his true colors, but let's be real. I've been onto him since the beginning. I mean, c'mon. What kind of friend constantly gets his buddy's name wrong? That just doesn't happen.

"So that's what this is all about, huh?" said Luan, blowing some bubbles out of her bubble pipe. "You treat Lincoln to a nice little party, and in return, you expect him to give you a part in the Full House Gang movie."

"Well, yeah," Chandler said with a shrug. "What's wrong with that? It's what friends do."

What, try to bribe each other? If I treated any of my friends like that, I wouldn't _have_ any friends.

"You mentioned before that you and Lincoln had some issues in the past," I said. "Why the sudden change?"

"'Cause Larry's a tough guy," said Chandler. He then trudged up close to us and dipped his voice. "Don't tell anyone I told you this, but he and Clive actually went through the whole House of Terror. Even I couldn't do that! So, he's earned my respect."

Dude, I remember trying to train Lincoln for that House of Terror stuff. If _he_ got further in that house than you did, maybe you're not as tough as you think you are. Just saying.

"And like I said, I wanted to do something special for him once I heard his fan comic was gonna be made into a movie," Chandler continued. "So, whaddya say? You think you can put in a good word for me?"

He seriously thinks we're gonna vouch for him because he gave us the "privilege" of swimming around in a sewer? Is he nuts? Of course, I can't just say that. We need to maintain our cover. I looked to Luan to see what she had to say.

"Hmm. I dunno," she mused. "Lincoln was awfully sore about how you used him for favors just so that he'd get invited to your birthday party."

Chandler's eyes went wide. "Wh-who told you that?"

"Doesn't matter," Luan replied. "What matters is I'm not so sure Lincoln is gonna buy this. Heck, you hired me at the last minute with no direction whatsoever. What kind of party planner does that?"

Sweat began trickling down Chandler's brow. "W-well, I-I honestly don't remember hiring y—"

"Well, someone did. And frankly, I'm very disappointed," Luan huffed.

"W-wait, hang on! Wh-what if I showed you guys something _really_ special?" said Chandler. "It's, like, the coolest stuff that has ever come through this place!"

I'm not sure what he means by that, and part of me doesn't wanna know. But again, we shouldn't blow our cover. We gotta tough it out for Lincoln.

"Let's see what this cool stuff is first," I said. "Then we'll think about it."

"O-of course! Sure!" said Chandler. "C'mon, this way!"

He waded deeper into the pit, beckoning us to follow. I turned to Luan, who simply shrugged.

"Waist deep in the big muddy, and the big jerk says to push on," she quipped.

…

Okay, has Luan been listening to Dad's old CDs again? Seriously, even _I_ wouldn't have made that reference. Heck, I'm betting you guys didn't even _know_ that was a song reference. Ugh, whatever. It's just Luan being Luan.

"But seriously, we should keep our guard up," said Luan. "I'm still not sure where Chandler stands on all this."

Now that I think about it, neither do I. On the surface, it sounds like he doesn't know anything about Lincoln's disappearance. Still, I have a gut feeling that this "bigger surprise" of his is a trap meant to force Lincoln into getting him into the movie. Honestly, I don't know what to expect from Mr. Karma Chameleon over there. But whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna like it.

"I'm right there with you, Lu'," I said. "C'mon."

We waded after Chandler. Ugh~. I can feel the sludge getting deeper and deeper by the minute. We are seriously gonna need a forty minute shower when we get home. Each.

Eventually, we reached a small alcove with a large door. There was sign on it marked "DANGER: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY". At this point, I'm going to assume that Chandler did _not_ get permission from his parents to do this. Heck, I don't think even our parents would let _Lana_ do this.

"Here we are! The most exclusive part of the plant," said Chandler. "And I have the key."

I raised an eyebrow. "Dude, your dad trusts you with the key to a place like _that_?"

Chandler sneered. "That's the beauty of it. My dad doesn't know I have this."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a weird-looking key. Luan took out her magnifying glass and observed it carefully.

"Interesting key you got there," she said. "Where'd you get it?"

"That's the crazy part. Last night, while I was getting stuff ready for the party, I found this just floating by!" said Chandler. "Someone must've dropped it down the toilet accidentally or something. But that's not the best part."

"What's the best part?"

"This key fits into any lock I put it in! With this baby, I can go wherever I want!"

Luan's brow furrowed. "Doesn't that strike you as weird?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that's a skeleton key. It's basically the master key of an entire building. Who'd be so careless as to flush it down the toilet?"

I gave Luan a look. "Where'd you learn that, brah?"

"Leni," Luan said with a shrug. "You wouldn't believe how much she knows about locks."

Huh. My first guess was gonna be Lana, but seeing as Leni is a whizz with a lock pick, I suppose that makes sense.

"Who cares? It's mine now," Chandler said with a shrug. "And this is gonna unlock the adventure of a lifetime."

And that's somehow gonna magically convince us to ask Lincoln to include you in the Full House Gang movie, is it? I'm starting to think he didn't think this through. Chandler moseyed up over to the door and placed the key into the keyhole. Much to his surprise, it didn't turn. Okay, now I _know_ he didn't think this through.

"C-c'mon, you stupid key," he grumbled. "Y-you're supposed to work! You worked on every lock at school; why not here?!"

"Maybe because you're not the master key's master, see?" said Luan with a giggle. She then frowned. "Hmm. A bit too short for a word avalanche. Anyway, mind if I see that?"

Chandler turned and blinked. "Um, why?"

"I wanna check something."

Chandler shrugged and handed the key to Luan, who observed it carefully with her magnifying glass. She turned the key a bit in her hand and polished it. After a few minutes of this, she turned to me.

"What've we got?" I asked.

"Well, one thing I know for sure is that this key doesn't belong to the sewage treatment plant," said Luan.

I deadpanned. "Yeah, I could've figured that out by the fact that it didn't work on the safety door."

"I'm not finished," said Luan. "Chandler, you said you tested this key out at school, right?"

"Yeah. W-well, not _my_ school," said Chandler.

"Not your school," Luan parroted.

Chandler looked around and beckoned us to come closer. "Look, I'm gonna deny saying this, but I actually broke into Royal Woods Middle School last night using that key."

Luan stared blankly at him. "Oooookey dokie. Um, quick question: _why_?"

"I saw a couple of kids doing it a couple of days ago. They looked like the kinda guys who knew what was cool, y'know?"

I just had to palm my face right then and there. This kid is a real piece of work. Apparently, being the cool guy that everyone loves is better than having a lick of common sense according to him. Sheesh, how pathetic. I almost feel bad for him. Key word there is "almost;" I'm not convinced that he doesn't have some sort of trick up his sleeve.

"Interesting," Luan said, blowing bubbles from her bubble pipe. "Do you know exactly who those kids were?"

"I know everyone," Chandler boasted.

"Did you happen to invite them to this shindig?" I asked.

Chandler chuckled. "Um, duh~. Only the coolest kids come to my parties."

I love how he's still putting on airs like his reputation is salvageable at this point. For the record, it isn't. Jeez, and I thought Lola had an ego problem. I took another look at Luan. I could practically see the wheels in her head turning.

"You gotta hunch?" I said.

"It's a work in progress," said Luan. "Remember those boys fighting with Rusty earlier?"

"Of course."

Luan reached into her pocket and pulled out the folded piece of paper she picked up earlier. "It turns out one of them dropped this during the scuffle. And now we just heard about two kids breaking into Royal Woods Middle School. You thinking what I'm thinking?"

…

Oh, that's right. They were talking about Lynn. Or, Lynnsanity. Whatever. The point is according to Chandler, two kids broke into _her_ school a couple of days ago. And I'd bet anything those two kids are the same ones who were arguing with Rusty earlier. Not only that, but they also know about Lincoln going off the grid. I'm not sure how this connects to anything, but the pieces are there.

"Uh, what're you guys talking about?" asked Chandler.

Dang it. I should've dragged Luan aside before conferring with her. Nice going, Luna. I really don't know how she's gonna talk her way out of this one.

"Guys, I really don't think we should be down here!"

"You're welcome to leave anytime, Spokes! This is our business!"

Before she could say anything, we were interrupted by some familiar voices coming from the tunnel.

"Hang on! No one else is supposed to be down here yet!" said Chandler. He ran off ahead of us. "Guys, quit it! You're ruining everything!"

As if there was anything left to ruin. Did he honestly think Lincoln was gonna go for this? Luan and I shared a shrug as we followed Chandler. It wasn't long before we bumped into the source of the noise. It was Rusty, along with those two thugs he was talking to before. What'd he call 'em? Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire? Eh, I've heard weirder names. Heck, my name's Luna; what right to I have to complain?

"Outta the way, Chandler. We've got some beef with your guests of honor there," said Papa Wheelie.

"Yeah! They stole from us!" Flat Tire added.

…

Yeesh, that escalated so quickly, I think it went supersonic.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Take it easy, fellas!" I said. "We didn't steal anything!"

"Yeah you did!" Papa Wheelie snapped. "You have our note!"

Luan took out the piece of paper. "You mean this?"

Papa Wheelie snatched the paper from Luan and unfolded it. His eyes suddenly bugged out of his head.

"Wh-what?! This isn't the note!" he bellowed. He then leered at Rusty. "I swear, Spokes. If this is your girlfriend's doing…"

"You leave Polly out of this!" Rusty barked back.

Whoa. Major brain overload. Seriously, everything's just going at a staccato pace, and I can't process any of it. In the middle of all this, Flat Tire saw the key in Luan's hand.

"Boss, look! She's got the key!" he said.

Luan quickly stashed it in her pocket. "What key? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't play dumb," Flat Tire growled, wading up to Luan. "I know what I saw. That key is ours. Give it back."

I turned to Chandler. "I'm just taking a stab in the dark, but are these two the guys you saw break into Royal Woods Middle School?"

Chandler didn't respond. He was just too stupefied by everything happening at once. I groaned and snapped my fingers in front of his face.

"Yo! I asked you something, dude!" I snapped.

Chandler flinched. "Wh-what? O-oh, right. Um…"

"That's none of your business," Flat Tire interrupted. "Now, give us that key, or we'll take it from you."

Luan gave the goons a sly grin. The kind of grin that says "You don't know who you're messing with."

"What's so funny, beaver face?" Papa Wheelie snarled.

"I'd tell you, but that'd ruin the punchline," said Luan.

Papa Wheelie let out another growl. "Flat Tire, frisk her."

Flat Tire sneered and cracked his knuckles. "With pleasure."

Oh, this oughta be good. I watched as Flat Tire reached his hand into Luan's pocket. Suddenly, there was a snap, and he yelped in pain. He yanked his hand out of her pocket, revealing that his fingers were caught in mousetrap. Yep. Vintage Luan.

"Big bait catches big rat!" Luan guffawed.

Papa Wheelie snorted angrily. "Oh, you think this is funny, huh?! I'll give you something to laugh about!"

He dragged Flat Tire over to the ladder that led up to the hatch. I already don't like where this is going.

"Dude, I think those two are planning to trap us down here!" I hollered at Chandler. "Do something!"

Chandler looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights. All of the color was drained from his face. After a pause, he ran off after the thugs.

"Hey! Wait for me!" he hollered.

I… probably should've seen that coming. This guy was planning to lead us into the most dangerous part of the plant, ladies and gentlemen. But it turns out when the chips are down, he's all talk and no action.

"C'mon, guys! Let's hustle!" I said.

Luan and Rusty followed at my heels as we trudged through the sewage. We moved as fast as we could, and Luan's mousetrap did manage to slow Flat Tire down. We reached the ladder just as Chandler and Papa Wheelie were pulling Flat Tire up. I started climbing as fast as I could, but that turned out to be a mistake. The rungs were so slippery that I lost my footing halfway up and fell back into the sewage with a splash.

Nngh. I-I think I'm sinking. I-I can hear shouts, but I can't make out any of it. E-everything's fading to black. Lincoln, I-I'm sorry I couldn't…

* * *

After what felt like an eternity, I felt someone patting my cheek. As I slowly came to, I became painfully aware of how gross I felt. My clothes were drenched, and my hair was slick with slime. I could hear a muffled voice speaking to me.

"…una. Luna, c'mon. Say something."

When my vision returned, I saw Luan hovering over me with misty eyes. I let out a cough.

"When we get home, I'm calling first dibs on the shower," I said weakly.

Luan smiled. "Oh, thank goodness. I was so worried you were gonna pull a Hops and _croak_." She laughed. "I guess those guys didn't like that we were playing _key_ -p away with the evidence." She laughed again. "Man, when the guys in charge of this place hear about this, those punks are gonna be in a _garbage heap_ of trouble."

Okay, that last one was a stretch, but I'll let it slide. There are only so many puns Luan can come up with off the top of her head, after all. And I can tell she's just shooting off puns to hide how scared she is. She may laugh and act like a clown, but beneath that mask, she's wearing a frown. I placed a hand against her cheek.

"Hey. It's cool," I told her. "It's gonna be okay. We'll get out of this. Somehow."

At that moment, something occurred to me. "Hang on. What're you still doing down here?"

Luan raised an eyebrow. "What, you thought I was gonna leave you here after that spill you took? Sheesh, Luna. I'm not _that_ horrible."

I could tell she was making a jab at herself for how carried away she could get with her pranks. I had to laugh at that. She has a point, after all. Luan would do anything for a good joke, but she wouldn't do _this_.

"I'm afraid to ask," I grunted as I pulled myself upright. "How long was I out?"

Luan took out a pocket watch and checked it (she's really milking the whole Sherlock Holmes schtick, isn't she?). "About five minutes."

I reached into my damp pocket and took out my phone. One look at it, and I could tell that it was way too late for the bag of rice treatment. Bogus. And even if it _did_ work, I don't think there's any reception down here. So calling Chunk is out of the question.

"This isn't worth it, Wheelie! You'd better get us out of here!"

I looked up to see that Rusty was at the top of the ladder, banging on the hatch and ranting up a storm.

"He's been at it ever since those punks left us here," said Luan. "I tried to tell him that they probably can't hear us, but he's having none of it."

Honestly, I don't blame him. I think I'd do the same if I were in his shoes. But, this might give us an opportunity to learn some stuff. I waded over to the ladder and cleared my throat.

"Yo, Rusty!"

Rusty stopped his caterwauling and looked down at me. "O-oh, hey. You're okay."

"Yeah, I'll live," I said. "I'm just gonna need to get cleaned up when I get home. Anyway, mind if I ask you something?"

Rusty frowned. "Can it wait until _after_ we're out of this mess?"

"Just one quick question first," I said. "Who were those guys?"

Rusty sighed. "Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire. They're old friends of mine. We used to be the toughest biker gang in Royal Woods."

"What happened?" asked Luan.

Rusty shrugged. "After I met Lincoln and Lynn, we kinda drifted apart. But I didn't think they'd turn out to be such jerks."

Hmm. Something about a biker gang sounds familiar. Didn't Lincoln steal Lynn's BMX bike once so that he wouldn't have to look lame riding a hand-me-down? Was Rusty's gang the people he was trying to impress?

"We couldn't help but overhear your discussion with them before," I said. "You mentioned someone named Lynnsanity. That wouldn't happen to be…?"

Rusty nodded. "Yeah. When I left the gang, Lynn was the leader. We called her Lynnsanity. But once I started hanging out with Lincoln more, the gang just dissolved."

Huh. Well, that explains that. And I'm pretty sure we can mark Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire as suspects after what they tried to pull. But things still aren't adding up, and I doubt Rusty has all the answers we need. We should—

"Oi! Anyone down there?"

I perked up. "Tabby?!"

I heard the voice again. "That's them! C'mon, hurry up and get this thing open!"

There was a creak as the wheel on the hatch turned. The door popped open, revealing Tabby, Liam, and Chandler. They were accompanied by a group of sanitation workers.

"Anyone injured down there?" asked one of the workers.

I took a moment to take stock of my situation. Nngh. I-I do feel a bit sore, but I think once I get my feet onto solid ground, I'll be fine.

"I-I could use a hand!" I hollered.

The worker nodded. "Hang on, we're coming down. Kid, you might wanna get out of the way."

"O-oh, sorry," said Rusty. He scurried up the ladder and let the workers pass. Luan handed me off to one of the workers and followed behind him.

"We got so worried when Chandler came back without you guys," said Tabby.

"Darn tootin'," said Liam, giving Chandler a look. "It took a bit of persuadin', but we got him to spill the beans once we said we would tell his folks."

The worker sighed. "I don't know why Mr. McCann lets his son get away with all this. Rest assured, we're gonna be bringing it up at the next board meeting."

Well, that's good and all. But right now, Chandler's the least of our problems. He might not have anything to do with Lincoln going missing, but Rusty's old biker friends sure do. Why else would they go through all this trouble just to keep a lid on things? And how does Lynn factor into all this?

When we reached the hatch, the worker hefted me up, and two other workers dragged me to my feet. I shook myself and dusted myself off the best I could.

"You gonna be alright, mate?" Tabby asked.

I nodded. "We've had worse. Right, Luan?"

"Trust me, anyone that can take my April Fool's pranks can handle that," said Luan. "Hey, weird question, but does anyone know where Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire ran off to?"

"Y'mean those biker fellers Rusty used to roll with?" said Liam. "We haven't seen 'em for a while. I didn't even know they were here."

"I know someone who does," said Rusty, looking over at Chandler. "Well?"

Chandler gulped. "I, um… I-I don't have to tell you anything."

"Oh, so you just do whatever those guys tell you, huh?" said Luan. "No wonder you call him _Papa_ Wheelie." She laughed at her own joke. "Get it?"

Chandler blinked. "Uh, no. I don't."

"Well, get this, you little punk," I snarled, shaking my fist. "This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, and we ain't fooling around. You'd better tell us where those blighters ran off to, or so help me, I'm gonna—"

I was gonna say I'd knock his block off, but Luan tapped me on the shoulder and gestured to the sanitation workers. Yeah, I probably shouldn't threaten violence against a little kid while adults are in the room. But hey, the guy was gonna leave us to rot in a sewage tunnel. You can't really blame me for dropping the niceties.

"Let me handle this," said Luan. She walked up to Chandler and look him straight in the eye. "Okay, pal. There's no way to keep this fiasco a secret, so how about this? You start talking, or I'm gonna have to resort to drastic measures."

Chandler stared blankly at Luan before letting out a weak snicker. "I-is that supposed to scare me?"

Luan shrugged. "Don't say I didn't warn you, buddy." She then reached into her pocket and pulled out a speckled feather. She fiddled with it a bit before bringing it close.

"Uh, what're you gonna do with—?"

Chandler got no further. Luan began tickling his nose with it.

"Gitchie gitchie goo~!" she chirped, brushing the feather all over his face. "C'mon, spill."

"H-hey, quit it!" Chandler sputtered, his face turning bright red. "Y-you're embarrassing me in front of everyone!"

"I already told you how to get me to stop," said Luan.

"I-I can't! Th-they're gonna beat me up if I blab!"

"Wait, you're actually afraid of those guys?" asked Liam. "I thought you were this tough kid who ain't afraid of nothin'."

Chandler's face turned even redder. "C-cut it out!"

"Make me," said Luan, tickling him mercilessly. "Or am I gonna have to break out the umbrella and walnuts?"

I don't think she actually brought an umbrella and walnuts with her, nor do I know what she would do with them in this situation. In fact, I don't think I _want_ to know that. But regardless, it was enough to get Chandler to crack.

"Okay, okay! I-I'll talk! J-just stop! S-stop~!" Chandler yelped.

Luan relented, giving Chandler a chance to catch his breath.

"Th-they went to the control room to hide," he said. "They're planning to wait until everyone else left before bailing."

Luan smirked and patted him on the shoulder. "See? That's all we needed." She then turned to me. "Let's move, Luna. The game is afoot!"

More Sherlock Holmes references. Great. "Right, time to rock and roll. Rusty, you'd better come with us. We might need you."

With that, we headed off. Y'know, I wasn't sure what we were gonna find here, if anything. But it turns out we hit the jackpot. Now all we have to do is drag the truth out of those two chumps. This oughta be interesting…


	17. Logic Chess: Polly Pain

"Signal! Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, this time Roberts gets the ball! Hike~!"

As ridiculous as Lucy's plan is, I have to say it's actually working. At least a little bit. I mean, yeah, we're still getting our keisters handed to us, but I could see the confusion in the Hockers' faces whenever we lined up. Hank and Hawk in particular started making more aggressive plays, trying to sack me every chance they got. If I were to guess, I think they're mad that I'm not just rolling over for them like they wanted. Well, tough patooties. I'm not playing their game anymore.

At halftime, the score was 17 to 3 in the Hockers' favor. I'm not really happy with that, but it could've been a _lot_ worse. While the rest of the Roosters headed off to the locker room, Lucy took me aside.

"Where do you think you're going, Loud?" the coach asked.

"Um, Lucy's gotta take a leak," I said hastily. "You said she was my responsibility, so…"

After a pause, the coach sighed. "Alright. But be quick about it."

Phew~. Okay, one less thing to worry about. Time to go see why Polly wanted to see us.

Sure enough, Polly was waiting for us behind the bleachers. Right away, I knew something was up. Normally, Polly is a pretty tough cookie. She has to be, being the roller derby star she is. But looking at her now, she's as white as a sheet and trembling all over. What's gotten her so spooked? I approached her carefully.

"Hey, Pol," I said.

Polly jumped and squeaked. "O-oh! It's just you, Lynn," she panted. "I-I mean, of course it's you. I-I'm the one who told you to come here. Heh heh…"

I gave Polly a look. "Hey, are you okay?"

"F-fine! Absolutely fine!" Polly said. "Um, weird question, but you weren't followed, were you?"

Hmm. That _is_ a weird question. Why would she be worried about that? Lucy and I are the only ones who got her note. Just to be sure, I checked behind me. Huh. That's strange. Lucy should be right—

"No one followed us. I made sure of it."

Gah~! Jeez laweeze, try to be more sensitive, Luce! Polly's scared enough as it is! I don't know _why_ she's scared, but even so! Predictably, Polly jumped in shock and let out a shriek. Afterwards, she covered her mouth with her hands and looked around nervously.

"O-oh breadballs, oh breadballs," she whimpered. "S-someone must've heard that."

We waited a few seconds, but all we heard was the crowd. No one was coming for us. I sighed and walked up to Polly.

"Look, I'm sorry about Lucy. You know how she is," I said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "But listen, Pol. We're not gonna let anything bad happen to you. Now, what's all this about?"

Polly looked away from me. "I-I can't say."

You can't sa—? You're the one who called us here! Nngh, keep a cool head, Lynn. This isn't her fault. But I can't help her if she won't tell me what's wrong, and I certainly don't wanna beat the truth outta her. I think I'm gonna need to change tactics.

People often say that because I'm so focused on being athletic, I don't have a lot going on in the brain department. First of all, that's just rude. And second, I might not be as smart as Lisa, but I'm not a complete doofus. In fact, I'm the only person I know who has ever beaten Lisa at one of the smartest games out there: Chess. So maybe if I start thinking of this like a chess match with arguments as my pieces, I can get to the bottom of this.

I'll start by trying to figure out why she's acting so paranoid. This really isn't like her, so whatever it is, it has to be something big. Alright, game on!

"While I was taking a breather, Lucy got pelted by this note," I said, showing her the paper football. "You're the one who wrote it, right?"

"Y-yeah, that's my note," said Polly. "I'm sorry, but it was the only way to get your attention."

I guess I can't fault her there. It wasn't like she could just walk up to me and tell me in person while we're in the middle of a game. Better see what she has to say next.

"You're sure no one else saw that note, right?" said Polly.

"I promise. Lucy and I are the only ones who know about it," I said. "Your secret's safe with us, Pol."

Polly sighed. "I really want to believe you, but I-I can't take any chances."

Whoa. I would never expect to hear _that_ come out of the mouth of Polly Pain. I think she knows that, too. Should I press her on it? Might as well try.

"Polly, this isn't like you," I said. "You were never the Nervous Nelly type, yet here you are, shaking in your boots. Wouldn't it be easier to just tell us what's wrong?"

Polly's breath hitched, and sweat poured from her brow. "I-I don't know how you do it, Lynn. I-I wanna be brave like you, b-but I-I…"

What? Why is she getting _more_ freaked out?! Dang it, did I push her too hard? Okay, think, Lynn. You need to say something to calm her down. But what?

…

Wait. She said she wanted to be brave like me, right? Well, that makes things easier. It's not gonna do my pride any favors, but screw it. She needs to hear this. Okay, here goes nothing.

"Trust me, Polly. I'm just as scared at you are right now," I said. "And I'll be honest: if it wasn't for Lucy pulling me together, I'd still be a mess. I'm not invincible, and neither are you. I let Lucy support me, so there's no shame in letting us support you. You just have to be open with us, okay?"

Polly sniffled and shook her head. "Lynn, you have to understand. If they find out what I did, they're not gonna be happy."

They? Is someone after Polly? I'd better not interrupt.

"I've been spending the whole game worried that they tipped off the Hockers," said Polly. "They still might've, now that I think about it. I-I can't stand up to those guys, Lynn! They're monsters!"

…

I mean, she's not wrong. Those Hockers are pretty jacked, and there's not much an eleven-year-old girl can do against them, no matter how tough she is. But now that I'm thinking about it, she nailed us with that paper football note while we were getting out of the locker room, didn't she? I need to make sure we're on the same page here.

"Polly, were you watching me and Lucy during that timeout?" I asked.

Polly nodded.

"So you know that we're investigating something."

Polly gulped. "Y-yes."

I nodded. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I know what's gotten you so on-edge. As it so happens, we found the Royal Woods Roosters' signals inside the Hockers' locker room. But the coach said that they were under lock and key, and no one could've stolen them. But _you_ know who did it, don't you?"

Polly squeaked and jumped. "Shh~! N-not so loud! If the Hockers know I told you this, they're gonna turn me into a human pretzel!"

Looks like I'm on the right track. I gave Polly a smirk.

"Let them try," I said, pounding my fist into my palm. "I'm not letting anyone else I care about get hurt today."

"Nor will I," added Lucy.

Polly took a moment to collect herself. "O-okay. I'll tell you everything I know. But remember, you didn't hear this from me."

"Fair enough," I said. Alright, time to figure out who stole the signals. I know Polly said she'd cooperate, but I'm not sure she's confident enough to just tell us outright. Well, if I have to play this guessing game to get to the truth, so be it.

"Let's start with something basic," I said. "When did you learn about this?"

"Yesterday while I was on my way home from roller derby practice," said Polly. "I heard a couple of kids call out to me, so I went over to see what they wanted."

That already sounds suspicious. "Did you know these kids?"

"Yeah. Well, kinda," said Polly sheepishly. "I knew they were old friends of Rust Bucket."

"Rust Bucket?"

"R-Rusty Spokes," Polly clarified, blushing a little. "We met at the Sadie Hawkins dance."

Oh, right~! That whole thing. Huh. Who'd've thunk it? Rusty Spokes, the try-hard Ladies' Man, managed to get himself a girlfriend. I should ask Polly more about that later, but for now, we've got bigger fish to fry.

"So, these were old friends of Rusty's. That's why you went with them?" I said.

"Yeah," said Polly. She hung her head. "It was dumb of me to do that, though. I don't know how Rust Bucket was friends with such jerks."

Hmm. That probably rules out any of Lincoln's friends. But who could Polly be talking about? Better wait and see if she has to say more.

"They said they needed protection from someone," Polly continued. "When I asked why, they told me it was none of my business."

I scoffed. "Well, if they wanted your help, that was the wrong way to ask for it."

"I know, right?" said Polly. "I tried to leave, but they chased me down."

Chased her down? That doesn't sound right. Polly usually skates home after roller derby practice. It would've been hard to keep up with her. Unless…

"I'm just taking a stab in the dark, but were they riding bikes?" I asked.

Polly blinked. "Y-yeah. How'd you know?"

"Because I think I might know those guys," I said. "You might not know about this, but Lincoln once swiped my BMX bike to get in with this biker gang. One of those bikers happened to be Rusty Spokes."

"That means the boys who accosted Polly must've been the other two bikers," Lucy mused.

"Took the words right out of my mouth, Luce," I said, turning back to Polly. "Well?"

Polly nodded. "Yeah, that was them. They called themselves Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire."

Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

"So after they chased you down, what happened?" I asked.

"It was really weird," said Polly. "They kept saying they had these connections, and that I was crazy to refuse their offer. Something about getting into a movie."

"You mean like sneaking into some R-rated flick?"

"No, I mean like actually being in a movie. Of course, I wasn't buying it."

I wouldn't, either. It's been a while since I rode with those guys, but I know for a fact that Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire shouldn't have those kinds of a connections.

"What kind of movie was it?" I asked.

"An Ace Savvy movie, I think," said Polly. "I'm not really into that stuff, but I heard some rumors about it at school." She then perked up. "Actually, now that I think about it, Lincoln's name came up a lot."

…

Hang on, time out. We found the Roosters' signals inside an Ace Savvy comic. Not just any Ace Savvy comic, but a Full House Gang comic. It couldn't be, could it?

"About this movie rumor," I said. "It wouldn't happen to be based off of the Full House Gang, would it?"

Polly stared at me. "That's right, actually. Did Lincoln tell you?"

"Um, no, actually," I said sheepishly. "See, that's part of why I'm so bent outta shape. I'd rather not get into it right now."

Polly knitted her brow. "Hmm. Rusty did mention he was worried about Lincoln last night."

I've got a feeling that's gonna be important later. Let's get back to the main plot.

"So, what happened after the bribery didn't work?" I asked.

Polly huffed. "They started to get really annoying. It's like they couldn't take a hint. Eventually, I got so fed up that I decked that Flat Tire jerk in the face. When he fell off his bike, I saw something fall out of his pocket."

"And some mysterious force compelled you to pick it up?" asked Lucy.

Polly pouted. "I was gonna give it back to 'em. It's not like it was any of my business. But when I tried to pick it up, that Papa Wheelie punk tried to run me down with his bike! He rode so fast that something fell out of _his_ pocket. And when I saw what it was, I knew that I had to do something."

Hmm. Given all the information we got so far, I think I see where this is going.

"That thing you saw. It was our signals, wasn't it?"

Polly swallowed. "Y-yeah. Listen, you didn't hear this from me, okay?"

And that's checkmate. Good game, Pol. Now it's time to figure out what all this means.

"Relax. Nothing's gonna happen to you," I assured her. "But now we know for a fact that the ones who stole the signals are none other than Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire."

"But why would they do such a thing?" asked Lucy.

"This note explains it," said Polly. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a letter. "I couldn't get to the signals in time, but while Papa Wheelie was turning around, I swapped out this note for a bit of scrap paper in my pocket and just booked it. I told Rusty everything, and he said he'd talk to them."

"And?"

Polly sighed. "He called me late last night. He said that I had to get this note to you, and that he'd deal with his former friends. He sounded really mad."

I took the note from Polly and read it over.

 _Want a part in the new Full House Gang movie? Get us the Royal Woods Roosters' signals, and I'll see what I can do. Here's the key._

…

Those rotten little punks. They sold out the Roosters for a bit part in a comic book movie?! I wish they were here so I could throttle 'em right now!

"Lynn, you're going to tear up the evidence."

O-oh. Right. Man, I'm so glad Lucy's here right now. I don't think I'd be able to get myself under control without her.

"Th-thanks for doing this, Pol," I said, pocketing the note. "Now we can expose those cheaters."

"Perhaps. But it might not be enough," Lucy mused. "Unless…"

I gave her a look. "Unless what?"

Lucy let out a meditative hum. "The spirits say there is a connection. To find out what that connection is, we must confront those who are truly guilty."

I raised an eyebrow. "You mean Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire? But they aren't here."

"No. They aren't," said Lucy. "But Hank and Hawk are."

…

Yeah, that's right. They still have a lot to answer for, and I'm not just talking about the cheating. They also know about Lincoln going missing, and I don't think it's a coincidence that they used a Full House Gang comic to hide our signals. There's only one thing to do now.

I checked the field. The halftime show was still going on. I sighed. This… is gonna be really stupid.

"Lynn."

I shook my head. "Don't hold me back, Luce. There's no other w—"

I stopped short when Lucy tugged on my sleeve. I turned and saw her giving me a small smile. She nodded.

"Let's deal out some justice, Strong Suit."

I smiled back. "Game on, Eight of Spades."

We walked up to the ref, who was busy watching the festivities. Lucy cleared her throat.

"Excuse me."

Predictably, the ref jumped at her sudden appearance. In his shock, he accidentally dropped his whistle. I snatched it up before it hit the ground and blew into it with all my might.

"Hank and Hawk, I'm calling you out~!" I bellowed at the top of my lungs.

Several things happened at once. People murmured in the stands; the ref snatched the whistle from me trying to regain order; the coach marched out of the locker room and made a beeline towards me.

"What's all this, Loud?!" he barked. "Are you trying to get us disqualified?!"

"We're not the ones who need to be disqualified, coach," I said darkly. I looked over to the Hockers' locker room, waiting for Hank and Hawk to appear. "It's time we expose those cheaters for what they really are…"


	18. Confrontation: Lindsey Sweetwater

It didn't take long for us to find Sweetwater. All I had to do was follow the scent of strong perfume and talcum powder, and the trail led us right to her. Man, Charles's bloodhound lessons have really paid off. We ended up cornering her in a broom closet.

"Give it up, Lindsey!" Lola barked, banging on the closet door. "There's no use hiding!"

The door opened, revealing Lindsey's angry eyes. "You're the one who should be hiding, Loud! Hiding in shame!"

"Why? Because of your lies?" I said, folding my arms. "Yeah, that ain't gonna happen."

Lindsey scoffed. "As if a pageant pauper like _you_ would understand. It's all about showmanship, sweetie. If you can convince enough people that something's true, then it _is_ true."

I might not be an egghead like Lisa, but I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.

"Oh. The look on your face tells me that you don't believe me," said Lindsey, stepping out of the shadows. "Well, I still think Lola's the one who kidnapped her own brother. Go ahead. Try to prove me wrong."

Lola tensed up, looking like she was ready to kick Lindsey's teeth in. Honestly, I kinda wanna see that. But I don't think Lindsey is gonna talk to us if she's busy picking her teeth up off the floor. I sighed and placed a hand on Lola's shoulder.

"I know you better than that, Lols," I said. "Don't worry, we can take her." I turned back to Lindsey and nodded. "Challenge accepted."

Lindsey's eyes went wide for a moment, but she then sneered. "Very well, pageant pauper. Prepare to see just how evil your sister really is."

Does she honestly think that she knows my own twin sister better than me? Or is she just gonna make it sound like she does and try to trick me? Either way, I'm not falling for it. If anyone should be hiding in shame, it's her. And I know just how to expose her for the lying snake she is.

 **Argument: It was Lola**

"It's obvious to anyone with a brain that this has to do with that comic book movie," said Lindsey. "Lola here heard about it, and she felt she was being robbed of the spotlight. So, she kidnapped the writer so that she could force him to make her the star. Look how she soaked up all the attention when she came in here this morning. If she really cared about her brother, she wouldn't act like that. And c'mon, are you saying you wouldn't put that past her?"

Already, I see what she's trying to do. Despite all of her pageant victories, Lola's reputation isn't all that great. Everyone who knows Lola knows this. But what Lindsey doesn't know is that there's more to Lola than just a bratty monster. She can talk all she wants, but I have actual proof. I shouldn't play my cards just yet, though. I think we can get more information out of her.

"So, you knew about the Full House Gang movie," I said.

"Well, of course," said Lindsey, flicking her hair. "I always keep tabs on my rivals. It was obviously gonna come up on my radar."

"Funny. Because Lana and I have never heard of it until today," said Lola.

Lindsey snickered. "You really think I'm gonna buy that, Loud? How could you not have heard of it? It was the talk of the school for a while. Granted, it was all just rumors, but even so."

"So you set all this up based on a rumor?" I asked.

Lindsey raised an eyebrow at me. "Set what up?"

"Don't play dumb. I think you know what," I snarled.

Lindsey let out a laugh. "Oh, please. You're bluffing. You couldn't possibly have anything on me."

Um, exactly _who's_ bluffing right now? She couldn't have forgotten what happened in the dressing room. I think it's time I remind her.

"Then what do you call this?" I asked, taking out the note I found in her diary.

Lindsey's eyes went wide. "Th-that could mean anything."

"Really? Then how about we show it to the others and see what they think?" I said with a sneer.

"Um, kinda out of the loop here, Lana," said Lola. "What is that?"

"This is the reason Lindsey Sweetwater locked me in the dressing room while I was snooping around," I explained. "Here, read it."

Lola read the note. I could see the angry vein in her head bulge as she looked up at Lindsey. She had that menacing grin plastered on her face. Y'know the one, the one which says "You just made Lola mad. Ya shouldn't've did that." Lindsey turned completely pale and started sweating bullets.

"Care to explain this, Sweetwater?" Lola said darkly.

"Th-that's not mine!" Lindsey stammered. "S-someone's trying to frame me!"

"Oh, like you were trying to frame Lola just now?" I asked.

"W-well, I… um… Tch~!"

Lindsey stamped her foot and snorted angrily. I think she's starting to realize that she can't talk her way out of this.

"I figured you were up to something the moment Lincoln disappeared," said Lola. "I think it's time you fessed up."

"B-but I didn't do anything!" Lindsey screamed. "I don't even know where he is!"

"That doesn't matter right now," I said. "You still threw together this whole scheme to ruin Lola's life. You have to know _some_ thing."

Lindsey took in a deep breath and let it out in a strained sigh. She then scoffed. "And what if I do? You can't make me talk."

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that," said Lola, rolling up her sleeves. "Did you just say 'please beat me up, Lola Loud?'"

Lindsey sneered. "Oh, dear. Is the Queen of Diamonds getting all huffy? It's quite unladylike to engage in fisticuffs."

I had to smirk at Lola. "See, Lola? This is why _I_ should be the Bad Cop. She's not gonna object to _me_ hitting her."

Lola pouted. "Oh, shut up, you."

"As hilarious as all this is, can I go now?" asked Lindsey. "I think we're done here."

She tried to leave, but I quickly blocked her escape.

"Not so fast," I said, cracking my knuckles. "There has to be more to this, and you're gonna spill the beans. Otherwise, I know some worms who would just love to get into those curls in your hair."

Lindsey gasped. "Y-you wouldn't dare!"

"Wanna try me?"

Lindsey looked between me and Lola, sweat dripping from her brow. Of course, I wasn't really gonna put worms in her hair. I didn't have any on me. But she doesn't need to know that.

"Okay, fine!" said Lindsey. "I'll tell you what I know, but I promise it's not going to help you."

"Let us be the judge of that, Sweetwater," said Lola. "And do try to stick to the truth this time, would you? You really don't want to make me _MAD_ ~!"

Sounds to me like Lola's pretty mad already. I mean, I don't blame her; I'm mad, too. Time to see just how much Lindsey knows about this whole thing.

 **Testimony: What I Know**

"Like I said, I learned about this Full House Gang movie simply by keeping my ear to the ground," said Lindsey. "All I did was take advantage of Lincoln's disappearance and set up my plan to ruin Lola's life. I had nothing to do with the kidnapping itself. The note clearly says someone else got him, so there's no reason to bust my chops over it. Now leave me alone. You've humiliated me enough."

That sounds kinda broken to me. I think she's still lying, but I'm not quite sure how to prove it. I think I'll let Lola take the lead on this one.

"So you just happened to learn about this movie by chance, huh?" Lola mused.

"Of course. It was the talk of the school all week," said Lindsey.

"But you said those were just rumors," I said. "How'd you know they were true?"

Lindsey shrugged. "Woman's intuition. Something _you'll_ never have, pageant pauper."

Oh, she did _not_ just go there! I was about to sock her in the face, but Lola held me back.

"Relax. I got this," she said. She then cleared her throat. "Y'know, Lindsey. Winston just told me that he's a huge Ace Savvy fan."

"Is he? Huh," Lindsey mused. "Never thought a cute boy like him would be such a nerd."

Now it was my turn to hold Lola back. Sheesh, Lindsey really knows how to push our buttons. We're never gonna get anywhere if she keeps riling us up like this.

"Remember, not worth it," I said.

Lola sighed. "Right. Sorry." She took a moment to compose herself before continuing. "Anyway, Winston told me something interesting. He said _you_ were the one who posted the trailer onto the pageant forums before he could get the chance."

"Well, of course I did," said Lindsey, flicking her hair. "It was all part of my plan to take you down once and for all."

Well, at least she's admitting it now. But how does that help? Lola frowned and started pacing.

"See, that's what bugs me," she mused. "Even if your 'woman's intuition' told you that the rumors were true, how did you know what channel would be showing the trailer?"

Lindsey blinked. "What kind of question is that? The rumors said it would…"

"Drop the act, Sweetwater," Lola interrupted. "You're not stupid. You know better than to trust some wild rumors, even if they _would_ lead to my undoing. No, you needed a guarantee that this was legit. And you could've only gotten that information before the trailer aired."

Lindsey scoffed. "Alright then. If you're so smart, where did I get that information?"

"Well, that's easy," said Lola. "It's the same people who wrote the note Lana found in your diary."

"Oh, like _that_ narrows it down," said Lindsey, rolling her eyes. "You have no idea who those people could be, and I'm not gonna tell you."

Lola smiled a wicked smile. "I might not know, but I know someone who does."

"Alright, I'll nibble. Who?"

"The janitor at our school."

"Eep~!"

The color drained from Lindsey's face entirely. Looks like Lola's onto something. Maybe she _did_ do some sleuthing, after all.

"See, Roxanne told me you had an interesting adventure yesterday," said Lola. "You managed to pull a couple of boys into a broom closet. But you were sloppy, and the janitor caught you red-handed."

"S-so?" Lindsey squeaked. "Th-that could've been about anything! I do that all the time!"

"I know you do," said Lola. She walked up to Lindsey and looked her right in the eye. "But you're usually not that careless about it. You should've known the janitor was gonna catch you if you tried to pull that at school. There's only one reason you would take the risk."

"Wh-what's that?"

"Those boys were never gonna come to the pageant hall, and you knew it. You had to get them at school."

Lindsey huffed. "Th-that's just outrageous. Why would I do something like that?"

"Same reason you do anything else," said Lola with a sneer. "You had dirt on them."

"Nngh~! Curse you, Loud!"

Lindsey stomped her foot and glared at us. Wow, and here I thought Lola didn't do any work at all. Heh, shows what I know.

"I think I know what's going on here," said Lola.

"You do?" I asked.

"Stop me if something sounds wrong, Lana," said Lola, clearing her throat. "Lindsey Sweetwater had some major dirt on two boys at our school. She took them aside to confront them about it. Of course, we don't know exactly what happened in that closet, but part of it had to be confirming the rumors about the Full House Gang movie. That's when Lindsey came up with her scheme."

She turned to Lindsey and pointed a finger at her. "You told them to kidnap Lincoln, or else you'd spill the beans on their secret. They tried to do what you asked, but someone else beat them to it. Of course, you didn't care. As long as Lincoln was gone, you could use his disappearance to lure me into a trap where you would ruin my reputation in front of all of my friends! Well, Sweetwater?! Care to deny it?!"

Lindsey sputtered angrily, her face turning bright red. Suddenly, she shrieked and started stomping her feet in anger.

"It's not fair~!" she whined. "I planned everything so perfectly! I was finally gonna beat you, and I was gonna make it last! But your stupid pageant pauper of a sister had to go and ruin everything! Why does she even stand up for you?! You don't deserve it, Lola Loud! You don't deserve _anything_! It's! Not! FAAAAAAAIR~!"

And she keeps saying Lola's the bad guy here. I know Lola has done some pretty nasty stuff, but forcing kids into kidnapping someone? That's a line she wouldn't cross. And even if she did, she'd probably regret it afterwards.

"What was that you were saying about this information not being helpful?" said Lola knowingly. "Oh, right. It was just another lie. Liar liar, pants on fire~."

"So how about you start telling us the truth?" I said, pounding my fist into my palm, "Or am I gonna have to mess up that pretty face of yours?"

"Y-you're not getting anything else outta me, Loud," Lindsey snarled.

Lola smiled her menacing smile. "We'll just see about that."

Lindsey flinched away from Lola, whimpering all the while. I think now that we exposed her, she's just too scared of us to talk. I'm starting to see why we need a Good Cop here. And I doubt Lola's gonna want to be the Good Cop after what Lindsey tried to do.

...

Ah, dang it. Fine.

"Listen, Sweetwater. You know what happens when you make Lola mad," I said. "I can't exactly hold her back, so you should probably give us something we can use."

"P-Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire!" Lindsey blurted out.

Both of us blinked. "Um, what?"

"Th-their names are Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire," said Lindsey. "I overheard them talking about how they were gonna be movie stars. They didn't look the part at all, so I kept listening. Turns out someone was offering them parts in a movie if they could steal something from Royal Woods Middle School."

Whoa. Now _that_ is some juicy dirt. Speaking of which, it's getting pretty close to lunchtime. Let's wrap this up.

"What'd they steal?" Lola asked.

Lindsey sneered. "Sowwy~. I promised them I wouldn't tattle if Lincoln was taken out of the picture. I'm not the kind of girl who would break a promise like that."

No, you're just the kind of girl who would say and do anything if it means hurting Lola. Seriously, don't give us that crud. We know better.

"Well, how's _this_ for a promise?" said Lola, leaning in close. "You tell us what they stole, or I'll tell everyone you wet the bed at Roxanne's last slumber party."

"That's a lie! Nothing but a slanderous rumor!" Lindsey barked. "And anyway, it was at Ariel's slumber part—"

I had to laugh. Lindsey's blush resurfaced in full force while Lola just raised an eyebrow and smirked. Man, she's good.

"Alright, alright!" said Lindsey. "They stole football signals. Don't ask me what those are; I don't know or care. All I know is that it was important enough for me to blackmail them."

"And let me guess. They told you about the Full House Gang movie, too?" I said.

"Y-yeah. That's how I came up with the idea," said Lindsey. She then glowered at me. "And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for your meddling. You're gonna pay for this insult, pageant pau—"

"Call her that again. I dare you."

Lindsey squeaked and shrunk away from Lola. She slowly picked herself up and narrowed her eyes.

"You haven't heard the last of me, Loud," she said. "I'll take you down one day. Mark my words."

"I won't be holding my breath," said Lola. She then winked at Lindsey. "Adieu~."

Lindsey stomped off in a huff.

"You sure we can just let her go like that?" I asked.

Lola shrugged. "She's powerless now, and we got what we needed from her." She then frowned. "But it turns out we shouldn't have come here at all. She set this trap for me, and I fell for it. I'm so sorry about this, Lana. I shouldn't have made this about me."

See, that's the thing about Lola. Sure, she can be mean and nasty, but deep down, she still cares about other people. She just has a hard time showing it. That's why no matter how much we fight, I can never stay mad at her forever. She'll always be my twin sister, and I'll never stop loving her no matter what. I walked over and gave her a hug.

"It's okay, Lola. At least we found something," I said.

"What, you mean Lindsey's scheme to destroy me?" asked Lola.

"More than that," I said, furrowing my brow. "I don't think it's a coincidence that Lincoln disappeared the same night that movie got announced. And do you remember how Sweetwater said that the guys she blackmailed stole football signals?"

Lola gasped. "Y-you don't think Lynn is involved in all this, do you?"

"All I'm saying is that maybe Lucy's spirit friends were onto something," I said with a sigh. "But there's not much we can do about that now. We should head back home and see what the others came up with."

"You mean now?" said Lola. "But I don't think…"

A car horn outside interrupted her train of thought. We turned to see the pageant princesses walking up to us.

"Some old fellow outside is looking for you, Lola," said Chinah. "He seems a bit old for a chauffeur, and his car doesn't look the part at all. But I suppose you have to start somewhere."

Lola blinked in confusion before giving me a look.

"I dunno what to tell ya, Lola. These girls are just weird," I said with a shrug.

"You know we can hear you, right?" said Claudette, raising an eyebrow.

Oh. Oops. "U-uh, no offense, of course."

Lola sighed and rolled her eyes. "We'd better get going. Adieu, my lovelies." She then blew a kiss at Winston. "Adieu, my King of Diamonds."

Oh, brother. I really hope Lincoln doesn't end up writing that into the Full House Gang. Comic books shouldn't have mushy stuff like that.

"Adieu, my fair Queen of Diamonds. And I do hope Lincoln is found soon," said Winston with a wave.

Lola smiled. "Thanks. That really means a lot to us."

Can't say I disagree. But even though we stopped Sweetwater's little scheme, we're no closer to finding Lincoln. Let's hope one of the others were luckier…


	19. Connecting the Disconnect

Once we were outside, we climbed back into Vanzilla, both for privacy and so that Clyde could hear both of us. I texted him to call us in a couple of minutes, so it shouldn't be long until… Yep, there he is. I activated FaceTime and answered his call.

"Hey, Clyde," I said. "You got something interesting for us?"

"Kinda," said Clyde. "I'll try to explain what I can. How's it going at the meetup?"

"Okay, I guess," said Leni. "We met this nice girl named Ginny. She's helping her dad work on the movie."

"I see," said Clyde with a thoughtful nod. "So she's related to Dirk O'Donnell."

"You know him?" I asked.

"Not really. I only heard of him once I started looking into the Full House Gang movie like you said," Clyde explained. "Apparently, it's been in development for a while, and most of that is because of disagreements over the direction the movie should take."

"Disagreements between whom?"

"Bill Buck and this Dirk O'Donnell guy."

That already sounds a bit off. Ginny said at the meetup that she was going to do everything in her power to make sure the movie stayed true to the source material. Did Dirk O'Donnell want to take Ace Savvy in a different direction?

"You wouldn't happen to know what other stuff this guy worked on, would you?" I said.

Clyde sighed and brushed the back of his head sheepishly. "That was a bit of a snag. I tried to look up his other movies, but I can't get around my dads' parental blocks. I'm guessing he made stuff I'm too young to see or something."

Hmm. On the surface, that doesn't seem _too_ strange. Luna likes rock 'n roll, but I've heard her experiment with other genres all the time. Maybe this director made so many mature films that he wanted to try something more kid-friendly. But there's still the disagreement he had with the comic's creator, Bill Buck.

"What direction did Mr. O'Donnell want to take the movie?" asked Leni. "North? South?"

"That's not what Clyde meant by direction, Leni," I sighed. "Still, that's a good question. Did you get any specifics about the disagreement?"

"Funny you should mention that," said Clyde. "While I was researching the movie, I found an Ace Savvy news blog called Gin Rummy Prime's Stacked Deck."

I raised an eyebrow. "Gin Rummy Prime?"

"Yeah, the alternate universe counterpart of one of Ace Savvy's biggest foes, Gin Rummy. He was introduced back in Casino Multiverse #1, where Ace Savvy discovers Earth Prime, which is supposed to be—"

"Um, I'm sure this is fascinating and all, but we literally don't have time for this, Clyde," I interrupted.

"Oh, right. Sorry," said Clyde sheepishly. "Anyway, the blog does talk about the troubles with the movie's development. Apparently, Dirk O'Donnell kept wanting to deviate from the source material, and Bill Buck said it was too far removed from what Ace Savvy is supposed to be."

"Well, they had to reach some sort of compromise, didn't they?" said Leni. "I mean, like, the movie is being made right now. There's a trailer and everything."

"I wondered about that, too," said Clyde. "But no matter where I looked, there was no official statement made about how the issue was resolved. All that happened was that last week, the plans for the movie were leaked online by Gin Rummy Prime."

That's probably when all the rumors started. "Do you happen to know who runs this Gin Rummy Prime blog?"

"'Fraid not. They're using the character to maintain their anonymity," said Clyde with a shrug. "You know how the internet is."

"Um, like, I don't get it," said Leni. "Why would someone lie about their identity online?"

Ay yi yi. It's amazing that Leni spends so much time blogging about fashion and uploading her selfies, yet she doesn't quite grasp internet culture. Heck, I remember when she first got internet privileges, she literally doxxed herself. I wish I was making that up.

"I'll explain later," was all I could really say to that. "Anyway, Clyde, think you could send us a link to this blog?"

"Oh, sure. Anything for you, Lori," said Clyde.

In a matter of seconds, I received a text containing the link. I opened it up and took a look. I have to say, it looks pretty well-made. I mean, some of the design choices are very weird. For example, the title banner has four cards with each of the four suits you'd find in a deck, but instead of a spade, there's a sword. Like, huh? Why go against the theme like that? Still, it's clear someone put a lot of time and effort into designing this page.

I scrolled through the blog and reached the article Clyde was talking about. Just like he said, there was a lot of back-and-forth about how much to change, but nothing about a resolution. Not even the leaked info about the movie posted last week had anything to say on the matter. So what happened? Why is the movie being made if Bill Buck and Dirk O'Donnell never reached an agreement on the script? What exactly did they decide to do? I don't think we can get those answers here.

"I know you said that you couldn't access Dirk O'Donnell's film library because of the parental blocks," I said. "But what about anything on the man himself? We've literally never heard of him before."

"Yeah, and Ginny said there were these nasty rumors about him," added Leni. "She said they weren't true, but I think she's lying."

Clyde furrowed his brow. "Hang on a sec."

The screen went dark, and we heard typing in the background. A few minutes later, Clyde showed up on screen again.

"Okay, here's what I got," he said. "Says here that Dirk O'Donnell is a small-time director from Hazeltucky. He's most well-known for directing this movie called Transgression Town. Huh, I never heard of that…" He sighed. "Dang it."

"What?"

"Parental block."

Oof. I knew Clyde's parents were strict, but this is a bit much.

"Well, we can always ask Chaz about that later," said Leni. "He's always been a big movie buff."

That or you could, y'know, look it up on _your_ phone? Then again, Clyde _is_ still on the line. If O'Donnell's movies are as risqué as I'm led to believe, I don't wanna risk exposing him to that kind of stuff.

"Anything about those rumors Ginny mentioned?" I asked.

"I'm looking into it now," said Clyde. We heard him typing away on his laptop for a bit. "Hmm. I found a few complaints about him from actors talking to the tabloids. Something about him being too intense and demanding."

Huh. Usually it's the prima donna actors who get described like that (at least, if my Tiger Beat magazines are anything to go by). I never thought I'd hear that about a director.

"How intense are we talking about?"

"There's one quote here. It's the only one I can find that's not behind a parental block," said Clyde, clearing his throat. "'The guy doesn't believe in makeup or stunt doubles. It's like he _actually_ wants us to get hurt.'"

…

Yeesh. That… is pretty intense. But hang on. Principal Huggins said something about Ginny going against her father's vision. What kind of vision entails not taking care of your actors? There has to be more to this.

"Holy smokes!"

Clyde's sudden exclamation caused me and Leni to jump. "What is it, Clyde?"

"I just checked back on Gin Rummy Prime's blog, and there's something here about the Full House Gang! I'm sending it to you now! Check the date!"

In a flash, the link appeared on my phone. I opened it up and looked at the date.

"April 15th," I said. "What's so special about that date?"

"That's the day after Lincoln and I won the contest!"

…

Okay. Now it feels like we're getting somewhere. I read the article aloud.

"'It seems two young boys from Royal Woods, Michigan have done what a professional director could not: they have taken the comic world by storm. Just goes to show you that you don't need to be dark and gritty to tell a good story.'"

"Wait a second. Did Mr. O'Donnell enter that contest, too?" asked Leni.

"I just checked the entrants list from the contest. His name isn't on here," said Clyde. "But Virginia O'Donnell is."

Well, if that's the case, the blog post doesn't make much sense. Maybe it's talking about some other project Dirk O'Donnell worked on?

"Clyde, see if you can find anything about Dirk O'Donnell in relation to Ace Savvy," I said. "Stuff that _isn't_ about the Full House Gang."

"On it," said Clyde. After a few clacks from his keyboard, he got back to us. "That's weird. I'm not coming up with anything. All I found are a few comments from Bill Buck on how he respects Dirk O'Donnell's approach, even though it's vastly different from his."

That seems to line up with what Ginny said about her father and Bill Buck being friends. Even so, this is very strange.

"Anything about what Dirk O'Donnell said about Bill Buck?" I asked.

"Let's see… Yep, he had stuff to say about Bill, but it isn't exactly flattering," said Clyde. "He said jokingly that Bill Buck doesn't take his stuff far enough. Something about how his stories being predictable and safe even when extreme stuff happens."

That's still not a whole lot to go on. Not only that, but there's literally nothing directly tying to Lincoln's disappearance. Even so, it's the best lead we've got so far. We need to see where it goes.

"Alright, keep us updated, Clyde," I said.

"Will do, High Card," said Clyde with a salute. "One-Eyed Jack, over and out."

We ended the call there.

"We should probably get back to the roundtable discussion," said Leni. "I've got a few questions for Ginny and Chaz."

I tilted my head. "I understand why you want to talk to Chaz, but why Ginny?"

Leni twiddled her fingers. "Well, I wanna know more about her dad, but every time we talked about him, it made her upset. Plus, she entered that Ace Savvy coloring book contest, too. Maybe she knows more about all this than she's saying."

…

Y'know, on the surface, that doesn't seem like a strong connection. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't pick up on Ginny's anxiousness, too. If Leni thinks she's hiding something, there's a good chance that's the case. Leni has always been good at reading people.

"Alright, let's head back," I said.

We got out of Vanzilla and made our way back to the library. We were about halfway across the parking lot when I was blindsided by a car zipping past and pulling into a parking space. I pulled Leni out of the way just in the nick of time.

"Um, hello?!" I yelled angrily. "You could've literally hurt us!"

The car door opened, revealing a rather distinctive-looking gentleman. He was tall and lanky, and had a broom mustache. He was dressed like one of those snobby art dealers. Y'know, with the fancy blue suit, the beret, and the heavily-tinted shades? At least I think that's how snobby art dealers dress; I don't know that many art dealers.

"Pardon me, madam," he said gruffly. "I didn't mean to scare you; I just didn't see you."

…

Okay, if you didn't see us, maybe don't wear heavily-tinted shades while you're driving. Sheesh, even _Leni_ could tell you that, and she doesn't even have her license yet! Actually, looking at his car, I can see that the windows are heavily tinted, too. I'm surprised he saw _anything_!

"I-I'm sure it was just an accident, Lori," said Leni, trying to drag me away. "C'mon, Wild Card Willy is probably getting worried about us."

I could tell that Leni just wanted to avoid a confrontation, but I'm honestly too angry to care. I need to give this guy a piece of my mind!

"Listen, buster! You can't just speed through the parking lot like that!" I yelled. "There are other people besides you, y'know! How about next time, you take off those stupid shades and actually—?"

"Dad?"

I was interrupted by a familiar voice. We turned to see Ginny approaching us. The gentleman grunted.

"Ah, hello, Gin," he said, his tone becoming more pleasant.

Ginny let out an aggravated growl. Leni gulped.

"Um, she doesn't like to be called that," she whispered to the gentleman.

"I-it's fine," said Ginny, but I could tell it wasn't. "M-maybe I should introduce you. This is my dad, Dirk O'Donnell."

…

Well, this is awkward. I'm still kinda peeved, but I don't think I should blow up at the guy while his daughter is standing there. I took a few deep breaths to calm down.

"I'm… sorry about that, Mr. O'Donnell," I said. "I should've handled myself better."

Dirk said nothing. He simply grunted and nodded. He then turned to Ginny. "Friends of yours?"

"Oh, we just met," said Ginny. "This is Lori and Leni Loud. They came to the meetup to learn more about the Full House Gang movie."

Dirk lowered his shades and looked at us. "So you two inspired the great Lincoln Loud, hmm?"

"You know Lincoln?" asked Leni.

Dirk stared at Leni blankly. "Why would I not know him? I'm adapting his comic to the big screen."

"Oh. Right," said Leni sheepishly. "Sorry, I forgot."

"Don't mind Leni. She's a bit… spacey," I said, putting it as delicately as possible.

Dirk nodded. "So she is. I can't imagine why _she_ would fit into a crime story like Ace Savvy."

Um, wow. Rude much? She's literally right there. Of course, Leni did not take the insult well. But before she could object, Ginny intervened.

"Dad, you can't just say that right to her face," she scolded. "I'm so sorry about this, guys. My dad isn't exactly well-known for his tact."

Dirk pressed his shades against his face, causing them to shine. "Are you attempting to lecture me, Gin?"

Ginny's eye twitched. "N-no…"

"That's what I thought," said Dirk. "Now then, has One-Eyed Jack shown up?"

Ginny shook her head. "No, Dad. His parents thought it would be best if he stayed home." She then raised an eyebrow. "Something about a kidnapper on the loose."

Dirk stroked his chin in thought. "Now that can't be right. It goes against the script."

Um, what script? Did he expect Clyde to be here?

"Dad, I keep telling you that your script is bogus," said Ginny.

"Cut!" Dirk barked, making a slashing motion across his throat. "You know the rule, Gin. If you want a say in production…"

"…don't question the script," Ginny said with a pout. "Dad, I'm not a kid anymore. I know that rule's a load of…"

"Cut!" Dirk barked again. "I will not have that attitude in my masterpiece, young lady." He then bowed to us. "I apologize for this. Gin here has become more rebellious in recent years."

If that's the way you treat her, I can see why she'd want to rebel. I mean, no offense to Ginny or anything, but her dad's a major creep.

"I should probably explain. My dad treats every stage of production as a film shoot," Ginny explained. "That includes promotional stuff like the meetup. He also hates it when things don't go according to plan."

"I can see that," I said. "But Ginny's right, Mr. O'Donnell. I don't know if you've heard, but our brother Lincoln went missing last night, and Clyde's parents said he had to stay home. You're gonna have to change your script."

Dirk snorted angrily before letting out a sigh. "I suppose there's no getting around it," he said. "Gin…"

Ginny flinched again. She really doesn't like being called that, does she?

"Could you please stop calling her that?" asked Leni. "You're making her uncomfortable."

"I-it's okay, Leni. Trust me, you don't want any part of this," said Ginny in a strained tone. "Look, I think Dad wants to go over the script with me so that we could figure out what to do going forward. Do you mind giving us some privacy?"

Part of me wants to stick around and eavesdrop, 'cause I literally don't trust this guy like at all. But I guess I shouldn't jump to conclusions yet. Maybe he just has trouble getting along with people. Still, I can see where Leni's coming from. I'm starting to feel bad for Ginny, too.

"Right, sure. We were just heading back, anyway," I said. "Seeya later, Ginny."

"Y-yeah. Seeya," said Ginny.

With that, we made our way back to the library. Well, I can see why the tabloids called Dirk O'Donnell abrasive and difficult. He certainly rubs me the wrong way, and I really don't like how he talks to his own daughter. Still, one problem at a time. We still need a lead on Lincoln, and all we have is a bunch of guesses with no way of knowing how they connect. Let's hope Leni's hunch about Chaz is accurate.

* * *

"Ah, girls! Good to have you back," said Principal Huggins. "Any news on Lincoln?"

I guess he believed that was what my phone call was all about. To be fair, he's not entirely wrong.

"Nothing yet," I sighed. "What'd we miss?"

"We were just discussing how Dirk O'Donnell is gonna handle this," said Chaz. "It's still a big departure from his previous work."

"Actually, I'm curious. What _was_ his previous work like?" I asked. "I've never heard of this guy before."

Chaz blinked. "You haven't? You really need to check out more flicks, Lori. The guy's pretty well-known for his gritty crime stuff. Y'know, this isn't even his first comic book movie."

"It isn't? But Ginny just said his other work wasn't meant for kids," said Leni.

"Neither was the first comic he adapted," said Chaz. "Transgression Town. It stands as one of his greatest masterpieces in cinema. Really heavy film noir stuff, if you're into the kinda thing."

"So, like, is that how he knows Bill Buck?" asked Leni.

Chaz shrugged. "Honestly, I wouldn't know. Transgression Town was published independently, while Ace Savvy is syndicated."

Leni tilted her head. "Syncopated? Isn't that when Luna plays her music with weird beats?"

"Syndicated," I corrected. "It means the Ace Savvy series is owned by a company that publishes his books."

"Oh. I see," said Leni. She averted her eyes and blushed. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Leni," said Chaz. "I know you're not into this stuff like we are."

Well, that's one way to put it. I have to say, it's nice to see Chaz be so patient with her. That's a good sign for their relationship going forward. But we can't get sidetracked now.

"So Dirk O'Donnell has a thing for mysteries," I mused. "Apart from the fact that his work is more mature, it sounds like Ace Savvy would be right up his alley."

"That's what we've been talking about," said Chaz. "Becky thinks that Ginny can keep her word and make sure her dad doesn't go too extreme, but I'm not so sure. The man does not like other people interfering with his vision."

Yeah, that became pretty apparent after Leni and I bumped into him a few minutes ago. Speaking of which, maybe I should ask about that.

"Principal Huggins, was Mr. O'Donnell himself supposed to come to this meetup?" I asked.

Principal Huggins furrowed his brow and stroked his chin. "I don't think so. At least, Virginia never mentioned anything about it. Why?"

"'Cause he just drove up to the library," said Leni. "He's out in the parking lot with Ginny right now."

Several gasps and murmurs were heard around the table. Principal Huggins still seemed to be lost in thought.

"So that's why Virginia left so suddenly," he mused. "What could this mean?"

I'm starting to think that Leni and I aren't the only ones playing detective at this meetup. I don't know if Principal Huggins is just getting into character or if he's really trying to help us solve our own mystery, but either way, I've never seen him like this before.

"What about you, Wild Card Willy?" asked Leni. "Do you know anything about Mr. O'Donnell or his work?"

"I've seen one or two of his movies," said Principal Huggins. "His work isn't exactly my cup of tea, and to be frank, I do have concerns about how he'll handle Ace Savvy."

"But he's got Ginny to rein him in, doesn't he?" said Becky.

"There's only so much an assistant editor like her can do," Chaz argued. "I'm sure she's gonna be working really hard, but knowing Dirk O'Donnell, it's gonna be an uphill battle."

"Oh, c'mon, Chaz. You don't _really_ buy all those rumors about him, do ya?" said Joey. "I'm sure he's just a regular guy like you and me."

Having just met him, I can confirm that he's literally not like that. If anything, I'm siding with Chaz on this one. Ginny does have her work cut out for her.

"I'm afraid Leni and I are a bit out of the loop here," I said. "What exactly are these rumors about Dirk O'Donnell?"

Chaz's face darkened. "From what I heard, he's a man of extremes. According to the tabloids, he's gotten into a lot of trouble with actor's unions over how he's been treating them. They say he's dedicated to making the drama as authentic as possible."

I'm immediately reminded of that quote Clyde read to us while he was researching Dirk. I don't think I'd trust someone like that to make a kid-friendly movie. I mean, what, if a character dies in his movie, does he expect the actor to literally die for real?

…

Okay, maybe that was a bit too extreme. There's no way anyone's _that_ crazy. Still, I think we can safely say that he's pretty intense. I'm still not sure what that has to do with Lincoln, though. I think we need to shift gears a bit.

"Actually, Leni and I were doing some research on the way back here," I said. "Does anyone know about this blog called Gin Rummy Prime's Stacked Deck?"

"Well, of course," said Principal Huggins. "That's where I first found out about the Full House Gang movie."

"Same here," said Becky. "Of course, I first dismissed it as a wild fan rumor, but that was before the trailer aired."

"Any idea who runs the blog?" I asked.

"No one we know," Chaz said with a shrug. "Then again, Ace Savvy blogs like that are a dime a dozen. I know Principal Huggins here runs one himself."

Principal Huggins blushed. "I-it's just a little hobby of mine. Clyde convinced me to look into it to better connect with my fellow fans."

Huh. That's actually kinda sweet of Clyde to do that. I remember back when Principal Huggins tried to sabotage Lincoln's entry into the contest, he told us how those comic books were practically his only friends when he was a kid. It's the same reason Lincoln and Clyde rewrote their story to include Wild Card Willy as a good guy.

…

Hang on. The contest! We need to address this.

"Um, Principal Huggins? Do you remember the Ace Savvy contest that led to the Full House Gang?" I asked.

Principal Huggins cleared his throat. "Of course I do. I'll never forget your brother's generosity to have me share the honor of meeting our hero, Bill Buck."

"Did Ginny mention that contest at all while we were out?"

Principal Huggins furrowed his brow. "Now that you mention it, we did discuss the original comic at some length." He then chuckled. "Actually, she complimented me on my addition to the entry. She certainly has an eye for quality storytelling."

I know Principal Huggins was probably just blowing his own trumpet, but honestly, I liked that part of the Full House Gang comic, too. Though really, it's more that I'm impressed that he, Lincoln, and Clyde managed to cobble together such a satisfying ending in such a short amount of time.

"She did get a bit antsy when we talked about her dad's entry, though," said Chaz. "Y'know, Dirk O'Donnell actually entered that contest himself."

…

Wait, that literally can't be right. Clyde said that Dirk's name wasn't on the list of entrants. Ginny's was.

"What're you talking about, Chaz?" asked Leni. "I thought Mr. O'Donnell was a movie director, not a coloring book artist."

"Comic book, Leni," I corrected with a sigh.

Leni blinked. "Right. What did I say?"

I could only groan at that. Seriously, reasoning with Leni can just be impossible sometimes.

"I can see how you'd be confused. Not a lot of people know about this," said Chaz. "But as a movie buff, I recognized O'Donnell's signature style in his entry."

"You mean it's online somewhere? I didn't think any of the other entries would get published."

"None of the other entries had the financial backing that Dirk O'Donnell does," Chaz replied. "He had this big advertisement campaign and everything. Not a lot of people saw it because it was only promoted alongside his movies."

"I honestly don't know why he bothered," said Principal Huggins. "Bill Buck was going to have the final say in what entry won that contest. There wasn't a need to seek public approval."

That's the least of my worries right now. My question is if Dirk O'Donnell submitted a comic into that contest, why wasn't his name on the list? And what about Ginny? None of this is making sense, and what's worse, I don't know how this'll help us find Lincoln. All I know is that there's gotta be a connection to the movie, but we can't seem to find it.

"I hope we're not interrupting anything."

I know that voice. We turned to see Ginny walk in with her father right by her side.

"Ah, Mr. O'Donnell. We weren't aware that you were coming," said Principal Huggins.

"Neither was I, but I suppose some revisions to the script can't be helped," said Dirk. "Speaking of which, we should be heading back to Hazeltucky soon. Does anyone else have any questions about the movie before we take off?"

Yeah, like a million. But I don't think I can ask them everything right here and now. Let's see, what would be the most useful thing to ask them?

…

Alright, I think I got it. Here goes nothing.

"Ginny, I take it you and your dad are pretty big comic fans," I said. "I wanna hear your thoughts. What do you both think about the Full House Gang?"

Dirk grunted. "It's… adequate. I admire your brother's ability to mimic Bill Buck's style, but in doing so, he robs the story of the gravitas it could've had."

Ginny rolled her eyes. "That's my dad. Always so hard to please," she sighed. She then smiled. "As for me, I think it's nothing short of a work of genius. I wish I could write like Lincoln does. And I already told Mr. Huggins about how Wild Card Willy's emotional arc really tied the whole thing together." She gave Dirk a sideways glance. "Just goes to show you that a good story doesn't have to be dark and gritty."

…

Hang on. That phrase is ringing a bell. Didn't Gin Rummy Prime say something like that on their blog when they were talking about the Full House Gang? Call it a hunch, but I don't think that's a coincidence.

"Did you guys enter that contest, too?" asked Leni.

Dirk and Ginny looked at each other. Wow, Leni. That was a bit… direct. After a pause, Dirk cleared his throat.

"No further questions, I'm afraid," he said. "We must be off."

"It's a simple yes or no, though," said Leni. "Did you guys enter the…?"

"Cut~!"

Dirk's exclamation prompted a chorus of shushing from the library's patrons. I don't know what else he was expecting, honestly.

"Dad, volume!" Ginny hissed. "We're in a library!"

Dirk lowered his shades and glared a Ginny. "Do not patronize me, Gin. I know full well what I'm doing. This _is_ still my script, after all."

Chaz gave Joey a look. "A regular guy just like you and me, huh?"

Joey had no retort for that. Ginny let out a sigh and approached me.

"My heart goes out to you and your family," she whispered. "I hope you find your Ace Savvy soon."

…

Okay, how does _she_ know Lincoln role-plays as Ace Savvy? Actually, now that I think about it, how did she know Clyde role-plays as One-Eyed Jack? She knew exactly who her father was talking about when he mentioned that character's name. In fact, did _he_ know Clyde role-plays as that character? I'm starting to suspect that these two know more than they let on.

"Thanks, Ginny," I said. "Listen, is there a chance we can meet later and talk?"

Ginny frowned. "Unless you're willing to drive all the way out to Hazeltucky, I don't think that's a good idea."

Lady, I would literally drive to the freaking _moon_ for Lincoln if I had to. I mean, why else would Leni and I show up to this meetup? We didn't exactly make our investigation a secret when we got here. You know what this is about.

"Can we at least give you our numbers?" asked Leni. "Y'know, if you change your mind."

Ginny averted her eyes and fiddled with her ponytail. "Well, I…"

"Gin? We're off."

Before Ginny could finish her thought, Dirk took her by the arm and dragged her away. Ginny gave us a pained look as she left. Dang it. There goes our biggest lead.

"Well, that was certainly unexpected," said Principal Huggins. "I suppose if there's no further Ace Savvy business to discuss, we can adjourn. Same time next week?"

"Deal me in."

"Of course."

"Chaz abides."

Principal Huggins nodded. As we started to leave, he leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"I have Ms. O'Donnell's phone number," he said. "She's actually the one who called me to arrange her appearance at this meetup. I can write it down for you if you want."

I had to take a second to let all that sink in. It looks like we're on the same wavelength on this. I… guess that's cool.

"That'd be really helpful, Principal Huggins," I said. "Thanks a lot."

"Don't you worry your purdy little head, High Card," said Principal Huggins in a thick Western accent. "Ol' Wild Card Willy's got your back."

Well, maybe "cool" isn't the right word to describe it. Normally, I'd cringe at how weird it is to see a grown man act like such a dork, but then I remember that I've lived with my dad for seventeen years. Grown men acting like dorks has always kinda been a part of my life.

Principal Huggins wrote down the phone number on a slip of paper and handed it to me. After saying our goodbyes, we left the library.

"So, now what?" asked Leni.

I sighed. "Well, we can't call Ginny now; it'd be too soon. And I'm not sure what else Clyde can do at this point. Maybe we should go back home and see if anyone else found anything."

Leni tilted her head. "Are you sure that's smart? Like, we left with Lisa and Lily. Aren't Mom and Dad gonna wonder why we didn't come back with them?"

…

How is it that Leni remembered that when _I_ didn't? Ugh, dang it, we did _not_ think this through.

"Lisa still has her phone, right?" I said. "Call her up and tell her we're on our way to pick her up."

"Got it," said Leni.

We hopped into Vanzilla and drove off. Well, we might not know where Lincoln is, but I have a feeling I know who does. I can't really prove it, but I think Ginny and Dirk are hiding something. For now, let's just regroup and see where we're at. I hope the others found something we can actually use…


	20. Confrontation: Lord Tetherby

When we returned to the museum room, Lord Tetherby's mood had not improved. He was in a mental fugue state, pacing around the room and grumbling to himself. Something tells me that this will be an uphill battle. Not that I'd expect anything else. No one said the life of a detective was easy or glamorous.

"Greetings, my good man," I said.

Tetherby turned to us and scowled. "Humph. Took you long enough," he growled.

"To be fair, you do possess a rather elaborate estate, Lord Tetherby, was it?" I said, adjusting my glasses. "Anyone could get lost roaming through these corridors."

Tetherby scoffed. "That's the problem with you common folk. No sense of scale or grandeur. Now, kindly remove yourselves from my home. You have no business here."

"I want to decide that for myself, good sir," I said. "With that in mind, I was hoping you'd indulge me in a few questions."

Tetherby's eyes went wide. "Why should I indulge you in anything? You're trespassing on private property!"

"That was an accident, I assure you," I said, giving Lily a look. Lily simply blew a raspberry at me in return.

"Young lady, what is all this about?" asked one of the policemen. "I thought we were just here to rescue your sister."

"That is indeed why we came here initially," I said. "But while we wandered through the halls, I managed to stumble across some anomalies. Anomalies that only Lord Tetherby here can explain."

Tetherby raised an eyebrow at me. "Such as what?"

"My sister followed you here because she spotted you purchasing an Ace Savvy graphic novel, or comic book," I said. "Tell me, are you an Ace Savvy fan, Lord Tetherby?"

Tetherby glowered at me. "I don't see how that's any of your business."

"Just humor me, Lord Tetherby," I said. "I promise, if I turn out to be mistaken, Lily and I shall leave without further delay."

Tetherby snorted. "Very well. But keep in mind the police are standing right here, and I can see through your bluffs. If it turns out you're just trying to cause mischief, I'll make sure your parents are informed."

"Duly noted," I said. Alright, I can't afford to make any mistakes. There has to be a way to firmly link Tetherby to the Full House Gang movie, and by extension, to Lincoln's abduction. What exactly is he hiding?

 **Testimony: Tetherby and Ace Savvy**

"I will confess that these children's books have a certain charm to them," said Tetherby. "I was merely curious when I picked that book up. It's always quite quaint to see what the commoners are latching onto these days. There's nothing more to it than that, and frankly, I don't see how you could think otherwise."

I have a lot of good reasons to think otherwise. In fact, if I still had my lie detecting glasses, they would be going off right now. The only problem is I'm not entirely sure how to call him out on it. I need to press him for more details.

"So that was all that drove your purchase? Mere curiosity?" I said.

"That and nothing more," Tetherby insisted.

"Is that also why you went to Flip's Food and Fuel in the first place?"

Tetherby shrugged and wrinkled his nose. "Where I go is my business, you little scalawag. You have no right to poke your nose into my private affairs."

Nngh. I can't say I disagree. This isn't my official job. Nevertheless, we've come too far to back down now. But what can I use to justify my questions?

"[Lisa, lookie!]"

I turned to where Lily was pointing. It was a glass display case holding an Ace Savvy comic book. However, it was unlike any Ace Savvy book I've seen before. I'm not overly familiar with the series, but a cursory glance at the cover tells me that this isn't Bill Buck's traditional style. If anything, it appears to be geared towards a much more mature audience. Quite curious. What is this doing here?

…

Wait a tick. That's it! Good eye, Lily!

"Lord Tetherby, do you stand by your claim that your interest in Ace Savvy was driven by mere curiosity?" I inquired.

"Of course I do," said Tetherby brusquely.

"Then tell me. How do you explain _this_ display case?" I asked, pointing to the comic book.

Tetherby's mustache bristled. "Th-that's none of your business!"

"If it isn't my business, why did you just lie to me about it?"

"H-how dare you!"

Tetherby recoiled from my accusation, turning completely red in the face. Methinks I hit a nerve.

"Think about it, Lord Tetherby. If you wanted me to leave as soon as possible, you could've accomplished that simply by telling the truth," I said. "In a sense, you are correct. What you do in your spare time is not really my prerogative. And if you were able to prove that to me honestly, I would've left without another word. Ergo, there's only one reason you'd lie, and that is that the truth is inconvenient for you!"

"Th-that still doesn't excuse what you're doing!" Tetherby barked. "You act as though I committed some sort of crime, but you have nothing on me!"

"Well, you're partially right," I said. "I'm not accusing you of anything. Yet."

"Yet?" parroted one of the officers. "Kid, what're you talking about?"

"Before we were distracted by Lily's little escapade, you two were investigating the disappearance of my older brother Lincoln, if I recall correctly," I said.

The officer blinked. "Um, yeah. What about it?"

"Remember how Flip revealed the existence of a Full House Gang movie in production?" I said. "Well, this may just be a hunch, but I'm fairly confident that the movie is connected to Lincoln's disappearance."

"What makes you say that?"

I sighed. "I'm afraid I don't have any firm evidence to confirm my hypothesis as of yet," I confessed. "However, I do have proof of how Lord Tetherby here might be involved."

Tetherby scoffed. "Ridiculous. You can't expect these lawmen to take the ravings of a toddler seriously. I'll say it again for good measure: you have nothing."

"That is where you're wrong," I said, taking out the burnt letter. "Lily found this in your fireplace. It's a letter from a certain correspondent that you blacklisted for unknown reasons."

Tetherby gripped his cane tightly. "So that's how you riffraff operate, is it? Rifle through my rubbish and cause me grief? What's so special about that burnt letter?"

"Allow me to elucidate," I said. "On the letter, I managed to spot the word 'movie.' Now, watch what happens when I put the words 'Full House Gang' before it."

I took out HARV and had it recreate the letter. Indeed, the intact document showed that the title "Full House Gang" fit perfectly on the page. Tetherby blanched.

"Y-you think your fancy toys prove anything?" he sputtered. "You don't know that's what the letter said!"

"You're right. I don't," I said. "But neither do you, because you had the butler toss it directly into the fireplace. Unless you have a habit of converting junk mail into kindling, this strikes me as highly suspicious."

"This is an outrage!"

Tetherby slammed his cane into the ground and glared at me intensely. I simply smirked and adjusted my glasses.

"Lord Tetherby, if you're truly innocent of all wrongdoing, you have no reason to lie about anything," I stated plainly. "That being the case, I wish to learn more about this letter and the individual who wrote it."

"Th-that is a private matter, you hooligan," Tetherby snarled, turning to the police. "Why aren't you two doing anything about this?!"

One of the officers gave me a pained look. "Miss, are you absolutely sure about this? Mr. Tetherby is right; these wild accusations might not mean anything."

"If it means rescuing my elder male sibling, then it's a risk I'm willing to take," I said solemnly. "Of course, you may do to us what you will if it turns out I am mistaken."

Tetherby huffed. "Such incompetence. Rest assured, I _will_ be writing to your superiors about this," he vowed. He then turned to me and groaned. "Fine. I'll play your little game for now, but don't try anything funny."

I could say the same to him, but in all fairness, he has a point. I'm treading on proverbial eggshells here. My case needs to be airtight, or else our entire investigation may be compromised. And before you ask, no, I won't lay the blame squarely at Lily's feet for this. I know I'm pushing the limits of what I can get away with here. Nevertheless, this is a matter of high risk and high reward. I can't give up now.

 **Testimony: The Blacklisted Correspondent**

"The man who wrote that letter used to be an old family friend," said Tetherby. "He would often come to me to seek financial backing for his projects. However, we had a falling out due to his more… questionable endeavors. I've instructed my staff to destroy all letters from him. It's been months since we last spoke."

Hmm. If I let that testimony stand, then my case holds no water. I might have a way to prove that Tetherby is speaking falsely, but for now, it would be most prudent to probe him for more information. The clearer the picture, the better our chances of locating Lincoln.

"You wouldn't mind telling us the name of this old colleague of yours, would you?" I inquired.

Tetherby growled. "He was a movie director named Dirk O'Donnell. Quite a creative savant, if not a bit unhinged. We actually met during a limo surfing expedition in Hazeltucky."

How… how would that even work? Nngh, focus, Lisa.

"Well, that right there serves as a connection, does it not?" I said. "This Dirk O'Donnell fellow is a movie director, and the note he sent you was clearly talking about a movie."

"And what of it?" Tetherby scoffed. "You can't prove that it was talking about this Full House Gang movie specifically. You admitted as much."

Nngh. Dang it. He's trying to derail the conversation to delegitimize my hypothesis. I can't let him slip away.

"Why did Mr. O'Donnell come to you for financial aid?" I asked. "Furthermore, why did you give it to him?"

Tetherby chuckled. "A man of my standing is always willing to support the arts, especially the truly profitable pictures that O'Donnell produced. He always seemed to do well at the box office, so it was a safe investment."

Hmm. Nothing too abnormal about that. Wealthy gentlemen like Lord Tetherby often support the arts to give off the illusion that there's more to them than endless greed. Of course, most can see right through their facade, and it wasn't as though Tetherby was attempting to keep his true motives hidden. At least, not in this case.

"So, what happened?" I asked. "Why did you find it necessary to break off all ties with Mr. O'Donnell?"

Tetherby scoffed. "That's personal. What's more, it was months ago. It's hardly relevant to this Lincoln boy you keep talking about."

He says that as if he's never heard of Lincoln in his life. That, of course, is not true in the slightest. But while his first encounter with my elder male sibling is irrelevant to the matter at hand, I have it on good authority that this isn't. It's time to unravel this lie.

"Lord Tetherby, could you look at this for a moment?" I asked, pulling out the silver ring.

Tetherby eyed the ring carefully before shrugging. "That ring doesn't mean anything to me."

"Really? It should," I said. "Notice the initials."

"D.O.. So? There are probably dozens of people with those initials."

"Ah, but one of them happens to be a movie director," I said. "The same movie director we've been talking about for the past few minutes. A Mr. Dirk O'Donnell, if I recall correctly."

"Y-you nosy little urchin!"

Tetherby swung his cane wildly, and his face flushed bright red. Sheesh, and I haven't even explained why the ring is significant. Though judging by his reaction, I think he already knows the answer.

"Remember what I told you about lying, Lord Tetherby?" I scolded. "You said you severed ties with this individual months ago, yet my sister Lily found this ring in your house just today. There's no way you or any of your staff could've overlooked this for that amount of time! Ergo, I believe it's safe to hypothesize that your falling out was much more recent!"

"A-and so what if it was?!" Tetherby barked. "You don't know that O'Donnell has anything to do with this Ace Savvy stuff!"

Nngh, he's right. I don't have any evidence to that effect. Unless…

"Excuse me, gentlemen," I said to the officers. "Would one of you be so kind as to give me a boost? I wish to observe the comic in that display case."

The po-po looked at each other and shrugged. "Um, okay."

One of the policemen lifted me up to the display case. I took out my magnifying glass and observed it carefully.

…

Eureka! There it is; right in the corner.

"The signature on this comic is the name O'Donnell," I mused. "How… interesting."

Tetherby was visibly shaken now. He took out his handkerchief and dabbed some sweat from his brow. "N-now look here, you peasant. Y-you're going too far! I have nothing to do with O'Donnell, you hear me?! Nothing!"

"You _have_ nothing to do with Mr. O'Donnell. Present tense," I stated calmly. "That doesn't erase the fact that you once _had_ a connection with this individual. And it seems you know more than you say you do."

"What makes you say that?" asked one of the policemen.

"Allow me to state my theory," I said. "Judging by the comic and the letter, it's safe to presume that Dirk O'Donnell is working on the Full House Gang movie. He went to Lord Tetherby for funding, but the two got into a debate. I can't say for certain what that debate was about, but it was enough to prompt Tetherby to sever all ties with the individual. Now, this is just a hypothetical, but what if Mr. O'Donnell was planning to do something… illegal?"

All of the color drained from Tetherby's face. "Th-that's it! I-I refuse to be insinuated in this manner! Bates~!"

"Don't bother. He's busy cleaning up a mess Lily made," I said with a shrug. "I apologize for that; you know how babies are."

Lily giggled mischievously and winked at me. It's fortunate that very few people know how smart she truly is.

"The fact remains that there is a possibility that Mr. O'Donnell had some sort of scheme involving his movie," I continued. "It was a scheme that Lord Tetherby wanted no part of, thus the blacklisting." I pointed an accusatory finger at Tetherby. "You thought that by severing all ties with Mr. O'Donnell, you could save your own skin and protect your financial assets from the police! However, through your dishonesty and insistence on burying the truth, you've only served to dig your own proverbial grave!"

"Y-you… you… This outrage… I… Mmmmmrgh~!"

In a fit of frustration, Tetherby swung his cane at me. Surprisingly, the knob came loose. Even more surprisingly, it was connected to a chain, and it spun around and wrapped around his body. It reminded me of how Lincoln occasionally got tangled up while playing with his yo-yo. Lily giggled at the bizarre display, and I couldn't help but chuckle as well. This is why you don't incorporate your brand into every aspect of your life.

"Mr. Tetherby, we're going to need to ask you a few questions," said one of the officers.

"Th-this is preposterous!" Tetherby protested, squirming out of the chains. "How are you taking her seriously?! I have nothing to do with O'Donnell! She has no evidence!"

Well, that's not entirely correct. I have circumstantial evidence, and while it isn't exactly irrefutable, it's at least something.

"This'll be over a lot quicker if you just be transparent with us," I said firmly. "What exactly caused you to break off your connection with Dirk O'Donnell?"

Tetherby grunted and growled, seething with rage and glowering intensely at me. Finally, he let out a defeated groan.

"H-he wanted more money to fund a special promotion for the movie," he said. "At first, I was skeptical. The last time I helped him with a project like this, I ended up losing money."

"A project like this?" I parroted. "Could you elaborate?"

"That comic in the display case," said Tetherby. "I funded its promotion. Apparently it was for some contest that O'Donnell ended up losing. I have it as a reminder of one of my biggest blunders."

An Ace Savvy contest. That wouldn't happen to be the same contest Lincoln and Clyde won, would it? It's certainly not outside the realm of possibility.

"And something about this new promotion caused you to end your financial relationship with Mr. O'Donnell," I mused. "Tell me, did it involve my brother Lincoln?"

Tetherby winced. "P-perhaps. I don't know; I wasn't really paying attention. I was just… appalled by the lengths O'Donnell was going to just to promote some action movie. I mean, even for him, it was a rather dangerous gamble. That's actually why I tracked down a copy of that comic. I wanted to know what about that story inspired such madness."

"I'm afraid we're a bit out of the proverbial loop, Lord Tetherby," I said. "What were the specifics of Mr. O'Donnell's mad scheme?"

Tetherby grunted and turned up his nose. "I have nothing more to say to you on the matter. O'Donnell's business is not my own. Not anymore."

That's not going to hold up in court, and the po-po know that.

"Sir, if this Dirk O'Donnell did do something illegal and you're aware of it, it's your civic duty to tell us what you know," said one of the officers firmly.

"I don't have to answer to you incompetent clods!" Tetherby blurted out. "Look at you! You let a child take over your investigation!"

…

And I thought Flip was tempting fate when he refused to cooperate with the police. I suppose men of great wealth are more susceptible to their own hubris.

"Sir, don't tell us how to do our jobs," said the officer. "Now, we just want to ask you a few questions to confirm this young lady's story. Answer us honestly, and we'll leave you alone."

Tetherby huffed and folded his arms. "I exercise my right to remain silent."

That's… not how the Miranda warning works. That would only apply if the police are arresting you, though if you keep acting belligerent, they might end up doing just that. Either way, I feel that's all I'll be able to get out of him.

Still, this is rather unsatisfying. All I have are theories and suppositions; nothing that I can definitively prove. Not only that, but Lincoln's whereabouts still remain a mystery. How exactly do we proceed from…?

Oh. I'm getting a phone call. I took out my phone and checked the caller ID. It's from Leni. Curious.

"Excuse me, gentlemen. I have to take this," I said, answering the phone. "Greetings, second eldest sibling."

"Oh, hey, Lisa," said Leni. "Listen, Lori and I are just wrapping up our thing. How are things on your end?"

Hmm. While I _would_ like to ask Tetherby more questions, I think the po-po can handle things from here. Hopefully, I haven't inadvertently distracted them with inaccurate presumptions.

"We've just completed our investigation as well," I said.

"Great! We'll pick you up at Flip's in about…"

"Actually, do you happen to know where Tetherby Manor is?"

There was a pause. "Tetherby Manor? You mean the home of that rich limo-riding jerk?"

I'm surprised she actually remembered that. Then again, sometimes I feel as though I don't give Leni enough credit.

"The very same. I can text you the coordinates," I said.

"Why?"

"Because that's where we are right now," I said sheepishly. "I'll… explain during the debrief."

Another pause. "Why are you taking off your briefs? Did you get them dirty?"

Good grief. It's fascinating how Leni can be so astute for one second and then so obtuse the next. I feel as though the machinations of her mind will forever remain an enigma to me.

"No, Leni. I mean I'll tell you about the results of our investigation when we've regrouped," I clarified.

"Oh~. Got it," said Leni. "Just send me a text, and I'll tell Lori where to go."

"Understood," I said. I hung up and did as I promised. Once I concluded, I saw Lily giving me a look. "What?"

"[You were lucky the po-po were busy talking to Lord Tetherby,]" Lily scolded. "[What if they overheard you?]"

…

I'll admit, that was a highly grievous oversight on my part. I can only assume that Lily had some plan to distract the police if she felt she had to. Even at her young age, I can't deny her contributions to the investigation.

"Right. Thank you, sibling," I said. I then turned to the police. "Gentlemen, that was my elder sister calling. She's coming to pick us up."

"You sure about that, kid?" asked the officer. "We can still give you a ride home."

"Thank you, but there's no need to trouble yourselves," I said with a shake of my head. "I've interfered with your duties enough for one day. Come along, Lily."

With that, we ventured to the manor's entrance to wait for Lori and Leni. I'll confess, I don't feel a hundred percent confident with leaving things here. There's still a chance that my hypothesis is false. Then again, my investigation was merely one piece of the puzzle. Hopefully, the others have something more substantial. Only with all of our findings combined can we ascertain the truth…


	21. Confrontation: Papa Wheelie

With the help of the workers, we managed to find the control room. Just as Chandler said, the two stinkers were hiding beneath one of the panels. When they saw us bust in, they jumped and yelped. Gee, it's almost as if they didn't expect to see us.

"Wh-what're you doing here?!" Flat Tire stammered. "I thought you were…"

"Were what? Trapped in that sewage tunnel?" Luna interrupted.

Papa Wheelie gulped. "L-look, this is all just a big misunderstanding."

"Drop the act, Wheelie," Rusty snarled. "We're not stupid."

"Shut it, Spokes! You've got nothing on us!" Flat Tire barked back.

"Maybe not, but we do," I said, blowing some bubbles out of my bubble pipe. "I mean, why else did you ditch us in that sewage tunnel?"

Papa Wheelie let out a nervous chuckle. "Oh, that? Th-that was just one of my jokes. We bikers love a good prank, don't we, Flat Tire?"

Flat Tire gave his boss a blank look. "We do?"

Papa Wheelie deadpanned and elbowed Flat Tire in the stomach. Ah, the ol' Henchman-Doesn't-Know-the-Ruse routine. Always a classic.

"O-oh, right!" Flat Tire said. "We sure do!"

Yeah, I buy that for all of zero seconds. These two can call themselves harps all they want, but I know a couple of _lyres_ when I see 'em (ooh, that's a good one! I have to remember to tell that to Luna later).

"Oh really? This was just a prank, huh?" I said. "Well, I happen to know a thing or two about pranks. How's about you let us in on the joke? Just from one prankster to another."

Papa Wheelie nodded. "U-uh, sure. No prob."

Yep. That confirms it; he's lying through his teeth. Anyone in the comedy business can tell you that if you have to explain the joke, there _is_ no joke. And I'm not spotting any joke here. Although I can tell these two are up to some _funny business_ (hahahaha~! Get it?). All we have to do is find out what that biz is.

 **Argument: It's Just a Prank, Bro**

"We heard that Chandler had a bit of a surprise for that wimpy brother of yours at this party," said Papa Wheelie. "When you two showed up instead, we thought it'd be funny to play a little joke on you. But Spokes here got the wrong idea and tried to ruin everything. Besides, you got out of the place okay, so no harm done."

Oh geez, where to start? I know I can go overboard with my own pranks, but locking someone in a sewer is where I draw the line. Seriously, Luna could've died! I-I don't know what I'd do with myself if that…

Mmph. Calm down, Luan. No used crying over milk that hasn't even been spilt. You've got an argument to pick apart. Let's make sure we're all on the same page here.

"So, you think ditching us in a sewer is funny, do you?" I asked, blowing some bubbles out of my bubble pipe.

"H-hey, Chandler's the one who brought you down there," said Papa Wheelie. "He's the one to blame for this, not us."

I raised an eyebrow. "Sounds to me like you're changing your story."

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Well, if you were making fun of Chandler's little surprise, wouldn't that have been a joke at _Chandler's_ expense?" I asked.

Papa Wheelie blinked. "Why would we wanna prank that guy? He's not the wimp here."

"Yeah, Chandler's a cool kid," said Flat Tire. "Who else can throw a rockin' party like this?"

Aaaaand it goes right over their heads. Not only are they bad liars; they're also terrible at comedy.

"So, you guys think Chandler is cool and Lincoln isn't. Is that it?" asked Luna.

Papa Wheelie scoffed. "And what if it is? You gonna bop me one?"

"Don't tempt me," Luna growled through gritted teeth.

Yeesh. Luna usually doesn't get super mad, but when she loses her temper, she _really_ loses her temper. Not that I blame her; anyone would be in a bad mood after falling into a river of raw sewage. But this isn't gonna get us anywhere.

"Y'know, if this was a prank, you could've fooled us," I said. "I mean, as a professional prankster myself, I can tell you that what you did was shoddily put together and unnecessarily cruel. Not to mention dangerous."

Papa Wheelie shrugged. "So? That's what pranks are."

"Exactly," Flat Tire chimed in. "We've seen tons of videos online."

…

I'm not dignifying that. Honestly, the less I say about the schlock amateurs try to pass off as pranks, the better. Let's put an end to this little charade, shall we?

"See, here's the thing," I said. "If this was really meant to be a prank, then how do you explain what happened when we bumped into each other?"

Papa Wheelie blinked. "Uh, what?"

I sighed. "It looks like I have to jog your memory. Does the phrase 'big bait catches big rat' ring any bells?"

Papa Wheelie suddenly flinched. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really? Then why were you so eager to take _this_ from us?"

I took out the skeleton key from my pocket. Flat Tire bolted and tried to grab it.

"G-give that back!" he bellowed.

What he didn't know is that I've had years of experience keeping stuff out of the reach of my younger siblings. I held his head in place while he flailed his arms.

"Remember now, Papa Wheelie?" I said. "When you bumped into us in that tunnel, you tried to get this from us. And y'know what else?"

"What?"

"When you came along, we just got through talking to Chandler about a couple of troublemakers breaking into Royal Woods Middle School a couple of days ago. I have a feeling those troublemakers are none other than you two!"

"Y-you can't prove that!"

"Then why are you so set on getting this key, huh?"

"Th-that's none of your business!"

Rusty sighed. "Wheelie, c'mon. She's got you pegged. Just admit it."

"Butt out, Spokes!"

Wow, for someone who claims that he did nothing wrong, Papa Wheelie sure looks steamed. No, really, I think I can see steam coming out of his ears. Y'know, getting upset like that only makes you look _more_ suspicious, buckaroo.

"J-just give it back!" Flat Tire roared, stilling clawing at the key. "Th-that key doesn't mean anything to you!"

"That's where you're wrong," I said. "See, Chandler says he found this key in the sewer last night. He broke into Royal Woods Middle School using it because he's a big copycat who thought you two were cool."

"Yeah, and because of that, he thought the key would fit into any lock," said Luna. "But when he tried to open an access tunnel for us, the key didn't fit. Which means that key belongs to Royal Woods Middle School!"

"Ah~!"

Papa Wheelie flinched, his face as white as a sheet. Looks like he can't refute that.

"Y-you still don't have anything on us," he said. "So what if we busted into that school? You have no idea what we were doing there, and we ain't gonna tell you. So nyah~."

I just gave him a look. "So, you basically just admitted that you and Flat Tire broke into Royal Woods Middle School a couple of days ago."

It took a second for the dim bulb to finally brighten, but once Papa Wheelie figured it out, he was shaking like a leaf. "Um…"

"Don't go telling us sweet little lies, mate. We know the truth," said Luna, folding her arms. "So how about you make this easier on yourselves and spill the rest of it? What were you doing at that school?"

"W-we don't gotta say nothing!" Flat Tire protested. "N-now give us that key!"

Wow, he's persistent. I pressed a button in one of my pockets, causing a trick flower to spray him with water. That got him to back off. You can't say I didn't come prepared.

"If you guys aren't going to tell them the truth, then I will," said Rusty firmly.

Papa Wheelie stared at Rusty for a moment. He then smirked and straightened himself out.

"C'mon, Spokes. No one's gonna believe you," he said. "Remember, it's our word against yours."

That's not gonna help you guys. At this point, I trust Rusty more than you two knuckleheads.

"How about this?" I said. "Why don't you explain why Rusty's so upset with you guys?"

Papa Wheelie sneered. "Gladly."

Oh, he does not know what he just agreed to. Sure, I can just ask Rusty to give his take, but that's not nearly as fun. I'd rather watch the bad guy tangle himself up with his own web of lies.

"Dude, I don't think we've got time for this," Luna whispered. "We've wasted too much time here already."

I sighed. "Fine. I'll let you take this one. But I'm holding you back if you try to get rough. We're just gonna get into more trouble and waste more time if you end up _cleaning their clocks_." I laughed. "Get it?"

Luna rolled her eyes. "For the record, those jokes are just wasting time, too."

"Touché," I conceded. "Alright, Wheelie. Let's hear that testimony."

Papa Wheelie scoffed and cleared his throat. I saw Rusty silently stewing in the corner. I'm pretty sure he'll be more than willing to set the record straight if Papa Wheelie gets anything wrong, but I know Luna. She's seeing right through this horse hockey, and she's having none of it.

 **Testimony: Rusty's Beef**

"Rusty's just butthurt 'cause we made his girlfriend cry," said Papa Wheelie. "But see, that wasn't our fault. We just talked to her yesterday because we thought she'd be interested in doing a little something for us. We had no idea she'd be so unreasonable. She actually tried to attack us just for asking! If anything, we're the good guys here!"

Rusty scowled. "That's not how _I_ remember it."

I'm right there with you, Rusty. This whole thing stinks more than the entire sewage treatment plant. But here's the kicker: how're we gonna prove it? They're not gonna back down just based on Rusty's word alone. I looked to Luna to see if she had any ideas. She simply took in a deep breath and approached the two stinkers.

"I wasn't aware that Rusty had a girlfriend," she said.

"Well, he does," said Flat Tire. "Her name's Polly Pain."

Polly Pain. Isn't that the girl Lynn set Lincoln up with at the Sadie Hawkins dance? I looked over at Rusty, and he nodded.

"Yep. Polly and I have been going steady for a while now," he said.

"Then, why do you still like a desperate Ladies' Man every time we see you?" I asked.

Rusty chuckled. "Hey, I can't help it if I'm irresistible."

Spare me. Still, I think that whole Ladies' Man routine is just an act at this point. After all, he _is_ going out of his way to defend his girlfriend's honor.

"So what did you want Polly to do, exactly?" asked Luna.

Papa Wheelie looked off to the side and twiddled his fingers. "Th-that's personal."

I expected Luna to belt him right then and there, but instead, she shrugged.

"Fine," she said, turning to Rusty. "Rust, did Polly tell _you_ what these blighters wanted?"

"Yeah," said Rusty with a nod. "She said they needed protection from someone. Apparently, that someone found out that they broke into Lynn's school, and they were gonna snitch on 'em."

"Sh-she's lying! Why're you so quick to trust that dame over your old buddies?!" Papa Wheelie barked.

"Maybe it's because _she_ had proof that you two were up to no good," Rusty retorted.

Papa Wheelie crossed his arms. "Alright then, Spokes. Where is this proof? Oh, wait. You don't have it, do you?"

"Well, not _on_ me, no," Rusty admitted. "But…"

"But nothing," Flat Tire interrupted. "If you can't prove what we did, then we didn't do anything."

"Except for breaking into Lynn's school," I said.

Papa Wheelie scoffed and shrugged his shoulders. "You still don't know what we did there, and you have no way of showing it. Face it, Spokes is just acting all butthurt about his crazy gf and taking it out on us."

…

Y'know, I could say something right now, but it'd only be censored. So I'm gonna go with the old standby: Dang it. I mean, as much as I hate to admit it, he has a point. None of the evidence we have even suggests what they were doing at that school, and if we just bring up what we heard in that argument earlier, it's just gonna be our word against theirs. This is trickier than I thought. C'mon, there has to be something we're missing.

"You really expect us to buy all that? Not ruddy likely, mate."

I turned to Luna. She had a sly smirk on her face. Did she figure something out?

"You're bluffing," said Papa Wheelie. "I've said it a million times: you've got nothing."

"Then what was the deal about that scrap of paper you took from Luan, huh?" said Luna.

Flat Tire sneered. "It's just a blank scrap of paper. What could you possibly get from _that_?"

"If I recall correctly, you got all panicky when you saw that paper wasn't what you thought it was," said Luna. "And after that, you claimed that Rusty's girlfriend had something to do with it. So, what was on the original paper?"

"L-like we're gonna tell you!" Papa Wheelie snapped.

Luna shrugged. "Fine. Have it your way." She then turned to Rusty. "Rusty, did Polly give you a piece of paper?"

"Yeah. It was a note," said Rusty.

"Uh-huh. And what did the note say?"

"It said if Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire wanted to get parts in the Full House Gang movie, they just had to steal the Royal Woods Roosters' football signals."

"Lies! You can't prove it said that!"

Is it just me, or was Papa Wheelie a bit too quick to deny that? Luna noticed it, too.

"Well well. Now this is getting interesting," she mused.

"Wh-what're you talking about?"

"Luan and I overheard Rusty reading you the Riot Act during this poor excuse for a party," Luna explained. "He mentioned someone named Lynnsanity, and that you two betrayed her. Turns out Lynnsanity was the leader of your little biker gang before it dissolved. And you know what else?"

"Wh-what?"

"Our sister Lynn just so happens happens to be a star player on the Royal Woods Roosters. Now, why would Rusty get so steamed over you two betraying Lynnsanity after you stole the signals for the Royal Woods Roosters? I can only think of one reason, and it's that Lynnsanity is your gang's nickname for Lynn!"

"Ack~!"

Papa Wheelie stumbled back, nearly crashing into the control panel behind him. I think Luna just hit the nail on the head. Although if Papa Wheelie was smart, he'd probably just deny the whole thing and say it was just a coincidence. Not that we would've bought it; we know better.

"I think I can piece together what's going on here," I said, blowing some bubbles out of my bubble pipe.

"Lay it on us, little sis," said Luna. "Whatcha thinkin'?"

I nodded. "It's elementary, my dear Luna. A couple of days ago, these two stinkers get a note from someone claiming they can get them parts in the new Ace Savvy movie. Being the gullible troublemakers they are, they accepted the offer and did as they were told. However, they got caught by some sort of snitch, and they needed protection. So they went to Rusty's girlfriend Polly Pain, who refused their offer."

I took out the key again. "Once it was apparent that they had no protection from this snitch, they figured the best thing they could do was get rid of the evidence. They flushed this little beauty down the toilet, only for Chandler to fish it out."

"But why didn't they do the same with the note?" asked Rusty. "Why was it still on them?"

"Elementary again," I said, blowing a few more bubbles. "That note must've been their only point of contact with whoever gave them this job. They needed to stay in contact with them to complete the transaction!"

"But Polly managed to steal it from them and swap it out with that bit of scrap," said Luna. "That's how she proved to Rusty that these two weren't on the level."

"And that's not all," I said. I jabbed my bubble pipe at the two stinkers. "You two know something about Lincoln going missing, don't you? You said as much when Rusty tried to confront you over this."

"Y-you can't prove that we know anything!" Flat Tire blurted out.

I gave them a sly grin. "Hey, I've got a joke for you. How do you turn a couple of turkeys into stool pigeons?"

Papa Wheelie blinked. "Um, I don't know. How?"

"You make them sing," I said with a dry laugh. "Get it? Well, you don't yet, but you will." I turned to Luna. "How about it, musical sister of mine? Care to give these two singing lessons?"

Luna snorted and pounded her fist into her palm. "I thought you'd never ask, Lu'. Just hold me back from doing any real damage, yeah? After what they pulled, I really feel the urge to cut footloose!"

"Y-you can't do that!" Papa Wheelie sputtered. "W-we're gonna tell on you!"

Rusty smirked. "Then I guess it's just gonna be your word against ours."

"And considering the state you left Luna in, you don't really have a leg to stand on," I added. "So how about you just fess up already?"

Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire shivered as Luna loomed closer and closer. She drew back her fist, ready to wallop them good. Suddenly, they bolted.

"Scatter~!" Papa Wheelie yelped.

I saw that coming a mile away. As they ran around like a couple of loons, I took out a banana peel and dropped it on the ground. Flat Tire slipped and fell. Seconds later, Papa Wheelie tripped over his accomplice. The two of them lay in a heap, unable to do anything.

"There's no way out of that _slip-up_ ," I said with a laugh.

Luna just gave me a look. "Whoa. You thought of everything."

I blushed. "Eh, don't give me that much credit. I didn't think they'd go so far as to try and trap us in the sewer, after all."

"Point taken," said Luna. She then glared at the two stinkers. "Alright, here's the sitch. You guys tell us what you know about Lincoln disappearing, or I'm gonna shove your heads up your bums. Unless you like the idea of spending the rest of your lives running around on all fours looking for the light switch, you'd better start talking."

"A-alright! We give, we give!" Papa Wheelie relented.

Luna nodded and backed off. Honestly, I don't know if she really was planning to hurt them, but like I said before, I wouldn't blame her if she thought about it.

"Look, we don't know where that note came from," said Papa Wheelie. "It was just given to us by this weird lady we never saw before. All we know is that whoever wrote the note gave us the key to Royal Woods Middle School, and they said they'd give us parts in their new Ace Savvy movie if we did this job for them."

"Yeah, but then that little snitch Sweetwater overheard us talking about it and threatened to tattle on us!" said Flat Tire. "We went to Rusty's girl to scare Sweetwater off, 'cause we heard she was a tough cookie. We didn't peg her for being a jerk and refusing us, though."

Wait a second. Sweetwater? As in Lindsey Sweetwater? Was Lola actually onto something?

"What did Sweetwater want from you?" I asked.

"Sh-she wanted us to nab Lincoln," said Papa Wheelie.

Luna's face darkened. "So you're the ones who kidnapped him. I've been looking to seek and destroy the culprit all day!"

"I-it's not what you think!" Papa Wheelie exclaimed. "Someone else beat us to him last night!"

Hmm. That sounds rather… convenient. _Too_ convenient.

"How do we know you're telling the truth?" I said, taking out my feather. "Don't make me use this."

"Actually, I can vouch for 'em on this one."

We turned to Rusty, who also had a dark look on his face.

"After Polly told me about what happened, I tried to confront them about it last night," he said. "When they weren't at home, I figured they were doing some late-night riding. I eventually found them stalking out Acorn Street."

"Hang on. That's where Lisa said Lincoln's bike was found!" said Luna.

"There's a reason for that," Rusty said grimly. "See, before I could talk to Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire, I saw Lincoln coming down the street. I was about to call out to him, but these two cut me off. And while they were distracted by me, two big palookas just up and nabbed Lincoln. I didn't get a good look at 'em, but after what Polly told me, I knew something was up."

"I see. And instead of going to the police, you came here to get these two to… what? Apologize?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"I figured these two knew more than what they told Polly, and if Lincoln was in danger, I had to find out what they were hiding," said Rusty. "I told Polly to go to Hazeltucky with that note so that she could warn Lynn about this treachery."

"So you knew that she swiped our note the whole time!" Papa Wheelie barked. "You're dead meat, Spokes! You and that crazy girl of yours!"

Luna scowled. "The way I see it, you two aren't exactly in a position to be threatening anyone."

Indeed, she was right. Physically, they're just tangled up in one another, and any excuse they can come up with now is not gonna cut it.

"You mentioned that a weird girl gave you the note," I said, taking out a damp notepad. "Can you give us a description?"

"L-look, we ain't never seen her before," said Papa Wheelie. "We just know she was dressed weird. I think she was into goth or punk or whatever."

Hmm. That's not enough to go on. I guess observation is not this guy's strong suit. I mean, clearly it isn't; otherwise he would've seen this whole mess crashing down on his head long ago.

"Looks like they've got nothing else we can use," Luna sighed. "Bogus."

"Let me guess. This is the part where you beat us up, right?" asked Papa Wheelie, sneering at Luna. "'Cause y'know, there are adults around. They're not gonna like seeing you picking on little kids."

Luna let out a deep-throated snarl and trembled with rage. Before she could say anything, Rusty smirked and took out his phone.

"Actually, this is the part where I call your parents and tell them what you've been up to," he said. "And thanks to Luna and Luan here, I've got the evidence I need to prove it. It's not just gonna be my word against yours."

Papa Wheelie blanched. "N-no! Anything but that! C'mon, Spokes! W-we can get you a part in the movie, too! You used to be cool, Spokes! What happened to you?!"

Rusty shook his head. "I grew up. Maybe you should, too."

Ooh~! That was a sizzlingly sick burn! Maybe getting a girlfriend of his own _has_ helped Rusty grow a little. I wouldn't know; I don't see him that much. All I do know is that there's not much else we can do here.

"Looks like the party's over," said Luna. "Lu', you mind callin' Chunk and telling him to get the van ready? I can't use my phone after, well…"

"Say no more. I'm on it," I said. I then sighed. "Well, this was a wash."

Luna frowned. "Yeah, I kinda feel ya on that, Luan. But at least we know that this Full House Gang movie has something to do with Lincoln getting nabbed, and we managed to expose these two blighters."

"But we still don't know where Lincoln is, or what any of this means," I said with a sniffle. "Y-you almost bit the big one for next to nothing, Luna. Even Lucy would say that's too dark."

I let out a sad laugh, but at this point, I'm only kidding myself. I'd come up with another pun or something, but I think I already used all of my best material when Luna came to. I've got nothing else to make this funny. B-but I have to. I-I don't wanna think about…

Luna suddenly pulled me into a hug.

"Luan, it's okay," she cooed. "I'm not going anywhere. In fact, you're probably the reason I'm still here. You came back for me, after all."

Well, I can't argue with _that_. And I'd do it all again. I may be a prankster, but my jokes are meant to entertain, not to hurt people. I know that's hard for most people to believe given my April Fool's Day track record, but trust me. I know where to draw the line, and I still love my family with all my heart.

"Dang right I did," I said, returning Luna's embrace. "And we're going to save Lincoln, too."

"Well said," said Luna. "Welp, it's time we were homeward bound. Maybe the others found something we missed."

I nodded and unlocked my phone. "Here. You call Chunk. I don't know his number."

Luna nodded and took my phone from me. As she explained everything to Chunk, I just got lost in my thoughts. This is a lot more complicated than I thought it'd be. Who would sabotage Lynn's football game like that? Who were the shadows that swiped our little Linky? And furthermore, where even _is_ he?

Well, for what it's worth, we at least learned more of this cruel joke. Now we just need the other pieces so that we can deliver the _punch_ line. Hahahahaha~! Get it?

…

But seriously, whoever did this to Lincoln and made us go on this wild goose chase is gonna get _their_ goose cooked. And if push comes to shove, I might just have to break out the umbrella and walnuts after all. This bozo has no idea who they're messing with…


	22. Confrontation: Hank and Hawk

In a matter of moments, the two darkened souls emerged from the locker room, answering to Lynn's challenge. They marched right up to us, towering over us like two ruthless vampire hunters staring down a pair of lowly skalls.

"What's all this about?" asked Hank (or perhaps it was Hawk? I don't know which is which). "We're not supposed to trounce you losers for another ten minutes."

"Oh, someone's gonna get trounced alright," Lynn snarled. "And it's you two cheaters!"

"Just a moment, kid," said the referee. "That's a pretty serious claim you're making. Can you prove it?"

"I bet she can't," Hawk said with a sneer (though it might've been Hank). "I bet she just wants to weasel her way out of the butt-kicking that's comin'!"

Sigh. Already, they seek to make us look like the villains and cast a dubious light on our story. I won't let them escape their fate.

"Sir, I implore you to give us a chance," I said. "This crime cannot go unpunished."

"Big talk coming from a little water girl," growled Hank, pounding his fist into his palm.

"It's true, though," Lynn snapped. "How else are you guys always busting through our plays?"

Hank and Hawk looked at each other and shrugged.

"Maybe you guys just suck," Hawk jeered. "Isn't that right, Hank?"

"Yeah," Hank concurred. "You never had a prayer to beat the Hockers, and you never will."

They concluded their taunt by spitting at our feet. Grr. They aren't intimidated in the slightest. Thankfully, neither are we.

"If you're so sure about that, how about you explain yourselves?" I challenged.

Hank and Hawk looked at each other again. They then turned to the referee.

"C'mon, ref. You aren't seriously buying all this, are you?" Hank asked. "They're just a bunch of sore losers trying to rob us of the win."

The referee furrowed his brow and pondered this for a while. Finally, he sighed.

"We can't continue the game until this is addressed," he said, giving us a look. "But this is your only warning, you two. If I find out that you can't prove any of your claims, the Roosters are disqualified."

"Got it," Lynn said with a nod. Even though she tried to project confidence, I could tell she was nervous. I share her sentiments. Is our evidence going to be enough to illuminate the dismal dealings of these darkened souls? Only the spirits know for sure.

"Fine," Hawk said with a snort. "Guess me and Hank are gonna have to give you a little history lesson, ref. We'll show you these whiney crybabies have no idea what they're talking about."

Grr. Lynn only cried because _you_ kicked her while she was down. You knew she was upset about Lincoln vanishing, and you used it against her. We still need to figure out how you know that, but one problem at a time. For now, we need to break through their bluster and expose them for the blackened souls they are.

 **Argument: You Just Suck**

"You probably forgot this, but the Royal Woods Roosters have never beaten the Hazeltucky Hockers," said Hank.

"And we know for a fact that you never will," said Hawk. "We're just too good for you wimps. We don't even _need_ to cheat."

"Yeah! The only reason you'd say otherwise is so that you could ruin our victory in the biggest game of the season," said Hank. "Just admit it and give it up."

"Yeah, just admit it," said Hawk. "It's not like you have any proof that we did anything wrong."

That didn't feel like an argument. It just sounded like a bunch of discouraging drivel bullies spew in order to keep others down. But my older sisters always told me that bullies only win when you let them. And we won't let them.

"So you claim that no matter what, the Roosters will lose to the Hockers every time," I said.

"That's right," said Hank with a sneer. "We've always beaten you chumps."

"That much is true," I said, stroking my chin in thought. "But as I recall, there was one game where you almost lost."

Hank scowled. "Whaddya mean?"

"Lynn, remember the first time you played for the Roosters?" I asked.

Lynn thought for a moment before her face lit up. "You mean the big game when I was subbing for Lincoln, right?"

"Exactly," I said with a nod.

Hawk scoffed. "What about that game? We still won."

"The only reason you won was because _I_ was taken out of commission, and Lincoln messed up trying to make up for his scheme," said Lynn. "Face it, guys. We Roosters can put up a fight. Your victory is never a sure thing."

Hank and Hawk growled and snorted. Methinks we struck a nerve.

"Yeah, well, so what?" said Hank. "Doesn't change the fact that you Roosters are still a bunch of losers. We're just the better team, plain and simple."

I was almost tempted to show them the football signals right then and there, but that would mean admitting to snooping around in the Hockers' locker room. We still need to build our case. Lynn smirked and brushed the underside of her nose.

"So, you're sticking by that, huh?" she said.

"And what if we are?" asked Hawk, cracking his knuckles. "You wanna make something of it?"

"Dang right I do," said Lynn. "I think you two need to explain this."

She pulled out the note Polly Pain gave her and handed it to the referee. He looked it over and gasped.

"Hockers, you'd better have an explanation for this!" he barked angrily.

Hank and Hawk jumped. "Wh-what? What'd we do?"

"That right there is a note asking a couple of punks to steal the Roosters' football signals," said Lynn. "It was picked up by a friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous after those punks tried to rope her into their scheme."

"Th-that has nothing to do with us!" Hank bellowed.

"Oh, it doesn't, does it?" said Lynn, crossing her arms. "Then tell me, who else would want our football signals? I can't think of anyone but you guys!"

"Maybe it was another team!" Hawk brayed. "Ever think of _that_?!"

Lynn snickered and shook her head. "Now you're just grasping at straws. This is the biggest game of the season. The Roosters aren't gonna be playing anyone else after this game until the next season rolls around. No other team in the state is gonna get any use out of last season's signals! Face it, they're only useful to _you_!"

"You're dead, Loud!"

Hank and Hawk tried to charge for us in a blind rage, only for the referee to blow his whistle and hold them back.

"This isn't looking good for you boys," he scolded. "Explain yourselves, or the Hockers will be disqualified."

"Bull! You can't just take their side!" Hank snapped. "Here, let me see that!"

He swiped the note from the referee's fingers and read it over. Sigh. They have no regard for the authority here.

"Just fess up, you punks," said Lynn. "You convinced Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire to steal our signals, didn't you?"

Hank and Hawk gave Lynn a blank look. "Who and who?"

Uh-oh. That's not a good sign. Lynn's expression changed from snide to bewildered in an instant.

"Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire," she said. "They're the ones who stole our…"

Hank sneered. "We don't know anyone who calls themselves that."

"N-no! Dang it!"

Lynn flinched from this sudden revelation. I, too, did not foresee this.

"Looks like your proof is as weak as your team, Loud," Hawk laughed. "We have nothing to do with this note."

Dang it. He's right. We can't prove that they wrote the note. But then, who _did_ write it?

"Ref, everything about this note is bogus, and we can prove it," said Hank.

The referee's brow creased as he mulled things over. Finally, he nodded.

"Alright, I think it's only fair that you two get a chance to explain this," he said.

This isn't good. I don't fault the referee for giving them the benefit of the doubt; it's his job to remain impartial. But it's obvious that Lynn was jumping to conclusions about the origin of the note, and that puts us in a bind. If we can't prove that the Hockers wrote that note, how can we prove any of their misdeeds?

 **Argument: The Note is Bogus**

"You honestly can't expect us to believe that _we_ wrote this," said Hank.

"First of all, we don't know anyone named Papa Wheelie or Flat Tire," said Hawk. "They sound like a couple of losers, anyway."

"Second of all, this note promised them that they'd get parts in some Full House Gang movie if they stole your signals," said Hank. "You really think we have those kinds of connections?"

"Not only that, but we don't even know what the Full House Gang is," said Hawk. "It sounds really lame, though, just like you wimpy Roosters."

On the surface, they make a good case. It was foolish to accuse them of writing the note when we had no real proof. But everything else doesn't add up. Even if they didn't write the note, they're hiding something big. The spirits sense it. Still, how do we go about exposing them?

"I'm willing to concede that you didn't have a hand in writing this note," I said. "However, someone did."

"And what? You think _we_ know who wrote this?" Hank jeered. "Sorry, but we have no idea."

"Hey, Hank. Maybe someone was trying to frame us and make us lose the game," Hawk snickered.

Perhaps that was supposed to be mockery, but I have a feeling the referee would buy that explanation if we let it go unchallenged. Besides, I know that isn't true. They _have_ to know who wrote that note. But how are we going to prove it? Should I use… that?

"What's the matter, Loud? Cat got your tongue?" Hawk taunted. "Just give up. That's what you should've done in the first place."

Sigh. It's very risky to show this now, but I don't think we have any other options. I looked to Lynn. She gave me a firm nod. Okay, here goes nothing.

"I think this has gone on long enough," said the referee. "I'll look into this note, but since you failed to prove that the Hockers cheated, I'm afraid I'll have to—"

"Silence."

My sharp yet subtle exclamation caught the attention of the referee and the two blackened souls. They leered at me.

"What do _you_ want, water girl?" Hank snarled.

"You claim that you do not know about the Full House Gang," I said. "If that is the case, how do you explain this?"

I took out the damaged comic book. Though Hank and Hawk glowered at me like hungry beasts, I could see them shivering.

"H-how did you get that?" asked Hawk.

"So you recognize it," I said. "This here is an Ace Savvy comic. Specifically, this book depicts the exploits of the Full House Gang; a group of character created by my brother, Lincoln Loud."

The two darkened souls flinched. Something about Lincoln's name was making them uncomfortable.

"Wh-why do you think we care about that?" said Hank.

"Because we found something inside of this comic," I said. "Something that you are going to have to explain to the referee."

Hank snorted angrily. "You tell us where you got that, or we'll turn you into a human pretzel."

"You lay one finger on my sister, and I'll tear you both limb from limb," Lynn snarled.

Hank simply sneered. "I'd like to see you try."

Sigh. While I don't doubt Lynn's fighting prowess, these two behemoths might be a bit too much for her to handle. But as they say: the bigger they are, the harder they fall. It's time to end this.

"Coach, could you take a look at these?" I said.

I brandished the signals and handed them to the Roosters' coach. In a matter of moments, his eyes nearly popped out of his skull.

"Th-these are our signals!" he proclaimed. "Wh-where did you find these?!"

"Inside the Full House Gang comic," I said. "Which in turn was inside Hank and Hawk's locker."

"Y-you little snot! You're going down!"

Hank and Hawk charged right for me, only to be held back by the referee.

"Settle down, you two," he scolded. He then turned to me and Lynn. "This is pretty serious, but I have to ask. What were you doing inside the Hockers' locker room?"

Sigh. I knew that would come up. He's not going to listen to the spirits; only I can hear them. But if I don't explain our actions, we're all going to get in trouble. What do I do here?

"I think I can explain, ref," said Lynn.

I looked over at Lynn. Her expression was somber yet warm. As if her passionate fire was slowly being rekindled.

"C'mon, ref. They snuck into our locker room and stole our stuff!" Hawk protested. "You can't just let them off the hook!"

"Um, excuse me, but _you're_ the ones who had our signals hidden in your locker," said Lynn. "You don't exactly have a leg to stand on."

"But still, what were you doing in there?" asked the referee.

Lynn sighed. "Here's the truth, ref. Last night, my brother went missing. I wanted to go look for him, but I couldn't do that because of this game."

"I'm… very sorry to hear that, Loud," said the referee. "But what does…?"

"Silence," I commanded. "Lynn is going somewhere with this."

The referee stared at me for a moment before nodding. "Um, right. Please, continue."

"Thanks, Luce," said Lynn, clearing her throat. "Now, I couldn't get Lincoln off my mind at all today. That already meant that I wasn't playing my best. But during the first quarter, I was sacked by one of these two goons, and they said something to me. Something that convinced Lucy and me to snoop around."

"What did he say?"

Lynn took another deep breath and glared at the two beasts. "He said 'I guess football isn't your strong suit now that your brother is gone.'"

Hank and Hawk seethed with rage. "Watch what you say, Loud! You're asking for it!"

"You can't threaten me, you jerks!" Lynn barked back. "'Cause guess what? The Strong Suit is the name of the character Lincoln based off of me in his Full House Gang comic! How could you have made that taunt if you didn't know what the Full House Gang was, huh?!"

"And that's not the most interesting part," I added. "You knew Lincoln had gone missing, and you used that to toy with Lynn's emotions. What else do you know?"

Hank and Hawk tried to appear imposing, but sweat rained from their brows. "Y-you'd better shut up if you know what's good for you! W-we're not telling you anything!"

Lynn marched right up to them and climbed up Hank's massive chest. She grabbed the thug by the collar and looked him right in the eye.

"Talk while you still have a jaw," she threatened.

Hank sneered. "Big talk, Loud. But me and Hawk can take ya easy!"

Gasp. Lynn's going to get herself hurt if she keeps this up. She might've even reached the point where the referee would be powerless to quell their rage. I have to do something. C'mon, think. How did we deal with them last time?

…

Ah. That's right. I think I know how to get them to spill the beans.

"So, you plan to brutalize my sister instead of defending your honor?" I asked.

The two of them stared down at me. "Yeah, that's right. And you're gonna get some, too."

"I see," I said. "Then you intend to spill our blood."

Hank and Hawk did a double take. "Wh-what?"

"We Louds are tough. If you plan to use violence to silence us, you'll have to make us bleed," I said. "Picture it. Rivers of crimson and green oozing from our distorted faces. Thick pools staining this very field until every blade of grass turns red. Slowly, it will drip from our faces like churned molasses. A veritable feast for creatures of the night, who would sink their fangs into the viscous carnage that you create. Such a picturesque victory over us lowly mortals, is it not?"

As I waxed poetic on the nature of their intentions, I could see their faces turning green. Heh. Just like last time. When faced with true horror, they haven't the stomach for it.

"S-stop it! Y-you're making me sick!" Hank groaned as he began gagging.

"Qu-quit it, bro!" Hawk moaned. "I-if you barf, th-then I'm gonna barf!"

"Tell us what you know about Lincoln," I stated plainly.

"N-never!"

"Suit yourself. It's clear you'd rather just bash us until our skulls crack like eggs, exposing our brain matter to—"

"Alight, alright! We'll talk, we'll talk! J-just shut up!" Hawk conceded.

As expected. I nodded to Lynn, who leapt off of Hank.

"L-look, we don't know nothing about the note," said Hank. "But someone did tell us that they would give us the Roosters' signals if we did a little favor for them."

"What was this favor?" asked Lynn.

"Th-they wanted that wimpy brother of yours."

Gasp. I don't think even the spirits could've seen this. So it was these two all along?

"So, wait. You two kidnapped Lincoln?!" Lynn exclaimed. "Who put you up to this?!"

"W-we don't know!" Hawk sputtered. "They just wrote a letter to our coach asking for us by name."

"And you were willing to break the law just to beat the Roosters?" I asked.

Hank scoffed. "Hey, it was a good deal. We get to trounce you Roosters _and_ stick it to that loser brother of yours. It's a win-win."

Grr. Even when exposed, they show no remorse.

"Where did you take him?" I asked, glowering at the two.

Hawk gulped. "L-look, we just dropped him off at the Royal Woods city limits like the guy said. We don't know what they did with him, and we don't care. That's everything we know."

"Everything?"

Hank's eyes darted every which way. "Hawk still wets his bed."

"Dude! I told you that in confidence!" Hawk protested.

I ventured closer. "Grr. I'm losing my patience."

The two of them shrank away from me like a poor damsel cowering before a rabid vampire. Lynn put a hand on my shoulder and ventured in front of me.

"I can't hold her back much longer, guys," she said. "You're gonna have to give us something we can use."

"Th-the comic! The guy hid the signals in that comic!" Hank blurted out. "That's how we knew about your dumb character! That's all we know! Honest!"

I overheard Margo musing behind me. "Wow. Never thought I'd see Lynn playing the Good Cop."

I simply turned to her and shrugged. "Everything's relative."

The referee frowned. "I'm sorry to do this, but you leave me no choice. The Hazeltucky Hockers are hereby disqualified." He then marched right up to Hank and Hawk. "As for you two, you just confessed to committing a felony. I'm gonna have to call the police about this."

"You'll never take us alive!"

Hank and Hawk tried to make a run for it, only to be cornered by the rest of the Roosters. They managed to block their every escape while the referee called security. Sigh. Some souls just never learn their lesson. Lynn scoffed and rolled up her sleeves.

"I got this," she said.

While Hank and Hawk were distracted by the other players, Lynn ran at them at full speed, shedding her football uniform as she sprinted. She then leapt into the air and grabbed them by the helmets, slamming them into each other with all her might. The force was enough to knock them both to the ground. Lynn leapt off of them and stuck a perfect landing, dusting off her hands.

"That's for what you did to my brother," she said. "Phew~! Man, that felt good."

Sigh. Dang it, Lynn. I don't think the referee is going to like that. Sure enough, he let out an exasperated sigh.

"Um, thanks, Loud," he said. "But next time, try not to take this kinda stuff into your own hands, alright? It's not your job to punish these guys, even if they deserve it."

Lynn sighed. "Sorry, ref. I-I just didn't want them to get away, y'know?"

The referee sighed again. "I get it, Loud. Still, don't make a habit out of this."

"Yessir," said Lynn with a nod. I'm not sure if she can keep that promise, but I have a feeling she'll at least try. Whatever the case may be, Hank and Hawk were subdued just as the security detail arrived to take them away.

"Well. I didn't expect the game to end like that," said the coach. He smiled at Lynn. "Good work, Loud."

"Thanks. But really, you should be thanking Lucy," said Lynn, gesturing to me.

Whoa. It's always so… surreal to hear Lynn display such modesty. I'm not saying it's impossible for her to do so; merely that it never fails to catch me off-guard.

"Well, I wasn't about to abandon you, Lynn," I said sheepishly. "And it turns out we didn't abandon Lincoln, either."

"Y-yeah. I guess we didn't," said Lynn. She then walked up to me and pulled me into a hug. I could hear her sobbing as she pulled me close. "Thank you, Luce. Thank you so, so much for staying by my side through all this. I-I don't know what I'd do without you."

Sigh. I know I give off the impression that I dislike sappy moments like these, but that's not entirely true. As I said, my black soul does know compassion. I can't be dark and gloomy all the time. Besides, I think it's warranted here. I returned Lynn's loving embrace.

"It's okay, Lynn," I said. "It was my duty to support you in your hour of need. And now, we both have to support Lincoln."

"Assuming he hasn't been found yet," said Lynn. "But, yeah. We need to tell the others about this when we get home."

When we released each other, we were surrounded by the Roosters, all of whom had large smiles on their faces.

"That was awesome, Lynn!" one of the players said. "We actually did it! We got those Hockers but good!"

"That means we're finally the champions after all these years!" cheered Margo. "You and Lucy are the best!"

Lynn smiled and raised her hand. "Thanks, guys. But, I'm not really in the mood to celebrate right now."

The Roosters understood right away and backed off. It's still strange to see Lynn deny herself the chance to bask in her victory, but I see where she's coming from here. After all, we haven't really won. Not yet. Lincoln is still out there. Once he's rescued, then and only then can we truly celebrate.

"Welp, no point in sticking around here," said the coach. "Hit the showers, Roosters. We're heading home."

The Roosters headed over to their locker room in order to get changed. All the while, I couldn't help but think about what Hank and Hawk said. Someone did pay them to kidnap Lincoln, but they used the Roosters' football signals. The same signals that Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire stole. There has to be a bigger mastermind pulling the strings, but for the life of me, I can't imagine who that would be. Even the spirits are silent when I ask them. Sigh. Even if they never lie, I guess they don't know everything.

Still, they do sense that darkness remains over our family. Even with this significant victory, I feel that our troubles are far from over…


	23. Ante Up

After calling Lisa, I called Mom and Dad to let them know we were coming home. I actually feel kinda bad for not checking in with them sooner, but we were just distracted by the whole investigation thingie. Luckily, even after we drove all the way to that fancy mansion place to get Lisa, we managed to get home by lunchtime. Good thing, too. I'm totes starving.

The twins were actually the first ones back, so they got to decide the lunch menu. They originally wanted chicken nuggets, but in the end, they both agreed that was a bad idea. I agree with that, too. That's one of Lincoln's favorite foods; eating it would just make us sad. They settled on heating up Lana's leftover tater tot bake instead. After lunch, Lisa went back upstairs to listen in on the radio thingie while the rest of us waited for the others to get back.

It was around three o'clock when everyone returned. Lynn and Lucy were the last to arrive, but they were a lot earlier than expected. Lynn said something happened at the game, and that she'd explain during the debrief. I was about to ask her when she started wearing briefs, but then I remembered Lisa telling me that's not what that word meant. See? I learn. There's more to my head than just air, y'know.

Once we were all gathered (and after Luna and Luan both took a much needed shower), we met in Lori's room for a sibling meeting. Oops, I mean debrief.

"Alright, time to see what we've got," said Lori. "First thing first. This is just a hunch, but I'm guessing you all heard about this new Full House Gang movie being made?"

Everyone in the room nodded.

"That's actually why Chandler threw that party at the sewage treatment plant," said Luna. "He wanted to convince Lincoln and Clyde to get him a part in the movie by doing something special for 'em."

"Don't ask us how he thought it would work; we still have no idea," Luan added.

"That's not all," said Lana. "Turns out Lola was right about Lindsey Sweetwater. She wanted to use the movie and Lincoln's disappearance to make Lola look bad."

"But, like, how did _she_ learn about the movie?" I asked.

"Oh, that's where it gets interesting," said Lola. "See, there were rumors at our school, but she got official confirmation from a couple of boys that she had major dirt on."

Lynn stroked her chin in thought. "Let me take a crack at this. The boys she talked to were Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire, and the dirt she got on them was that they stole the Royal Woods Roosters' football signals."

Lola blinked. "Um, yeah. How'd you know?"

"Polly Pain told us all about it at the game," said Lucy. "She managed to steal a note promising those two blackened souls that they'd have parts in the movie if they stole the signals."

Luan nodded and blew some bubbles out of her bubble pipe. "Sounds like Rusty's story checks out."

"Rusty's story?" Lori asked.

"We actually bumped into Rusty Spokes confronting Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire at Chandler's party," Luna explained. "We didn't know what it was all about at first, but that all changed once Chandler tried to take me and Luan on a tour of the sewage tunnels."

Ew, gross~! No wonder they needed a shower when they got home! Sheesh, what was that Chandler guy thinking?!

"See, Chandler managed to come across a skeleton key floating by in one of the sewage tunnels last night," said Luan. "He thought it would open any lock, so he tried to get us access to a super-dangerous tunnel. However, it turned out the key was only meant for Royal Woods Middle School. When Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire saw that we had it, they tried desperately to take it from us."

"Meaning it's plausible that they flushed the key down the toilet in order to dispose of any evidence connecting them to their misdeeds, hence why it ended up at the sewage treatment plant," Lisa mused. "Lucy, you mentioned that they were promised parts in the Full House Gang movie if they committed this felony. Do you happen to know who hired them?"

"I'm afraid not," said Lucy. "But we do know where those signals ended up, right, Lynn?"

Lynn nodded. "That's actually why we got home so early. I dunno how, but someone sold our signals to the Hazeltucky Hockers. And you'll never guess what they wanted in exchange."

"What?" I asked.

Lynn's face suddenly darkened. "They wanted Lincoln."

…

That… doesn't make sense.

"But, like, Lincoln doesn't belong to them," I said. "He belongs to us. He's our little Linky."

"I think we're all aware of that, Leni," said Lori. "Still, are you saying what I think you're saying, Lynn?"

Lynn sighed. "I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Lori. Someone bribed the Hockers' star players so that they'd kidnap Lincoln."

…

Oh. OH~! O-M-Gosh, that's horrible!

"That also matches up with what Rusty told us," said Luna. "He said Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire were gonna nab Lincoln for Lindsey Sweetwater, but someone else beat 'em to the punch."

Lisa furrowed her brow and began pacing back and forth. "Hmm. I believe it's safe to presume that whoever commissioned Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire to steal the Roosters' strategic notes was also the one who commissioned the Hockers to apprehend Lincoln."

"But who would do something like that?" asked Lola.

"I believe I may have a theory, though fair warning: it's still a work in progress," said Lisa. "During my investigation, Lily managed to find an interesting lead that brought us to the home of the wealthy tetherball tycoon, Lord Tetherby. There, we discovered that Tetherby had a connection to the director of this new Full House Gang movie, a man named Dirk O'Donnell."

"What was this connection?" asked Lori.

Lisa adjusted her glasses. "Simply put, Mr. O'Donnell would often go to Lord Tetherby for financial backing on his projects."

"So, wait. That limo-riding snob is funding the Full House Gang movie?" Lynn said with a scoff. "Now I've heard everything."

"Ah, but that's where things become intriguing," said Lisa. "As it turns out, Mr. O'Donnell did seek financial assistance from Tetherby for the movie, but Tetherby refused. Not only that, but he made a concerted effort to sever all ties with Mr. O'Donnell."

"I can see why he'd do that," said Lori. "Leni and I actually bumped into him at an Ace Savvy meetup at the library, and he was not what I'd call pleasant."

"Um, what were you doing at an Ace Savvy meetup?" asked Luan.

"It was my idea," I explained. "We talked to Clyde about the whole thing, and Lori figured there was some connection between Lincoln disappearing and the movie. So we went to the meetup to find out more about the movie."

Lisa nodded. "It seems you were correct to do that. There are many threads in this tangled web, but they all seem to tie back to the Full House Gang movie in one way or another."

Web? Does that mean there's a spider in here?! As if this couldn't get any worse! Before I could scream, Lori placed a firm hand on my shoulder.

"Relax, Leni. There aren't any spiders," she said. "Lisa, maybe try using a different metaphor next time."

"Noted. My apologies," said Lisa. "But back to the matter at hand. I wasn't able to get much out of Tetherby, but I have reason to believe that whatever Mr. O'Donnell's scheme was to promote this movie, it couldn't have been legal."

"So, you think this black-hearted director is the one who had Hank and Hawk go after Lincoln?" asked Lucy.

"It's possible," said Lisa. "However, I must reiterate that this is just a theory. There are still some questions that need to be answered."

"Like what?" I asked.

Lisa turned to Luan. "Luan, you mentioned that the two delinquents you met at Chandler's party received a skeleton key that let them break into Royal Woods Middle School. Did they happen to mention where they got the key from?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't that helpful," said Luan. She took out a soggy notepad. "They said some woman gave them the letter with the key. They described her as a goth or punk or something."

…

Wait. Goth or punk? I think Lori and I met someone who dressed like that. But it couldn't have been her, could it? I mean, like, I know there was a lot of stuff she wasn't telling us, but why would she do something so mean? I-it's not the vibe I got from her, y'know?

"Is something wrong, Leni?" said Lori. "You look a bit shaken."

I sighed. I really don't wanna say it, but I have to. Lincoln's more important.

"Lori, we met someone who dressed in a rebellious style, remember?" I said. "I wouldn't really describe her fashion choices as goth or punk, but it's close enough."

Lori's eyes went wide. "Hang on. You're not talking about Ginny, are you?"

"Ginny?" asked Luna.

"Virginia O'Donnell. She was at the meetup to promote the Full House Gang movie," Lori explained. "She also happens to be Dirk O'Donnell's daughter."

Lisa stroked her chin in thought. "Hmm. That still begs the question as to how Ms. O'Donnell got her hands on that skeleton key."

"B-but it just doesn't seem like something she'd do," I said, twiddling my fingers. "When Lori and I talked to her, she was so nice. I mean, I don't think she was being completely honest with us, but I couldn't imagine her doing something like this."

"Well, one way or another, looks like this Virginia O'Donnell is the _key_ to solving this mystery," Luan said with a laugh. "Get it?"

…

Okay, that was kinda funny. Luan tries so hard to put a smile on everyone's faces, even during times like this. You have to admire her dedication.

"Puns aside, I believe Luan is correct," said Lisa. "Lori, do you happen to have a way to contact Ms. O'Donnell?"

"Yep," said Lori. "Principal Huggins gave me her phone number."

"Excellent," said Lisa. "One moment, please. I believe I have a device that can help."

Lori raised an eyebrow at her. "Have you tested it yet?"

Lisa let out a weary sigh. "Must you be so skeptical of my inventions? Look, it's merely an enhanced version of the same technology 911 dispatchers use to track the location of cellular devices. Nothing about it should be dangerous."

She says that, but her inventions have caused us a lot of problems in the past. I don't blame Lori for being careful. After a moment's consideration, Lori sighed.

"Fine. We might as well give it a shot," said Lori. "But if this breaks my phone, you're paying for my upgrade, got it?"

"Duly noted," said Lisa nervously. "I'll be right back."

She zipped off to her room and returned with one of those chip thingies and her laptop. After some hesitation, Lori handed over her phone.

"Lana, could you assist me with this part?" Lisa asked. "I need to install this chip next to the SIMs card, and fine technical work is not my forte. Stubby fingers and all."

Lana shrugged. "I've never really worked with phones before, but I think I can take a crack at it."

"You two better know what you're doing," Lori warned.

Lisa swallowed. "Right. Lana, do exactly as I say."

"Got it," Lana said, swallowing as well. Yeah, it's never a good idea to get on Lori's bad side. Actually, I could say the same about all of us. Or maybe that just applies to people in general. Whatever, it's not important right now.

After a bit of tinkering, Lana handed Lori's phone back to her. Lisa opened up her laptop and booted up a program. It looked like the same screen on her tracker thingie.

"Alright, Lori. Go ahead and call Ms. O'Donnell," said Lisa. "My device should pinpoint her location."

"Right," said Lori, dialing the number. "I'm gonna put her on speaker, too. Everyone else, stay quiet."

Luan opened her mouth, probably to tell a joke. But after getting a dirty look from Lori, she zipped her mouth shut. Yeah, maybe save it for later, Luan. There's a time and a place and all that.

Lori set the phone on her nightstand as it started ringing. After three rings, there was a click.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Hey, Ginny? It's me, Lori Loud."

Ginny gasped. "H-how'd you get this number?"

"Principal Huggins. Look, we really need to talk. Any chance we can meet up later this afternoon?"

Ginny sighed. "Lori, I already told you that's not gonna be possible. I'm sorry, but I'm just swamped with work right now. You know how my dad is."

"Well then, how about we come to you?" Lori suggested. "Trust me, I wouldn't be asking this of you if it wasn't important."

We could hear heavy breathing from Ginny's side. I can picture her just hyperventilating on the other end. Something clearly has her worked up.

"I-is this really so important that we have to meet in person?" she asked.

"I'm afraid so," Lori said with a sigh. "Listen, I get it. I really do. You've got a lot on your plate, helping your dad make this movie and all. But you know that Leni and I are trying to find Lincoln, and I just thought…"

"You thought wrong."

Ginny tried to sound angry, but I could hear her voice wavering. Lori raised an eyebrow.

"Ginny? Are you okay?"

Ginny cleared her throat. "Listen up, High Card. You may think you're some hot shot detective, but you're just playing pretend. You're not going to find anything, so you might as well just f… Just f-f-fol—" She let out another sigh. "Dang it. I-I can't do this."

"Can't do what?"

"Nothing. Look, I gotta go. Please don't call me again. I mean it."

With that, she hung up.

"Well. That was… a thing," said Lana.

Luan blew some bubbles out of her bubble pipe. "Is it just me, or did that last part sound scripted?"

"What last part?" asked Lori.

"The part where she called you High Card. It sounded like she was reading off of something," said Luan. "Trust me, when you've been in theater as long as I have, you can tell when it's someone's first time reading from a script."

So, wait. Did she, like, _expect_ us to call her? We didn't even get her number; Wild Card Willy gave it to us after she left.

"More importantly, I've managed to trace the source of the call," said Lisa, typing away on her computer. "It seems that Ms. O'Donnell is… all the way in Hazeltucky."

"Well, that makes sense," said Lori. "Her dad said they were going home right after the—"

Just then, Lori's phone rang.

"Um, you expecting a call, dude?" Luna asked.

"No," said Lori, checking her phone. "It's an unlisted number. Probably just spam or something." She shrugged and hung up. "Now, as I was saying, the O'Donnells told us that they were—"

Her phone rang again. Lori growled and checked it.

"Unlisted number again," she groaned, hanging up. "We literally do not have time for—"

And it rang again. Okay, this is just getting spooky.

"Telemarketers are not usually this persistent," Lisa mused. "Lori, I suggest you answer it this time, and put them on speaker."

Lori blinked. "Why?"

"Call it a hunch," said Lisa, adjusting her glasses.

Lori shrugged and did as Lisa asked. "Yes, hello?"

"Hello, High Card."

The voice on the other end sent chills up my spine. It sounded like some kind of alien or robot. But the only robots I know are the ones built by Lisa, so maybe…

…

No, that's just dumb. Why would aliens need to hire a couple of football players to abduct Lincoln? Nngh, get it together, Leni.

"Who is this?" asked Lori.

"A friend," said the alien robot thingie. "You're looking for Ace Savvy, right? I can help."

Lori raised an eyebrow. "How do you know that?"

"I have my ways. Listen, you're dealing with a very difficult foe here. They think they've covered their tracks, but that's only because they stacked the deck against you. But I know the Full House Gang has overcome greater odds. Don't give up now. You're closer to the truth than you realize."

Um, okay? So the alien robot thingie's on our side. That's nice. I think.

"You do realize that you're literally not making any sense right now," said Lori. "How are we supposed to trust you?"

There was a pause. "Perhaps this will convince you," said the alien robot thingie. "You may call me… Gin Rummy Prime."

…

Wait a second. That's the blogger who first leaked the Full House Gang movie! Lori caught onto that, too.

"Gin Rummy Prime? As in the Ace Savvy blogger?"

"The very same," said Gin Rummy Prime. "Listen, you've noticed that the O'Donnells play their cards close to their chest, correct?"

"Um, I guess," said Lori. "But how do you know about—?"

"Again, I have my ways," said Gin Rummy Prime. "The thing is you need to slap those cards out of their hands. It's the only way to save your brother."

"And how're we supposed to do that?"

"You'll find what you need at O'Donnell's studio in Hazeltucky. That's all I can tell you for now."

Lori raised an eyebrow. "Okay, let's say I believe you. What do you get out of this?"

"Justice, High Card. Justice for Ace, for O'Donnell, and for…"

Gin Rummy Prime trailed off after that. What did they wanna say?

"And what?"

"I have to go. Good hunting, High Card. And remember, no matter what, don't fold. Instead, I'd go all in."

Gin Rummy Prime hung up after that.

"Whoa. _That_ was creepy," said Lucy.

"You're telling me," I said. "Like, how'd that guy know all that stuff?"

"And who even _was_ he?" added Lola. "He sounded all funny."

"That's because they were masking their voice with a voice changer," said Lisa, typing away on her computer.

"Um, what're you doing, Lis'?" asked Lynn.

"Tracing the call," said Lisa. She then paused and narrowed her eyes at the screen. "Hmm. Most intriguing."

"What is it, Lisa?" asked Lori.

"The call originated from Hazeltucky. Not only that, but it appears to be at or at least near the same coordinates we traced Ms. O'Donnell to a few minutes earlier."

Huh. So, like, Gin Rummy Prime also lives in Hazeltucky? And the O'Donnells are his or her neighbors? This is getting weird.

"You think you got something, Lis'?" asked Lynn.

"The theory is still a work in progress," said Lisa. "All I'll say for now is that there's most likely a reason our enigmatic informant wishes to remain anonymous."

"Still, should we even trust this guy?" said Lana. "We know nothing about them."

"Trust me, Lana. I don't like this any more than you do," said Lori. "But we literally don't have any other leads. If this is our best chance to rescue Lincoln, I say we go for it."

"And how're we supposed to do that?" asked Luan. "Mom and Dad aren't stupid. They're gonna raise some eyebrows if we all go galavanting off to Hazeltucky for no reason."

But, we're not going to Hazeltucky for no reason. We're going there to save Lincoln. We just can't tell Mom and Dad about it, or we'll get in trou—

Oh~. Now I get it. Dang it, what _are_ we gonna do?

"It appears we'll have to make this a covert operation," said Lisa.

Huh. I think I know what that means. We did it a couple of times before.

"That's the thing where we sneak out of the house while Mom and Dad are asleep, right?" I asked.

Lisa gave me a blank look. Did I get it wrong?

"That's… exactly correct, Leni," she said.

Oh, phew~. I was worried for a second there.

"That still sounds pretty risky, Lisa," said Lori.

"I will conceded that much. We'd be operating under a massive time constraint," said Lisa. "And considering the distance between our home and Hazeltucky, it's very possible that we'll all end up grounded after this; perhaps worse."

"But on the other hand, our Linky is worth it," said Lola. "We can't just leave him in the hands of some meanie-faces."

Lori nodded. "Alright, we'll put it to a vote. Everyone who thinks we should sneak out and see this mystery through, raise your hand."

All of our hands shot up at once. Well, that was easy. Normally, we have a hard time agreeing on, well, anything. But I knew all along that this was something we could all get behind.

"Wow. I don't even know why you bothered, Lori," said Luan. "Looks like it's unanimous for once."

"Right," said Lori, clearing her throat. "Lisa, take a look at the coordinates you traced from Ginny's phone and from Gin Rummy Prime. I want exact addresses to those places by dinnertime."

"Copy that," said Lisa with a salute. "I shall also draft up an investigation plan for once we reach the coordinates."

Lori nodded and turned to Lana. "Lana, you're on radio duty. We still need to be on the same page as the police. I don't wanna risk getting grounded if they solve this thing before we do."

"On it," said Lana. She then dashed out of the room.

"Everyone else, get everything you think we'll need," said Lori. "I expect everyone to be ready to move by 9:30."

"Alright, sounds like we got a game plan," said Lynn, pounding her fist into her palm. "This is gonna be _so_ satisfying."

"The wheels of justice move slowly, but they move," said Lucy. "If the O'Donnells are indeed caught beneath those wheels, the spirits foresee great pain in their future."

"We're comin' for you, little bro," said Luna. "The heat is on, and it's on the street."

"If those bozos really think they have us beat, we'll just have to up the ante!" Luan said with a laugh. She then sighed. "I know, it's not my best material, but I can't help it. These comic book card puns are contagious."

"Poo-poo!" Lily cheered

Lola sighed. "I really hope Linky's okay."

I smiled and placed a hand on Lola's shoulder. "We all do, Lola. Don't worry, we'll find him. And we're all gonna give him a big hug."

Lola looked up and smiled back at me. "Yeah. And we'll put those meanies in their place too, right?"

"Sure," I said. I mean, like I said, I don't really hurt people out of hate. I try to be tolerant of everyone. But this is, like, totes different. This jerk hurt our little Linky, and we need to give them what-for. Maybe even what-five (if that's a thing).

"Okay, everyone. Let's get moving," said Lori. "Dismissed."

We all went back to our rooms. Well, I almost left, but Lori reminded me that her room is also my room. I guess I just have a lot on my mind right now. I'm sure we all do. I don't know what we're gonna find in Hazeltucky, or what Ginny's deal is, or why Gin Rummy Prime is helping us. But whatever happens, if it means we rescue Lincoln, it'll all be worth it…


	24. Going All In

The operation started right on schedule. Lily and I were the first ones awake, and one by one, we stirred the others from their slumber. While our parental units were not asleep as anticipated, they were still preoccupied checking in with the po-po. That gave us just enough time to slip downstairs and pile into Vanzilla.

Luckily, Lana had tinkered with the engine before supper so that it wouldn't make as much noise as we pulled out of the driveway. From there, we drove straight to Hazeltucky. Every once in a while, Lori had Leni check her phone to see if Gin Rummy Prime was contacting us with any further instructions. On a personal note, I am grateful that our eldest sibling is taking the necessary safety precautions. The gambit is dangerous enough without running the risk of a vehicular mishap.

"Alright, we just crossed over into Hazeltucky," said Lori. "Lisa, you know where we're going?"

"Affirmative," I said, pulling out my own cellar mobile device (street name: "smartphone"). "Keep going straight for 5.2 kilometers, then take a right."

Lori looked at me through the rearview mirror. "Lisa, I literally do not have time to do all that math in my head."

Figures. I still maintain that the sooner the world collectively adopts the metric system, the better off we'll be as a species. In the meantime, however, I might as well adapt.

"Go straight for just under three and a quarter miles, then take a right," I clarified.

"Got it," said Lori with a nod. "Leni, anything from Gin Rummy Prime?"

"Nothing yet," said Leni. "And I tried calling them back using the call history thingie. They aren't picking up."

Hmm. Most peculiar. For someone who claims that they wish to assist us in our endeavor, they aren't very forthcoming when it comes to useful intel. However, it's too soon to jump to conclusions.

"Okay, Lisa. I'm making a right," said Lori. "Now what?"

"Travel west for another three miles, then make a left at the train tracks," I instructed. "After that, keep going straight for another four miles. That'll take us straight to Mr. O'Donnell's studio."

"That's where you traced Ginny's call, yeah?" said Luna.

"Very astute, my melodic elder sibling," I said, adjusting my glasses. "What's more, the call from Gin Rummy Prime was also made from the general vicinity of the studio."

"They said we were gonna find what we needed over there," Lucy mused. "I wonder what they meant."

I gave Lucy a curt nod. "That is what we intend to find out in Phase One of our operation. Leni, Luan, Lynn, Lana. Are all of you ready?"

"Born ready," said Lynn. As expected, she was dressed in her ninja outfit. A perfect form of camouflage for a covert mission like this.

"All set, Lis'," said Lana, brandishing her tools.

"Just say the word," said Luan with a salute.

"Totes," said Leni.

"[Wait, what about the rest of us?]" Lily griped. "[You can't expect us to just sit here.]"

"You guys are our backup in case anything goes awry," I said. "We may need a distraction to maintain our cover. Should that need arise, we'll contact you via walkie-talkie."

Within a matter of moments, we arrived at our destination. The area certainly did have the appearance of a movie set, with lights and equipment strewn around the place. However, the set seemed awfully quiet. No actors or stage hands were around and about. This does alleviate my concerns about being spotted, but it's still rather suspicious.

"Look, there's Mr. O'Donnell's car!" said Leni. She was pointing at a red Mustang parked next to a caravan trailer. I deduce that particular trailer must belong to Mr. O'Donnell. There were a few other trailers scattered about (as to be expected), but none of their lights were on. Again, the entire place feels oddly deserted.

"Looks like no one's home," said Luan. "You sure we're at the right place, Lis'?"

"Positive," I said. "And trust me, I am just as unnerved by this situation as you are."

"Maybe they all went home for the day?" Lola suggested.

At first glance, that explanation actually sounds plausible. However, if those trailers are meant to serve as living quarters and not merely glorified dressing rooms, something is certainly amiss.

"We'll have to exercise extra caution," I said. "Be ready for anything and everything. Lori, contact us if anything else comes from our enigmatic informant Gin Rummy Prime."

"Will do," said Lori. "Alright, Louds. Phase One of Operation: Find Our Missing Linc is a go."

Luan let out a muted giggle, to which we all gave her a stern look. She hastily cleared her throat.

"S-sorry. It was a good pun," she said.

I'd chastise her for not treating this scenario with the seriousness it deserves, but given Luan's psychological profile, I suppose it can't be helped. Besides, I don't have the luxury to focus on such trivial matters. Time is of the essence.

"Right," I said, taking up my tools. "Let's roll."

With that, Leni, Luan Lynn, and Lana followed me out of the car. We stuck to the shadows as I led my squadron to Mr. O'Donnell's trailer. Luan cracked her knuckles and approached the door. Once I gave her a thumbs-up, she performed the classic "shave and a haircut" knock and made a mad dash back to Vanzilla.

The door was answered by an adolescent female with a very… peculiar style of dress. From the intel Lori and Leni provided on their investigation, I think it's safe to assume that this is Virginia O'Donnell. While she looked for the rogue prankster, my team slipped in through the open doorway. We waited behind the door until Virginia gave up her search and left.

Once the coast was clear, I took a moment to survey our surroundings. I have to say, I was not predicting such a spacious interior. Even for a recreational vehicle (street name: "RV"), this was quite extensive. We were standing in what appeared to be a kitchenette, and there were doors leading to different parts of the trailer. It was more akin to an apartment complex.

"Alright, Lis'. Where should we start looking?" asked Lynn.

Hmm. If I had a proper layout of the trailer, I could answer that question easily. But as it stands, I'm not sure what doors lead to what rooms. I'm not even sure what exactly we're looking for.

"If we spread out, we can cover more ground," I said. "Leni, Lynn. You check the left corridor. Lana and I will go right. Remember to radio us if you find anything of interest, and keep out of sight."

"Gotcha," said Lynn with a salute.

With that, we went our separate ways. To be completely honest, this is still quite unsettling. The lights are indeed on inside this trailer, but there's no sign of activity anywhere else on the set. Are the O'Donnells the only personnel present? And what are they doing awake at such a late hour of the night? Only one way to find out, I suppose.

* * *

"Whoa. And I thought _our_ house was a mess."

I can't help but share Lana's sentiments. The room we ventured into appeared to be some sort of artist's studio, with one simple desk at the center. On the desk, there was a candle holder containing a snuffed candle. Around the desk, there were papers strewn all over the place. We're lucky the candle isn't lit; otherwise this would be a blatant fire hazard. As it stands, I believe this is the phenomenon known as "organized chaos," whereby the occupant knows where everything is located even when outside observers do not. Of course, that doesn't help us much.

Well, we might as well start somewhere. I picked up one of the myriad pages on the floor and read it over. "How curious."

"What's up?"

"This appears to be a discarded page from a script," I said. "From what I can gather, it's a scene where One-Eyed Jack meets Gin Rummy Prime. I can't make out much more; many of these lines are crossed out."

"Wait, isn't Gin Rummy Prime that weird guy that's helping us?" asked Lana.

"Yes, but from my understanding, that pseudonym is based off of an existing character in the Ace Savvy franchise," I said. "Perhaps they had a part in the movie, but it was cut for one reason or another."

Lana frowned. "Yeah, that's interesting and all, but how's that gonna help us find Lincoln?"

I sighed. "Truth be told, I'm not sure," I confessed. "And we certainly don't have time to sift through all of these documents. We'll need to narrow down our search."

"Maybe there's something in the desk?" Lana suggested.

"It's certainly plausible," I said. "Let's take a look-see, sibling."

We walked over to the desk in question. While Lana just went straight for it, I tried my best to tread carefully over the papers. One thing about the organized chaos phenomenon is that the occupant has an uncanny sense of knowing when something's out of place. When we reached the desk, the first thing I noticed was an envelope on top of it. The envelope had a generic wax seal. Hmm. I wonder…

"You found something, Lisa?" asked Lana.

"Just testing a hypothesis," I said. I took out HARV and had it run a simulation of Mr. O'Donnell writing a letter. Now, just add the data I found from my investigation of Tetherby Manor, and…

Just as I suspected. That silver ring Mr. O'Donnell lost at Tetherby Manor must've been used to imprint his signature into a wax seal. And seeing as this envelope's seal did not contain Mr. O'Donnell's initials, I presume that it was written recently. I hopped onto the chair and deftly scooped up the envelope, checking the address.

"Odd," I said. "This is addressed to the McBride residence."

"Yeah, that _is_ weird," said Lana. "Why would Mr. O'Donnell be writing to the McBrides? How'd he even get their address?"

While the second question is easy enough to answer (most addresses are just a quick internet search away), the first is not. I opened the letter and read it over.

 _Dear One-Eyed Jack:_

 _You are cordially invited to O'Donnell Studios to have an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at our new Full House Gang movie! My crew will meet you at the park today at noon. We look forward to meeting you._

 _~D.O._

My my my. How interesting. So Mr. O'Donnell wants to meet with Clyde. But wait, why call him by that superhero name? No one outside of Clyde's social network should be privy to that information. This feels important.

"What is it?" asked Lana.

"An invitation for Clyde to see the production of the Full House Gang movie," I replied, pocketing the letter. "Unfortunately, we don't have the time or resources to construct a forgery and cover our tracks."

Lana furrowed her brow. "Maybe we can find something in one of these drawers."

I suppose that's as good an idea as any. I climbed down and tried to open one of the drawers in the desk. Sadly, it was stuck.

"I got this," said Lana. She took out a screwdriver and ball-peen hammer. Wedging the screwdriver into the upper lip of the drawer, she tapped the end with her hammer like a sculptor chiseling bits of marble. After a few deft taps, the drawer was pried open.

"Excellent work, sibling," I said. I took out a flashlight and peered into the drawer. Well, for one thing, I can see why the drawer was stuck. There's a strange pale substance coating the entire inside of the drawer. It's rock hard and rather smooth. Most curious indeed.

Before I could conduct any forensic analysis, Lana reached in and scraped a bit of the substance with her fingernail. She then sniffed it and licked it. Because of course she did. I know I should be disgusted by this unhygienic behavior, but this _is_ Lana we're talking about. Unhygienic behavior is sort of her raison d'être.

"Candle wax," she mused. "Now why would Mr. O'Donnell have a drawer full of dried candle wax?"

Why indeed. I can't think of a single practical application for this. I took a closer look inside the drawer. After looking around for a while, I saw a small imprint in the wax. It was hard to tell due to the lighting, but something about its shape caused my neurons to start firing. I took out HARV and had it analyze the imprint. If this is what I think it is…

"Eureka!" I exclaimed.

"Shh~! Keep your voice down!" Lana hissed.

Right, right. Nngh, dang it. And I've made such a concerted effort to maintain our stealth thus far. Luckily, it appears no one heard us.

"Apologies," I said, adjusting my glasses. "It's just that I found something rather important."

"What is it?"

"That imprint there in the wax is in the shape of a key," I explained. "According to multiple sources, someone gave Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire a skeleton key to Royal Woods Middle School."

Lana tilted her head. "I don't follow."

Hmm. How best to explain this?

"Lana, have you ever made a handprint in wet cement?" I inquired.

Lana raised an eyebrow. "What kinda question is _that_? Of course I have. Lola says movie stars do it all the time."

"Right. Well, imagine instead of your hand, you were to place a key in that wet cement. Once the cement dries, it would be conceivable to use the imprint as a mold to forge a copy of that key."

Lana soon put the pieces together. "So, you're saying Mr. O'Donnell had a bunch of wax in his drawer to make a copy of a key?"

"Precisely," I said with a nod. "And seeing as we have someone involved in the Full House Gang movie giving a key to Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire…"

"Then maybe the key imprint is a copy of the key from Lynn's school!" Lana said, concluding my thought.

I nodded again. It all seems rather plausible on the surface. But that still begs the question: how did Mr. O'Donnell get his hands on the original?

Before I could ponder any further, I received a call on my walkie-talkie.

"Strong Suit to Card Counter. Come in, Card Counter."

I answered straight away. "This is Card Counter. What's your status? Over."

"I think we've got something big here," said Lynn. "You'd better check this out."

I decided to overlook the breech in radio communication protocol. Like many other annoyances, it was immaterial.

"We'll be right there. Hold your position," I instructed. "Over and out."

"You sure we aren't missing anything, Lis'?" asked Lana.

Hmm. Now that she mentions it, it's still possible that there's something we overlooked in this pigsty. However, searching for one solid piece of evidence in all of these papers would be akin to looking for a proverbial needle in a haystack.

"If there's time, we'll come back to it later," I said. "For now, let's see what Leni and Lynn have discovered."

Lana nodded, and the two of us departed from the unkempt room. I feel the more we dig into this case, the more peculiar the whole scenario becomes. Even so, I believe the pieces are starting to fall into place. If my theory is correct, we should be home with Lincoln before daybreak. But let's not count our proverbial chickens before they hatch.

* * *

The other side of the trailer was a sleeping quarters, and a rather stylized one at that. The walls and ceiling were decorated with all sorts of Ace Savvy paraphernalia. There was a vanity set up on the far wall, leading me to believe that the occupant of this room was female. The vanity, however, was very specifically designed. All of the cosmetics seemed to be lined up to deliberately give the appearance of a computer console. I suppose I'm not one to judge; interior design is not one of my strong points.

I spotted Leni over by the nightstand, utilizing a hairpin to pick the lock on what appeared to be a small steel box. She noticed me and Lana and waved us over.

"Hey, guys," she whispered. "I'm just about done here."

I raised an eyebrow. "Lynn mentioned that you two were onto something big."

"Yeah. I think it's in this box here," said Leni. "I was kinda nervous about opening it, but there was a note from Grip saying it was okay."

"A note from who?" Lana asked.

"Grip. I don't know who that is, but look."

Leni brandished a small letter with a bit of tape stuck to it. I read it over quickly.

 _You'll find what you need in the nightstand. Have at it._

 _~GRP_

…

Oh. Of course.

"Leni, I believe these are the initials of our informant, Gin Rummy Prime," I said.

Leni blinked and looked at the note again. "Oh~. Right. Yeah, that makes sense."

"Except it doesn't," said Lana. "This isn't Gin Rummy Prime's stuff. How can they give us permission to go through it?"

"Furthermore, why are you picking the lock, Leni?" I inquired. "Didn't Gin Rummy Prime provide you with a key?"

"Well, we looked for one, but we couldn't find it," said Leni.

Hmm. For someone who has access to a lot of information about our case, Gin Rummy Prime is quite incompetent. At least, that's how it appears. But I know better than to merely accept something at face value.

Lana looked around the room and scratched her head. "Hang on. Where's Lynn?"

"'Sup?"

Yee~! H-how did she do that?! I was under the impression that only Lucy had that skill!

"Dang it, Lynn! Don't scare us like that!" I admonished through gritted teeth.

Lynn frowned. "Sorry, guys. Wasn't trying to scare you. I guess this ninja outfit really works."

"Where have you been?" asked Lana.

"I'm on lookout," said Lynn. "That's actually why I'm here. Leni, I think Ginny's almost done in the bathroom. Mind picking up the pace?"

"Almost got it," Leni grunted. "And… there!"

With a click, the lock snapped open and dropped to the floor. Leni opened the box, and we all peered inside. The first item of interest was an Ace Savvy comic. I recognized right away that it wasn't Bill Buck's art style, but whoever made the cover does have quite a bit of talent. It showed two characters back-to-back, Ace Savvy and an unknown male. A dividing line between the two gave the impression that they came from two entirely different worlds. There was a title in the corner.

"'The Pinochle Paradox: Return of Gin Rummy Prime,'" I read aloud. "'By Virginia O'Donnell.'"

Leni's eyes went wide. "Wait, this must be Ginny's entry into the Ace Savvy contest Lincoln and Clyde won!" she said. "But what's it doing in here?"

Hmm. Something about that sounds wrong note to me. I thought back to Tetherby's museum room.

"Are you certain Ms. O'Donnell entered that contest?" I asked.

"Um, yeah. Clyde checked the list and everything," said Leni. "Why?"

"Because according to Lord Tetherby, Mr. O'Donnell entered that contest as well as a publicity stunt," I said. "The comic in question is in Tetherby's personal museum as a reminder of his failure."

Leni blinked. "But, Mr. O'Donnell's name wasn't on the list when Clyde checked it."

Curiouser and curiouser. If Mr. O'Donnell didn't enter the contest, then what was that comic I saw in Tetherby's private gallery? Furthermore, that particular comic was nothing like this. This seems like a more faithful interpretation of the source material.

"Hey, look! There's something else in here!" said Lynn.

Indeed there was. Beneath the comic was a thick ream of papers. Judging from the pastel blue cover and flimsy plastic binding, I believe this is some sort of script. No title, though. I lifted it out of the box and flipped to a random page.

"'Act II, Scene i. Location: Royal Woods Middle School.'"

…

I had to do a double take. Did I read the correctly?

"Whoa, time out! What's my school doing in some script?!" asked Lynn.

Leni's brow furrowed. "Hang on. I remember Ginny saying that Mr. O'Donnell makes scripts for everything. Or something like that. Lisa, keep reading."

I complied. "'While the Director promotes the new Full House Gang movie at a school assembly, Gin slips into the janitor's office. She spots the skeleton key glistening on the wall. With a deft pluck, she snatches it. She then takes a ball… of… melted… wax…'"

…

Holy smokes. If this isn't conclusive evidence, I don't know what is. I'll have to scan the entire document to make sure, but as it stands, this is exactly what we need to tie up all the loose ends. My hypothesis might very well be correct after all. Lincoln is just within our grasp! At last, this nightmare can finally…

"Huh? Why's my door locked? Who's in there?!"

Dang it. It's too soon to celebrate.

"Siblings, scatter!" I commanded.

Each of us took cover in several different hiding spots. Lana and I hid under the bed while Leni found a conveniently-shaped lamp to hide behind. The door rattled and shook as someone tried to open it. When it stopped, Lynn unlocked it and dove behind the vanity.

The door swung open as Ginny barreled in, most likely trying to bust the door down with her shoulder. She fell right in front of Lana, who held her breath. We watched as she got to her feet and dusted herself off.

"Must've been stuck or something," she grumbled. She then walked over to her vanity and sighed. From my vantage point, I could see her tap each of her cosmetics, making a beeping sound with her mouth as she did so. Once the bizarre ritual was finished, she took something out of her drawer and stared down at it. I watched as her brow furrowed in the mirror's reflection.

"It's getting late," she mused. "Should I call again?"

"Gin!"

A gruff voice called from outside the room. Ginny perked up and spun around.

"C-coming, Dad!" she squeaked. She left her room quickly, leaving whatever she was looking at on the vanity. We all came out of our hiding places.

"I wish her dad would stop calling her that," Leni said with a pout. "She doesn't like it."

I approached the vanity to see what Ginny left behind. It appeared to be her cellphone, but upon closer inspection, it was rigged with some sort of vocal synthesizer. I had to smile. It appears at least one of my theories is correct.

"I believe there's a reason she dislikes that nickname," I said, taking out my walkie-talkie. "High Card, this is Card Counter. Over."

"High Card here. What's your status?"

"Phase One is complete. We're heading back now. Over."

"Good. Let us know if you need a distraction."

"Copy that. Card Counter, over and out."

With that, we slipped out of the trailer as quietly as possible. One by one, the pieces are falling into place. Solving this mystery is only a matter of time now. We should discuss our findings with the others first, of course. But after that, we move right on to Phase Two…


	25. Confrontation: Virginia O'Donnell

"Holy shamoley. Th-this is insane."

That was all any of us could say after Lisa told us about what they found in that trailer. I mean, OMG. I-I'm literally struggling to wrap my head around it. So this whole thing, from the stolen football signals to Lincoln getting kidnapped, was just a big publicity stunt to promote the movie? If that's true, then not only is Dirk O'Donnell a massive creep; he's also out of his ding-dang mind!

"Are you sure about all this, Lisa?" I asked.

"I'm still analyzing the script, but thus far, it seems to confirm my suspicions," said Lisa. "In the meantime, I believe the O'Donnells have a lot to answer for."

"That's for sure," I agreed. "Time to move onto Phase Two. Leni, you're with me. Lisa, keep looking through that script."

"Roger that," said Lisa.

"Um, okay," said Leni nervously.

I sighed and took out my phone. I wasn't really looking forward to this, but it was the only way to get answers. I shot Ginny a quick text, telling her to come outside. Leni and I then stepped out of Vanzilla and waited.

In a matter of moments, Ginny emerged from the trailer. When she saw us, she tried to hide a gasp by clearing her throat. She then gave me and Leni a stern look.

"I-I thought I told you not to call me again," she growled.

"Well, technically, you didn't say anything about texting you," said Leni.

Before you ask, she said that with a completely straight face. It's kinda fascinating to see Leni take a comment that's supposed to be sarcastic and be so literal about it. I just decided to play along.

"She's not exactly wrong," I said with a shrug. I then sighed. "All kidding aside, you know why we're here, Ginny. If you have any information about Lincoln, we could really use it."

Ginny turned away and started fiddling with her ponytail. "I-I'm not exactly sure how I can help you there."

Leni frowned. "Ginny, it's not nice to lie."

Ginny flinched. "I-I'm not lying."

Wow. She's not even trying to hide it at this point. It's… actually kinda pathetic. Still, we're not gonna get anywhere if she keeps denying everything.

"Look, just humor us for a bit," I said. "If it turns out you're telling the truth, this'll be the last you see of us."

"You promise?" asked Ginny.

I nodded. "Promise."

Ginny took a moment to compose herself and straighten out her ponytail.

"Fine. But be quick about it," she said. "My dad's probably gonna call me back any minute."

I don't know if that's true or if Ginny just wanted an excuse to run away. There's only one way to find out.

"Let's start with the movie," I said.

Ginny tilted her head. "Why that?"

"Because I'm convinced that there's a connection between it and Lincoln going missing," I answered. "Again, just humor me for now. Anyway, we didn't get a chance to learn that much about it at the meetup. Could you tell us a bit more?"

"Wh-what else do you wanna know?"

"Tell us about the production," I said. "I'm guessing this has been in development for a while, since it's been several months since Lincoln won that Ace Savvy contest."

Ginny blinked. "I don't see how that's gonna help, but o-okay."

She started fiddling with her ponytail again. I think at this point, it's safe to assume that whenever she does that, anything that comes out of her mouth isn't true. She clearly knows more than she lets on; she's just afraid to say it. The ironic thing is that she's just making things worse by forcing me to drag the truth out of her like this. Well, not much I can do about that. I already said I'd do whatever it takes to find Lincoln, and I meant it.

 **Testimony: Movie Production**

"It's true that this project has been in development for quite some time," said Ginny. "Initially, my dad and Bill Buck has major disagreements over the script. But last week, we ended up deciding to start promoting the movie. My dad held a few conferences around Michigan to spread awareness, and I did some online promotion. All of that led up to the premier of the trailer last night."

So far, that's not a whole lot of new information. I feel like that's by design, though. Ginny really wants to sell the point that this won't help us find Lincoln, but I don't think she expects us to buy it. Well, she's right. I'm not buying it for a second. Time to see what she's really hiding.

"What kind of disagreements did your dad have with Mr. Buck?" asked Leni.

"Dad wanted to make some major revisions to the whole thing, but Mr. Buck was steadfast," said Ginny. "He said it would stray too far from the source material."

"And which side were you on?" I asked.

Ginny blushed and twiddled her fingers. "I'm… actually with Mr. Buck on this one. I already made it clear at the meetup that I was going to make sure my dad didn't turn this movie into something it's not supposed to be, and I'm sticking by that."

"And I'm sure your dad knows this, right?"

Ginny perked up. "Pardon?"

"Well, it's just that you're promoting the movie right now," I said. "That means the dispute was resolved, right?"

Ginny shrugged sheepishly. "Um, technically? You really don't understand how stubborn my dad is."

I furrowed my brow. "That literally doesn't make sense. If there's still a dispute over the script, how is this thing still in production?"

"It's… complicated," said Ginny, rubbing her arm. "I don't wanna talk about it."

Hmm. Something about the production is clearly making her uncomfortable. Still, should I press her further or hold off for now? Before I could decide, Leni changed the subject. I'm not that surprised; Leni probably doesn't want to push Ginny too hard.

"So, like, you and your dad have been promoting the movie all week?" she asked. "That must've been really hard work."

"Oh, you have no idea," said Ginny, rolling her eyes. "We had to do this whole balancing act of spreading awareness, but not so much that everything would be leaked early. I kept telling my dad that it was almost impossible in this day and age, but of course, he didn't listen. He _never_ listens to me."

Is it just me, or did she sound kinda… bitter about that? I mean, I guess that makes sense. From what little I've seen of Mr. O'Donnell, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would listen to anyone. That's definitely gonna be important later. But right now, something else just came to mind.

"You said that your dad didn't want everything to be leaked early, right?" I asked.

Ginny sighed. "Yeah. All about building suspense and stuff. Which I'm all for; don't get me wrong. But considering how much information gets passed around on social media, I'm not sure how it's feasible."

I smirked. "You have no idea how right you are."

Ginny blinked. "What do you mean?"

"We had a friend of ours do a bit of digging while we were at the meetup," I said, taking out my phone. "It turns out the information about the movie _was_ leaked. And guess when it came out?"

"Wh-when?"

"Around the time you and your dad started promoting it."

"Eep~!"

Ginny flinched and began twirling her ponytail around her finger.

"Th-that can't be possible," she muttered. "I-I made absolute certain that this wouldn't happen."

"Didn't you just get through saying that it wasn't possible?" said Leni.

"Th-that doesn't mean I didn't try!" Ginny protested.

"Well, apparently, you didn't try hard enough," I said. "Because it's right here on a popular Ace Savvy blog. Tell me, are you familiar with Gin Rummy Prime's Stacked Deck?"

"W-well, of course. It's one of my favorite Ace Savvy blogs," said Ginny. "Then again, I'm one of the only people I know who actually _likes_ Gin Rummy Prime. I know he's technically a villain in the Casino Multiverse arc, but his whole backstory is just so heart-wrenching and relatable. He wants to live in Ace's world so desperately, but he can't because…"

I could tell she was just stalling, so I cut her off. "Let's try to stay on topic. If you're a fan of this Gin Rummy Prime blog, then how did this slip under your radar?"

Ginny gulped. "I-I don't know. I-I guess I just didn't notice."

I shook my head. "But see, that's not all Gin Rummy Prime posted. They also talked about the Full House Gang movie long before the leak. A lot of it was the behind-the-scenes stuff you mentioned earlier, with how your dad and Bill Buck had a disagreement over the script. How could some random blogger have access to that kind of information? I can literally think of only one possibility."

"Wh-what's that?"

"It's that _you're_ Gin Rummy Prime!"

"Nnngh!"

Ginny recoiled, tangling her fingers in her ponytail. She didn't need to say it; I could tell I was right just by the look on her face.

"Wait, that doesn't make sense," said Leni. "If you're Gin Rummy Prime, then why don't you like being called Gin?"

"N-none of your business!" Ginny snapped.

Leni flinched and backed off. Personally, I think that's the last question on my mind. I need to confirm this.

"Ginny, there's something you should know," I said. "We actually got a call this afternoon from someone named Gin Rummy Prime. They're the ones who told us to come out here to save Lincoln. That was also you, wasn't it?"

"Y-you can't prove that," she whimpered. Of course, she was fiddling with her ponytail while she said that. I sighed.

"Don't try to hide it. We already know," I said. "Our sister Lisa found your phone in your room, and it had a voice synthesizer attached to it. She also traced you and Gin Rummy Prime back to this location. You clearly know what's going on, so why not just be straight with us?"

Ginny shook her head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," I said.

Ginny didn't respond. She just kept looking down at her feet and squirming in place. Something's really got her scared, but what? Before I could say anything, Leni ventured forward.

"Ginny, it's okay," she said. "We didn't mean to make you upset. So, I just wanna ask you one more question. After that, we'll leave you alone."

I gave Leni a blank look. "Leni, what're you doing? I don't agree to this."

Leni gave me a stern look in return. "Lori, do you trust me?"

Okay, that's a loaded question. There are things I would trust Leni with, absolutely. But there are also things that I _wouldn't_ trust her with (like knowing which clothes are mine, for instance). But the crazy thing is I don't know if this is one of those things. Yeah, Leni's not as dumb as she appears, but that doesn't change the fact that she's still a bit of a ditz. Then again, she has been surprisingly on the ball throughout the investigation.

…

Dang it. We don't have time to argue about this.

"Fine. Whatever," I said. "But I reserve the right to jump in if I think you're on the wrong track."

"Don't worry, Lori. I got this." Leni then turned to Ginny. "Okay, Ginny. Here's my question. Did you submit an entry to the Ace Savvy contest Lincoln won?"

Wait, _that_ was her question? I mean, I guess it's not the _worst_ question I can imagine for this situation, but I'm not sure what we're gonna get out of it, or if we're gonna get anything at all. Ginny squirmed a bit, her face turning red.

"I-it's a long story," she rasped.

"Well, tell us," said Leni. "I promise we won't hate you."

I… don't know why she felt the need to make that promise, but apparently, it was enough to convince Ginny. She straightened up and cleared her throat.

"Okay," she said. "But after this, no more."

"I promise," said Leni with a nod. She then gave me a wink and a thumbs-up. I literally don't know where she's going with this, but if I interrupted now, we'd just end up in a big fight. That's not gonna help Lincoln. Let's just hope she's actually onto something here.

 **Testimony: Entering the Ace Savvy Contest**

"We did actually enter the Ace Savvy contest," said Ginny. "We agreed to just use my name for the entry, seeing as the whole thing was my idea. My dad just did the promotion, though I'm not sure why. I guess he just really wanted to show off my work. Of course, we didn't count on your brother and his friend to be so talented. However, I have no problem with the outcome. I said as much on my Gin Rummy Prime blog, after all."

Hmm. Call me crazy, but I think I'm starting to see what Leni's going for here. Considering what we learned about Mr. O'Donnell, I find Ginny's story a bit hard to swallow. Leni seemed to be thinking the same thing. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before addressing Ginny.

"You keep saying 'we' a lot," she said. "Did you and your dad enter the contest together?"

"You could say that," said Ginny sheepishly.

"Then why didn't your dad enter his name with yours?" Leni asked. "There wasn't any rule against it. Lincoln and Clyde entered the contest together."

Ginny shrugged. "Like I said, I was the one who wrote the comic."

"But then, what did you dad do?"

Ginny squirmed a bit. "Um, he promoted it."

"That's it?"

"Trust me. In the art world, promoting the product is just as important as the product itself."

Leni furrowed her brow and shook her head. "I dunno. That doesn't sound fair."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, like, you made the coloring book," said Leni. "You came up with the story; you drew all the pictures. All your dad did was show it off to people. So why are you giving him credit for your work?"

Actually, now that Leni brings it up, that _doesn't_ really make sense. In fact, that leads to another problem.

"My question is why did your dad feel the need to promote it at all?" I said. "All of the entries in the contest were sent directly to Bill Buck. The only person anyone had to impress was him."

"Yeah, well. Try telling that to my dad," Ginny groaned. "I told him it was a bad idea."

She's starting to sound bitter again. There has to be more to this story. And seeing as Leni has this pained look on her face, I think she's figured it out. She sighed.

"Ginny, please stop lying like this," she said. "You're only hurting yourself."

Ginny did a double take. "Wh-where did _that_ come from?"

Leni took out the comic she found in Ginny's room. "Is this the book you entered into the contest?" she asked.

Ginny turned away and bit her lip. "Kinda?"

"What do you mean by 'kinda'?"

"I-I don't wanna say."

Leni frowned. "Ginny, do you happen to know someone named Lord Tetherby?"

"Y-yeah. He was one of my dad's financial backers."

"Well, my sister Lisa visited him earlier today," said Leni. "And she saw an Ace Savvy book in his museum. Lord Tetherby said it was a failed submission in a contest, and that it was made by Mr. O'Donnell. And you know what else?"

"What?"

"Lisa says it looked nothing like this. And Clyde insists that the only O'Donnell to enter the contest was you. Your dad forced you to make something different, didn't he?"

…

I think I just realized what Leni's trying to do here. Let's see if I can't piece this together.

"I don't think that's all her dad made her do, Leni," I said. "Because along with that comic, we found her dad's script outlining everything about Lincoln's kidnapping." I turned back to Ginny. "You knew he was behind this all along, and you helped him carry out his plan. But you felt bad about it, so you posed as Gin Rummy Prime to bring us here. You wanted us to find that comic and your dad's script so that we could save Lincoln. Am I right?"

Ginny's breath hitched as she began to tremble. She tried to speak, but she just kept hyperventilating. It almost looks like she's about to cry. Just like before, she didn't need to say anything. I could tell just by looking at her that I figured it out.

"But, like, I don't get it," said Leni. "You could've just been honest with us from the beginning. We would've helped you. So why all the secrets and stuff?"

Ginny sighed. "Because that's what Gin Rummy Prime would do."

…

Well, that answered… nothing.

"What do you mean that's what Gin Rummy Prime would do?" asked Leni. "Aren't you Gin Rummy Prime?"

Ginny scoffed. "I wish. Gin Rummy Prime may be all cryptic and underhanded, but he still tries to do the right thing, even when it's hard. I'm not like that."

"What do you mean you're not like that?" I asked. "You said it yourself. You're going to make sure your dad sticks to the source material."

Ginny let out another bitter laugh. "You really think I _meant_ that? I have no control over my dad's script! Nothing I do matters to him! If I'm not following his script to the letter, then _I'm_ the one doing something wrong!"

Wow. I-I don't know what to say to that. I figured Ginny and Dirk bickered and argued all the time, but so does our family. I literally didn't think their relationship would be this… toxic.

"So, I was right then?" said Leni. "This book isn't the one you entered into the contest?"

Ginny shook her head and blushed. "Nope. My dad said it didn't fit his script, so he submitted his own comic under my name. It was supposed to show Bill Buck that his grimdark stories would be plausible in an Ace Savvy setting, but of course, it didn't work. You have no idea how humiliated I was when I found out."

Leni gasped. "O-M-Gosh, that's horrible! You shouldn't have to put up with that."

Ginny laughed. "Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't have to put up with that. And if I was someone strong like your brother or Gin Rummy Prime, I _wouldn't_ put up with that. But I'm not those heroes. I'm just… me."

She fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands. "My life has always been controlled by my dad's stupid scripts. I try to fight it, but he won't listen to me. He _never_ listens to me. I-it's like I don't even exist. No, worse. It's like I'm nothing but another one of his actors meant to play the role _he_ wrote for me, and if I refuse, I get punished. And the worst part is that I didn't have anyone else to turn to. At least, not until I found out you guys were trying to find your brother and clean up this mess we made."

…

Let me tell you something. In a large family like mine, we have our fair share of fights and disagreements. Sometimes, it can get pretty crazy and kinda brutal. But let me make this clear: none of us would ever, ever ever _ever_ , treat each other the way Dirk O'Donnell has been treating his daughter. I mean, OMG. I-I just wanna hug her right now. But Leni, being Leni, beat me to the punch.

"There there. It's okay," she cooed. "You're stronger than you realize. I mean, like, you had the courage to reach out to us."

"But that doesn't matter. I still followed the script. I still helped my dad hurt your brother," Ginny whimpered. "This is all my fault."

"That's not true. We know you didn't want to hurt our Linky," said Leni. "Everything's going to be okay now. You don't have to do what your dad says anymore."

"She's right," I said. "We're not going to let your father get away with this."

"Cut~!"

A loud familiar bellow killed the mood in an instant. We looked up to see Dirk O'Donnell standing in the doorway, giving us a slow clap.

"Bravo, Gin. Bra-vo," he said snidely. "Such emotion. Such drama. You really have what it takes to be in my pictures. But there's one small problem."

I raised an eyebrow and folded my arms. "Let me guess. We're off-script."

"Completely!" Dirk snapped, his demeanor shifting in an instant. "How many times do I have to tell you, Gin? Just follow the script, and everything will turn out perfectly. This shouldn't be that hard!"

He then glared at me and Leni. "As for you two! You shouldn't even be in this scene! I have half a mind to call the police and report you for trespassing!"

"You do that, and we'll tell them everything about your little publicity stunt," I retorted.

Dirk snickered. "Please. They aren't going to believe you. You're nothing but a bunch of children playing detective, and it's way past your bedtimes. Leave now, or I'm calling the cops."

"Dad, please. That really isn't a good—"

"Cut!" Dirk barked, interrupting Ginny. "You are treading on thin ice, Gin! Don't make this any worse!"

"Don't talk to her like that, you big bully!" Leni snapped.

Dang. I've seen Leni get mad before, but it's not every day I see her get _this_ mad. She literally looks like she's ready to sock Dirk in the nose. Personally, I don't blame her. I have the same urge.

"How I talk to my daughter is none of your business," Dirk growled. "Save your bluster for a scene that actually matters. You have nothing to use against me. It says so in the script. Now clear off, both of you."

If he thinks we're just gonna up and leave, he's sorely mistaken. Time to call in the cavalry. I took out my walkie-talkie.

"Full House Gang, this is High Card," I said. "We're moving on to Phase Three. I repeat: Phase Three is a go."

No sooner had I said that then the rest of my sisters piled out of Vanzilla and stood by my side. Heh, this is feeling like a real showdown, huh? Just us and the mastermind behind everything. As Ace Savvy would say, it's time to _deal_ out some justice.

…

Yeah, that still sounds completely hokey. You get my point, though. We're ending this once and for all…


	26. The Full House Turnabout

Dirk lowered his shades and stared at all of us. After a few seconds, he started snickering.

"So, the whole gang is here," he said. "The valiant heroes have come to save the day. How very quaint."

"Yeah, I don't see how that's funny," said Luan. "And trust me, I know funny."

Dirk scoffed. "Well, of course _you_ don't see it. You're too busy galavanting about in your own little fantasy."

"Um, excuse me?" I said, arching an eyebrow. "You literally think everything in life has to go according to your script, and _we're_ the ones living in a fantasy world? Gag me."

"Oh, trust me, High Card. If it comes to that, it'll be your own fault," Dirk said cooly.

Ginny turned completely pale. "Dad, no! You're just digging your own grave at this poi—"

"Cut!" Dirk interrupted. "There you go again, Gin. Always going off-script. Have I taught you nothing?"

"Actually, she's quite correct in her assessment," said Lisa. She brandished Dirk's script. "I've taken the liberty of going over your little manifesto, and despite the fact that you use codenames for all the players involved, it's very incriminating evidence against you. That's not to mention all of the other information we gathered throughout the day. You have no means of escape, ergo it's in your best interest to surrender to the authorities and relinquish our male sibling."

Dirk sighed and shook his head. "See, this is something Bill Buck will never understand. All of his stories are so childish and predictable. You know from the first page that the heroes are victorious, and the villains are defeated. That's not engaging. That's not relatable. That isn't art."

…

Well, _that_ came out of nowhere. Seriously, what the heck is he talking about?

"Don't try to change the subject," Lynn growled, pounding her fist into her palm. "We're not talking about one of your dumb movies here."

"Nor am I," said Dirk. "For you see, Full House Gang, you may think you've won, but that's just another fantasy. My work deconstructs fantasies and shows the bleak reality of the world, something you children are too naïve to understand."

Seeing as we live with Lucy, I'm calling major bull on that. Lucy didn't seem happy about the statement, either. Her stoic facade began to crack as she gritted her teeth.

"Grr," she snarled. "It would not be wise for you to underestimate us."

"I have nothing to fear from the likes of you," said Dirk.

"Then you don't know us very well."

Dirk let out another sigh. "Tsk tsk tsk. I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this, but it appears you stubborn brats don't comprehend subtlety. Very well. I will explain to you just how hopeless you really are."

I don't like how confident he sounds right now. Lisa's right; we literally have him backed into a corner, yet he's still determined to fight us. He must have some nasty tricks up his sleeve. Which is all the more reason we can't back down now.

 **Argument: You Lose**

"You claim that having my script means that you've won," said Dirk. "However, notice that not once in the script did I ever mention your brother by name. The police are simply going to see this as my screenplay for a movie, not the diabolical plan you claim it is. What's more, there's no other evidence linking me to the crime. When the police arrive here, all they'll see are ten delinquents trespassing on my property and harassing me. It's what you deserve for going against the script."

I notice that at no point did he try to deny our accusations. All he said was that we couldn't prove it. Well, that's where he's wrong. Let's tear this guy apart.

"So you claim that your script has nothing incriminating in it, is that it?" said Lynn.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," said Dirk.

Lynn scoffed. "Funny. 'Cause one of the locations in your script just so happens to be _my_ school. Why would my school be a setting in an Ace Savvy movie?"

Dirk chuckled. "And people say _I_ don't know the source material," he said. "Or are you not familiar with the Casino Multiverse arc?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Lynn.

Ginny sighed. "There's a parallel dimension in the Ace Savvy universe called Earth Prime, which was introduced in the Casino Multiverse arc. It's supposed to be a representation of _our_ Earth."

"Meaning he can throw real-world locations into his script and just claim that those scenes take place on Earth Prime!" Luna exclaimed. "Bogus!"

Lynn snorted. "As if the police are gonna buy that!"

"And you really think you can back up your claim that the script is talking about actual events?" Dirk countered. "You have no evidence to that effect."

"Think again, buster!" barked Luna. "What about that key you copied?!"

"Ah, yes. The key," Dirk mused. "That might give your story some weight. I take it you have it?"

Luna suddenly froze like a deer in the headlights and gave Luan a worried look. That's… not a good sign.

"Well, not on us," said Luan sheepishly. "We gave it to Rusty so that he could make sure Papa Wheelie and Flat Tire didn't get off the hook. But we can…"

"Cut!" Dirk interrupted. "If the prop isn't here, then it can't be used in the scene. Try to follow the script, would you?"

What, you mean just give up and let you win? Not freaking likely. Still, he seems to always have an answer to everything. But at the same time, he's got "suspicious" written all over him. What is he thinking?

"Wait a sec! Even if we _don't_ have the key on us, there's still something we can use!" said Lana.

"What's that?" I asked.

"When we were looking in the trailer, we found a drawer full of candle wax," said Lana, sneering at Dirk. "And in the wax was an imprint shaped like a key! All we have to do is compare that imprint to the skeleton key at Lynn's school, and that'll be the end of you!"

"Ah, I see," said Dirk. "You mean _this_ imprint?"

He took out a glob of candle wax from his pocket. Just like Lana said, there was a key-shaped imprint embedded in it.

"Wait, like, now it's got your fingerprints on it," said Leni. "Why would you do something like…?"

Before she could finish, Dirk clenched his fist and crushed the wax ball into a billion pieces. D-did he just do what I think he did? You all saw that, right? He literally destroyed evidence right in front of our eyes! This guy's nuts!

"All according to my script," Dirk gloated, dusting off his hands. "Now you have nothing but a screenplay, and that's not enough for anyone to arrest me. You see now why you were living in a fantasy? Just because you're the hero doesn't mean you're entitled to victory."

Nnngh, dang it! I guess this is what Ginny meant when she said the deck was stacked against us. I don't think we're ever gonna get him to confess to anything at this rate! We're definitely not gonna get him to back down! What do we do now?!

"We do not feel we're entitled to victory, Mr. O'Donnell. We intend to earn it."

I turned to see that Lisa had a sly smirk on her face. She pressed her glasses against the bridge of her nose, causing them to shine.

"What sort of nonsense is this?" Dirk asked. "I already destroyed your best chance at catching me. You're doomed to fail, just as my script says."

"Really now?" said Lisa. "Tell me, Mr. O'Donnell. Was _this_ in your script perchance?"

She took out that HARV device she showed me and Leni this morning and pressed a few buttons. In a flash, a holographic projection of Dirk appeared before us, crushing a holographic ball of wax just like Dirk did a minute ago. Dirk's jaw dropped, and he took out another screenplay. Sweat rained from his brow as he flipped through it.

"Th-that can't be right!" he sputtered. "My script makes no mention of this!"

"Remember what Lucy said about underestimating us? This is what she meant," said Lisa. "My Holographic Active Replay Visualizer, or HARV, can recreate whatever I so choose. And yes, that includes whatever evidence _you_ destroy!"

"Cut~!"

Dirk recoiled and made a violent slashing motion across his throat. If he has anything to say to that, I'll be very surprised.

"Th-this is preposterous!" he snapped. "You think the police are going to accept this glorified Etch-a-Sketch?!"

Lisa frowned. "I'll have you know that this is the latest in forensic technology. And I mean _actual_ forensics, not the pseudoscience junk corrupt prosecutors try to pass off as forensics. It's time you confessed to your misdeeds."

"She's right, Dad. This has gone on long enough," said Ginny. "Just let Lincoln go, and…"

"Cut!"

Y'know, that's starting to get really annoying. I seriously pity Ginny if she has to put up with that every day.

"This isn't over yet," said Dirk. "My script says that you will fail, and that means you don't have a chance. You're still nothing but a bunch of children playing pretend!"

"So you're right because your script says so, and we're wrong because we're just kids. Is that it?" said Luan, folding her arms. "Sounds to me like you've got a serious problem. Maybe you should go a doctor and ask him to give you a pre _script_ ion." She laughed at her own joke. "Get it?"

Literally, Luan? Is now really the best time? Before I could ask that, her humorous smile vanished into a deadpan frown.

"But seriously, you can't weasel your way outta this," she said. "Give us back our brother."

Dirk sneered. "What makes you think I have him?"

Wait, what? After all that, he still thinks he can deny everything?! Sheesh, what's it gonna take to bring this guy down?!

"And what exactly does _that_ mean?" snarled Lola. "What have you done to Linky?!"

"Indeed, that is an interesting question. What _did_ I do to him?" said Dirk. His shades seemed to flash in the moonlight. "Oh, right. You have no way of finding out, do you?"

I literally just felt chills go up my spine. This guy's not just nuts; he's sick in the head! It's like this is just a game to him! And he says _we're_ the ones playing pretend?! I-I am this close to turning him into a human pretzel!

"Wait. So, like, if we find out what you did to Lincoln, you'll let him go?" asked Leni.

Dirk chuckled. "Ah, so naïve. Even now, you don't understand the situation you're in. You're destined to fail because my script says you will fail, and my script says you will fail because that is the vision _I_ intended."

"That's just begging the question," said Lisa. "Your script is infallible because it's your vision, and your vision is infallible because it's in the script. Mind giving us an argument that _isn't_ circular?"

"Yeah, try a rectangle instead," said Leni. "Wait, is that even a thing?"

Dirk laughed again. "And you expect me to take you seriously. Such naïveté has no place in my script. I've had enough of this. It's time to shoot the climax! Behold, the downfall of the Full House Gang, Take One! And… action~!"

I glanced over at Ginny. She had her hands balled into fists, and she was biting her lip hard. It's like she wants to say something, but she can't. I think she's still scared of her dad. Well, if she feels she can't stand up to him, we'll have to do it. Just hang tight, Lincoln. We're not going home without you.

 **Argument: The Downfall of the Full House Gang**

"Let's suppose for the sake of argument that you're correct," said Dirk. "I put this whole plan in motion to prove to Bill Buck and your brother that I tell the better story where the hero doesn't automatically win. If that's the case, where is he now? Your little tracking device can't find him, and you already know he's not in my trailer. For all you know, he's not even here at my studio. And if I knew where he was, what makes you think I'd tell you? My script calls for me to rob you of your happy ending, and that's just what I intend to do."

Well, he's right about one thing. We don't have any evidence showing where Lincoln is right now. All we have is stuff connecting Dirk to the crime, so even if the police _do_ arrest him, we won't get Lincoln back. He really thought of everything, didn't he? Well, maybe not _every_ thing. We can still do this if we work together.

"Curious," mused Lisa. "How did you come to know about my tracking device?"

"Your brother told me," said Dirk. "He told me quite a bit about you lot, insisting that you'd come for him. But of course, you're still nothing but a bunch of entitled brats who think that just because you're on the side of justice, you have to be victorious. That's not how the world works, I'm afraid."

…

Oh, man. He does not know how badly he just slipped up. And of course, Lola was ready to call him out on it.

"Wait a minute! How could you know all that stuff if you _weren't_ the one who hurt Linky?!" she demanded.

Dirk blinked. "I-I was just speaking hypothetically."

"Dad, they're not gonna buy tha—"

"Cut~!"

Ginny tried to speak up, but just like before, Dirk was having none of it.

"Keep speaking out of turn like that, and you'll be joining your hero," he threatened. "This is your last warning, Gin. Follow the script."

"Stop telling her to do things she doesn't wanna do!" Leni barked back. "You're really hurting her feelings!"

"Cut! Mind your own business!" Dirk roared.

"Ginny's my friend! I'm making it my business!" Leni countered.

I think we can all agree that's a pretty bold statement for Leni to make, considering she just met Ginny a few hours ago. But, y'know, it's Leni. If she feels that Ginny needs a friend right now, she's gonna fill those shoes. That's just the kind of girl she is.

"I feel like we're getting off-track, Mr. O'Donnell," I said. "'Cause Lola's right. The only way you could know about Lisa's tracker is if Lincoln told you. And if you admit to Lincoln telling you, well, that's pretty much a confession to kidnapping him, isn't it?"

"Cut!"

As Dirk made a slashing motion across his neck, Luan pantomimed him while making goofy faces. I'll admit, that's a little funny. I'm getting sick of him doing that, too.

"Must you improvise at every turn?" he scolded. "You're ruining the scene!"

"That not all we're gonna ruin," I said. "'Cause guess what? We know you were planning to nab Clyde, too!"

"Indeed," said Lisa, brandishing the letter. "I found this written correspondence in what I presume is your study."

"Well, that's a bold assumption to make," Dirk huffed. "Maybe I genuinely wanted to invite him for a behind-the-scenes look."

"Oh, please. Don't even try," I said. "When Ginny first told you that Clyde wasn't showing up at the meetup, you said that it went against your script. You were planning to kidnap him there, but when he didn't show, you had to come up with another plan!"

Dirk took off his shades and smashed them in his hand. "Th-this is outrageous! My script doesn't call for you figuring everything out!"

Luna sneered. "Shows how much your script knows then, doesn't it? Breakdown, takedown, you're busted!"

"A-and what of it?" Dirk growled. "You still don't know where Lincoln is, and I don't intend to tell you!"

"You don't need to," said Lana. "'Cause you're not the only guy who knows where Lincoln is."

"That's right. Ginny knows where he is, too," said Lynn. "So what's stopping us from asking her, huh?"

Everyone turned to Ginny, who started hyperventilating again. Dirk gave her a threatening look.

"Say one word, Gin, and I'll make sure you never work in this industry again," he said.

"Don't listen to him, Ginny. You're stronger than that," said Leni. "We all believe in you."

Ginny trembled as her eyes darted every which way. Dirk just glared at her like a lion waiting to pounce. I don't feel good about putting her on the spot like this, but if Dirk isn't gonna tell us where Lincoln is, we don't have any other options. Is there some way to get through to her?

…

Hang on. Maybe there is.

"Ginny, try thinking about what Gin Rummy Prime would do in this situation," I suggested.

Dirk laughed. "You say that as if she's not Gin Rummy Prime. I already know all about her little online persona rebelling against my script in vain. She's just like you lot: a child playing pretend. And no daughter of mine is going to retreat into some fantasy world while I have a say in it."

…

Okay, at least when _our_ parents tried to dictate our lives, they were doing it because they were worried about our future development. Plus, they backed off when they realized we were miserable. Meanwhile, this bozo literally couldn't care less about what happens to his daughter or how she feels. It's like he has no clue about what it means to have a family.

"So that's why you don't like to be called Gin, huh?" said Leni. "Because you don't feel like you're as brave as Gin Rummy Prime."

Ginny nodded. "I-I'm sorry. I-I can't…"

"Yes you can," said Leni firmly. "I already told you, remember? You're the one who called us out here and left us those clues. It wasn't Gin Rummy Prime that did that; it was _you_. So stop telling yourself that you're not strong."

"She's right, dude. You can't let this prat walk all over ya, even if he _is_ your dad," added Luna. "You've got time to rectify all the things that you should, so do what ya wanna do."

"Cut!" Dirk barked. "You have no right to…"

"Oh, go cut yourself," Lynn snapped.

Dirk gasped and stumbled backwards. I guess people talking back to him wasn't in his script, either. Before he could launch into an angry tirade, Ginny spoke up.

"Lisa, was it?"

Lisa perked up. "Are you referring to me?"

"Yeah," said Ginny. "Do you still have the device that locates the transmitters?"

"Affirmative," said Lisa. "Why do you ask?"

"Turn it on."

Dirk scoffed. "Why would she do that? She knows it doesn't work. My script says it doesn't work!"

"But she doesn't know _why_ it doesn't work," Ginny countered.

Dirk started sweating bullets as he scrolled through his copy of the script. "W-well, maybe I removed the transmitter from him!"

"That's highly improbable," said Lisa. "Only I know where I placed the transmitters."

"Th-then maybe I took him to someone who could find it!" Dirk countered.

"Or, the more likely scenario, Lincoln was just out of range when Lisa tried to track him," said Ginny.

Lisa took a moment to consider this. "Hmm. It is true that the range of my transmitters is limited to Royal Woods. If Lincoln was in Hazeltucky when I activated my device…"

"Cut!" Dirk boomed. "Th-that can't be it! You have no way of knowing that for certain! You've still lost!"

He says that, but we can all see him shaking in his boots.

"Card Counter, call his bluff," I said.

Lisa nodded and took out her tracker. In a matter of seconds, her eyes went wide.

"Eureka!" she exclaimed. "His transmitter is showing up! He's within this very vicinity!"

"Cut cut CUT~!"

At this point, Dirk was completely beside himself with rage. I could literally see steam coming out of his ears.

"This is not one of Bill Buck's inane fantasies!" he bellowed. "This was supposed to be my masterpiece, and you just ruined it!"

"Should've thought of that before you decided to mess with us," said Lana. "C'mon, Lis'. Lead the way!"

"Gin, stop them!" Dirk ordered.

Ginny shook her head. "No, Dad. I'm putting my foot down here. In fact, I'm gonna go call the police, which is what I _should've_ done in the first place."

She made her way to the door, but Dirk grabbed her by the wrist.

"You will do no such thing!" he snarled. "One way or another, you're going to wake up, Gin! You can't live in Bill Buck's fantasy forever!"

"And you consider your black stories to be reality, do you?"

Dirk yelped as Lucy appeared out of seemingly nowhere. Although she looked just as stoic as ever, I could tell she had a real bone to pick with Dirk.

"A-as if children like you could ever comprehend the nuances of a true literary genius!" he howled.

"Sigh. Never in my life have I come across a soul as black as yours," said Lucy. "I may have surrendered myself to darkness, but I know better than to force everyone else to see the world the way I do. You, however, think that everyone should have your opinion. You disgust me."

Dirk snorted. "I'm not looking for your approval, you petulant child!" He raised his hand to strike her, but Lynn intercepted it and twisted his arm behind his back.

"Sorry, pal. But I promised myself that I wouldn't let any of my other siblings get hurt, and I'm sticking by it," she said. "Ginny, go! I got this!"

Considering that Lynn is literally trying to hold down a grown man, I think that's just her pride talking. Even with her incredible strength, she was struggling to hold Dirk down as Ginny made a break for it.

"This is entirely against the script!" Dirk said, struggling to pull himself free from Lynn. "Why don't you hooligans just do as your told?! You should've given up long ago! It's against the…"

"Oh, would you just shut up about your dumb script already?!"

Lola suddenly leapt in and began helping Lynn wrestle Dirk to the ground. That normally would be pretty pathetic, but I know for a fact that Lola's freakishly strong.

…

Oh, who am I kidding? It's still pathetic. Because this is a grown man throwing a tantrum over not getting his way while screaming that we're just a bunch of immature kids.

"Cut! Cut cut CUT~!" Dirk screamed. "When the director says cut, you're supposed to…"

Before he could say anything else, Lily stuffed a dirty diaper in his mouth. Thank goodness for that. I don't think I could take any more of his whining.

I rushed over to Lisa, who followed Lincoln's transmitter to a trailer on the other side of the park. Luna tried the door, but it was locked.

"Dang it," she grumbled. "Of course it's not gonna be that easy."

Lisa observed the door carefully. "Hmm. It appears to be locked from the inside," she mused. "We'll need another way in."

"Trailers like this usually have a hatch on the roof," said Lana. "Maybe someone can get in through there."

"Sounds good to me," said Luan. "But how do we get up there?"

"Ooh! We can use that ladder over there!" said Leni.

I looked to where she was pointing. There was a stepladder set up a few feet away. Lisa raised an eyebrow.

"Leni, that's a stepladder," she said.

Leni blinked. "There's a difference?"

Okay, I'm shooting down this argument before it becomes a thing. Fighting over something this silly is literally the last thing we need right now.

"Luna, Luan. Give me a hand with this," I said.

"I'll do better than that! I'll give you two!" Luan said with a laugh. "Get it?"

Ugh~. Well, at least she's not giving us a round of applause. The three of us carried the stepladder over the trailer, and I climbed up onto the roof. Just like Lana said, there was a hatch in the middle of the roof. But there was also a lock on it. This guy _really_ didn't want us to save Lincoln.

"Leni! I need you up here!" I said.

Leni scampered up the ladder and saw the lock. She then nodded. "I got this."

With a few clicks of her hairpin, she picked the lock with ease. I opened the hatch and leapt down.

* * *

The inside of the trailer was completely black. I could barely see my hand in front of my face. Maybe I should've gotten Lucy to do this. She's more accustomed to the dark. Before I could get my bearings, I heard a voice.

"Ginny? Is that you?"

My heart skipped a beat. I knew that voice anywhere. I-is this nightmare finally over? Oh, he'd better be okay. Alright, there's gotta be a light switch around here some—

"Need some help?"

Gah~! H-how did Lucy get in here?! I just… Ugh, forget it. I just got through saying that she should be here, anyway.

"J-just find the lights," I said.

In a matter of seconds, the lights came on. I heard a familiar pained grunt as my eyes adjusted to the light. Once I could see, I could feel this big sense of relief washing over me. There was Lincoln, sitting tied up to a chair. Without another thought, I rushed over to his side.

"Lincoln," I panted. "P-please tell me you're okay."

Lincoln blinked a few times and looked up at me. "L-Lori?"

I couldn't stop my tears from streaming forth. "Y-yeah, it's me. C'mon, we're getting you outta here."

I tried to untie him, but the ropes were a bit too tight. While I worked, Lucy opened the door to let the others in. Lana watched me work and cracked her knuckles.

"Stand back, Lori. I got this," she said.

I did as she asked. Lana then went behind the chair and started gnawing on the ropes. As she worked, Lincoln looked up at me.

"Y-you guys all came for me," he said.

"Um, duh. Of course we did, you silly," said Leni. "Like, what kind of sisters would we be if we didn't care about you?"

Lincoln smiled. "I knew you'd come."

…

OMG, my heart is literally melting right now. H-he didn't give up on us for a second, even though that's what Dirk O'Donnell wanted. I-it's so good to see him. After Lana finished chewing through the ropes, we didn't give him a chance to stand up. We just piled onto him and gave him the biggest hug imaginable.

"Dude, you have no idea what we went through to find you," said Luna.

"Indeed, it was quite an ordeal for all of us," said Lisa.

"Looks like our _missing Linc_ isn't missing anymore," Luan said with a laugh. "Get it? Lori taught me that one."

Ugh, literally, Luan? You're just gonna embarrass me like that? Eh, whatever. I'm too relieved to be mad.

"The dark veil over our house has lifted," said Lucy. "The spirits are at peace."

Lana didn't say anything. She just held Lincoln tight as tears streamed down her cheeks. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if we were all crying at this point. Hey, can you blame us after everything we just went through?

Just then, we heard the sound of police sirens outside. When I looked up, I saw Ginny walk in, flanked by Lynn, Lola, and Lily. Before any of us could move, my remaining sisters joined the cuddle puddle.

"Oh, Linky~! I-I thought I-I'd never see you again!" Lola bawled.

"We were all worried sick about you, Lincoln," said Lynn with a sniffle. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Poo-poo!" Lily cheered.

After a few seconds, Ginny cleared her throat to get our attention.

"Just wanted you guys to know that the police are here," she said. She then sighed. "I'm… gonna be turning myself in, too. I still followed my dad's script, and I need to take responsibility for that."

"That is quite admirable of you, Ms. O'Donnell," said Lisa, drying her eyes. "I'm sure you can arrange for a plea bargain, considering your circumstance."

Ginny nodded. "Oh, before I go, I have something for you. Excuse me."

We stepped out of the way, and Ginny draped a large Ace Savvy blanket around Lincoln. Lincoln looked over the blanket, and then up at Ginny.

"Are you sure I can have this?" he asked.

"It's yours. Consider it a thank you for convincing me to stand up to my dad," said Ginny. She then giggled. "Besides, it'll save the police the hassle of bundling you up."

"Wait, hold on," said Lynn. "Lincoln convinced you to help us?"

Ginny blushed and twiddled her fingers. "Well, yeah. I mean, I've always argued with my dad, but I never had the courage to really stand up to him until Lincoln told me about all of you. It was so inspiring to hear him say that he knew you would rescue him in the end."

I nodded. "And he's absolutely right. We Louds might fight a lot, but when the chips are down, we look after our own."

Ginny smirked, her own eyes getting all misty. "That's exactly what Gin Rummy Prime admired about the Full House Gang of Ace's world." She then nodded to Lincoln. "You're really lucky to have a family like yours, Lincoln Loud."

I get the distinct feeling that Ginny's a bit jealous of Lincoln. Hey, considering how much of a sicko her father is, I don't blame her.

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" asked Leni.

"I'll be fine," said Ginny. "I don't know what's in store for me, but at least I don't have to follow a script anymore. I can't thank you enough for that."

"No need to thanks us. We would've done this anyway," I said. I then smiled and ruffled Lincoln's hair. "Lincoln just means so much to us."

"I can see that," said Ginny. She then sighed. "I know we just met, but I'm really gonna miss you guys. I wish we could've met under better circumstances."

"Totes," said Leni. She then gave Ginny a hug. "Take care of yourself, alright, Ginny?"

"I will," said Ginny. Once Leni released her, she made her way to the door. After a pause, she looked back at us and smiled. "Oh, and next time we meet, call me Gin."

With that, she left to turn herself over to the police. I think we should get going, too. Though I have no idea how we're gonna explain this to Mom and Dad. Oh well, that doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that we got our Lincoln back. At this point, I literally couldn't ask for anything more.

"It's good to have you back, little bro," I said.

Lincoln smiled up at me and huddled up in his new Ace Savvy blanket. "Thanks, Lori. It's good to _be_ back."


	27. Epilogue: All That Matters

I think my sisters were hoping to slip back home unnoticed, but since Ginny told the cops where I was, they had to stick around and answer a few questions. And of course, that meant they had to explain their entire plan to rescue me. I couldn't really tell 'cause I was kinda out of it, but I think the cops were kinda confused. In the end, they did commend my sisters for their bravery, but they also gave them a lecture about taking the law into their own hands. Personally, I don't think that's gonna stick. Not with a family like mine.

My sisters let me have the Sweet Spot in Vanzilla, and I just dozed off as the police escorted us back to Royal Woods. It was well past midnight when we pulled up to our driveway. Mom and Dad were so relieved to see me safe and sound, but of course, the police informed them of what my sisters were up to. Luckily, as the master of persuasion, I managed to convince Mom and Dad not to ground them. I mean, if it wasn't for them, I don't know what would've happened to me.

Now, as you probably know, I don't really get to sleep in at my house. Even on weekends, things can get pretty crazy in the morning. But when I got up the next day, it was almost noon. I was awoken by the smell of my dad's famous breakfast burrito. Man, I missed that smell. I mean, yeah, Ginny took it upon herself to make sure I didn't starve, but nothing can compare to my dad's cooking.

I opened my eyes to see Mom setting down a tray in front of me. Leni was with her.

"'Morning, sleepyhead~," said Mom.

"Mmm~. 'Morning, Mom," I said, rubbing my eyes. "Breakfast in bed, huh?"

"Yep. Dad made it especially for you before he went out shopping," said Leni.

"Shopping?"

"Yeah, he said now that you're back, he wants to make your favorite dinner to celebrate. Oh, but shhh~. It's supposed to be a surpri—"

Leni blushed as she realized that she ruined the surprise. Yep, I totally saw that coming. Mom just sighed and patted her on the shoulder.

"It's alright, honey. There's not much point in keeping it a secret, anyway," she said. She then turned to me and smiled. "We all agreed that you could use a break today after what you went through."

I then saw Lisa walk in with a clipboard in hand. When she looked up at me, I could see her bloodshot eyes being magnified by her glasses. Was she up all night?

"Greetings, elder male sibling," she said. "Lynn and I took the liberty of conducting a brief physical examination of you after you went to sleep. I'm happy to report that there appears to be no lasting physical trauma from your ordeal. After a day of bedrest, you should recover to full strength. If I may inquire, how are you emotionally?"

That's an interesting question. Not because Lisa's the one who asked it; she does genuinely care about us. But honestly, it's hard to put my feelings into words right now.

"Well, I am glad to be home right now," I said. "That's what's important."

Leni frowned. "Is something wrong, Lincoln?"

Heh. I keep forgetting how good Leni is at reading people. I sighed.

"I guess there are still a few things that are bugging me about the whole thing," I said.

"Like what?"

"Ginny. I mean, maybe it's because I spent my entire life around you guys, but I still can't believe what she had to put up with from her dad. It's not right, y'know?"

Lisa nodded solemnly. "Indeed, such dismal familial relations are not the norm, nor should they be. However, I'm confident that Ms. O'Donnell will get the help she needs now that she's free of her father's toxic influence."

"I hope you're right, Lis'," I said, picking up my burrito. "She's been through enough."

"Totes," said Leni with a sigh. "I feel bad for her, too. I wish we could've done more for her."

"I'm afraid her fate is quite out of our hands, Leni," said Lisa. "But fret not. We may very well meet her again someday."

Heh. It's not every day you see Lisa actually consoling someone. Just goes to show you that she's not completely detached from her emotions.

"Well, I think we should let Lincoln rest for now," said Mom. She knelt down and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "We're all so glad you're okay, sweetie."

"Indeed," said Lisa. "Please let any of us know if there are any psychological disturbances that need to be addressed. We'll do everything in our power to help you recover."

"Yeah. What she said." Leni then gave me a peck on the cheek. "Feel better soon, Linky."

With that, the three of them left. Y'know, I'm glad that everyone's going out of their way to make me comfortable now that I'm safe, but I dunno. Something doesn't feel right. I can't quite put my finger on it, though. With a shrug, I just started in on my burrito. Mmm~. Just as delicious as I remember it. Before I could take another bite, there was a knock on my door.

"Knock knock~."

Ah. There it is. _Now_ it's starting to feel like home.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"Muffin."

"Muffin who?"

Sure enough, Luan opened the door. " _Muffin_ like seeing you safe to know that everything's right in the world," she said with a laugh. "Get it?"

Lola groaned and rolled her eyes as she walked in ahead of Luan. Oddly enough, she was holding a muffin. Something tells me that's why Luan went with that particular pun.

"Hey, Luan. Hey, Lola," I said. "What's with the muffin?"

"I'm making a batch of 'em for Mr. Grouse," said Lola, placing the muffin on the breakfast tray. "I wanted you to be the first to taste 'em."

Huh. Usually when Lola does something like this for me, it's because she wants something from me. But I'm not really getting that vibe this time.

"Oh. Well, thanks, Lola," I said. Just then, something occurred to me. "Wait, why are you baking muffins for Mr. Grouse?"

Lola brushed the back of her head sheepishly. "I… kinda promised him muffins as payment for taking me and Lana to the pageant hall yesterday so we could investigate. Long story."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Wow. You went through all that trouble just for me?"

"Oh, that's not even the half of it," said Luan. "Luna almost drowned in a sewer during our investigation."

I almost choked on my burrito after hearing that. "She _what_?!"

"Again, long story," said Luan sheepishly. "And for the record, your friend Chandler's a jerk."

What, still? Dang it, I really thought he turned himself around after that whole House of Terror business. Ah well. Not much I can do about that.

"Still, that's… pretty intense," I said.

Luan shrugged. "What can I say? You're worth it, Linc."

"You sure are," Lola agreed. "Oh, um, when you're feeling better, could you show me some of your Ace Savvy comics?"

I tilted my head. "Um, why?"

Lola blushed and twiddled her fingers. "Well, it's just that Winston happens to be an Ace Savvy fan, and, well, y'know…"

I'm tempted to say that this is why she gave me her muffin, but I know Lola better than that. It is possible for her to do something nice out of the goodness of her heart. Besides, who's to say she can't have more than one reason for doing something nice?

"Sure, Lola," I said.

Lola smiled. "Thanks, Linky." She then climbed up and gave me a peck on the cheek. "We missed you so much."

"Yep. Sure feels good to have our _Ace_ back in his _hole_ ," Luan said with a laugh. "Get it?"

Eh, that one was a bit of a stretch, but I was too exhausted to get annoyed. I simply chuckled along with her as she and Lola left my room. As I started in on my burrito again, my thoughts drifted over to Ace Savvy. I'm pretty sure the Full House Gang movie is gonna be canceled now that the director has been arrested. It almost makes me wonder why Bill Buck trusted him with the script in the first place. I know they were supposedly friends, but Mr. O'Donnell didn't seem to respect Bill Buck all that much. I guess it's just one of those things that'll remain a mystery.

"Hey, Lincoln."

Yah~! How did Lucy get in…? Right. Dumb question. When I got my bearings, I saw that Luna and Lynn also let themselves in.

"Sorry if we're bugging you, bro," said Luna. "We just really wanted to see how you were holding up."

Heh. Now it _really_ feels like home. Peace and quiet is nice and all, but when you grow up in a big family like this, you learn to appreciate being surrounded by so many people who care about you.

"I'll be okay," I said. "Lisa said I just need some bedrest."

"That's good to hear, even if this victory is bittersweet," said Lucy.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Lynn sighed and folded her arms. "I'm not gonna mince words, Linc. That was some pretty rotten luck you ran into. I mean, the second you got some of the best news in your life, some jerkwad just rips the carpet out from under you. It's not fair."

"Yeah, I hear you, Lynn," I said. "Even so, I don't think I'd want Mr. O'Donnell to be directing the Full House Gang movie. I'm sure Bill Buck will find another director, but we'll have to wait and see."

Lynn nodded and rapped her knuckle against my desk. "Well, here's hoping, Lincoln," she said. "You just take it easy for now. Once you're better, I'll get you back into shape. It's the least I can do."

I smirked. "I think you girls did more than enough already."

Lynn blushed and started shuffling her feet. "Eh, well…"

"Sigh. Your guilt is unfounded, Lynn," said Lucy. "We all know you couldn't get out of the game, even though you wanted to. Besides, we ended up helping Lincoln anyway by exposing the blackened souls who stole him from us."

Lynn let out a small chuckle. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Oh, by the way, Luce. Margo's wondering if you're gonna be joining us at the Burpin' Burger to celebrate our victory."

Lucy turned away and hid her face. "I-I don't know."

"C'mon, Lucy. This is your win just as much as ours," said Lynn. "It'd really mean a lot to me if you were there."

"Dude, don't pressure her into this," said Luna.

Lynn blinked. "What? I mean it. I would've been a total mess yesterday if it wasn't for Lucy. I think she deserves to celebrate with the rest of the Roosters."

"Yeah, but still…"

"Sigh. It's fine, Luna," Lucy interrupted. "I'll… think about it."

Lynn nodded. "Cool. Just let me know." She then gave me a small salute. "Smell ya later, Stinkoln."

With that, she dashed off while Lucy followed. Luna sighed.

"Well, she's not wrong," she said. "We really were falling to pieces without you, bro."

"I figured," I said. "Y'know, Ginny's right. I'm really lucky to have a family like this."

"True that," said Luna. "Take it easy, Linc. And just remember, if there's anything that you want; if there's anything I can do, just call on me, and I'll send it along with love from me to you."

I couldn't help but smile at that. "You got it, Luna."

Luna nodded and raised her signature devil horn salute. "Peace."

As she left, I finished up my burrito. I was just about to start in on my muffin when another guest barged in.

"Poo-poo!"

"Lily, get back here! Lincoln needs his rest!"

I just had to laugh. Lily crawled in with Lana right behind her. From her smell, I figured that Lana was trying to change her. Lily has always been restless when it comes to that. I should know; I speak from experience.

"It's alright, Lana. I'm sure Lily's just happy to see me," I said. "Aren't you, Lily?"

"Winky!" Lily chirped. She held out her arms to me, showing that she wanted to be picked up. Of course, I wasn't really in a position to do that. Luckily, Lana managed to scoop her up.

"You can play with Lincoln later," she said. "He's not up for it right now." She then gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry about this, Lincoln."

"Like I said, I don't mind," I said with a shrug. "Oh, about those mechanic parts you needed…"

"No worries. I'm having Lori take me to Flip's after lunch," said Lana. "You need the day off." She then sighed. "Hey, Lincoln?"

"What's up?"

"When we were at the pageant hall, I met these fancy pageant princesses from out of town," said Lana. "They said they were there to congratulate Lola on being in the Full House Gang movie, but now that the movie's been canceled, I'm worried that they won't be friends with her anymore. She really needs friends, y'know?"

Yeah, I can see why Lana would be worried about that. "Well, first of all, we don't know if it's been canceled for good. Bill Buck might find another director." I then smiled. "But even so, I think Lola needs _actual_ friends, not just friends who like her because she's popular. And in the meantime, she still has us. I think she'll be fine."

Lana nodded. "Yeah, I think so, too. See ya around, Lincoln."

"Buh-bye," Lily said.

Lana carried Lily off, leaving me to the last of my breakfast in bed. Just as I finished my muffin (which was delicious, for the record), there was one more knock on the door.

"Who is it this time?" I asked.

"Oh. Is this a bad time?"

I recognized Lori's voice. "Nah. At this point, I've come to expect it."

After a pause, Lori opened the door. Straight away, a blur flew into the room and wrapped his arms around me.

"C-Clyde?!"

Sure enough, Clyde held me tight and started crying. "L-Lori told me everything. I-I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you, buddy."

I sighed and returned Clyde's embrace. "It's okay, Clyde. I know you did what you could."

"He was actually a big help," said Lori. "Even with his overprotective parents preventing him from properly investigating."

Yeah, that sounds about right. "Well, don't worry, Clyde. Next time we get a mystery like this, we'll do a proper Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack team-up. I promise."

"Good. I'm holding you to that, Lincoln," said Clyde. "Oh, and the others send their regards, too. Especially Rusty."

Lori sighed. "I'm just glad this whole nightmare is over. I am completely frazzled, and I'm sure I'm not the only one."

I gave Lori a worried look. "I'm sorry you all had to go through so much trouble just for me."

Lori's lips curled into a small smile. "Hey, you've got nothing to be sorry for. If given the choice, we'd literally do it all over again. That's just how the Louds roll."

"I hear that," I said. "Thanks again, Lori. For everything."

"It's no problem at all, little bro," said Lori. "C'mon, Clyde. Let's let Lincoln get some rest. Oh, and Mom and Dad said you can use those Noise-B-Gone earbuds if you want."

With that, the two of them left. I have to admit, putting those on right now _is_ tempting. But after spending an entire day practically alone, I think it would be more soothing to hear my noisy family. I cuddled up with my new Ace Savvy blanket and closed my eyes. Even if my comic doesn't end up being made into a movie, the important thing is that I'm back where I belong.

…

Although y'know what? From what little I've heard so far, it sounds like my sisters had some pretty crazy adventures while they were investigating. Maybe I should base the next Full House Gang story on this. I'll have to talk about it with them later. For now, I'm just glad everything turned out okay.

"Lily~! Stop squirming! Lola's gonna throw a fit!"

"Hey! I didn't say you could borrow my scarf, Leni!"

"So then the harmonica says; 'You two may claim to be harps, but I know a couple of _lyres_ when I see 'em!' Hahahahaha~! Get it?"

"Heheheheh~. O-okay, that was a good one, dude."

"Hands off, Lynn! Those muffins are for Mr. Grouse only!"

Ah~. I might've said it before, but it bears repeating. I really missed all of this. It might be pretty crazy, but as I've said many times before, I wouldn't trade it for the world.


End file.
